English Topics How to Start a Conversation
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Alisha: Hi, everybody!
Welcome back to English Topics.
My name is Alisha and I’m joined by…
Davey: Davey.
Alisha: Hi, Davey.
So, today, our topic is going to be “How
to Start a Conversation in English”.
So, both of us have tried to prepare a few
tips that might help you as you try to start
conversations in your English language studies.
So, let’s begin.
Alisha: You’re going to start first again?
Davey: Okay.
Alisha: I’ll start.
I can start first again.
Davey: I’ll start.
Alisha: Okay.
You go first.
Davey: We’re giving tips on how to start a
conversation and I will start today.
My first tip is very important.
I’m trying to follow myself right now, “don’t
be shy.”
Very important tip.
This isn’t really so much a language learning
tip.
Well, it doesn’t seem like a language learning
tip but I think it really is because whenever
you communicate in a second language or a
foreign language, it can be really nerve-racking.
It can make you very nervous very anxious
to try and do that especially if you’re talking
to someone for the first time.
And so, the first thing is just to remind
yourself that it’s not a big deal and to not
be shy and be confident and if you can maintain
that attitude as you begin to talk to someone
it will be much easier, I think.
Alisha: I agree.
I agree or even like you say, even if you
are shy just pretend that you’re not shy.
Davey: That’s a good tip.
Alisha: You know, if you can just pretend
just for a few minutes just to start the conversation
or to continue a conversation a little bit,
it can be good even if you feel shy.
Davey: I agree and you might find too oftentimes
people who would say that they are shy, when
they talk to someone in another language,
they can have a different personality.
It’s a chance to have a different personality
in a different language.
So, if you tell yourself that too, when you
speak English, when you speak another language,
you’re more confident than you are when you
speak your own language.
Alisha: Yeah, that’s true.
I’ve heard that before actually people who
say that they feel like they’re more outgoing
when they speak English.
If that’s the case, maybe that’s good for
you.
Also, just in general, another point about—maybe
not only starting conversations but continuing
them to work comfortably.
English language speakers are with interruptions
to some point like you shouldn’t always interrupt…
Davey: Yup, they are pretty comfortable with
it.
Alisha: …the other speaker.
See?
He just did it.
So, we’re very comfortable with it.
So, you don’t need to wait for an invitation
to speak in a conversation.
You can just join in or maybe agree with the
person who’s speaking or disagree with the
person who’s speaking, as a way to join a
conversation that’s already in progress.
Yeah.
Nice one.
That’s a good one.
Okay.
I will share a tip.
Mine are a little bit–I don’t know.
They’re very dependent on maybe who you’re
talking to, maybe what your relationship is.
So, let’s say for this one you are in a place
where like a restaurant or a bar or something
and you don’t know the person you’d like to
speak to but maybe there’s someone attractive
you’d like to speak to or maybe you want to
speak with the bartender or something.
So, maybe this is better if you’re trying
to speak to a fellow customer.
So, I have—it’s sort of small—“make
a simple comment about something happening
in the surroundings.”
So, this should be, one, a simple comment,
two, something that the other person can clearly
see, and three, something that you can agree
on easily.
So, for example, if somebody has just walked
by the restaurant wearing a crazy hat, you
could say, “Oh, did you see that guy?”
Something like that.
Something that it’s easy to agree on to initiate
the conversation.
Or maybe there’s a TV in the bar like “Whoa,
did you see that play?” or something that
maybe you can identify that you may be shared
with the other person during the time you’ve
been in that space together.
So, this should be a very simple comment.
Don’t make a weird comment here.
Make it very, very relaxed.
Create a relaxed environment that the other
person feels they can join in easily.
Mm.
Davey: That’s a very good tip.
Alisha: I’m trying to think of maybe a time
that I used this or maybe I wanted to make
a comment and there was another person that
happened to be there and we had a moment where
we agreed on something.
Davey: Right.
Alisha: But then the conversation didn’t really
continue.
Davey: Yes.
Alisha: So, it’s kind of a good way to test
and see if that other person wants to speak
to you too.
Davey: Yes, yeah.
That’s a good point and it makes me think—this
isn’t one of my tips this is an extra—a
free tip.
You’re getting a free, freebie tip now—
Alisha: Tips everywhere.
Davey: They’re flying around.
To be patient, wait for your opening too because
you might want to talk to this person next
to you but if you just butt in with a question
out of nowhere it might seem very strange.
But, if you wait and have a moment, wait for
that guy with the funny hat to walk by, and
then, you have your opening, then you have
a natural point that you can enter a conversation
with someone
Alisha: Yeah, and I think—
Davey: So, be patient.
Alisha: Totally.
