How to find your Ikigai

[Music]

i remember

it was 2006 when i first fell in love

there were violence all around and my

heart would go on and on

i had a reason to jump out of bed every

morning and go to school

dun

the bell rang and we all packed our bags

i used to sit on the second last row

while she sat on the first row as

she was the first one to move out of the

class i hurried

to make my way to reach out to her

taking quick long steps to cover the

distance

i finally reached the parking lot where

she was waiting

for a friend to join him i stepped

forward

swallowed the saliva

and said hi

can we speak for two minutes

how many of you looked at me with

surprise

some of you might have laughed while

some would have

empathized yes i could not speak

properly

i used to stammer it was a nightmare for

me to

speak with anyone but i wanted

to be heard i wanted to be accepted

but the fact was i could not speak

properly

you can guess what she would have said

i was heartbroken i was dejected

yes i was rejected again

ladies and gentlemen i dreamt of being

one in a million

little did i realize that there were 70

million people across the world

who stammer that means one in every

hundred

and i was one of them yes

i was one of them who had a social

disability

which led to social exclusion

were you ever socially excluded for

being fat

or for being shot in height or because

you wear glasses

or because you have a dark complexion

were you ever socially excluded

for not having a social status or for

not being able to speak in english or

for any other personal reason

yes the world

excludes us because we are not one of

them

we are not able as per them

have you ever wondered how we can be

able

as for them well if you do things as per

them

then you are able how many times have

you tried to do something just to be

socially acceptable

wondering well let me remind you of some

common instances

some of us chose sciences in our school

days because

socially we would be perceived as a

smarter beings than the ones from

commerce or arts background

some of us oops many of us almost

1.5 million every year in india

chose to study engineering because

socially

they were the accepted beings some of us

married

asked for the recommendation of our

uncle next door

and then even had kids as for another

recommendation

this time from the art next door even i

chose sciences even i chose engineering

it took time but i realized that not all

roads

that show on your external gps

navigation system

lead you to your destination sometime

it’s your gut

that knows the way yes we all

have that inner voice some ignore it

while some suppress it you have to

gather courage

to listen and follow your voice i

started trusting my inner voice

that acted as my compass i no more

listen blindly to anyone living next

door

i dared to counter my conditioning and

started listening to the person living

indoor

so how was i able to follow my voice

i had moved out of college and was

interning with a software company

with every line of code that i used to

write

i asked myself why did i choose

engineering what am i doing with my life

meanwhile i got a chance to read about

ikigai

the japanese secret to a fulfilled life

and i asked these questions to myself

i didn’t know that my internal

microphone

was unmute and god was listening

it was a friday evening when i first

received an email

with the subject line public speaking

championship

applications invited this email

came from toastmasters international

club

i dared to listen to my inner voice and

decided

to apply for the championship so to

qualify

the first round we had to send a

write-up on any one of the five topics

mentioned in the email topic number one

no topic number two no

topic number three okay topic number

four

hmm man is born free

but everywhere he’s in chains

this was for me i felt chained

writing codes i felt suffocated spending

hours in the computer lab seize the

moment

i could hear my inner voice again i sat

and started writing for the first time i

enjoyed my time

that i spent inside that lab i wented

out whatever i was feeling

i experienced the flow state

the next morning i summoned my speech

and after few days the results were

announced

i was shocked my name was there in the

list

of shortlisted candidates but i couldn’t

celebrate

fear had took over my excitement as now

i had to deliver a five-minute speech

in front of the seasoned public speakers

and an unknown audience

for someone like me it was not just five

minutes

but 300 seconds of

public speaking yet again

i could hear all the voices from all

those who had bullied me

who had laughed at me i could visualize

all those moments when i had goofed up

while speaking

i had goosebumps and right now

i can feel that moment

i shared this with my friends and they

were excited

they backed me up and reinstilled faith

in myself

i had three days to prepare and i was

having sleepless nights

i was coding and i was thinking what if

i go blank what if anyone laughs at me

what if i get stuck yet again

what if i dared to flip my mind

and ask what if i don’t go blank what if

i

make everyone laugh what if i don’t get

stuck this time

i gathered courage and showed up for the

championship

my friends had assured me that they

would join in to support me

at least i would have few claps i

thought

i sat in the last row so that no one

notices me

contestant number four divas gupta

i walked up to the stage and for the

next 300 seconds

i was living my dream time stood still

i was in my flow state none of the scary

what-ifs popped up

and that day i spoke my heart out

i finished my speech and went back to my

seat

as we listened to the remaining

contestants i somewhere new

that i have lost still we all waited

