ENGLISH SPEECH AMY POEHLER Take Your Risk NOW English Subtitles
Friends, Romans, countrymen: lend me your
beers.
I am honored that you chose me to help you
celebrate your graduation today.
I can only assume I am here today because
of my subtle and layered work in a timeless
classic entitled “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo”.
And for that I say, you’re welcome.
I’m truly, truly delighted to be her at Harvard
. I graduated from Boston College.
Which some call the Harvard of Boston.
But we all know that Harvard is the Harvard
of Harvard.
And you can quote me on that.
I have to admit I am very surprised to be
here because like so many of you, I was pretty
convinced the Rapture was going to happen.
Show of hands, how many of you woke up on
Sunday and thought, “You’re kidding me!
I sold all of my belongings, I told my boss
to shove it and we are still here?”
I understand how you feel.
I am so mad at Heaven right now.
So I tried to write today’s speech the way
I wrote everything in College.
Stayed up all night, typing on a Canon word
processor while listening to Sir Mix-a-lot.
To be fair, first I took a nap, I ate a large
pretzel, I cried a little bit and then I went
to see that movie, Fast Five.
And I am here to tell you, life is like a
heist that requires good drivers, an explosives
expert, a hot girl who doubles as a master
of disguise and this is a hard and fast rule.
If the Rock shows up, they’re on to you.
But the class of 2011 did not invite me here
to tell jokes.
They invited me here to talk about the recent
tensions between oil traders regulators of
the commodities futures trading commission.
I’m sure we all read the New York Times this
morning which posited that there may be a
complex scheme that relied on the close relationships
between physical oil prices and the prices
of financial futures, which of course, as
we all know, moves in parallel.
Hilarious.
What do I know about Harvard?
I know it is the oldest American university.
I know it provides the ultimate experience
in higher learning and according to the movies,
I know it is filled with people who get rich
either by inventing things or suing the people
who they claim stole their invention.
Let me be clear.
I believe everything I see in movies.
And if you remember anything I say today,
remember this.
Every single thing you see in movies is real.
So, what do the fine students of 2011 need
to hear from me?
If I wanted to give you advice as a Bostonian,
I would remind you that: “Just because you’re
wicked smart it doesn’t mean you are better
than me.”
And I would also want to say: “Good for you
for working so hard.
You graduated from ‘Hahvahd’ – it must be
nice.”
If I wanted to give you advice as a New Yorker,
I’d tell you, “Excuse me, ma’am, could you
move please?
Don’t walk in the bike lane – get off the
bike lane please.”
And I would also like to take a moment to
inform you as a New Yorker and as my cab driver
did recently that Bloomberg pretends to take
the subway, but we all know that’s a bunch
of baloney.
And if I wanted to give you advice as an actor,
I would tell you this: Don’t do it.
Don’t be one.
There are too many.
I have a lot of talented friends who aren’t
working.
Sorry, no more room at the inn.
I bet you are great, but just work with the
human genome instead.
You’re all smart and sophisticated people.
You know the world in a way that my generation
never did.
Because of that, I realize I don’t have much
advice to give to you.
In many ways, I learned from you.
I don’t have many answers, just questions.
Specifically, when I use Facetime on my iPad
and I’m talking to someone and I take a picture,
sometimes the screen freezes.
How do I fix that?
All I can tell you today is what I have learned.
What I have discovered as a person in this
world.
And that is this: you can’t do it alone.
As you navigate through the rest of your life,
be open to collaboration.
Other people and other people’s ideas are
often better than your own.
Find a group of people who challenge and inspire
you, spend a lot of time with them, and it
will change your life.
No one is here today because they did it on
their own.
Okay, maybe Josh, but he’s just a straight
up weirdo.
You’re all here today because someone gave
you strength.
Helped you.
Held you in the palm of their hand.
God, Allah, Buddha, Gaga – whomever you pray
to.
They have helped you get here, and that should
make you feel less alone.
And less scared.
Because it has been a scary ten years.
