my mind can be my worst enemy i was

laying in bed last night and i had

fallen asleep and i kept waking up and

you know what i was thinking about i was

waking up because i could hear people in

the hallway kind of coming in from a

late night of parting and you know what

the first thing that my mind defaulted

to

there being a fire in the hotel and i

started having these visions of my

daughter and i

going down the stairwell and getting

trapped and then i had visions of us

being on the balcony uh on this room and

fire kind of engulfing and what are we

doing are we tying a rope wish i mean

it's just insanity absolute insanity and

i

use the techniques that i teach you i

went 54321 i am not thinking about this

and the thought disappeared because i

constantly reset my mindset and you know

one of the reasons why i'm telling you

this is if you are tired of feeling

negative if you feel often that your own

thoughts are the things that trip you up

in life that you wish that your mind

were more positive i'm telling you that

i'm the same way

just because i teach this stuff just

because i study this just because i do

what i do for a living doesn't make me

immune to what it means to be human and

what it means to be human is that your

brain and your body want you to survive

your brain and your body remember

situations that scare the daylights out

of you your brain and your body try to

talk you out of anything that makes you

feel risky and your brain given that it

has been

trained by situations in the past and

given that you allow it to worry all the

time you have a habit of doing it if

you're not careful and you're not

deliberate your brain will default to

scary crap like mine was last night that

doesn't mean you're broken it means that

your brain is thinking something that's

broken and it's time for you to reset

your mindset and pull it back

if you're somebody that suffers from

anxiety first of all here's what you

need to know it's not a disease

period

it's not a disease so here's what you

need to understand anxiety always begins

with a worry

always

it begins with a thought that is

triggered by something so if you suffer

from anxiety you wake up in the morning

and your mind spins you lay in bed at

night and your mind spins you walk into

work and you feel anxious in your body

i want you to write down all the things

that trigger you to feel anxious

interestingly another major trigger is

being home

or going home

and that moment right before your

partner walks in the door

if you feel anxious when your partner's

about to walk in or you're about to walk

into your own home that is a major

signal that you're in the wrong

relationship that there is something

incredibly off and you either need to

get into counseling but that is one that

we hear a lot about

because you're walking into a situation

that feels uncertain yeah a lot of

people by the way

had parents that were abusive or parents

that were yellers so they also are

experiencing ghosts from the childhood

of it's five o'clock dad's about to come

home and pour a drink and everybody's on

edge yeah

so

write down the triggers okay

because having kind of the triggers

ahead of time will help you come up with

a plan

for how you're going to catch yourself

when your mind defaults to the automatic

ways that it thinks

then what i want you to write down next

to the trigger is what exactly are you

worried about

so having the trigger and then the what

do i worry about i worry that my boss is

going to yell i worry that my partner's

going to yell i worry that i'm going to

get in trouble i worry that

you know my friends are going to laugh

at me i worry that i'm going to be a

whatever it may be

then what you're going to do is you're

going to write down what i call an

anchor thought an anchor thought is

something that weighs you down and it

makes you excited

and so here's how the strategy works

with the five second rule

the next time you're in a situation and

let's just use the example of pulling

into your own driveway or your own

apartment and maybe you've got issues

with your boyfriend or girlfriend or

your roommate and that makes you

unsettled

you're

the second you pull in and you feel the

trigger you're gonna go five four three

two one because i want to interrupt your

mind from going into

kind of like what if

and then you're gonna drop in

the anchor thought

of the last time that you and your

roommate really got along well

or the last time that you stood up for

yourself and it went fine

for your puppy yeah or a puppy or

whatever you're gonna say i'm so excited

to

deal with this yeah and then you're

going to get out of your car even though

your body is going to feel a little

unsettled and your mind's going to race

go five four three two one if you start

to like be like ah but what is that

and then walk in the door

and what i'm teaching you to do is to

not let your mind hijack you

and it's very important because there's

a very tight nexus between

your habit of worrying and spiraling

your thoughts and the way your body

starts to amp up and so we want to

settle your mind so we don't agitate