Going back to your point about not being shy,
don’t be so focused on waiting for that moment
that you just pick something really strange.
Davey: Yes.
Yeah.
Alisha: Like, if I like walked up to you,
I don’t know you, in a bar, “Did you hear
that noise?”
Davey: Yes.
Alisha: I think that’s a really strange question.
Maybe he did hear that noise but that’s a
really strange question to introduce yourself.
Davey.
Yeah.
That’s true.
Actually, all this kind of relates to my second
tip.
That’s very similar to your tip about making
a kind of comment was “ask an indirect question.”
And, I noticed a lot of the comments, your
tip was to make a comment but a lot of your
comments, the examples you gave are questions.
Alisha: That’s true.
Davey: Importantly, I think that those questions
should be kind of indirect questions.
For example, if I’m standing at the bus stop
and I want to start a conversation with someone
else standing at the bus stop.
Let’s say it’s very, very hot but if I turn
to that person and say, “Do you think it’s
hot?”
That’s very strange.
But, if I say something like, “Oh, it’s
pretty hot today, right?”
You know that’s a little bit more casual,
a little bit more informal.
Alisha: Yeah.
Davey: You don’t want to scare people with
these very direct questions.
Alisha: That’s true.
That’s true and even a question–that’s a
great example.
“Do you think it’s hot?” is a really weird
question.
Davey: Very strange question.
Alisha: But, again, keeping or giving people
that opportunity to agree with you.
Davey: Yes.
Alisha: You’re throwing a little opinion out
there.
“It’s hot right?”
“Oh, yeah, it’s hot.”
Davey: It’s true.
Alisha: That’s a really, really good one.
I totally agree.
But, I think for that exact same reason, I’ve
had some people come up to me and they try
to begin a conversation with, “How are you?”
Davey: Yeah, that’s—
Alisha: That’s an introduction that you use
for people that you already know.
Davey: Yes.
Alisha: So, don’t try to start a conversation
with, “How are you?”
It sounds too familiar and it’s a little confusing.
Davey: Strangers don’t always want to tell
you how they are.
Alisha: That’s true.
What if I’m bad?
I don’t want to tell you.
What if I feel bad that day?
Yeah.
So, don’t use how are you to introduce yourself.
Nice one.
Okay.
Davey: So, what do you have next?
Alisha: Actually, maybe this is somewhat related
to the one you just mentioned.
Davey: Okay.
Alisha: I’ve got—okay, this is maybe at
a party or a social event situation.
I have, “energetically introduce yourself
and ask a question about where you are.”
So, this might be a little specific.
But, if you go to a social event where you’re
there to meet people and to speak to people,
if you go up to someone and you just introduce
yourself with a big smile and say, “Hi!
my name is Alisha.
Have you ever been to one of these events
before?”
Something like that can get the conversation
started.
But, again, this is I feel like–it’s a tip
that’s good in a place where everyone is there
for a similar purpose.
If you do that– to use your example, at the
bus station, it’s a little bit weird or if
you’re if you’re just in public, you pass
someone on the street, it’s a little strange
to just walk up and introduce someone energetically.
But, if you’re in a location where you have
this chance, there are a couple of nice little
introductory questions you could use for events.
That’s one that I’ve used, “Hi.
Is this your first time here?” or “Who
do you know at this party?”
“How did you find out about this event?”
That sort of thing.
Davey: Also, similar kind of question in those
situations is asking someone for help or for
information because it lets that other person
know that you’re not a scary or threatening
person in that situation either if you’re
asking for help.
You know, “Can you can you tell me where
the kitchen is?
I need to put this in the refrigerator,”
something like that.
And then, that shows the other and that you’re
not you’re not an expert on this, you’re asking
for their help and that kind of gives people
an easy thing to engage you on to talk about
Alisha: Yeah.
Absolutely.
Davey: Asking for help can be a nice way,
too.
Alisha: Yeah.
That’s a good point.
I think asking for help.
It also kind of puts you in a slightly vulnerable
position.
It makes you seem a little bit like, “I
need help.
Please take care of me.”
It’s a little bit interesting.
So, that’s a good tip, too, I think.
Okay.
I think we’re on to number three for you.
Davey: We are.
My last one is a very important one.
This comes at the end though.
It’s “don’t take it personally if the
person doesn’t want to talk.”
A lot of times if you try and start a conversation
with a stranger, they don’t always want to
talk to you.
People try and talk to the stranger, tries
to talk to me.
I might be very busy, I might have had a bad
day, I may not want to talk to them, that
doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person or
they can’t speak English or anything like
that.
So, if you have that experience–you know,
my first tip was “don’t be shy.”
