Dear Patriachy Rest in Peace

[Applause]

um

so straight to my my point

the a pager here his

each time i remember the story of

shady i quiver

shady was actually a very high fine

student in university

and she graduated as the best student in

the school

she had lofty dreams she had

a great mindset she had big aspirations

and when she graduated i mean she

actually did not have to

ask for jobs because multinationals were

giving her jobs numerous offers

however charlie got a job very great job

got married this true life story anyway

got married in a couple of them

in a time of eight years and after shane

got married

everything started drinking because she

got married

her husband had to intercept her

promotion

and job at her workplace told her that

because she was married she had to give

up

her goals and her vision because she was

a woman

that she needed to compromise

and it’s time i talk about this story

it’s more than just study it’s a lot of

women

it’s the reality that women face in

africa

where they have to compromise themselves

just to make men comfortable

and i fear that i need to say this right

now that i might offend you with my

speech

however i’ll be offending you to be a

better person

i’ll be offending you to be a better man

i’ll be offending you to unlearn the

biases you have about gender

relationships about how you treat women

and that is why i’m talking about

patriarchy today a system that has so

normalized the oppression of women

you are going to agree with me that it’s

not the way an uber driver is going to

talk to me

as a man that he’s going to talk to a

woman right

there is going to be a difference a

speaker here mentioned

that if you sit you know at the last

part

in a car they’ll literally tell you i

mean you’re a woman you don’t have no

right to tell us

you’re supposed to be in the middle we

men are oppressed

in the society structures are all

enabled by our culture by religion

and societal values and norms

and for a new world to come here we need

to keep up

on those detrimental and toxic

mentality we have about gender and that

is why i said rest in peace

patriarchy because i think that

patriarchy should be slain

and should be buried for a new world and

that’s why it’s arresting peace to a

system

that will accuse women and still blame

women for being abused

and the most recent one just happened

last week

a woman was battered by her husband who

is a reporter of a tv station that we

all know

and she was battered and she had some

hope on social media to cry out for help

and in less than 24 hours she was

reconciled to her abuser

by a governor in the country and she was

forced to take

a picture with her abuser this is a man

who battled a woman

that went through caesarean procedure

just in two weeks ago

this is the world we live in a lot of

women are suffering

are suffering because of these systems

don’t you think that patriarchy issue is

don’t you think that patriarchy should

rest in peace

i don’t think a lot of people really

want peter patrick university

and i know a lot of men might be

offended because of privilege

you have male privilege and you have to

acknowledge that you do have male

privilege

but it is just so ironic how we expect

the white people to treat us better

as blacks we shout when we talk about

racism i mean you are not supposed to be

racist towards me but then

inequality is not just about race it’s

about gender it’s about every other

thing

so if you don’t want someone to treat

you in a disdain

demeaning and condescendingly just

because you are black

then you should extend that same

leverage

to minorities and marginalized groups

such as the women

in the society that’s why it’s a resting

piece to

a structure that would say that

women are weak in nature but then

expect women to endure so much pain

is it not just so ironic how we say

women are so weak when you see a woman

an average one is packaging

resting peace to a structure that

normalizes

women being so unsafe around men

i can tell you here that there is no man

in this room

that is scared of jogging down the

streets because of women

but i can tell you that almost every

woman here would be scared of jogging

down our streets because of men

i remember one time i was traveling i

was actually in the club

and were all men inside the car and the

girl actually stopped the car

she wanted to get into the car and when

she picked into the car and saw her oh

man

she said no i can’t do this it’s very

dangerous she won’t want that

under her breath and i heard the

gratitude of

everyone was laughing but i found that

very painful

that masculinity is now a symbol

of danger to the female gender that

women cannot

trust men that women cannot stay around

men and feel

safe and i’m not saying that masculinity

is inherently toxic

but these are norms values that we have

learned

from culture from transition that has

made you believe that you are better off

than the woman and your masculinity is

actually activated when you take

privilege or when you take advantage

of vulnerable women and that is why you

have to unlearn that bias right now

rest in peace to is structural

and expect women to shrink themselves

just to accommodate

men in their lives and they tell them

look you don’t have to dream too big i

mean you are a woman

you know that you you end up getting

married you have to reduce the way you

are doing it don’t buy it

don’t buy a house yet until you get

married women are constantly

pressured to shrink themselves just

because they want

male company and it’s not supposed to be

rest in peace to a structure

that will abuse women and still believe

them

rest in peace to a structure that hold

women to

a higher moral standard than men when

mentioned is normal

when we mentioned the problem we have

people saying things like

you know you’re a woman you’re not

supposed to there are things that a man

will do and we can actually

such structures are structures we don’t

need in the new world