your body you got it yeah and so if you

start to practice that over and over and

over and over and over and over and over

again and for you 18 year olds that are

watching this

use this with

the nerves that you have about what

you're going to do with your life use

this when you catch yourself worrying

about college applications because

worrying about the applications won't

get them done worrying about what your

friends are doing won't make it happen

worrying about what you're going to be

doing when you're 25 or how you're going

to make money it's not going to help you

make money right now it's only going to

make you miserable so 54321 cut off that

habit

that'll stabilize your body and then go

to a vision of you at the age of 25

driving a car that you think is cool and

hanging out with a friend that's cool

and saying yourself i'm so excited

because i know i'm gonna figure it out

because you don't need to worry about

that right now but it becomes a habit

that destroys

your year this year

just because you identify

and for me as a kid for whatever reason

i have my own version of feeling

invisible and feeling like i'm not good

enough and so my way of coping both with

my anxiety and being a survivor of

sexual abuse

and wanting love which we all need is i

was like an overachiever

and so i'm the kind of person that's

super busy and a go-getter because it

got me attention

and if i was the one that was super busy

and achieving i not only got praise but

it also insulates you

from

other people not picking you because

you're the one in a leadership role

doing the picking

and so there's a part of me at the age

of 51 that is realizing

that you know this these feelings of

feeling unworthy

and

this hyper

drive

to try to achieve

it's all coming

from a place of feeling inadequate or

like what i'm doing is not enough

and so that's 50

having the talk show having a

best-selling book having the audible

originals having the platform everywhere

having the impact it still don't feel

being the most booked female speaker in

the world like you still don't feel so

stupid it's annoying and human beings

are annoying we are stuck with this

wiring like if you think about it like

all of the crap you believe is probably

a hangover from age zero to ten

that as adults we walk around thinking

the same stuff we thought as kids

and i

can't stand that i feel that way

but knowing it it allows me to catch it

before it has me before it stops me from

having an event or writing that next

book or taking a risk

[Music]

there's a lot of you

that are running from things

instead of running two things

and that's a huge difference running

from something

versus running to something and so i

want you to think about that for a

minute because you don't have to move

across country to change your life and

you don't have to do something drastic

to experience drastic positive change

and here's the thing about running away

from your problems

running away from your past have you

ever noticed that when you run

away

it tends to follow you

you know i used to

have this problem in relationships

and the reason why i had this problem is

because i was a very unhappy person

i didn't like myself truly as a person

until probably four or five years ago i

spent as sad as this is i spent the

first 46 years of my life really not

liking myself

really um feeling like i wasn't a good

person

really questioning the sanity of people

that were in love with me or that were

friends of mine because i had such a low

opinion of myself

and it didn't matter you know i i was

guilty not of moving from one city to

another

but i was guilty of moving from one

person to another

that i would literally

get in a relationship i would be in a

relationship for a year and then i would

start to feel that unsettled feeling

because what happens after a year of

being in a relationship well you got to

start working on it it's no longer the

thrill and the delight and it's new and

you're dating

now it's just you and the person in your

life

there's nothing new about it and so all

your old crap starts to show up and

that's when you got to start to do the

work and so it was about the year or the

year and a half mark in almost every

single relationship that i would start

getting that itchy feeling the reason

why i was getting that itchy feeling is

because my past was now there

this new relationship was no longer new

and so i was no longer distracted by it

and i was going to have to

deal with myself in order to be happy

and so what did i do for years not even

just years decades everybody i'm not i'm

not proud to admit this but i would

literally jump out of one relationship

and into another new one because another

new one would distract me from the fact

that i was an unhappy person

true story

and i think a lot of you who are unhappy

with yourselves are looking to move jobs

or looking to move

uh the city that you live in or you're

looking to change your relationship and

the problem isn't where you live the

problem isn't your job the problem isn't

the person that you're with the problem

is how you feel about yourself

[Music]

