Youth Sports Lessons Learned

[Music]

scott moser i work with at silesianum

school

as the athletic director also coached

the soccer team there

and i’m fortunate enough to have a job

at uh delaware fc a big

youth soccer club uh so i’m in a unique

position

where i get to see i’ve been doing it

for 20 years too by the way so

i’m in a unique position where i get to

see players that are

three years old seven years old like in

the youth soccer world

and then i get to see them go all the

way through 19 and i get the chance to

coach

a lot of them or at least see them be

coached and see them develop

so i get an opportunity to see their

personalities at say seven

eight nine years old and then i get a

chance to see him at say 19 years old

and i get a chance to see how youth

sport

has uh helped or maybe hurt them as they

went so it’s been a

passion of mine to talk about youth

sports in particular

my daughter’s uh 15 now and when she was

12 11 or 12 they were playing in

regionals a high level soccer tournament

and i don’t coach her never did and i’m

standing next to a division one coach

and he and i are watching the game

they’re in the regional finals if they

win the game uh they get to go to texas

for nationals in the final four

nationally

really big deal 11 and 12 year old girls

goes to pk’s

and then they all stand at midfield well

i don’t know

but they stay way back at midfield it’s

like a thousand steps for

girls that age and they one at a time

walk up to take penalty kicks

every single player from both teams as

they walk up

are wiping away tears from their eyes

because the

intensity is so high and i’m standing

there with

a fellow coach and we just looked at

each other and said

this isn’t right right like girls

walking up hysterically crying before

they take a penalty kick at 11 years old

so

um and of course is my daughter so

there’s definitely an attachment there

so

you know really made me think about you

sports and kind of what we’re doing we

i always have in the jobs i’ve had but

that’s just a good example so

i want to talk a little bit about

lessons we want our

children to learn through you sport

and then lessons maybe that are actually

learned through you sport

and discuss some of the pitfalls maybe

that come along the way

so why do parents drop their kids take

their kids to the first soccer practice

right we have meetings every year in the

soccer club in particular

9 10 11 year olds and we have a team

meeting and we say

okay what do you want out of this youth

sport you’re going down this road

say travel soccer what are you looking

for by the time your kids are

say 17 18 19. and what do you think they

say

character development um they want to

have

fun uh they want their kids to be

socialized

right socialization for our

three-year-old program we have about 83

year olds and a three-year-old program

is somebody else can take my ball and

it’s okay right that’s huge

learning for a three-year-old at that

age so

teamwork physical fitness

character development and a big one that

they say

at the end there i should wear my

glasses is

adversity so ultimately in some way

shape or form

they say i want my child to learn how to

deal with adversity

and for me that’s a major major point i

would love

for players that come through a program

of mine to be able to deal with

maybe the number one if you ask me

because if you can’t deal with adversity

sooner or later

your world stops for the most part

because sooner or later you’re going to

have some adversity so how do you deal

with that

and these are all the things all the

time every single year every single team

parents will say right so that’s where

we’re going to sort of start from this

is

this is what we want to have happen

for our young athletes that go through

that

got to talk about mental health there’s

other talks that will get more into this

very important in today’s society

very important uh in youth sport in

particular

but but

ncaa said 30 percent of college athletes

have have self-reported that they have

bouts of depression or mental health

issues

and those students at a higher rate

athletes are found to have a higher rate

of mental health issues

so you you’re saying wait like we put

them in you

sport and you go through this youth

sport to learn

characteristics and abilities to deal

with the world that’s really what

parents originally

want out of you sport and then they go

through you sport

and i use my daughter’s team again as an

example you see him as 13

and they have as much anxiety if not

more anxiety than most

because of all the fears of losing or

not playing well and the team

you know going against them or something

along those lines

uh and it just the two don’t add up

and i think in today’s society when we

talk mental health

and we talk you sport such a popular

activity

and those two don’t add up then that’s a

major

major issue for me and it should be a

major issue for everybody that’s

involved in you sport

