Dont let your words sabotage your career

[Music]

[Applause]

what do you think

is a common response many women give

when offered a new job

or a promotion you would think it would

be something along the lines of

thank you or i can’t wait to get started

unfortunately that’s not the case

the sad truth is when offered a new

opportunity

many women give a knee-jerk response of

really what kind of

answer is that someone wants to elevate

you

invest in your career and you just gave

them

a reason to doubt themselves by asking

really

the sad truth is at some time

in some way we as women

have all unintentionally undermined

ourselves with our words

this has to stop

my fascination with language started as

a young girl growing up

in france that first day of school

is vivid in my memory walking into a

completely strange classroom

we had just moved from new york and i

did not speak a word

of french elementary school is hard

enough as it

is without that added layer of not being

able to communicate with my parisian

teacher

or classmates those first few months

were hard

but decades later

my respect for language

is now part of my dna so much so

that i am driven to work with

professionals to ensure that their

communication

is as effective as possible for the last

15 years

starting at harvard business school i

have been working with professional

women

to ensure that they align their

communications

with their intentions

let’s jump into what powerful language

really is

have you ever felt that you’re simply

not

being heard do you ever feel

that you’re being interrupted

do you feel misunderstood

we spend 80 percent of our time

communicating and only about half of

that

doing it well the good news is

this we can change it

and the first step is understanding the

role

the big role that you play

and how you are seen heard and perceived

i’m going to share with you some tips

today on how to communicate

effectively to get more of what you want

more often who doesn’t want that

when we communicate our goal is to

influence

those around us how we communicate

dictates our effectiveness

there are three things you may be doing

right now

that are undermining this effectiveness

first you’re probably using weak

language

and you may not even be aware of it

weak language is using conditional

words and phrases and sentences to

soften

your approach words like sorry

just only maybe

or phrases like i think

i believe i guess

it sounds something like

sorry if this doesn’t make any sense you

know shane’s

really the expert here i’m

only been in this job for just two years

or you could use strong leadership

language which sounds like i know

i am convinced i’m confident

i recommend i suggest

given my experience so instead of saying

sorry if this doesn’t make sense you can

say

let me know where you need clarification

shane and i are here as your resources

secondly and we are all guilty of this

you may be prefacing your statements and

your questions

this is the practice of softening what

we really want to say

by undermining ourselves

we do this because we’re nervous or

maybe we feel intimidated

by our audience it sounds something

along the lines of

this may be a dumb question we’ve all

said that

sorry for the interruption and my

personal favorite

and yes this is a real example pardon

my ignorance why would you tell someone

you’re

ignorant

instead don’t skirt around

your question don’t explain what you’re

about to say

jump right in make your statement ask

your question

and finally your tone of voice

you could be doing everything else right

using strong leadership language jumping

right into your statements

or phrases but if your tone is too

tentative

or too aggressive your message will not

be heard using strong leadership

language requires

for you to find that right balance of

confidence

and approachability for instance you

could say

i have no doubt in my mind that this

is the right way to go

or you could come across as

confident and approachable by saying

i am convinced this strategy

will help us reach our goals

do you hear the difference

we also need to stop ending our

sentences

as if they’re a question

this is the habit known as the uptick

i constantly hear smart women

saying things like i think i could

probably add some value

it’s hard to sound like an authority

when everything you say

ends in a question

these three communication bad

habits are destroying your authority

every time you use weak language

or preface your statement or misuse your

tone

you automatically put yourself in the

one

down position look

i know this is hard i’ve been working on

this for decades

and i still am very deliberate in the

words

and the tone that i use so

here’s your leadership language

challenge

for today first

eliminate weak language from your

vocabulary

stop saying sorry just only

maybe stop using phrases like

i think i believe

i guess stop

misusing your tone

stop prefacing your statements and

instead

start using strong leadership language

words like i know i’m confident

i’m convinced i recommend i suggest

given my experience

secondly give your written communication

a powerful language review much like a

spell check

the beauty of written language is that

we can spot

that weakness and delete

and finally let’s catch each other in

the act

let’s catch each other in the act when

we hear weak language let’s catch each

other in the act when we hear

powerful language being used

share this message and continue the

conversation

with your colleagues your friends your

sisters

your daughter your tribe

teach the next generation the power

behind their words

speak with conviction

choose your words wisely

be aware of your tone

and the next time someone offers you a

new opportunity

you won’t be tempted to say really

you will be prepared to say

thank you and when you do this

consistently

you will lead with influence and

authority

i leave you with some wisdom from one of

my favorite

favorite authorities my grandmother

doris elias who would always say julie

deary

remember two things enunciate your words

and watch your language thank you

[Music]

you