[Music]

you

{{}}

我的思想可能是我最大的敌人我

昨晚躺在床上

睡着了我一直在醒来

你知道我在想什么我正在

醒来因为我能听到

走廊里的人从一个

分手的深夜，你

知道我的第一件事是

什么 呃，这个房间的阳台，

火有点吞没，我们

在做什么，我们在绑绳子希望我的意思是

这只是精神错乱，绝对精神错乱，

我

使用我教给你的技术我

去了 54321 我没有考虑这个

和想法 消失了，因为我

不断地重新调整我的心态，你知道

我告诉你的原因之一

是，如果你厌倦了消极的感觉，

如果你经常觉得自己的

想法是在生活中绊倒你的事情

，你希望 你的

想法更积极我告诉你

我和你一样

只是因为我教这些东西只是

因为我学习这些东西只是因为我

做我为生做的事情并不能使我

免疫它意味着什么 做人

，做人意味着你的

大脑和身体希望你活下来

你的大脑和你的身体 记住

那些

吓坏你的情况 你的大脑和你的身体试图

说服你不要做任何让你感觉的事情

风险和你的大脑，因为它

已经被

过去的情况训练过

，并且你允许它一直

担心你有这样做的习惯，如果

你不小心并且你没有

刻意，你的大脑会默认

昨晚像我这样的可怕废话，

这并不意味着你已经崩溃了，这意味着

你的大脑正在思考一些已经

崩溃的事情，如果你是一个首先患有焦虑症的人，那么现在是时候重新调整

你的心态并将其拉回来

了 这就是你

需要知道的' 不是疾病

时期

它不是疾病 所以这就是你

需要了解的内容 焦虑总是始于

担心 总是始于

由某事引发的想法 因此，如果您

患有焦虑症，您会在早上醒来，

并且头脑会旋转 晚上躺在床上

，你的思绪在旋转 你走进

工作，你的身体感到焦虑

我希望你写下所有让

你感到焦虑的事情

有趣的是另一个主要触发因素

是回家

或回家

以及之前

如果您在您的伴侣

即将走进或您即将

走进自己家时感到焦虑，您的伴侣走进门，这是一个主要

信号，表明您处于错误的

关系中，有些事情

令人难以置信，您要么

需要进行咨询，但这是

我们经常听到的，

因为您正处于

一种不确定的

境地 在那些大喊大叫的人，所以他们也正在

经历童年

时期的鬼魂，现在是五点钟爸爸要

回家倒一杯饮料，每个人都

处于紧张状态，是的，

所以

写下触发因素好吧，

因为提前准备好触发因素

会帮助你 想出

一个计划

，

当你的头脑默认为它认为的自动方式时，你将如何抓住自己，

然后我希望你

在触发器旁边写下你到底

担心什么，

所以有了触发器然后

我担心什么我担心我的老板

会大喊我担心我的伴侣

会大喊我担心我会

遇到麻烦我担心

你知道我的朋友会

嘲笑我我担心 我将成为一个

无论它可能是

什么然后你要做的

就是写下我称之为

锚的想法

该策略如何

与 f 配合使用

下次你遇到第二条规则时，

让我们举个例子，把车

开进你自己的车道或你自己的

公寓，也许你

和你的男朋友、女朋友或

你的室友有问题，这让你感到

不安

'