because we’re not getting out of it what

we want

so one of the issues is paid coaches so

youth sport a lot of money goes

multi-billion dollar industry across the

country and what

for paid coaches um what are what are we

asking them to do so

i have a staff of maybe 20 paid coaches

how do i evaluate those paid coaches am

i evaluating

for wins am i evaluating them

based on them developing character the

kid’s having fun

so that’s certainly a part of the

process and what do

what do we profile on our website

so ultimately the question is why is

there higher mental health in

athletics than anywhere else and really

the

the focal point today is there’s higher

mental health

because we look at athletics as a result

not as a process and that’s really the

main thing at a young age

like when uh you you go in and you have

your child with you they just got done

playing the game and you see grandmom

and grandpa

then uh what’s the first thing they ask

them did you

win did you score without fail those are

the first two questions that they ask

right and that’s fair it’s grandma and

grandpa right

so that’s the first thing to ask they

might get to did you have fun

right but right away kids learn that

it’s about the result

all right so if athletics is a process

then if you view athletics as a process

then i think that’s critical

so young athletes need to learn that

it’s a process

what better environment is it

athletics than to learn through

athletics that it’s a process so

there’s no real ramifications for

athletes

like i played in college i heard a lot

of other people talk about playing in

college

and it’s an intense environment but

really does that influence your life i

take a lot from gina ariyama

yukon’s women’s coach and he says before

the finals the ncaa finals his pregame

speeches

which i bought and my team will know

this now they think i create this every

year

but they he says your life

will be no different if you lose this

game tonight

and that’s for me that’s such a profound

statement for dealing with coaches who

don’t feel that way

he says uh you know you’re still going

to have your scholarship

you’re still going to have work

opportunities you’re still going to have

your family around you your friends your

teammates around you virtually nothing

changes tomorrow morning

if you don’t win the national

championship tonight it’ll be fine and

all

now he might be the most competitive

coach out there because the smart thing

about that

is they’re going to play better if

they’re not worried about that result

so another um another point that stuck

with me

years ago maybe 20 years ago ahmad

rashad interviewed michael jordan

and a whole list of top athletes

roy jones jr warren sapp um

derek jeter a whole group of them and

they asked a moderate shot asked the

question and he said

how do you how do you all feel about

losing

and uh went through one after the other

of course what do you think they said i

hate losing

roy jones jr said if uh if i lose

against my eight-year-old daughter

playing cards i throw my cards

and i get i can’t sleep at night and

every one top the other and finally got

to michael jordan

and he said nah he said he said i

welcome losing

and everybody was like you welcome

losing uh

i’m surprised you say that like you’re

notorious for being competitive and

trying to win

they said no he said i welcome losing he

said and this is something that’s always

stuck with me i never i’ve never been

more motivated to get better

than after i’ve lost and anybody that’s

played on a team if you play poorly and

win

doesn’t have quite the same dig as if

you lose and if you lose the next

day you played he played

trained harder he was in the gym he’s

trained harder to get better

and i thought what a great opportunity

what a great way to approach athletics

in that you seek better competition to

exploit your flaws

so you can then be a better athlete a

better person

a better success and like the penalty

kick story

what age is it appropriate to go through

this process what age is too much

and i think if if kids at a young age

are taught

that it’s a process and it’s not the

result

then i’m hoping those girls aren’t

wiping away tears when they’re walking

up to penalty kicks i’m hoping they’re

thinking wow this is cool

i remember my first year at sally’s

we’re in the state finals

20 years ago and uh we were up two to

one gave up a late goal goes to 2-2

and then we end up winning overtime 3-2

but giving up that goal was traumatic it

was like two minutes left we were about

to win the state for the first time for

the school in a long time

and then years later i talked to

somebody that was on the field and he

said

you know when we came in after

regulation

which was i thought a very traumatic

time he looked at his friends and said

isn’t this awesome seniors in high

school we get to play

another 30 minutes with each other now

they almost won the state

and i look back on that and i think

