sit on your bed one day and ask yourself

uh

what's what remarkably stupid things am

i doing on a regular basis to absolutely

screw up my life

and if you actually ask that question

but you have to want to know the answer

right because that's actually what

asking the question means

it doesn't mean just mouthing the words

it means you have to decide that you

want to know

you'll figure that's out so fast it'll

make your hair curl

there's no better pathway to

self-realization

and the ennoblement of being than to

posit the highest good that you can

conceive of and commit yourself to it

and then you might also ask yourself and

this is definitely worth asking is

do you really have anything better to do

and if you don't well why would you do

anything else

if you orient yourself properly

and then pay attention to what you do

every day that works

and it i actually think that that's in

accordance with with what we have come

to understand about human perception

because what happens is that

the world shifts itself around

your aim because you're you're a

creature that has an aim

you have to have a name in order to do

something you're an aiming creature you

look

at a point and you move towards it it's

built right into you

and so you have a name well let's say

your aim is the highest possible aim

well then so that sets up the world

around you it organizes all of your

perceptions it organizes what you see

and you don't see it organizes your

emotions and your motivations

so you organize yourself around that aim

and then what happens is

the day manifests itself as a set of

challenges and problems

and if you solve them properly then you

stay on the pathway towards that ape

and you can concentrate on the on the on

the day and so that way you get to have

your cake and eat it too

because you can you can point into the

distance the far distance

and you can live in the day

and it seems to me that that's that

makes every moment of the day

supercharged with meaning that that's

how because if everything that you're

doing every day is related to the

highest possible aim that you can

conceptualize

well that's the very definition of the

meaning that would sustain you in your

life

well and then the issue is well back to

noah well all hell's about to break

loose and chaos is coming it's like when

that's happening in your life

you might want to be doing something

that you regard as truly worthwhile

because that's what will keep you afloat

when when everything is flooded

and you don't want to wait until the

flood comes

to start doing that because if your

ark's half built

and you don't know how to captain it the

probability is very high that

that you'll drown ask and it shall be

given you

seek and ye shall find knock and it

shall be opened unto you for everyone

that asketh receiveth

and he that seeketh findeth and to him

that knocketh it shall be opened

that sounded pretty optimistic again but

but again i think it's a description of

the structure of

existential reality and and by by which

i mean

when i'm in my clinical practice and i

observe and this is also the case with

my students is let's say

people's lives aren't what they would

like them to be

and so then you ask why well forget

about

tragedy and catastrophe because that's

self-evident and

we're not going to discuss that although

the degree to which you bring about your

own tragedy is

always indeterminate but i would never

say that

every terrible thing that is visited on

a person is something

they deserved i think that that's a very

dangerous presupposition

especially because everyone gets sick

and everyone dies

but one of the main reasons that people

don't get what they want is because they

don't actually

figure out what it is and the

probability that you're going to get

what would be good for you let's say

which would even be better than what you

want

right because you know you might be

wrong about what you want

easily but maybe you could get what

would really be good for you

well why don't you because you don't try

you don't think okay here's what i would

like if i could have it and and i don't

mean

i don't mean in a way that you

manipulate the world to force it to

deliver you goods for status or

something like that that isn't what i

mean

i mean something like imagine that you

were taking care of yourself like you

were someone you actually cared for

and then you thought okay i'm caring for

this person i would like things to go as

well for them as possible

what would their life have to be like in

order for that to be the case

well people don't do that they don't sit

down and think all right you know let's

let's

figure it out you've got a life it's

hard obviously

it's like three years from now you can

have what you need

you got to be careful about it you can't

have everything

you can have what would be good for you

but you have to figure out what it is

and then you have to aim at it well my

experience with people has been is

if they figure out what it is that would

be good for them and then they aim at it

then they get it and it's strange

because they don't

neces it's a strange thing it's not

quite that simple because

you know you may formulate an idea about

what would be good for you and then you

take

10 steps towards that and you find out

that your formulation was a bit off and

so you have to reformulate your goal

you know you're kind of going like this

as you move towards the goal

but a huge part of the reason that

people fail is because

they don't ever set up the criteria for

success

and so since success is a very narrow

line and very unlikely the probability

that you're going to stumble on it

randomly is zero

and so there's a proposition here and

the proposition is

if you actually want something

you can have it now the question then

would be well what do you mean by

actually want

and the answer is that you reorient your

life

in every possible way to make

the probability that that will occur as

certain as

possible and that's a sacrificial idea

right it's like

you don't get everything obviously you

obviously but maybe you can have what

you need

and maybe all you have to do to get it

is ask

but asking isn't a whim

or or today's wish it's like you have to

be

deadly serious about it you have to

think okay like i'm taking stock of

myself

and if i was going to live properly in

the world and i was going

to set myself up such that being would

justify itself in my estimation and i

don't mean as a harsh judge

exactly what is it that i would aim at

and so the issue is not so much the

blindness of others

even though there's as much blindness

among others as there is

as there is for you but the issue here

the advice here the description here is

you should be concerned about what's

interfering with your own vision first

and you should leave other people to

hell alone in relationship to that

and so if your mode of being in the

world is if you would just act better

things would improve for me

or if you identify the evil and the

catastrophe as something that's

outside that someone else needs to fix

or that someone's response someone else

is responsible for

then then you're not going to fix that

and you're going to remain blind to the

things that you're doing and not doing

that make things not go well

and so it's just better to think all

right i'm probably blind

in many many ways and maybe there are

some ways that i could rectify that

because it's highly probable that you're

blind in all sorts of ways i mean

it's in fact it's virtually certain and

so

it's just more useful to think

how is it that i'm wrong in this

situation i'll tell you something that i

learned to do

when i was arguing with my wife which

happened quite frequently

because when you actually communicate

with people you find out that there's

many things that you don't agree on

and that's because you're actually

different creatures and so

if you're actually going to have a

truthful conversation then you're going

to find out that

you don't see things the same way and

then you can either pretend

that that's not the case and gloss over

it and then end up in a 30-year

silent war or you can or you can have

the damn

fight when you need to have it and see

if you can straighten it out

so now and then we'd get in a situation

where we were at loggerheads we couldn't

move

and you know it would spiral up into

hate speech let's say

because yeah everyone laughs because

they know they manifest plenty of hate

speech towards those they love

so one of the things we learned to do

was when we

hit an impasse was to separate and

to go our own ways and to go sit and

think okay look

we're at this unpleasant situation we

can't figure out how to move forward

i'd always think of course it's her

fault obviously it's her fault

at least 95 but

maybe there was something i did that

contributed like

five percent to it

[Music]