在你拉入的那一秒，你感觉到

扳机，你会去五四三二一，

因为我想打断你的

思绪，不要进入

那种如果

然后你会

陷入锚

想到最后一个 你和你的

室友真的相处得很好的

时候，或者你最后一次为

自己挺身而出，

对你的

小狗来说一切

都很好

即使

你的身体会感到有点

不安，你也会下车，

如果你

开始喜欢五四三二一，但那是什么，

然后走进去 门

，我教你做的

是 不要让你的思想劫持你

，这非常重要，因为

在

你担心和盘旋

你的思想的习惯与你的身体

开始增强的方式之间有着非常紧密的联系，所以我们想要让

你的思想安定下来，这样我们就不会扰乱

你的身体 你明白了，所以如果你

开始一遍又一遍地练习，

一遍又一遍，一遍

又一遍，对于你正在观看这个的 18 岁的孩子来说

，你会用你对你将要做什么的神经来使用它

与你的生活有关

当你发现自己担心大学申请时使用这个，

因为

担心申请不会

让他们完成 担心你的

朋友在做什么不会让事情发生

担心你什么时候会

做什么 你 25 岁，或者你将

如何赚钱它不会帮助你

现在赚钱它只

会让你痛苦，所以 54321 戒掉

那个会稳定你的身体然后

去见你的习惯 在年龄 25

开一辆你认为很酷的车，和

一个很酷的朋友出去玩

，说自己我很兴奋，

因为我知道我会解决的，

因为你现在不需要

担心，但它变成了 一个习惯

会破坏

你今年的生活，

只是因为你认同

，对于我还是个孩子，无论出于何种原因，

我都有自己的版本，感觉自己是

隐形的，感觉自己不够好

，所以我应对

焦虑和存在的方式 作为

性虐待

的幸存者和我们都需要的爱，

我就像一个超常成功

的人，所以我是那种超级忙碌的人，

因为它

引起了我的注意

，如果我是那个超级忙碌的人

实现我不仅得到了表扬，

而且还使你

与

其他不选择你的人隔离开来，因为

你是领导角色

的人

，所以在我 51 岁时，有一部分人

意识到你知道这一点 这些

不值得的感觉

而

这种

试图实现

这一切的超动力

来自一个感觉不足或

喜欢我正在做的事情还不够的地方

，所以这就是 50

有脱口秀有一

本畅销书有听得见的

原件有平台无处不

在 它的影响仍然没有

像你一样成为世界上预订最多的女性演讲者仍然不会觉得自己那么

愚蠢这很烦人而且人类

很烦人我们被这种接线所困扰，

就像你像

所有的废话一样思考它 你认为这可能

是从零到十岁的宿醉

，作为成年人，我们四处走动，

想着和小时候一样的东西

，我

无法忍受我有这种感觉，

但知道它能让我在它之前抓住

它 它阻止我

参加活动或写下

一本书或冒险

[音乐]

你们中的很多人

都在逃避事情

而不是做两件事

，这是一个

巨大的区别 事情，所以我

希望你考虑一下，

因为你不必

跨越国家来改变你的生活，

你不必做一些激烈的事情

来体验巨大的积极变化

，这就是逃离的事情

你逃避过去的问题 你有

没有注意到，当你

逃跑时

它往往会跟着你

直到大约四五年前，我才真正喜欢自己作为一个人，我

度过了如此悲伤的时光，我度过了

人生的前 46 年，真的不

喜欢自己，

真的，嗯，感觉我不是一个好人，

真的在质疑自己的理智

爱我的人或我的

朋友，因为我对自己的评价很低

，没关系你知道我没有因为

从一个城市搬到另一个城市

而感到内疚，但我因为从一个人搬到另一个城市而感到内疚

吨 o

另一个我会真正

开始一段关系的人 我会在一段

关系中待一年，然后我会

开始感到不安，

因为在一段关系中发生了一年之后会发生什么，

你必须

开始努力，这不是 更长的

刺激和快乐，它是新的，

你正在约会，

现在只有你和你

生命

中的那个人，没有什么新鲜的，所以

你所有的旧废话开始出现，

那是你开始

工作的时候 所以

在几乎每一段关系中，大约一年或一年半的时候

，我会开始

有那种痒的感觉，

我之所以有那种痒的感觉，是

因为我的过去已经过去了，

这种新的关系不再是新的

所以我不再被它分心

，我将不得不

与自己打交道才能快乐

，所以我做了很多年而不是几年甚至

几十年的每个人我不是我

不自豪承认这一点 但我会

升 盟友跳出一段关系

并进入另一段新关系，因为另

一段新关系会分散我的注意力

，因为我是一个不快乐的人的

真实故事

，我认为你们中很多对自己不满意的人

正在寻找工作

或想要移动

呃，你居住的城市或者你正在

寻求改变你们的关系

，问题不在于你住在哪里

关于你自己

[音乐]

[音乐]

你