Mental Health is declining and Black women are hit the hardest

[Music]

imagine running a marathon

a whopping 26.2 miles

on the rockiest planes and the

blistering heat

to make it across the finish line in

here great job

now do it again tomorrow you would look

at them puzzled while on the verge of

passing out

but yet somehow you run another marathon

the next day

this time your legs are cramping your

body is fatigued

and as you hobble across the finish line

you hear awesome job

now do it again gasping for air you

reply

i’m so tired

and ever so smoothly you hear that’s

okay

just push through

this is what black women hear all the

time

as they continue to take on more

responsibilities

with less help at the destruction of

their mental

and physical health in 2016

i received my doctorate and right before

this huge undertaking

i graduated the year before with my

masters

i thought about taking a break in

between my programs

yet i insisted upon pushing through

while working full time as a counselor

managing quality time with my husband

and raising our two young babies it was

a lot to cope with to say the least yet

i persisted and pushed through at one

cohort meetup

i was exhausted drained tired and

discouraged

with teary eyes i mustered up enough

courage to be vulnerable

and open up about how difficult it’s

been to juggle

all this purpose on my plate and this

plate was piled

high kids husband job

school church community

immediately my professor and peers

chimed in and replied

you got this keita this is no sweat

you’ll be

fine it’s normal you got that black girl

magic

they gave me motivation

or was it motivation is the process of

stimulating people to actions to

accomplish their goals

stimulating another towards a particular

goal

is not merely with pom-poms and football

slogans and cheer

but rather taking time to listen

to what that person is saying offer

empathy

followed by support based on their needs

afterwards the only thing that i was

stimulated to do

was run to my mother lay on her bosom

and at 30 something years old cry myself

to sleep

their words gave me minimal motivation

and left me empty

and with the only option to resort to

what black women know how to do

which is push through

having a heart to push is admirable

yet it cannot be the only thing that

defines you

white women for years have seen

themselves as the hero

and also the damsel in distress in

hollywood

growing up i never saw the media portray

a black woman being rescued and taken

care of

i never even saw a black woman feel

comfortable enough

to cry out for help when can we cry

feel soft and gentle

awkward even weird

black women need room to make mistakes

and receive support without judgment

i value being strong but no one person

is one thing i am strong

and i also have a mental health disorder

at the tender year of 11 my father died

suddenly

and his passing triggered a series of

mental health issues that i would later

face

and suppress to cope with the heartache

inner rage and turmoil i began to

pull my hair directly from my scalp

to some this can sound scary and

freakish

but for me it was a sense of release

from this dark

world that would send the grim reaper to

take my father away

too soon i pulled my hair when i was

anxious

i began to pull my hair when i was

overwhelmed and yet

every day would walk out of the house

and off to class

as if i was the most confident woman on

the planet

no one knew that i was hurting

everyone saw me as strong

after a while i noticed patches in my

head from excessive pulling

and felt ashamed and defeated

bald spots on your head are not exactly

a fashion statement as i grew older

i researched my condition and realize i

had a repetitive behavior disorder

called trichotillomania oh don’t worry

it took me a while to say it as well

my mom taught me to cover up my mental

illness with hairstyles that mask my

bald spots

yet with no treatment in the form of a

therapist

support group or even a safe person

to share these experiences with

i learned to cover it up and push

through black women are strong

i’ll just get over it eventually the

research with black women

and pulling is so minimal that medical

experts cannot even report

how many black women have this hair

pulling disorder

yet for white men and women studies show

that

one or two out of 50 people have

trichotillomania

black women do not receive the mental

health treatment

that they deserve due to cultural

implications and a

long myth that continues to spread

you know what it is right the myth that

black women are

only strong we can push through at

all times but it leaves room for no

error

if we continue to push through without

the support from family

medical professionals and our employers

we’re going to continue to break down

mentally and physically

we we

we are in a state of emergency

where the mental health of americans is

declining and

black women and women of color are hit

the hardest blacks are more likely to

have feelings of sadness

hopelessness and worthlessness than

adult whites

serious mental illness rose among

all black people between 2008

and 2018. it seems our strength is

valued

but not our humanity when i wrote my

latest book

success and censored a high achiever’s