and that is why i talk about gender

equality

and whenever i talk about gender

equality people stare at me and they are

like what what are you trying to say are

you trying to say a man should become a

woman

many times people misconstrue the

concept of gender equality to mean

gender sickness that’s not what it means

gender equality is that

we are different but we are identical in

value

and what that means is that when a black

man is asking for equality from a white

man

he is not saying i want to become a

white man he’s not what’s saying

no he’s saying i want you to treat me

the same way you treat

your your your you know your your other

white people

so gender equality is not saying that

there are no differences

even if i believe that the difference

between a man and a woman is highly

social

psychological and not psychological

sorry

physiological and biological in my

opinion

i believe that that is actually the most

distinctive difference between a man and

a woman

every other factor is as a result of

social cultural

conditioning and social engineering and

that’s why when people say

men are not emotional or women are

emotional

and i ask people what do you mean by

being emotional many times in the

nigerian society

we define being emotional by being soft

being mushy but you know emotions are a

full range of feelings

that means that the man who gets angry

easily is an emotional person

same as the woman who falls in love

easily but many times we make people

look like i tell people men are not less

emotional than women

just because you’ve not cried in the

past 10 years doesn’t it doesn’t mean

that you’re logical

doesn’t mean you’re logical the

difference is that men

are socialized to show a kind of emotion

and women are socialized to show a kind

of emotion

from the construct of masculinity and

femininity

men are socialized to show emotions

that detect possession dominance

power that’s why the man who says he is

not emotional he has to do it

vulnerability will easily slap you if

you provoke him

he will easily slap you but then women

are socialized to show soft emotion

tender care you know vulnerability

weakness these

are the factors they taught us this

thing while we were small when we were

little

would not accommodate the excellence of

women if you were if you actually went

to primary school when a woman tops the

class there is something that teachers

would normally say

see

it’s very abnormal and you know what

that does it starts to

make men feel that women are supposed to

be excellent

in the same space with them it puts up a

competitive spirit and that’s why you

see men

who happily kill the dreams of their

wives

because they have been cruel they are

not inherently bad people

but these are things that they have

learned from structures from systems

from religion and it’s just so

hypocritical to me how we say we believe

in love as religious people because that

that is

one rubric that every religion is based

on love

talk about islam talk about christianity

talk about judaism they’ll all talk

about love

and there is always one thing that we

say treat others

the way you want them to treat you so

how do we apply

that in our everyday living

and that’s why it’s very important to

have this conversation about

individuality

you would be intellectually dishonest

if you don’t acknowledge this the place

and the efforts that women played

the just ended and starts protesting

nigeria

they were the forerunners of that

campaign

they raised money in a week phone calls

from mid-car

aid for security for everything i saw

everything and that is to show you how

much we are we are lacking behind

because we are not including women in

money in issues that matter

and just like one of the speakers said

she said that

africa is still poor because women are

poor

if we don’t include women in important

things we’ll still give backwards

all right to a system that over prepare

women for underprepared

men see

if you see women who are so prepared

they are all

marriage conscious they are all

commitment driven they are all

all of that stuff and they get married

and they are the ones how do you build

something with someone who’s dedicated

to shattering that thing and the society

is going to tell you just stay

there you know you’re a woman you have

to pray you have to just

submit to yourself are you an

you have to assignment yourself you have

to you want to do this you have to do

that

you know when kamala harris won a lot of

men were applauding her

social media i said we have to address

our hypocrisy do you know what it means

to be the husband of kamala harris

because you know what it means to let

her

go on countless meetings with top men

who have nobody made me better than you

reach out that you

have more connections than you but you

find security

in her dream to let her loosen because

at the end of the day

every relationship should let us be our

truer self

and that is why gender equality is very

important it’s very important because

without the inclusion of women we are

missing out a part of nature

that is supposed to be there

and all i just want to ask you today is

we

review your belief systems right now as

we sit down here

how much have you internalized misogyny

patriarchy and these systems

are you going to go back from here and

you tell your girlfriend

i don’t want i don’t want you to go to

that walk again

are you going to go back from here and

you lay your hands on your wife

or you encourage the culture of silence

when women are abused

oh don’t talk about it you are abused

you were raped no matter no man wants to

marry you

it is just so funny how we stigmatize

women

for being abused just for male

admiration

does it make sense to you a woman is

being abused

but here she has to give it to herself

so she will be more appealing to men

that is such a destructive system that

is why i’m here today

to say rest in peace patriarchy

and gender equality cannot wait thank

you so much

you