You were young children when you watched planes
hit the World Trade Center.
You quickly understood what it was like to
feel out of control.
Your formative teenage years were filled with
orange alerts and rogue waves and unaccomplished
missions.
For my generation, it was AIDS.
We all grow up afraid of something.
Your generation had to get used to taking
off your shoes at the airprot.
My generation had to get used to awkward PSAs
from Boyz2men telling us to use protection.
But during those tough times, we realized
how wonderful it felt to be part of a group.
But more about me.
I moved to Chicago in the early 1990s and
I studied improvisation there.
I learned some rules that I try to apply still
today: Listen.
Say “yes.”
Live in the moment.
Make sure you play with people who have your
back.
Make big choices early and often.
Don’t start a scene where two people are talking
about jumping out of a plane.
Start the scene having already jumped.
If you are scared, look into your partner’s
eyes.
You will feel better.
This advice has come in handy and it would
often be something I would think about when
I would perform on Saturday Night Live.
Live television can be very nerve-wracking
and I remember one time being nervous, looking
into the eyes of the host and feeling better.
I should point out I was wearing a chicken
suit at the time.
The host was Donald Trump.
He was wearing a bigger, more elaborate chicken
suit.
I looked into his eyes, I saw that he looked
really stupid, and I instantly felt better.
See how that works?
I should point out that that sketch was written
by a Harvard graduate and also a graduate
from Northwestern – but who cares about that.
Am I right?
I cannot stress enough that the answer to
a lot of your life’s questions is often in
someone else’s face.
Try putting your iPhones down every once in
a while and look at people’s faces.
People’s faces will tell you amazing things.
Like if they are angry or nauseous, or asleep.
I have been lucky to be a part of great ensembles.
My work with the upright citizens brigade
led me to my work on Saturday Night Live,
and when I graduated from that comedy college,
I was worried about what came next.
Then Parks and Recreation came along, a show
I am proud of where I get to work with people
I love.
You never know what is around the corner unless
you peek.
Hold someone’s hand while you do it.
You will feel less scared.
You can’t do this alone.
Besides it is much more fun to succeed and
fail with other people.
You can blame them when things go wrong.
Take your risks now.
As you grow older, you become more fearful
and less flexible.
And I mean that literally.
I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week
and it wasn’t even on.
Try to keep your mind open to possibilities
and your mouth closed on matters that you
don’t know about.
Limit your “always” and your “nevers.”
Continue to share your heart with people even
if its been broken.
Don’t treat your heart like an action figure
wrapped in plastic and never used.
And don’t try to give me that nerd argument
that your heart is a batman with a limited
edition silver battering and therefore if
it stays in its original package it increases
in value.
Watch it Harvard, you’re not better than me.
Even though, as a class, you are smart, you
are still allowed to say, “I don’t know.”
Just because you are in high demand, you are
still allowed to say, “Let me get back to
you.”
This will come in handy when your parents
ask when you plan to move out of their basement
and you answer, “I don’t know.
Let me get back to you.”
Which leads me to my final thought: would
it kill you to be nicer to your parents?
They have sacrificed so much for you, and
all they want you to do is smile and take
a picture with your weird cousins.
Do that for them.
And with less eye-rolling, please.
And so, class of 2011, it is time to leave.
Oprah has spoken.
So I will end with this quote: Heyah, Heyah,
Heyah, Heyah, Heyah, heyah, heyah, heyah,
alright alright alright, alright, alright.
The group: Outcast; the song: Heyah.
The lyrics: nonsense.
I’m sorry it was really late when I wrote
this.
This is what I want to say: When you feel
scared, hold someone’s hand and look into
their eyes.
And when you feel brave, do the same thing.
You are all here because you are smart.
And you are brave.
And if you add kindness and the ability to
change a tire, you almost make up the perfect
person.
I thank you for asking me to speak to you
today.
As you head out into the world I wish you
love and light, joy, and much laughter.
And as always, please don’t forget to tip
your waitresses.
Thank you very much.