Surviving Isolation When Isolation Is the Only Option

hello everyone thank you so much for

having me tonight

i’m really excited to share about a

topic that many of you might be a little

bit aware of if you’ve been around for

the past seven months

um i don’t know if you’ve heard of the

word coronavirus or covid19

but it’s very relevant and something

that has obviously impacted a lot of us

so when we think about this word of

isolation um

we’ve been learning a lot and how it’s

impacting our mental health

so we’ve learned how to live differently

how to love differently

maybe how to learn and experience our

world in a different and new way

if you would have told me 365 days ago

that

i would be working from home with my dog

sitting on my feet that i would be

hiring staff members without ever met

meeting them in person

if i would be living two miles down the

road for my grandparents but not being

able to give them a hug

i would have looked at you like you were

a little bit crazy

now when we talk about this this idea of

mental health

and isolation it’s something that’s very

relevant for us and something that most

people are probably very aware of if you

haven’t been impacted by this mental

health

crisis you’ve probably known someone

that has

so when we think about this mental

health component

and its effect on our mental health i

want to go over some some brief

statistics for you

we don’t know a lot about the long-term

impacts of what coven 19 has done to our

mental health

but we do have some research that’s come

out for multiple

multiple different studies and

universities talking about different

ways and unique ways of leveraging

social media

and being able to use technology to

build that connection with one another

we have studies that have come to show

uh

levels as much as 50 for anxiety and

depression

and those suffering from ptsd symptoms

across multi many different

industrialized countries

and being a mental health therapist i

typically work with children and

adolescents that’s usually where where i

thrive

but this is something that’s been new

for me is we don’t typically think of

children and adolescents dealing with

isolation because they’re typically with

a grown-up they’re with an adult and

someone that they care about

and so this has typically been something

that we have focused on with our older

adult population and those who may be

suffering from

an addiction but we do know the

importance of as a social worker one of

our core values is the importance

of human connection and the importance

of

human relationships so when we think

about that

obviously we have to look at things new

and differently

and going off of this ted talk um being

creative and unique

and finding ways to connect with one

another

so i want you to think about your life

here for a second do a little bit of

introspection

i want you to think about a time when

you felt this word before this word of

isolation

maybe it’s been without within the past

seven months of dealing with covid

maybe it is when you had a spouse leave

you

maybe it is a time that you lost a loved

one

or you moved to a new city or you’re the

only person in your community that

thinks a certain way

i want you to think about what those

thoughts and emotions and feelings have

been

and i want you to hold on to those

but before we get started with some of

the tips and tricks that i hope you guys

can take home from today i

as any millennial would do when i was

trying to research and find some ways

of conceptualizing this idea of

isolation when isolation is our only

option

i went to social media and i pulled up

some different um

if you could go to the next slide please

some different things that maybe

people have run into so these are

responses that some of my friends and

family gave

to me and i think some of them are all

very relevant to some of you as well

so thinking about having lack of

inaccurate information

missing physical touch being distance

from people having

not being able to meet a new family

member a new baby in the family

fatigue from worrying about other people

all of these things i think we can

probably

make the list go on and on for things

that we’ve we’ve been dealing with

and i think it’s very interesting as we

think of this concept of isolation

and if you go to the next slide that i

need to differentiate when we’re talking

about this

is the fact that isolation is very

subjective

and when we talk about isolation isolate

isolation does not mean that you feel

alone because sometimes we can be alone

with ourselves

and be okay with that and we might need

to do that

but this idea that isolation is being

subjective is i could walk into a room

with 25 people and feel that i don’t

belong there or i don’t fit in where i

could have a friend go with me and feel

like they are having the best day of

their life

and so when we think about this concept

of isolation we want to think about how

that is subjective and the ways that it

impacts our world

so i don’t really just want to talk

about the issue as a therapist i always

like to help solve problems for people

obviously we listen but we also like to

solve problems

so with this i want to go to the next

slide and think about this concept of

what do i do

so when i’m working with a lot of my

students i frequently have them draw two

circles on a piece of paper

the first one being a smaller circle the

second one being a larger circle

and when we talk about that we i i

consider it different circles of control

the one in the middle are the things

that we can control in our life

and the one on the outside are the

things that we cannot control obviously

with a worldwide pandemic as individuals

there’s not a lot that we can do to

control the fact that covet 19 is

spreading

but as individuals we can focus in on

that that

area and that circle of control so

that’s what i’m hoping that we can do

during our time here this evening to be

able to focus on what are things that we

can’t control

and it’s going to be our connection with

others our connection with ourselves and

our connection with our environment

so if you go to the next slide please

our connection to others so what does

this look like

as i said earlier as a social worker

this is the epitome of social work and

mental health and psychology is our

connection with others and how

our mental health is directly impacted

by our connection with other people

so again we’ve had to be creative and

we’ve had to find new ways of connecting

with other people

so it might be a socially distanced

gathering outside where we typically

would

maybe spend some time in a loved one’s

home maybe we are having to have a

drive-by birthday party

maybe we’re having to do video calls now

instead of being able to go over to our

friend’s house and spend time with them

we’ve had to find different and unique

ways of being able to

come up with ways to remain connected

during our time together

so when we think about our connection to

others we need to find those unique ways

