How to find your Ikigai
[Music]
i remember
it was 2006 when i first fell in love
there were violence all around and my
heart would go on and on
i had a reason to jump out of bed every
morning and go to school
dun
the bell rang and we all packed our bags
i used to sit on the second last row
while she sat on the first row as
she was the first one to move out of the
class i hurried
to make my way to reach out to her
taking quick long steps to cover the
distance
i finally reached the parking lot where
she was waiting
for a friend to join him i stepped
forward
swallowed the saliva
and said hi
can we speak for two minutes
how many of you looked at me with
surprise
some of you might have laughed while
some would have
empathized yes i could not speak
properly
i used to stammer it was a nightmare for
me to
speak with anyone but i wanted
to be heard i wanted to be accepted
but the fact was i could not speak
properly
you can guess what she would have said
i was heartbroken i was dejected
yes i was rejected again
ladies and gentlemen i dreamt of being
one in a million
little did i realize that there were 70
million people across the world
who stammer that means one in every
hundred
and i was one of them yes
i was one of them who had a social
disability
which led to social exclusion
were you ever socially excluded for
being fat
or for being shot in height or because
you wear glasses
or because you have a dark complexion
were you ever socially excluded
for not having a social status or for
not being able to speak in english or
for any other personal reason
yes the world
excludes us because we are not one of
them
we are not able as per them
have you ever wondered how we can be
able
as for them well if you do things as per
them
then you are able how many times have
you tried to do something just to be
socially acceptable
wondering well let me remind you of some
common instances
some of us chose sciences in our school
days because
socially we would be perceived as a
smarter beings than the ones from
commerce or arts background
some of us oops many of us almost
1.5 million every year in india
chose to study engineering because
socially
they were the accepted beings some of us
married
asked for the recommendation of our
uncle next door
and then even had kids as for another
recommendation
this time from the art next door even i
chose sciences even i chose engineering
it took time but i realized that not all
roads
that show on your external gps
navigation system
lead you to your destination sometime
it’s your gut
that knows the way yes we all
have that inner voice some ignore it
while some suppress it you have to
gather courage
to listen and follow your voice i
started trusting my inner voice
that acted as my compass i no more
listen blindly to anyone living next
door
i dared to counter my conditioning and
started listening to the person living
indoor
so how was i able to follow my voice
i had moved out of college and was
interning with a software company
with every line of code that i used to
write
i asked myself why did i choose
engineering what am i doing with my life
meanwhile i got a chance to read about
ikigai
the japanese secret to a fulfilled life
and i asked these questions to myself
i didn’t know that my internal
microphone
was unmute and god was listening
it was a friday evening when i first
received an email
with the subject line public speaking
championship
applications invited this email
came from toastmasters international
club
i dared to listen to my inner voice and
decided
to apply for the championship so to
qualify
the first round we had to send a
write-up on any one of the five topics
mentioned in the email topic number one
no topic number two no
topic number three okay topic number
four
hmm man is born free
but everywhere he’s in chains
this was for me i felt chained
writing codes i felt suffocated spending
hours in the computer lab seize the
moment
i could hear my inner voice again i sat
and started writing for the first time i
enjoyed my time
that i spent inside that lab i wented
out whatever i was feeling
i experienced the flow state
the next morning i summoned my speech
and after few days the results were
announced
i was shocked my name was there in the
list
of shortlisted candidates but i couldn’t
celebrate
fear had took over my excitement as now
i had to deliver a five-minute speech
in front of the seasoned public speakers
and an unknown audience
for someone like me it was not just five
minutes
but 300 seconds of
public speaking yet again
i could hear all the voices from all
those who had bullied me
who had laughed at me i could visualize
all those moments when i had goofed up
while speaking
i had goosebumps and right now
i can feel that moment
i shared this with my friends and they
were excited
they backed me up and reinstilled faith
in myself
i had three days to prepare and i was
having sleepless nights
i was coding and i was thinking what if
i go blank what if anyone laughs at me
what if i get stuck yet again
what if i dared to flip my mind
and ask what if i don’t go blank what if
i
make everyone laugh what if i don’t get
stuck this time
i gathered courage and showed up for the
championship
my friends had assured me that they
would join in to support me
at least i would have few claps i
thought
i sat in the last row so that no one
notices me
contestant number four divas gupta
i walked up to the stage and for the
next 300 seconds
i was living my dream time stood still
i was in my flow state none of the scary
what-ifs popped up
and that day i spoke my heart out
i finished my speech and went back to my
seat
as we listened to the remaining
contestants i somewhere new
that i have lost still we all waited
