How to have AMAZING English Conversations
Vanessa:
Hi, I’m Vanessa from
SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com. Are you ready to have
amazing English conversations? Yes, let’s do it.
Imagine this. You’re at a party where you don’t
know anyone. Everyone’s having conversations
in English, but you don’t feel super comfortable
speaking with just anyone in English yet. Someone
walks up to you, smiles, introduces themselves,
and start speaking with you in English.
They’re friendly and seem genuinely interested in
what you have to say. Before you know it, you’re
having a comfortable conversation in English. You
may not be saying everything perfectly, but your
new friend is encouraging you and you’re saying
things that you didn’t even know that you knew
how to say. You leave the party feeling happy and
confident and proud of yourself for having such
an amazing conversation. If you had not gone to
that party, or if you had hidden in the bathroom,
you would have missed out on such an amazing time.
There’s a famous quote by Maya Angelou, and she
says, “I’ve learned that people will forget
what you said, people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them
feel.” This is great news because you don’t have
to have perfect grammar, perfect vocabulary,
perfect pronunciation when you speak. When you
make other people feel good, you are automatically
great at having amazing conversations. Today, I’m
going to teach you four tips and several phrases
so that you can make other people feel awesome
while you’re speaking with them, which also
grows your confidence in speaking in English.
Tip number one for amazing conversations, is to
compliment other people. This doesn’t mean that
you tell everyone, “You’re so beautiful. You’re
handsome. Your hair is amazing. Your eyes are
great.” No, this doesn’t mean that you are
complementing their physical appearance.
This means that you are showing genuine interest
in what other people have to say. A way that you
can show other people that you’re interested in
what they have to say, and you’re saying, “Yes,
what you’re saying is interesting. I want
to hear more about that,” is by using some
positive interjections in conversations.
Advanced English speakers use these all the
time and you should too. I want to teach you some
of these positive interjections that you can use
that tell the other person, “Hey, you’re awesome.
I want to hear more about what you have to say.”
I’m going to say each positive interjection
two times. The first time I want you to listen,
and the second time I want you to say it
out loud. Imagine that you’re at that party,
talking with someone else who you want to
become friends with, who you’re interested in,
and you want to show them, I’m interested in
you. How can you compliment them with your
ears? Listening to them with these interjections.
Let’s give it a try. Wow, that’s so cool.
Say it with me. Wow, that’s so cool. That’s
great. That’s great. I love that. I love that.
No way, that’s awesome. No way, that’s awesome.
Oh my gosh, how fun is that? Oh my gosh,
how fun is that? Oh, really? Oh, really? For real,
that’s too funny. For real, that’s too funny.
Can you get the sense from all of these positive
interjections that you’re making that other person
feel like I’m saying something that that person
really cares about. When they say, “For real,
that’s too funny.” It shows you’re listening. It
shows that you think they’re funny and they’re
going to feel so good about themselves.
You are complementing what they’re saying.
My second tip for having amazing conversations is
to have a mindset shift. I want you to shift your
mindset into thinking that every person you speak
with has something interesting to say, and you
can’t wait to find out what that is. Be interested
in other people. If you only speak about yourself,
you’re not a great conversationalist. If someone
says that their car broke down and you immediately
say, “Oh yeah, my car broke down last week too.”
How do you think that makes that other person
feel? Makes them feel like, did you even hear what
I said? Do you care about me, that my car broke
down? Take a step back and to be interested
in their story, be interested in their life.
Have you ever been telling someone something that
you are really excited about? Maybe you said, “Oh,
I just interviewed for a new job last week
at Google.” And then the other person says,
“Oh yeah, I thought about interviewing for
there too.” Well, how does that make you feel?
Feels like they’re not willing to share your
excitement because they only want to talk
about themselves. “Oh yeah. I interviewed
there too.” Well, you don’t want to be that
kind of person. You want to take interest
in what other people have to say and think,
well, other people have something that I am
curious about and I can’t wait to learn more.
I’d like to give you some phrases
that you can use to show that you’re
genuinely interested in what other people have to
say. Like before, I’m going to say them two times,
first time you can listen, and the second time say
it with me. Speak out loud. How did that happen?
How did that happen? What was that like? What
was that like? What do you think will happen?
What do you think will happen? What made you want
to do that? What made you want to do that? Have
you always been interested in that? Have you
always been interested in that? Great, these
phrases show that you are genuinely interested in
what the other person has to say. Great. You’re
on your way to having amazing conversations.
Tip number three for having amazing conversations
is to listen actively. Listen actively, but
listening is usually a passive thing, you’re just
taking in input. But really active listening means
that you are either guessing the emotion of the
other person or you’re mirroring their words. This
is actually excellent for learning English because
you’re taking their words and you’re restating
it so you might be growing some new vocabulary,
growing some new grammar based on what the other
person said. Let me give you a couple examples.
If you work in customer service and someone calls
your customer service line and says, “This product
broke, I can’t believe it.” You might say,
“Oh, I’m sorry. You must be really frustrated.”
But they say, “No, I’m just disappointed
because I thought that it would work.”
Well. What word did they use that you didn’t
use? You said, “You must be frustrated,” and
they said, “No, I’m just disappointed.”
Great chance for active listening.
You can say, “I’m sorry that you’re so
disappointed. Let me do what I can to
make it right.” You’re mirroring their word and it
makes them feel heard. You’re actively listening
to the words that they’re using and you’re able
to use it yourself to reflect their feelings.
This is a great type of listening and phrasing
to use. When someone’s telling you something that
there’s a lot of emotion behind, it could be
positive emotion, it could be something they’re
worried or fearful about, this type of negative
emotion. Here are some sample phrases that you
can use so that you show that you’re listening
actively to someone else. That other person feels
good that you really heard what they had to say.