of doing that so that might be writing a

letter to someone that you’ve missed it

seems a little antiquated

but it’s something that can really help

to feel that connection be able for you

to

feel connected with yourself as well

sticking to a routine with your family

so if you live with a group of family

members being able to sit with them on a

monday wednesday friday and say hey

we’re going to have to dinner together

and we are going to spend time with one

another

or maybe even trying to find a thing

such as this tedx talk of going to a

drive-in movie or some

sort of new and creative way of

remaining connected with those that we

love

so we’ve talked about a little bit of

our connection with others but we also

need to worry about our connection with

ourselves and this can sometimes feel a

little bit scary

because this is when we have to think

about what’s going on in our in our

world

and really be introspective and think

about that

so when we think about our connection

with ourselves i want you to think about

what emotions are you

feeling what is your body telling you do

you need to rest

are you feeling anxious about a new

situation are you feeling sad that you

aren’t able to see loved ones that you

typically would want to see

typically a lot of us are in overdrive

right now we are able to

conceptualize what this worldwide

pandemic has been like and our brains

are not made to be able to do that

and so a lot of us are are putting

ourselves in overdrive working extra

hours or

finding new things to get to keep our

bodies moving

but being able to focus on your emotions

and your bodily sensations helps with

emotional regulation

and your ability to regulate what

emotions you’re experiencing and

how you can take that and build that

resilience within yourself

if you’re a parent this is the key to

being able to help your children too

to be able to regulate yourself as a

parent and being able to help your child

regulate themselves through this process

as well

sometimes it may take a little bit of

extra not just introspection for

yourself

you may need to get involved with a

therapist i have my own therapist as a

therapist and my therapist has a

therapist

and their therapist has a therapist so

sometimes we need to

reach out to professionals and be able

to ask them questions

and have them listen and to be able to

have them give us tips and tricks and be

able to

build some of that resilience within

ourselves

this third point that i want to make is

our connection to our environment

so when we think about our environment i

want you to think of a space that

makes you feel safe and at home it could

be in your home

it could be a favorite vacation spot it

could be

somewhere that you remember from being a

child

anywhere that you feel comfortable and

safe and when you think about that

i want you to think about the different

sensations that you can experience in

that time

so for example if i’m thinking about

being in my living room i might hear

my dogs chewing on their bones while i’m

binge watching grey’s anatomy because

that’s the best show that’s ever existed

or maybe we can smell dinner cooking in

the uh kitchen or maybe we can

obviously we’re watching grey’s anatomy

maybe we’re feeling

a soft blanket sitting on top of us

being able to feel those sensations

connecting with our environment and

connecting with the space around

us can be very helpful for us to be able

to connect with ourselves and be able to

feel a little bit more resilient and

calm

in that situation when a lot of times we

feel out of control

so i typically like to focus on some

positive things so i went back to social

media and i asked my friends and family

what were some positive things that came

from

dealing with covet 19 and i want you

guys to take a look at this

and see if any of these things resound

with you or if there’s anything that

maybe you might be surprised by

but something that i noticed when i was

looking at these

and i did not plan this so i was

actually very surprised that it happened

was there are examples of our connection

to self

there’s examples of our connection to

others and there’s examples of our

connection to our environment

and when we think about these how we’ve

been able to move through that time

of feeling isolated and how we have

moved forward and built that resilience

so now moving forward what he we are

going to talk about doing what you need

to do

so this can sometimes be very difficult

for people to set a boundary and to be

able to say

during a pandemic that i might not be

able to

work or be the best partner or the best

caregiver that i can be but i need to

focus on myself

so when we’re focusing on ourselves that

might mean saying no to someone

it might mean um you know taking on a

new hobby that

allows you to de-stress and be able to

connect with others or yourself or your

environment in a better way

so i want us to take us back to that

that beginning thought of when i

i asked you to think about a time when

you felt isolated

and think about what got you through

that time of isolation

or maybe you’re currently going through

it right now but i want you to think

about was there something that you had

to do to connect to

other people did you have to talk to a

friend or a therapist or

seek you know professional help from

somebody else

did you need to connect with yourself

and figure out who you were outside of

that relationship

or in who you were in that new city or

um who you were in terms of what your

belief system was

did you need to connect to your

environment in a different way for me i

started a garden when covet 19 started

and i have tomatoes out the wazoo now um

and so being able to

know that that being able to connect

with ourselves and with others and with

our environment and the impacts that

that can have on us

and i want you to remember this last

slide here real quick

is that you are not alone earlier there

was a speaker that said there are 7.8

billion people in the world

no one is immune to going through cope

at 19 right now and this is something

that we’re all struggling with together

and as i was um preparing and trying to

find a way to wrap up this

this talk i found a beautiful poem that

was written

and i wanted to share it with you and it

is called in the time of pandemic and it

was written by kitty o’mara

and the people stayed home and they

listened

and read books and rested and exercised

and made art and played games and

learned new ways of being

and were still and they listened more

deeply

some meditated some prayed some dance

some met their shadows and the people

began to think differently

and the people healed and in the absence

of people

living in ignorant dangerous and

heartless ways the earth began to heal

and when the danger passed and the

people joined together again

they grieved their losses and made new

choices

and dreamed new images and created new

ways to live and heal

the earth fully as they had been healed

thank you

you