my friends wanted to enjoy the

complimentary hearty

it was time to hear the results

second runner-up is i felt like

leaving that place first order up is

why am i still sitting here i asked

myself

the winner is divas gupta

i couldn’t believe it i was surprised

i got my first standing ovation after

the award ceremony got over

i came out from the hall and hurried to

call up my dad

dad your son is a champion

he did not stammer today this is

just the beginning my son you must be

proud of yourself

tears rolled down from my eyes

as i listened to him i was beaming with

confidence

the support from my friends the belief

of my parents and this unexpected win

had made me more confident to listen

more of my inner voice

i looked back and said thank god

she said no to me in school rejections

are powerful

yes they bring transformation provided

you allow yourself to be transformed by

that voice

with time i gathered more courage and

went against

all social norms to go for an

inter-religion marriage

after trusting the voice for eight long

years

well this time it was easy for me as

she chose to propose and i did not have

to say

can we speak for two minutes

the winner toastmasters i had found my

purpose to become a professional public

speaker

i wanted to help people speak

effectively

something which i had struggled with all

my life i had experienced how it feels

to speak out

and express yourself and i wanted to do

it for everyone

following my inner voice today i have

been able to train and inspire

lacks of individuals from all over the

world

i had found my key guy my reason for

being

i knew why i do what i do i created a

framework

that could help many like me who were

once lost

and did not have the clarity so as to

what they won’t do in their life

a framework that could help answer their

questions like

what’s my guy what’s my purpose why

i do what i do how can i live a

fulfilled life

if you also want to get your answers

you may follow my cruels framework that

i have developed

using my experience and research cruels

or c rules is to challenge rules

rules which are your status quo that

limits your potential

i know that this sounds rebellious but

we all would agree that we all had to

follow status quo because

either we had no choice or we have no

courage to stand up for what we feel is

right

so you may start with these two

actionable steps

number one start with developing courage

you need not leave your job to find your

voice explore yourself

by mindfully trying different things

that would help you find

what you really enjoy doing for this you

can join a hobby club

online communities attend a webinar or

even take professional help

this may require you to move out of your

comfort zone

dare to move out in pursuit of

finding your flow state now

try out the easily available low hanging

fruits

for example if your inner voice says

that you can be a public speaker

then act as if you are a public speaker

and host a party at home attend

entertain

and engage all the guests with your talk

you never know that can be your first

step

towards a future ted talk

small small wins would give you the

courage

step number two find your support system

shuffle your inner circle and find your

support system

because you are aspiring to go against

an outer circle that believes in status

quo

so you would need people who can

actually understand

and support you let this dependable

inner circle

make you accountable to take action and

religiously do

what you have set out for you see in

spite of insecurity

i dared to nominate myself for

toastmasters because

somewhere i had the backing of my

friends my family and my girlfriend

who is now my life partner for my

mentees

i’m always a part of their inner circle

one of my mentees

a senior leader with global experience

of two and a half decades

found her true calling and decided to

follow her iga

beyond our professional commitment i

still hold her accountable

and even she shares her progress as she

feels

one color at a time listening to her

voice

i have plot a graph for you to get more

clarity about life

on the y-axis we have listening to inner

voice and on the x-axis

we have time remember man is born free

so that’s where we all start our life

where we listen

to our inner voice as a child we cry

when we want we laugh when we want

and then comes the roller coaster life

impacted by parents education society

media which brings us down the slope

by the time we try to listen to our

inner voice

we get no response remember man is born

free

but everywhere he’s in chains

you feel frustrated that in spite of

matching

with the given colors following the

status quo

you’re not happy and then you make a

conscious call

and in pursuit of finding ikigai you try

to find your higher self

you try to find your voice now you may

follow the cruels framework

to go from this bumpy state to the next

state

as you change the state you inch closer

to your voice

i contested in toastmasters went for an

intelligent marriage

helped thousands of individuals speak

better and live a fulfilled life

thereby inching one step closer with

every change of state

this was my graph and now it’s your turn

to plot yours you have two options

either change your reality or change

your dreams

either change your dreams and settle for

less

or change your reality and keep asking

for more

you are not just made up of red and blue

there are infinite colors within you

choice is yours you want to stick with

the status quo

and limit yourself to the primary colors

or dare to listen to your inner voice

and explore

your color which is neither reddish nor

bluish

but uniquely you wish find your richie

guy

find your color until then

stay awesome stay productive