What white people can do to move race conversations forward

[Music]

i was facilitating a workshop

on implicit bias to a group which

included law enforcement

there were about 70 participants in the

room most of whom were white

i knew it wasn’t going to be easy

particularly given it was a mandatory

learning opportunity

and the fact that i’m a black woman and

a civilian

wasn’t going to help early on in the

workshop i asked one man how he

identified racially it’s best not to

assume because

you can’t always tell based on the color

of someone’s skin

i’ve made that mistake before

his response american

in that moment i knew he was white

we don’t know how to have healthy

productive conversations about race

racism and race relations in this

country

many white people grow up in towns where

there are very few if any

people of color even those who do grow

up in diverse communities will say

race wasn’t talked about and then there

are those

are taught racism is a thing of the past

so it’s usually not until white people

leave that town

go off to college date a person of color

or join an organization

where they begin talking about race

or even exploring what it means to be

white but parents of color of children

of color tend to talk with their

children about race

most of us can tell you an early

experience

of racism so by the time we become

adults

not only do we understand what it means

to be a person of color in this country

we’re more prepared for the experiences

we’re likely to face

our differences and experiences and what

we’ve been taught

cause white people and people of color

to take very different

approaches to race conversations

people of color will often speak to our

collective experiences

for example black people will use

language like

we us and my people acknowledging

our identities make us a part of a

larger group

white people on the other hand are

encouraged to operate

under colorblind thinking they’ll take

three approaches

that ignore the impact of race on our

daily lives

one common way white people will engage

in race conversations

is the universal approach the universal

approach is when

white people react to racism by saying

we’re all human

we all bleed why do we have to talk

about differences

talking about differences just divide us

talking about differences doesn’t divide

us it’s not acknowledging racism still

exists and not talking about it that

does that

we’re all human we all bleed y’all

before stepping on this stage

i didn’t think to myself i wonder how

many watching

will be human that we’re all human

should be a given speaking universally

does not move

race conversations forward we do need to

keep it as a part of the conversation

because quite frankly we don’t treat

everybody in this country

as if they’re human but that’s not what

race conversations are about

another common way white people will

engage in conversations about race

is the individual approach the

individual approach is when white people

talk about

who they are as individuals

i have children who are asian i work

with someone who’s latino

my best friend is native and my favorite

i don’t care if you’re black purple blue

or green

when you try to hold them accountable

for that thing they said or did

that was offensive these are all

attempts at colorblind thinking

i want to pause here for a moment and

let my white brothers and sisters and

non-binary friends

in on a little secret the moment you

tell a person of color you don’t notice

their race

you’re actually letting them know you

notice their race

i mean think about it when was the last

time you met a white

person and said to them i just want you

to know

i don’t see color colorblind thinking

comes from a good place

when i hear it i think white people are

trying to tell me they’re not racist

they won’t treat me unfairly because of

my race

and they won’t judge me because of our

differences

but what i want to know is why does an

important part of who i

am have to go away in order for you to

do those things

i mean why can’t i be black and you

treat me fairly

work on your bias and become an

anti-racist

colorblind thinking is a part of early

socialization

for white people did you know it’s about

the age of three when children begin to

ask us all those questions when

we realize we’re not as smart as we

thought we were

let’s imagine there’s a white child

she’s three years old riding the bus

she asks her mom mommy why is that man

so chocolate

and the chocolate man can hear her ask

the question he’s not tripping

he knows that when children are curious

they ask questions in this way

who’s he paying attention to the mom

he’s probably thinking i wonder how

she’s going to handle this one

and what do parents do in these moments

when children ask

questions loud enough so the person who

is different can hear

we shush them and what’s the message

that children get not only do they learn

it’s not okay to talk about differences

they get a deeper more damaging message

it’s not okay to be different

then when white children become adults

they’ll say

anything about a person other than their

race

you see that person over there in the

purple hat and blue shoes and green coat

you mean the asian one why didn’t you

just say so

they know they’re asian by the way

a imagine instead of shushing their

children

parents normalized our differences

maybe this mom says to her child honey

people are lots of different colors