my friends wanted to enjoy the
complimentary hearty
it was time to hear the results
second runner-up is i felt like
leaving that place first order up is
why am i still sitting here i asked
myself
the winner is divas gupta
i couldn’t believe it i was surprised
i got my first standing ovation after
the award ceremony got over
i came out from the hall and hurried to
call up my dad
dad your son is a champion
he did not stammer today this is
just the beginning my son you must be
proud of yourself
tears rolled down from my eyes
as i listened to him i was beaming with
confidence
the support from my friends the belief
of my parents and this unexpected win
had made me more confident to listen
more of my inner voice
i looked back and said thank god
she said no to me in school rejections
are powerful
yes they bring transformation provided
you allow yourself to be transformed by
that voice
with time i gathered more courage and
went against
all social norms to go for an
inter-religion marriage
after trusting the voice for eight long
years
well this time it was easy for me as
she chose to propose and i did not have
to say
can we speak for two minutes
the winner toastmasters i had found my
purpose to become a professional public
speaker
i wanted to help people speak
effectively
something which i had struggled with all
my life i had experienced how it feels
to speak out
and express yourself and i wanted to do
it for everyone
following my inner voice today i have
been able to train and inspire
lacks of individuals from all over the
world
i had found my key guy my reason for
being
i knew why i do what i do i created a
framework
that could help many like me who were
once lost
and did not have the clarity so as to
what they won’t do in their life
a framework that could help answer their
questions like
what’s my guy what’s my purpose why
i do what i do how can i live a
fulfilled life
if you also want to get your answers
you may follow my cruels framework that
i have developed
using my experience and research cruels
or c rules is to challenge rules
rules which are your status quo that
limits your potential
i know that this sounds rebellious but
we all would agree that we all had to
follow status quo because
either we had no choice or we have no
courage to stand up for what we feel is
right
so you may start with these two
actionable steps
number one start with developing courage
you need not leave your job to find your
voice explore yourself
by mindfully trying different things
that would help you find
what you really enjoy doing for this you
can join a hobby club
online communities attend a webinar or
even take professional help
this may require you to move out of your
comfort zone
dare to move out in pursuit of
finding your flow state now
try out the easily available low hanging
fruits
for example if your inner voice says
that you can be a public speaker
then act as if you are a public speaker
and host a party at home attend
entertain
and engage all the guests with your talk
you never know that can be your first
step
towards a future ted talk
small small wins would give you the
courage
step number two find your support system
shuffle your inner circle and find your
support system
because you are aspiring to go against
an outer circle that believes in status
quo
so you would need people who can
actually understand
and support you let this dependable
inner circle
make you accountable to take action and
religiously do
what you have set out for you see in
spite of insecurity
i dared to nominate myself for
toastmasters because
somewhere i had the backing of my
friends my family and my girlfriend
who is now my life partner for my
mentees
i’m always a part of their inner circle
one of my mentees
a senior leader with global experience
of two and a half decades
found her true calling and decided to
follow her iga
beyond our professional commitment i
still hold her accountable
and even she shares her progress as she
feels
one color at a time listening to her
voice
i have plot a graph for you to get more
clarity about life
on the y-axis we have listening to inner
voice and on the x-axis
we have time remember man is born free
so that’s where we all start our life
where we listen
to our inner voice as a child we cry
when we want we laugh when we want
and then comes the roller coaster life
impacted by parents education society
media which brings us down the slope
by the time we try to listen to our
inner voice
we get no response remember man is born
free
but everywhere he’s in chains
you feel frustrated that in spite of
matching
with the given colors following the
status quo
you’re not happy and then you make a
conscious call
and in pursuit of finding ikigai you try
to find your higher self
you try to find your voice now you may
follow the cruels framework
to go from this bumpy state to the next
state
as you change the state you inch closer
to your voice
i contested in toastmasters went for an
intelligent marriage
helped thousands of individuals speak
better and live a fulfilled life
thereby inching one step closer with
every change of state
this was my graph and now it’s your turn
to plot yours you have two options
either change your reality or change
your dreams
either change your dreams and settle for
less
or change your reality and keep asking
for more
you are not just made up of red and blue
there are infinite colors within you
choice is yours you want to stick with
the status quo
and limit yourself to the primary colors
or dare to listen to your inner voice
and explore
your color which is neither reddish nor
bluish
but uniquely you wish find your richie
guy
find your color until then
stay awesome stay productive