Dont let your words sabotage your career
[Music]
[Applause]
what do you think
is a common response many women give
when offered a new job
or a promotion you would think it would
be something along the lines of
thank you or i can’t wait to get started
unfortunately that’s not the case
the sad truth is when offered a new
opportunity
many women give a knee-jerk response of
really what kind of
answer is that someone wants to elevate
you
invest in your career and you just gave
them
a reason to doubt themselves by asking
really
the sad truth is at some time
in some way we as women
have all unintentionally undermined
ourselves with our words
this has to stop
my fascination with language started as
a young girl growing up
in france that first day of school
is vivid in my memory walking into a
completely strange classroom
we had just moved from new york and i
did not speak a word
of french elementary school is hard
enough as it
is without that added layer of not being
able to communicate with my parisian
teacher
or classmates those first few months
were hard
but decades later
my respect for language
is now part of my dna so much so
that i am driven to work with
professionals to ensure that their
communication
is as effective as possible for the last
15 years
starting at harvard business school i
have been working with professional
women
to ensure that they align their
communications
with their intentions
let’s jump into what powerful language
really is
have you ever felt that you’re simply
not
being heard do you ever feel
that you’re being interrupted
do you feel misunderstood
we spend 80 percent of our time
communicating and only about half of
that
doing it well the good news is
this we can change it
and the first step is understanding the
role
the big role that you play
and how you are seen heard and perceived
i’m going to share with you some tips
today on how to communicate
effectively to get more of what you want
more often who doesn’t want that
when we communicate our goal is to
influence
those around us how we communicate
dictates our effectiveness
there are three things you may be doing
right now
that are undermining this effectiveness
first you’re probably using weak
language
and you may not even be aware of it
weak language is using conditional
words and phrases and sentences to
soften
your approach words like sorry
just only maybe
or phrases like i think
i believe i guess
it sounds something like
sorry if this doesn’t make any sense you
know shane’s
really the expert here i’m
only been in this job for just two years
or you could use strong leadership
language which sounds like i know
i am convinced i’m confident
i recommend i suggest
given my experience so instead of saying
sorry if this doesn’t make sense you can
say
let me know where you need clarification
shane and i are here as your resources
secondly and we are all guilty of this
you may be prefacing your statements and
your questions
this is the practice of softening what
we really want to say
by undermining ourselves
we do this because we’re nervous or
maybe we feel intimidated
by our audience it sounds something
along the lines of
this may be a dumb question we’ve all
said that
sorry for the interruption and my
personal favorite
and yes this is a real example pardon
my ignorance why would you tell someone
you’re
ignorant
instead don’t skirt around
your question don’t explain what you’re
about to say
jump right in make your statement ask
your question
and finally your tone of voice
you could be doing everything else right
using strong leadership language jumping
right into your statements
or phrases but if your tone is too
tentative
or too aggressive your message will not
be heard using strong leadership
language requires
for you to find that right balance of
confidence
and approachability for instance you
could say
i have no doubt in my mind that this
is the right way to go
or you could come across as
confident and approachable by saying
i am convinced this strategy
will help us reach our goals
do you hear the difference
we also need to stop ending our
sentences
as if they’re a question
this is the habit known as the uptick
i constantly hear smart women
saying things like i think i could
probably add some value
it’s hard to sound like an authority
when everything you say
ends in a question
these three communication bad
habits are destroying your authority
every time you use weak language
or preface your statement or misuse your
tone
you automatically put yourself in the
one
down position look
i know this is hard i’ve been working on
this for decades
and i still am very deliberate in the
words
and the tone that i use so
here’s your leadership language
challenge
for today first
eliminate weak language from your
vocabulary
stop saying sorry just only
maybe stop using phrases like
i think i believe
i guess stop
misusing your tone
stop prefacing your statements and
instead
start using strong leadership language
words like i know i’m confident
i’m convinced i recommend i suggest
given my experience
secondly give your written communication
a powerful language review much like a
spell check
the beauty of written language is that
we can spot
that weakness and delete
and finally let’s catch each other in
the act
let’s catch each other in the act when
we hear weak language let’s catch each
other in the act when we hear
powerful language being used
share this message and continue the
conversation
with your colleagues your friends your
sisters
your daughter your tribe
teach the next generation the power
behind their words
speak with conviction
choose your words wisely
be aware of your tone
and the next time someone offers you a
new opportunity
you won’t be tempted to say really
you will be prepared to say
thank you and when you do this
consistently
you will lead with influence and
authority
i leave you with some wisdom from one of
my favorite
favorite authorities my grandmother
doris elias who would always say julie
deary
remember two things enunciate your words
and watch your language thank you
[Music]
you