You might be very nervous about starting a
conversation with someone, and then, you work
up the courage you go and you ask them a question
and they don’t want to talk to you.
That’s okay.
Don’t take it personally.
It has nothing to do with you.
You know, you can find someone else to talk
to.
Alisha: Mm-hmm.
That’s true.
That’s true and I think that’s especially
important because depending on the culture
that you’re from, you might have heard like,
“Oh, English speakers, particularly American,
they’re so friendly or so outgoing.”
But if a stranger tries to speak to me or
to you, maybe we’re going to ignore you on
the street because we don’t know who that
person is or maybe like you said, we’ve had
a bad day or whatever it is.
There are so many reasons not to want to talk
to a person that you don’t know so don’t be
offended, don’t be sad.
Davey: Don’t be discouraged, don’t think that,
“Oh, my English is so bad.
This person didn’t want to talk to me.”
Don’t think that.
That it could be any other reason why someone
doesn’t want to talk to you
Alisha: Mm-hmm.
That’s true.
That’s true.
Nice tip.
That’s really important.
Okay, then we will move on to my last one.
Okay.
So, for my last one, this is maybe among people
that you have some acquaintance with.
Maybe you’re not super close to them but you’ve
seen them before or maybe it’s coworkers you’re
not super close to but anyway you’d like to
make your relationship with those people deeper.
“you can share a story about something you
did recently.”
Something interesting, a small short story.
Don’t tell a long, ten-minute story about
going shopping for milk on the weekend.
That’s boring.
But, something interesting that you did, relatively
recently that maybe they can find something
of interest or something of value in.
So, maybe you found a new restaurant that
was good, maybe you went to a concert and
that was exciting, maybe you met someone interesting.
So, if there’s something that you can share
about yourself that the other person might
find valuable, that’s a good way to initiate
conversation.
Davey: Yeah.
On that point, if I can add another free tip.
Alisha: Oh, my gosh.
Davey: On that note, it made me think, you
spoke earlier about being vulnerable, asking-asking
for help can show that you’re vulnerable.
Tell an embarrassing story.
Alisha: That’s good, too.
Davey: Don’t brag.
Don’t talk about this great new car that you
bought, no one wants to hear that.
Talk about how you lost your car keys immediately
after you bought your new car.
Tell an embarrassing story.
Tell something that will make the person laugh
and will make you be vulnerable and look like
a normal person.
Alisha: That’s true.
That’s true.
Telling—actually, that’s a good strategy.
It’s called self-deprecation.
So, it means to make yourself look bad or
to put yourself in a lower status, a lower
position and it can be very effective for
making friends and like making people laugh.
I totally do this.
It’s actually a lot of fun when you think
about it like a story about something bad
happening is often times more interesting
than a story about something good happening.
Davey: That’s true.
All the best comedies are about terrible things
happening
Alisha: Yeah.
So, if you have something like a little—yeah,
like you lost your car keys or you had some
kind of funny episode where maybe you don’t
look like the hero of the story that’s a really
good one to share.
Have you had anything happened to you recently?
Davey: Oh, my gosh.
I probably have.
Alisha: I lost my bag I just came back from
traveling in Europe and my bag got lost between
Dubai Airport and Tokyo Airport.
And so, my bag didn’t arrive so I had to go
two days without any of my clothes or anything.
And then, when I finally got my bag, I was
like, “Yay!”
I got it from the delivery guy.
I was so happy.
I opened it up like my sunscreen and exploded
inside my bag.
I was like, “Hmm, yeah.
At least, I have my objects.”
I have my clothes and thing.
Davey: And, they won’t get sunburned.
Alisha: Exactly.
Now, I won’t sunburn any of my clothes.
So, yeah.
So, I mean it’s like a small relatable, “Hmm,
that moment.”
Small relatable story that maybe someone else
can identify like, “Oh, that happened to
me one time,” and then, the conversation
rolls from there.
So, nice tip.
Okay, are you out of free tips?
Are those all your free tips?
Davey: That’s all for today
Alisha: For conversation starters.
Davey: That’s all I got today.
Alisha: We can’t continue this conversation.
That’s a different subject.
Alright.
Well, we’ll finish there for today.
Thanks very much for joining us for this episode
of English Topics.
Davey, thanks very much for joining us.
Davey: Thank you for having me.
Alisha: If you like this video, please make
sure to hit the like button and subscribe
to our channel as well.
Also, if you want to find more content like
this, please make sure to check us out at
EnglishClass101.com.
If have any ideas for how to start a conversation
that you use, please make sure to leave it
in a comment too so we can check it out.
Thanks very much for watching this episode
and we’ll see you again soon. Bye.
Davey: Bye!