The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County Audiobook Learn English Through Story
the celebrated jumping frog of calaveras
county
by mark twain
in compliance with the request of a
friend of mine
who wrote me from the east i called on
good-natured
garrulous old simon wheeler and inquired
after my friend’s friend
leonidas w smiley as requested to do
and i here on to append the result
i have a lurking suspicion that leonidas
w
smiley is a myth and that my friend
never knew
such a personage and that he only
conjectured that if i asked old wheeler
about him
it would remind him of his infamous jim
smiley
and he would go to work and bore me to
death with some exasperating
reminiscence of him
as long and as tedious as it should be
useless to me
if that was the design it succeeded
i found simon wheeler dozen comfortably
by the ballroom stove of the dilapidated
tavern in the decayed mining camp of
angels
and i noticed that he was fat and
bald-headed and had an expression of
winning gentleness and simplicity upon
his tranquil countenance
he roused up and gave me good day
i told him a friend had commissioned me
to make some inquiries about a cherished
companion of his boyhood
named leonidas w smiley
reverend leonidas w smiley a young
minister of the gospel
who he had heard was at one time a
resident of angel’s camp
i added that if mr wheeler could tell me
anything about this reverend the
leonidas w
smiley i would feel under many
obligations to him
simon wheeler backed me into a corner
and blockaded me there with his chair
and then sat down and reeled off the
monotonous
narrative which follows this paragraph
he never smiled he never frowned
he never changed his voice from the
gentle flowing key
to which he tuned his initial sentence
he never betrayed
the slightest suspicion of enthusiasm
but all through the interminable
narrative
there ran a vein of impressive
earnestness and sincerity
which showed me plainly that so far from
his imagining that there was anything
ridiculous or funny about his story
he regarded it as a really important
matter
and admired its two heroes as men of
transcendent genius in finesse
i let him go on in his own way and never
interrupted him once
reverend leonidas w
hmm reverend
well there was a feller here once by the
name of jim smiley
in the winter of 49 or maybe it was the
spring of 50
i don’t recollect exactly somehow though
what makes me think it was one or the
other is because i remember the big
flume
weren’t finished when he came to the
camp but anyway
he was the curiousest man about always
betting on anything that turned up you
ever see
if he could get anybody to bed on the
other side
and if he couldn’t he’d change sides
anyway that suited the other man would
suit him
anyway just so he got a bet he was
satisfied
but still he was lucky uncommon lucky
he most always come out winner he was
always ready and laying for a chance
there couldn’t be no sultry thing
mentioned but that feller’d offered a
bet on it
and take any side you please as i was
just telling you
if there was a horse race you’d find him
flush or you’d find him
busted at the end of it if there was a
dog fight
he’d bet on it if there was a cat fight
he’d bet on it
if there was a chicken fight he’d bet on
it why if there was two birds sitting on
a fence he would bet you which one would
fly first
or if there was a camp meeting he would
be there regular to bet on parson walker
which he judged to be the best exhorter
about here
and he was too and a good man
if he even sees a straddle bug start to
go anywheres
he would bet you how long it would take
him to get to
to wherever he was going to and if you
took him up
he would follow that straddle bug to
mexico but what he would find out where
he was bound for and how long he was on
the road
lots of the boys here has seen that
smile and can tell you about him
why it never made no difference to him
he’d bid on anything
the dangest feller
parson walker’s wife laid very sick once
for a good while and it seemed as if
they weren’t gonna save her
but one morning he come in and smiley up
and asked him how she was
and he said she was considerable better
thank the lord for his infinite mercy
and coming on so smart that with the
blessings of providence she’d get well
yet
and smiley before he thought says i’ll
risk two and a half she don’t anyway
this year smiley had a mare the boys
called her the 15 minute nag
but that was only in fun you know
because of course
she was faster than that and he used to
win money on that horse
for all she was so slow and always had
the asthma
or the distemper of consumption or
something of that kind
they used to give her 2 or 300 yards
start
and then pass her underway but always at
the end of the race she’d get
excited and desperate like
and come coverton and straddling up and
scattering her legs around limber
sometimes in the air and sometimes out
to one side amongst the fences
and kicking up more dust and raising
more racket with her cough and sneezing
and blowing her nose
and always fetched up at the stand just
about a neck ahead
as near as you could cipher it down
and he had a little small bullpup that
to look at him you’d think you weren’t
worth a cent but to sit around and look
ornery and lay for a chance to steal
something
but as soon as money was up on him he
was a different dog
his under jaw began to stick out like
the faux castle of a steamboat
and his teeth would uncover and shine
like the furnaces
and a dog might tackle him and bully rag
him and bite him and throw him over his
shoulder two
or three times and andrew jackson
which was the name of the pup andrew
jackson would never let on but what he
was satisfied
and hadn’t expected nothing else and the
bets being doubled and doubled on the
other side all the time till the money
was all up
then all of a sudden he would grab that
other dog just by the
his head and legs and freeze to it not
shy you understand
but only just grip and hang on till they
throwed up the sponge
if it was a year smiley always come out
winter on that pup
till he harnessed a dog once that didn’t
have no hind legs because they had been
sawed off in a circular saw
and when the thing had gone along far
enough
the money was all up he come to make a
snatch for his pet holt
you see in a minute how he’d been
imposed on and how the other dog had him
in the door
so to speak and he appeared surprised
and then looked
sort of discouraged like didn’t try no
more to win the fight
