How To Speak With Confidence Reclaim Your Voice

[Music]

can you remember a moment

when you were afraid to say how you

really felt

it’s understandable it’s scary to put

yourself out there

the fear of public speaking is commonly

ranked as one of the top

fears jerry seinfeld even observed

that the fear of public speaking was

number one

number two was death death was number

two

that means to the average person if you

had to be at a funeral

you’d rather be in the casket than

delivering the eulogy

so why is it that people fear speaking

public

they’re afraid to say the wrong thing

they’re afraid

to speak their truth but when you don’t

speak your truth

you hold back from going for what you

want so you have massive regrets in your

life

you tolerate things that you shouldn’t

tolerate

and you make less money according to a

study from columbia university

the fear of public speaking has a 10

impairment

on wages and if you’re an entrepreneur

it would likely cost you much more than

that

because when you don’t say what you do

people can’t find you

but when you don’t speak your truth you

also hurt the people around you

because you’re a role model and so they

look at you and they learn

that they shouldn’t speak up or they

unknowingly hurt you

because you never say what you really

want

and all of this creates a negative

ripple effect in your life

in our communities and in the world

now many people would say i’d like to

speak my truth but

i’m shy i’m introverted it’s not

possible for me

but as children most of us we spoke our

truth

i mean you can’t stop kids from speaking

their truth so if as children

most of us were freely self-expressed

but then as adults

most of us are afraid to speak our truth

what happened

we lost our voice

but the number one biggest fear that

people have can be overcome with one

skill you see the reality is that

speaking in public or speaking your

truth it’s a skill

and like any skill when you have a

step-by-step process you can learn that

skill

the more you practice that skill the

faster your fear of public speaking

drops

and your speaking confidence increases

how do i know this i learned it and

teach it

every day you see i struggled with

anxiety and panic attacks

for many years and i was afraid to tell

people

what i needed i was afraid to put myself

out there and i never got the help that

i needed

because i was afraid to be judged the

worst parts for me were the shame

the isolation and the feeling of

hopelessness

and so i started speaking my truth and

letting other people know

because then maybe they wouldn’t feel

alone maybe they wouldn’t feel

the hopelessness that i felt and what i

found was that i constantly put myself

out there i started to get more

confident but when i first started

speaking

i would have anxiety talking about my

anxiety panic attacks

talking about my panic attacks i could

appreciate the humor in it now

and what i learned was the secret to

overcome the fear of speaking the truth

and the fastest most effective way

to get that ability is to reclaim your

voice

reclaim your voice is when you gain the

ability to speak your truth

no matter the fear of other people no

matter the judgments

no matter the the situation that comes

up and no matter the fear that you feel

inside

when you do this this is where we get

powerful

now the key to reclaim your voice is

that there’s three steps

step one is find it step number two

is own it and step number three is

amplify it

so where is your voice

well it’s usually hidden under the many

layers of armor that we created

to protect ourselves from being hurt

from feeling judged

or not feeling safe to speak you see to

find your voice it’s not about the words

that other people want to hear

it’s about connecting with what you

really want and this could be

how you really feel what you believe

or what you what you want in your life

to own to find your voice it’s about you

connecting with what you really want and

giving yourself permission nobody will

ever tell you that it’s safe to speak

this is about you giving yourself

internal permission to put yourself out

there

and the more that you do that it’s so

powerful because you and reinforce

that your words matter and that you

deserve to be heard

now one of the biggest fears that comes

up with finding your voice is

you know how am i going to come across

and it’s vulnerable to put yourself

out there because what are people going

to think when they hear my truth

i remember one of the first times that i

found my voice

it was in the second class of a martial

arts program i signed up for

all of a sudden we’re training it’s

going good and then my heart rate starts

going up

my chest tightens and it feels like the

walls are closing in on me

i panic i push my partner off and i run

to the lobby and i collapse

face first on the floor

then i hear a voice lucas what’s going

on

it’s danny the head instructor i feel a

hand

on the back of my shoulder don’t tell me

you’re fine

you see i would tell people that i was

fine to keep them away from finding my

truth

but in this moment i realized that i

couldn’t run anymore

that i was exhausted after 15 years of

avoidance

of sharing my truth i was done and so i

opened up

and i gave myself permission to speak my

truth for the first time

danny sometimes i have panic attacks my

mind raced thinking

what’s going to happen is he going to

laugh at me is he going to judge me is

he going to kick me out

and if he kicks me out i better get a

refund on that one year of training that

i paid for

you see danny spoke his truth don’t tell

me you’re fine

but he said it with compassion and that

compassion allowed me to feel safe

enough

to finally open up and release the

burden that i’d carried for 15 years

he then said seven words that changed my

life forever

what do you need to feel safe

what do i need to feel safe why does a

stranger care

why does he want to help me

i sat with it and i asked that if a

drill gets too intense can i stop it he

says yes

absolutely put your arm up and i’ll stop

it immediately

and i continue training there for the

next two years and that shred of control

allowed me a safe environment to face my

fears of panic attacks

to gain my confidence and to regain

control of my life

but more importantly it showed me that

your right words

are your true words and that there are

people that care

and want to help you but they must hear