that’s just an awesome

personality to have and by the way it’s

a really successful

personality to have to really focus on

the enjoyment of sport

and so how do parents perceive failure

what if parents perceive failure

as a negative right to ride home in the

car

if parents perceive failure as a

negative then

how’s the kid again how’s the child

going to perceive failure at what age

does that start

you know if there’s a three-year-old

going to practice that personality is

started at three

you got to do this and you got to do

that literally at three and four years

old

you hear parents talking to them about

this

all right and so what do we focus on the

process or result

and at a young age if we can really make

sure

people are attuned to the process as

opposed to the result they’re actually

going to have

more success they’re actually going to

win more if they’re

less focused on that result think about

somebody going up to

shoot a basketball a foul shot at the

end of the game

what should they be focused on should

they be focusing on

the opportunity to have or the concern

and anxiety if they miss we want them to

be focusing on that process

and that’s an opportunity for them to

get better

so another another statistic sports

psych

high achievers have high motivation to

achieve success

and low motivation to avoid failure and

for me what that means is high achievers

spend all of their time

on how to be successful and they spend

very little time

on how not to fail which to me makes

sense but when you think of

and i hear i hear athletes talk

and they say i hate losing hate losing

hate losing and when you break that down

to a youth to like a 12 year old

age group if there’s a player

a young player who hates losing then

their whole and if they identify

themselves as an athlete

if they miss the shot if they lose and

their self-identification is i’m a good

athlete

or i’m a scorer and they don’t win the

game their whole personality crumbles

if that’s what they stand for if that’s

all they stand for

but if they have other things going on

in their life and they don’t identify

themselves as just an athlete

then the process is a much easier

process and their life won’t be over if

they don’t win the state championship

that’s just a part of the process for

them and high achievers have

demonstrated

that they’re going to focus more on

being successful and they’re going to

focus

very little time on not being successful

and failing

all right so imagine a world where

parents view adversity as productive

and by parents i mean the students

or the children of those parents view

athletics as an adversity

in athletics as just a process

for them to go to and if they lose

imagine a parent at nine years old

player going up to take a penalty kick

and them thinking

man it’d be great if they missed this

penalty kick what a great opportunity

for me to talk to

that nine-year-old about what that means

how did you feel

what do you stand for like are you going

to work on it more

were you nervous right that’s that’s an

opportunity

that somebody that doesn’t play an

activity or play that sport

they’re just they’re not going to get

i’m a big advocate for you sports and

i’m a big advocate for you sports

because

we get to learn through something that

really doesn’t have

any serious consequences for our lives

later they do at nine

but later in life that’s not and if they

can learn those principles there

then they’re going to be better off

and people use athletics as practice to

develop that

that sorry

and institutionally management uh you

need we need to recognize it’s really

systemic

in you sports it is a culture

of paid sports and with paid sports

i’m a part of it so i can say it and

with paid sports the hope is with the

professionals

the hope is that they are focusing on

the key points

and they’re not focusing on the just

winning the problem is when you’re

trying to grow a business and use sports

and

because becomes monetized that

inevitably you’re talking about high

level you’re talking about wins

and so going to websites and seeing what

do you promote on the website for your

youth sport

that’s really going to dictate the

principles of that club so if i have 20

staff members and one guy’s winning am i

going to pay him more is he a better

staff member

but there might be a guy working with

bnc teams that’s creating all these

really cool

personalities on their team and working

with them which one do i promote

and ultimately as parents which one are

you going to put your kids into

so hopefully this gives you a little

indication from my experiences

that we really need to focus on

athletics as a process

for players to develop personality if we

go back to the beginning of why you put

your kids

into sports in the first place then it’s

going to make the parents and the

coaches and the adults in the room

it’s going to give them a better

perspective on why we do use sports to

be one

thank you