and so he got shucked out bad he gave
smiley a look
as much as to say his heart was broke
and it was his fault for putting up a
dog that had no hind legs for him to
take hold of
which was his main dependence in a fight
and then he limped off a piece and
laid down and died it was a good pup
was that andrew jackson and would have
made a name for himself
he’d lived the stuff was in him and he
had genius
i know it because he had no
opportunities to speak of and it don’t
stand to reason that a dog can make such
a fight
as he could under them circumstances if
he had
no talent it always makes me feel sorry
when i think of that last fight of his
and the way it turned out well this year
smiley had
rat terriers and chicken and tom
cats and all them kind of things
tell you couldn’t rest and you couldn’t
fetch nothing for him up to bed on but
he’d match you
he catched a frog one day and took him
home and said he’d cow later to educate
him
and so he never done nothing for three
months but set in his backyard and
learned that frog to jump
and you bet he did learn him too you’d
give him a little
punch behind and the next minute you’d
see that frog whirling in the air like a
donut
see him turn one somerset maybe a couple
if he got a good start
and come down flat-footed and all right
like a cat
he got him up so in the manner of
catching flies and kept him in practice
so constant that he’d nail a fly every
time his furs he could see him
smiley said all the frog wanted was
education and he could do most anything
and i believe him well i’ve seen him set
daniel webster down here on this floor
damn webster was the name of this frog
and seeing how it flies daniel flies
and quicker and you could wink he’d
spring up and snake fly off from the
counter there and flop down on the floor
again as solid as a gaba mud
and fall to scratch in the side of his
head with his hind foot as
indifferent as if he hadn’t no idea he’d
been doing any more than any frog might
do
you never see a frog so modest and
straightforward as he was
for all he was so gifted and when it
come to fair and square jumping on a
dead level
he could get over more ground at one
straddle than any animal of his breed
you ever see
jumping on a dead level was his strong
suit you understand
when it came to that smiley would handy
up money on him as long as he had a red
smiley was monstrous proud of his frog
and well he might be
fellers that had traveled and been
everywheres all said he laid over any
frog that ever they see
well smiley kept the little beast in a
little lattice box and
he used to fetch him downtown sometimes
and lay for a bet
one day a fella a stranger in the camp
he was
come across him with his box and says
what might be that you got in the box
and smiley says sorta indifferent like
it might be a parrot or it might be a
canary
maybe but it ain’t it’s only just a frog
and the feller took it and looked at it
careful and turned around this way and
that says
so tis well what’s he good for
well smiley says easy and careless
he’s good enough for one thing last to
judge
he can out-jump any frog in calaveras
county
the feller took the box again and took
another long particular look
and give it back to smiley and says very
deliberate
well he says i don’t see no pants about
that frog that’s better than any other
frog
maybe you don’t smiley says
maybe you understand frogs and maybe you
don’t understand them
maybe you’ve had experience and maybe
you ain’t only an amateur
as it were anyways i got my opinions and
i’ll risk forty dollars that he can out
jump any frog in calaveras county
and the feller studied a minute and then
says
kind or sad like well
i’m only a stranger here and i ain’t got
no frog
but if i had a frog i’d bet you
and then smiley says that’s all right
that’s all right
if you’ll hold my box a minute i’ll go
and get you a frog
and so the fella took the box and put up
his forty dollars along with smiley’s
and
sat down to wait so we sat there a good
while thinking and thinking to himself
and
then he got the frog out and pried his
mouth open took a teaspoon
and filled him full of quail shot filled
and pretty near up to his chin and set
him on the floor
smiley he went to the swamp and slopped
around in the mud for a long time and
finally he catched a frog and fetched
him in
and give him to this feller and says
now if you’re ready set him alongside of
daniel with his four paws just even with
daniels
and i’ll give the word then he says
one two three get
and him and the fella touched up the
frogs from behind and the new frog
hopped off lively
but daniel gave a heaven hissed up his
shoulders
so like a frenchman but it warn’t no use
he couldn’t budge he was planted as
solid as a church
and he couldn’t no more stir than if he
was anchored out
smiley was a good deal surprised he was
disgusted too
he didn’t have no idea what the matter
was of course
the fellow took the money and started
away and when he was going out at the
door he sort of
jerked his thumb over his shoulders so
what danlin says again very deliberate
well he says i don’t see no
pants about that frog that’s any better
than any other frog
smiley he stood scratching his head and
looking down at daniel a long time
and at last says i do wonder what in the
nation that frog throwed off for
i wonder if there ain’t something to
matter with him he appears to look
mighty baggy somehow
and he catch daniel up by the nape of
his neck and hefted him and says
i blame my cats if you don’t weigh five
pounds
turned him upside down and he belch out
a double handful of shot
then you see how it was and he was the
maddest man
he set the frog down and took after that
feller but he never catched him
and here simon wheeler heard his name
called from the front yard
and got up to see what was wanted and
turning to me as he moved away he said
just sit where you are stranger and rest
easy i ain’t gonna be gone a second
but by your leave i did not think that a
continuation of the history of the
enterprising vagabond jim smiley
would be likely to afford me much
information concerning
the reverend leonidas w smiley
and so i started away
at the door i met the sociable wheeler
returning
and he button-holed me and re-commenced
well this year smiley had a yeller
one-eyed cow that didn’t have no tail
only just a short stump like a banana
and
however lacking both time and
inclination
i did not wait to hear about the
afflicted cow
but took my leave end of the celebrated
jumping frog of calaveras county