you

and that when you give yourself

permission to speak your truth the right

people show up

and for me that was danny

so what is your truth

now that you’ve found your voice by

connecting with what’s inside and what’s

true to you

the next step is to own it now owning

your voice is about

deconnecting from all the external noise

the external permission that people are

seeking

and again giving yourself permission to

speak your truth

now what often happens is this fear of

okay if i want to speak my truth

i must go to battle to defend it this is

not about battling it

there’s one key question you have to ask

because speaking your truth gives you

freedom

but there’s one thing that makes it

truly powerful

and that is asking yourself the question

how can i speak my truth

with compassion because your truth

can be medicine or it can be poison

you see this isn’t about speaking the

truth

this is about speaking your truth there

are over seven billion people in this

planet

seven billion upbringing seven billion

ex-life experiences

7 billion truths and all of them

are right now the fear that comes up

from owning your voice

is not feeling good enough i’ll never

forget my first talk

i was so nervous and it was to a group

of nursing students

i got up there it was a one hour

rambling mess

about my panic attack journey and the

teacher saves me by saying

it’s time for q a i thought oh my gosh

yes i did it

first talk is done it was a success

and then i got my first question so

lucas

now that you’re back in regular society

how do you feel

regular society apparently i looked so

nervous when i was speaking

that the students thought when i

mentioned seeing a psychiatrist that i

had been locked up in a long-term

psychiatric hospital

and giving this talk was part of my

reintegration back into society

needless to say the rest of the talk was

a complete blur

i don’t remember the q a session but

what i do remember was when i got into

my car

every fear every belief that i wasn’t

good enough

every critical voice it hit me like a

tidal wave and i sat there thinking

what the hell am i doing who am i

kidding myself to be i can’t be a

speaker

people think that i’ve been locked up

and this is just my beginning

and i sat there bawling my eyes out

thinking what a failure that i was

and why did i even try going for it

it was at this moment i had a decision

to make either i gave up on my dream and

i just got another job

or i fully committed to my passion to

help people speak their truth

what i learned in that moment was that i

will always have critics

and what’s most important is to tune out

that external noise and go inside

of what is it that i really want to do

and once you do that the next step

is to give yourself permission to put

yourself out there

when you do that that’s where you really

connect and you reinforce

that you are good enough that you

deserve to be heard

that your voice matters

now that you’ve found your voice and

you’re giving yourself permission to

speak your truth

the next step is to amplify it

amplifying your voice is when you give

yourself permission

to share it on a bigger stage now for

some of us

that could be sharing your truth in

every conversation

so that you uplift the people around you

for others we’re on a mission to make a

massive impact in the world

that’s going to be about sharing your

message on a bigger scale

so that you create a ripple effect that

touches the world

now amplifying your voice it only

happens from you making the conscious

decision

to be fully seen and heard look being

fully seen and heard

will bring up fears but these fears are

your invitation

into your next level of leadership and

how you overcome these fears

is about connecting that you are

powerful beyond measure

that your words matter and that when you

speak your truth you

impact change now the one fear that

stops people

from amplifying their voice is the fear

of looking

bad

imagine for a moment that you’re in an

ice cream shop and there’s 30 flavors

as you’re browsing all the options

excited about what you’re going to pick

the first thing you’ll see is that most

the flavors you barely notice

they’re plain they’re boring they just

blend in

then you’re going to notice the flavors

that do stand out both the ones that you

think

yes amazing i love that and others you

go oh gross

who would get that you see these flavors

they’re bold they’re unique they stand

out they elicit either a hell yes or a

hell no reaction but either way they’re

being true to themselves

they’re not afraid to look bad

because they only look bad to the wrong

people

to the right people they are the best

choice to the right people

they’re happy that they had the courage

to put themselves out there

to be chosen so in order to amplify your

voice this is about

you giving yourself permission to put

yourself out there to be seen

to allow yourself to be chosen so

whether it’s in your personal life

your relationships or your business give

yourself the permission

to show these to showcase your flavor

and allow yourself to be chosen

so in order to amplify your voice the

first thing is really connect

that your voice matters and the second

is that you allow yourself to be bold

you do the world a favor when you

showcase your flavor

the third is that when you give yourself

permission to put your voice out there

to amplify it

it gives other people permission to then

speak theirs

so in order to reclaim your voice there

are three steps

number one is find it second is to own

it

and the third is to amplify it this is

more than just you

this is about you putting yourself out

there you being a role model

because every time that you speak your

truth and that you allow yourself to put

yourself out there you are giving other

people permission

and knowledge that they can do it too

you’re making them feel safe

to take that life-changing leap to speak

what they really feel inside

so in store instead of normalizing the

fear of public speaking

let’s create a new normal of speaking

our truth

this is our natural state this is the

freedom

that we deserve this is how we uplift

the world so give yourself permission to

speak

your truth every single day and embrace

that you are a role model and that your

words matter

because the difference between the life

that you tolerate

and the life that you celebrate is when

you reclaim

your voice thank you