you

{{}}

有一天坐在你的床上问自己，

呃

，我经常做些什么非常愚蠢的

事情来彻底

搞砸我的生活

，如果你真的问这个问题，

但你必须想知道答案是

正确的，因为这实际上就是在

问 这个问题意味着

这并不意味着只是嘴上说

这意味着你必须决定你

想知道你会发现它很快就会

让你的头发卷曲

没有更好的途径来

实现自我实现

和高尚 比

假设你能想到的最高利益

并承诺自己

，然后你可能还会问自己，

这绝对值得问的是

你真的有更好的事情要做吗？

如果你做得不好，你为什么要这样做

如果你正确地定位自己

，然后注意你

每天所做的事情，

还有什么其他的事情，我实际上认为这

与我们

对人类感知的理解

是一致的，因为 发生的事情是

，世界围绕着

你的目标而改变，因为你是一个

有目标的生物

你必须有一个名字才能

做某事你是一个有目标的生物你

看着一个点然后你走向 它是

内置在你身上的

，所以你有一个名字，假设

你的目标是最高可能的目标

，那么它就建立了

你周围的世界它组织了你所有的

感知它组织了你看到的

和你没有看到的 组织你的

情绪和动机，

这样你就可以围绕这个目标组织自己

，然后发生的事情就是

这一天表现为一系列

挑战和问题

，如果你正确解决了它们，那么你就会

一直走在通往那只猿的道路上

，你可以专注于

在那天，这样你就

可以吃蛋糕了，

因为你可以指向

远方的距离

，你可以生活在白天

，在我看来，这就是

让每一刻 这

充满意义的一天就是这样，

因为如果您

每天所做的一切都与

您可以很好地概念化的最高目标有关，那么

这就是

意义的定义，它将使您在

生活中保持

良好状态，然后问题就解决了 回到

诺亚，一切都快要崩溃

了，混乱即将来临，就像当

你的生活中发生这种情况时，

你可能想做一些

你认为真正值得做的事情，

因为

当一切都被淹没

而你不这样做时，这会让你维持生计 不想等到

洪水开始这样做，因为如果你的

方舟建了一半

而你不知道如何驾驶

它，那么

你淹死的可能性非常高 会找到敲门，它

会为你打开，因为每个请求的人

都会收到，寻找的人会找到，对

敲门的人

来说，它会打开

，听起来很乐观，但是

但我再次认为这是

对

存在现实结构的描述，

我的意思是

当我在临床实践中并

观察时，

我的学生也是如此，假设

人们的生活不是他们的

希望他们

如此，然后你问为什么要忘记

悲剧和灾难，因为这是

不言而喻的，

我们不打算讨论这一点，尽管

你带来

自己的悲剧的程度

总是不确定的，但我永远不会

说 一个人受到的

每一件可怕的事情都是

他们应得的，我认为这是一个非常

危险的假设，

尤其是因为每个人都会生病

，每个人都会死，

但是

人们得不到他们想要的东西的主要原因之一是因为他们

没有 t 实际上

弄清楚它是什么以及

你

会得到什么对你有好处的概率让我们

说它甚至比你

想要

的更好，因为你知道你可能会 b 你

很容易就错了，但也许你能得到

真正对你有好处的东西，

为什么不呢，因为你不尝试，

你不认为这就是我想要的

，如果我能拥有它，我 不是

说

我不是说你

操纵世界强迫它

为你提供地位或

类似的东西不是我的

意思

我的意思是想象你

在照顾自己 你

是你真正关心的人