You can say, “You must be feeling,” and then add
some kind of emotion. You must be feeling
really excited about that job interview.
You must be feeling really nervous to approach
your boss. You must be feeling really upset that
that happened. Oh, well maybe they didn’t
say specifically excited, worried, upset,
but you are guessing their emotion. Maybe they’ll
correct you and say, “Ah, actually I just feel
hesitant. I feel really disappointed.” Okay.
That’s all right. You can mirror that back. “Yeah.
That’s so disappointing.” But when you are trying
to actively listen and pull out their emotion,
excellent, you are a wonderful conversationalist.
Let me give you some phrases. That must be really
nerve wracking. That must be really exciting.
That must be really awful. That must be… Can
you practice that with me? That must be really
wracking. That must be really exciting. That
must be really awful. Our final phrase for active
listening is, that sounds really nerve wracking.
That sounds really exciting. That sounds really
awful. Here you’re trying to pull that emotion
out of it and connect with the other person.
Can you say that with me? That sounds really
nerve wracking. That sounds really exciting.
Oh, that sounds really awful. Excellent work.
A little bonus tip, this works very well with
children. If you have young kids, I guess any
kids, if you work with kids, you see kids, you
know that kids exist. I recommend this book, How
To Talk So Kids Will Listen, How To Listen So Kids
Will Talk. They also have a teenage version as
well, I think. It’s a great way to be able to use
active listening at an age appropriate level so
that your kids feel heard. Also so that your kids
hear you and hear you in the way that you want
them to hear. Great book, great recommendation.
Okay. Let’s go to our fourth and final tip
for amazing English conversations. Tip number four
for amazing conversations is body language. You
can have all the right words, all the right
things to say, but if your body is like,
well, you know what that tells the other person. I
don’t really care what you have to say. Yeah. I’m
just kind of bored. So instead as you are
having a conversation with someone else,
I want you to remember NOSE. Your nose? No.
Instead, this is an acronym, N-O-S-E. We’ll
talk about it in just a second. Remember
NOSE as you are speaking with someone else.
N is nodding. Nodding. If you’re speaking and
someone just stands there and doesn’t move,
it seems a little robotic, a little bit like
they’re not listening or they don’t care.
Makes you feel a little uncomfortable. So if
you just nod while someone else is speaking,
oh, it shows that you’re listening. It doesn’t
mean you always agree with them, but it shows
that you’re listening. You’re nodding. What
about O? O is for open posture. Which one feels
better to you? Me with my arms crossed maybe
turned away from you or me with my arms down
and just listening to you? When your body is
open, you don’t need to be very open or like this.
Instead, just having an open posture, your
shoulders back, and you’re facing someone.
This shows that care and that you’re listening.
The S of NOSE is smile. Did you know that our
brains can tell if a smile is real
or not? When you smile like this?
Yes, my mouth is making a smiling face, but it’s
not real. Could you tell? Could you tell that I
wasn’t really smiling? I was just fake smiling.
Well, the reason why we can tell is because my
eyes are not doing anything. A real smile goes
all the way up to your eyes. If I smile like this,
do you see how my eyes are crinkling a little
bit, maybe even completely crinkling. That
means that it is a real smile, that we are really
interested. So as someone is speaking, you can be
completely, really interested in what they have
to say. Not just, it feels like a robot, right?
But when you’re really interested in what someone
has to say, oh, yeah, your eyes crinkle a little
bit and you smile all the way up to your eyes.
The final E of NOSE is eye contact. In English,
in the US it is common and important to maintain
eye contact with someone when you’re speaking.
You don’t need to stare at them the whole time
and never look away. But if you avoid eye contact,
as someone’s speaking, it makes them feel like
you don’t want to be there, you don’t want to
talk with them. So instead, if you look them in
the eyes and you smile and you nod and you have
open posture, you are a welcoming and inviting
person who anyone would want to speak with.
So maintain some eye contact. Maybe if that’s
tough for you, you can focus here or focus on
one eye over the other. You don’t need to stress
yourself out too much, but having that kind of
nodding, genuine smile, open posture and
maintaining eye contact, that is a great way
to have excellent conversations. Well, now,
when you compliment others, having mindset
shift that other people have interesting things
to say, and you listen actively and have great
body language, well, congratulations, you
have the power to have amazing conversations,
great relationships and confidence in
yourself. Pretty good for a free YouTube video.
Don’t forget to download the free PDF worksheet
so that you can review all of these wonderful tips
and so that you can be a great conversationalist.
Practice all of the phrases and integrate them
into your conversations so that other people leave
those conversations feeling great and thinking,
man, he’s a great conversationalist. No,
she is great at having conversations,
I can’t wait to talk to her again.
You can do it. Make sure you download
that PDF. There’s a link in the description.
Now I have a question for you. I’d like to give
you a little scenario. Imagine that I told you,
“I can’t wait, I get to see my grandma next week
for the first time in a year.” What would you say
to me? Can you use any of these phrases, maybe an
active listening phrase, you must be feeling
or one of the other phrases so that you can
be a great conversationalist? Let me know in the
comments how you would respond to me. If I said,
“I get to see my grandma next week after a
full year of not seeing her.” Let me know in
the comments what you would say, use what you’ve
learned and I’ll see you again next Friday for a
new lesson here on my YouTube channel. Bye.
The next step is to download the free PDF
worksheet for this lesson. With this free
PDF, you will master today’s lesson and
never forget what you have learned. You can
be a confident English speaker. Don’t forget
to subscribe to my YouTube channel for
a free English lesson every Friday. Bye.