guide to defining success on your own

terms

i went into a state of deep depression

due to the amount of pressure i was

under in my coaching business

as well as the demanding book publishing

deadline

when i shared my struggles with other

professionals

the only words that i received

were statements such as you’re so strong

if anybody can do it a black woman can

she’s strong why did my blackness

make me stronger in their eyes why was

that trait exemplified

over others i remember working on a big

corporate contract facilitating

leadership trainings

and as i shared the process with one of

my white friends

her immediate response was shish

you’re so strong black women teach me

how to get

it done i know

it sounds like a compliment until you

realize it’s a pattern stemming back to

colonialism and slavery

as black women were responsible for

running their own homes

feeding their own children all while

taking care of white families

assisting them with their organizational

structure

and child rearing black women

are double minorities tackling race

and gender inequities which leaves us

involved in the middle of

most of the injustices that our

nation faces listen

we are not stronger by choice but

stronger by default

because our choices in the past if you

want to know where to choose strength

or death i don’t want you

to be another professional employer

or staff member oblivious to the trauma

and pain

that your fellow black employees

partners

and friends are facing i want to give

you

tips to successfully engage with a black

woman

and offer support to the black woman in

times of need

we must move past exploiting our

strength

and transition into respecting

appreciating and cultivating the

totality

of the black woman implementing these

diversity and inclusion principles

in any work setting or community will

provide the support

that black women need as well as all

people of color in such a fast-paced

society

we must slow down to see the people

around us

for who they are not the stereotypes

that have been placed

upon them from your place of business

to your place of worship alley oop

workshops are essential

so listen i’m a huge basketball fan i

mean from the miami heat

to the la lakers and in basketball

they have something called an alley-oop

an offensive play

in which one player throws the ball near

the basket to a teammate

jumps catches the ball in the midair and

slam dunks it before touching the ground

the player intentionally created an

opportunity for his competent teammate

to make a shot

which is not only a win for the player

but a win for the team

this basketball term has been

incorporated into the continuous

practice

of advancing a culture of inclusion

through intentional positive and

conscious actions

that benefit others this is one of the

most impactful ways

individuals can contribute to equitable

inclusive organizations one must learn

how to be an effective ally in the

workplace

through everyday interactions in the

moment

interventions and ongoing

advocacy we also need something else

unconscious bias workshops

in order to dismantle the stereotype and

mistreatment

of black women and all women of color

implicit bias must be addressed

such as only seeing black women as

strong

do you know what that ends up doing it

subconsciously prevents you

from offering real assistance if you

think the black woman’s okay

but she’s not and lastly

listening circles are needed a truly

inclusive culture

is one where employees can vocalize

their lived

experiences both at work and

outside of it and feel seen

heard respected and valued

it’s time to have a community that is

willing to be

uncomfortable for the greater good

uncomfortable conversations

uncomfortable times of reflection and

uncomfortable times

of self-awareness listen

you can’t help what you don’t see and we

must see

the black woman learn about the black

woman

support the black woman and stop

exploiting her strength for our own

personal

gain yes

i am strong i’m proud of my strength

i’m also loving

kind sweet

gentle passionate

brilliant i can keep going you know

creative and most importantly

human activist jesse williams said it

best

just because we’re magic doesn’t mean

that we’re not real i spent

several years hiding my hair pulling

disorder

suppressing my pain in public and

perpetuating the strong

black woman stigma but that has stopped

i realized that it has been my willpower

that has gotten me from one finish line

to the next

but it will take more than my will power

to finish strong

i am currently training for a half

marathon

and as a running circle of influence

continues to increase

i’ve gained more insight into several

styles

of races i was enamored

by something called the ragnar racist i

said what’s that

ragnar races are about doing something

together

that you could never do alone teams of

up to 12

run the 200 plus mile relay style

from start to finish however

black women are currently running 200

plus

miles alone off of sheer willpower

and in order to go far you cannot do it

alone

which one of you will join the black

woman

as we run this collective race called

life

to provide a mentally healthy and

inclusive environment

for all let’s run this race

as one