，然后你认为好吧，我在关心

这个人我希望事情对他们尽可能

顺利 不要那样做 他们不会

坐下来思考 好吧 你知道

让我们

弄清楚你有一个生活 显然

很难 就像三年后你可以

拥有你需要的东西

你必须小心你 不能

拥有你能拥有的一切

对你有好处

但你必须弄清楚 弄清楚它是什么

，然后你必须很好地瞄准它

不需要它是一件奇怪的事情，它并不是

那么简单，因为

你知道你可能会形成一个关于

什么对你有好处的想法，然后你

朝着那个方向迈出了 10 步，你会

发现你的公式有点偏离，

所以你有 重新制定你的目标，

你知道

当你朝着目标前进时你会像这样前进，

但是人们失败的很大一部分原因

是因为

他们没有设定成功的标准

，所以因为成功是一个非常 狭窄的

线，

而且你随机偶然发现它的

概率为零

，所以这里有一个命题，

这个命题是

如果你真的想要一些东西，

你现在就可以拥有它，那么

问题就是你的意思是什么

其实想要

一个 答案是你

以各种可能的方式重新定位你的生活，以

尽可能确定发生这种情况的

可能性，这是一个牺牲的

想法，就像

你显然没有得到一切，

但也许你可以拥有

你需要的东西

也许你所要做的

就是问，

但问不是一时兴起

或今天的愿望，就像你必须

非常认真地对待它你必须

想好，就像我正在评估

自己

，如果我是 我要在

这个世界上好好生活，我

要让自己在我的估计中证明自己是合理的，我

并不是说作为一个严厉的法官

，我的目标到底是什么

，所以问题不是这样 尽管

其他人的失明程度与您的失明程度

一样多，但其他人的失明程度与您的失明

程度

一样，但这里的问题这里

的建议这里的描述是

您应该首先关注什么

干扰了您自己的视力

，您应该离开其他人 r 与此有关的人要

独自下地狱

，因此，如果您在

世界上的存在方式是，如果您能表现得更好，

那么对我来说事情会有所改善，

或者如果您将邪恶和

灾难认定为

其他人需要解决的外部问题

或者某人的反应由其他人

负责，

那么您将无法解决该问题，

并且您将对

正在做的事情视而不见，不这样

做会使事情进展不顺利

，因此最好 想想

好吧，我可能

在很多方面都失明了，也许有

一些方法可以纠正，

因为你很可能

在很多方面都是失明

的 想想

我在这种情况下怎么错了，

我会告诉你一些

我在和妻子吵架时学会做的事情，这种

事情经常发生，

因为当你真正与人交流时

，你会发现

很多事情你不同意

，那是因为你实际上是

不同的生物，所以

如果你真的要进行

真实的对话，那么你

会发现

你看事情的方式不同

然后你可以假装

事实并非如此并掩盖

它，然后以一场30年的

无声战争结束，或者你可以，或者你可以

在需要它的时候进行该死的战斗，

看看你是否能把它理顺

所以

有时我们会陷入争执的情况，我们无法

动弹

，你知道这会演变成

仇恨言论，

因为是的，每个人都笑了，因为

他们知道他们

对他们所爱的人表达了很多仇恨言论

所以我们学会做的一件事

是，当我们

陷入僵局时，

分开并走自己的路，坐下来

思考好吧，看看

我们处于这种不愉快的境地，我们

无法弄清楚如何

前进 总是认为当然是她的

错 她的错

至少 95 但

也许我做了什么

贡献了

5%

[音乐]

你