she holds out her hand and asks what

color are we

we’re all human we all bleed

but that’s not what race conversations

are about

they’re about the group approach the

group approach is where we become

curious about collective experiences

what’s it like for women to work the

same jobs as men

but get paid less what’s it like for

people to have disabilities

and have to advocate every day for

access to opportunities that others take

for granted

what’s it like to be second third fourth

generation

asian or latino and have people tell you

you speak such good english i met a

woman once who

said when people tell her she speaks

such good english she says to them

thank you you do too

what’s it like to be black brown

indigenous

and be killed by police at much higher

rates

than your white counterparts even

when unarmed

let’s take a look at the black lives

matter movement a group approach

to better understand how these other two

approaches

take us off course preventing us from

moving race conversations forward

a common reaction to black lives matter

is all lives matter

do all lives matter of course they do

and if you’re still contemplating

whether all lives matter

you’re thinking about this way too

deeply

yes all lives matter

another typical reaction to black lives

matter is

blue lives matter do blue lives matter

of course they do

blue lives matter is an example

of the third approach white people take

to race conversations

it reminds me of times when my husband

and i will argue

i’ll tell him something he does that

bothers me

he’ll defend himself by saying well what

about when you do

and he’ll start listing off all these

things that i do

that bother him but have nothing to do

with what i was trying to bring to his

attention

this takes the focus away from my

concern

and places it on his

listen i can’t imagine

what it would be like to have a job that

was so

dangerous every time i left for work i

didn’t know if i would ever see my

family again

but the saying blue lives matter

wouldn’t exist

if it wasn’t for black lives matter it

is a reaction to

the black lives matter movement and it

is another

group black people were never

questioning

whether blue lives matter nor were we

suggesting

that all police are bad in fact blue

lives matter

fails to recognize that black people

also have loved ones in our lives

who are in law enforcement and besides

people are not born blue

the black lives matter movement is about

structural racism

if we are ever going to effectively

address race

racism and race relations in this

country

it means we must also talk about what it

means to be

white our white brothers and sisters and

non-binary friends struggle with this

they’re not used to looking at

themselves as a part of a racial group

if you are white one way you can assess

whether taking the group approach to

race conversations

is difficult for you examine how you

felt

hearing me say white people 15

times throughout this talk and i’m not

even finished yet

you may have thought to yourself i’m not

like that

why is she trying to make us feel guilty

for being white

or maybe you shifted the focus to your

own marginalized group

what she needs to be talking about is

gender equality

poverty is the real issue what about

disabilities nobody seems to be talking

about that

or maybe you went to your relationships

i dated a black guy

as proof you’re not like one of those

white people

i’ve been talking about

this in part is what it means to have

white

privilege the individual white you

is innocent until you prove yourself

guilty

people of color rarely get to be seen as

individuals

we are guilty until we prove ourselves

innocent when white people go to the

universal

to the individual or deflect the

conversation

to another group experience they’re

actually colluding

with racism the conversation becomes

about whether all lives matter

how your one friend is all the proof you

need to discredit

an entire group’s experience or how the

lives

of police matter too

all the while when it comes to black

brown and indigenous people

people are shooting first and asking

questions later

and i mean that figuratively and

literally

john t williams brianna taylor

ahmad aubry george floyd

elijah mcclain jacob blake

william green

mike ramos we’re all

guilty first

their race a threat the given of their

humanity

disregarded ignored forgotten

their individualism negated

dismantling structural racism means we

must

acknowledge it exists

talk about the impact on the lives of

people of color work together

to pull it apart piece by piece

but that won’t happen as long as our

white brothers and sisters and

non-binary

friends aren’t willing to admit race

matters

so what can white people do

deconstruct how you’ve been socialized

and

reconstruct a new way of being

rather than seeing differences as

negative or pretending you don’t notice

at all

recognize that it is our differences

that make

america great

become aware of your bias acknowledge

your whiteness

and the privileges it holds

take the time to learn about diverse

group experiences

and listen and believe the stories we

tell you

learn to become comfortable with the

discomfort

lean into it feel it

wonder where it’s coming from

unpack institutional systemic

and structural racism

and then join us in taking action

to advocate for change

because yes we’re all human

and yes we all bleed

that’s why black lives matter

thank you