English Topics Things to Avoid Saying When Meeting Someone for the First Time
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Alisha: Hi, everybody.
Welcome back to English Topics.
My name is Alisha and I’m joined today by…
Davey: Hi, I’m Davey.
Alisha: Thanks for joining us again, Davey.
So, today, our topic for discussion is going
to be Things That You Should Not Say When
Meeting Someone for The First Time.
So, please be careful not to say these things
or to ask these questions the first time you
meet someone.
This could be very important.
It could influence your relationship with
that person for a long time.
So, let’s begin.
I’ll start this one.
Okay, here we go do.
Davey: What do you have?
Alisha: First one!
I’m not going to start that one.
I’m going to start with–yes, the classic.
The classic question, “How old are you?”
Davey: Ooh.
Alisha: Yeah.
Don’t ask this question.
It doesn’t matter.
Maybe I could see if you’re like a college-age
person and you’re at a college-age people
party and everybody is pretty much the same
age and you just maybe want to confirm exactly
how close an age you are, I could see that.
But, in the adult world, “How old are you?”
is like a classic question not to ask because
some people might be very sensitive about
their age whether they feel they’re older
or younger than the person they’re speaking
to.
So, don’t ask this question.
It’s a good idea–just a better idea not to
ask this question even if you’re curious.
If you’re curious about how old someone is,
what do you do?
Davey: “Ah, Alisha, when did you graduate
high school?”
Alisha: Ah.
Davey: That’s one.
See what I did there?
Alisha: I did see what you did there.
So, you ask an indirect question about their
age.
So, that you can kind of guess, maybe, about
this age.
So, he doesn’t ask me how old I am but he
asks when I completed a specific point in
my life that usually happens around age 18
or so.
Very tricky.
So, yeah, avoid this question but an indirect
one like that could be good, could be useful.
Okay, nice one.
Um, what’s your first tip?
Davey: My first tip is similar.
I feel like you might have the better tips
this time because you’re very specific today.
My first tip is, avoid “overly personal
questions,” or comments as well.
So, for example, asking about age would be
an example of that.
But, I think, there’s lots of–there are very
many different overly personal questions that
you could ask.
For example, asking someone if they have a
boyfriend or girlfriend, the first time you
meet them.
That’s not really appropriate.
If you see someone who looks pregnant and
you ask, “Oh, when are you due?”
That’s always dangerous, things like that.
So—
Alisha: That was one of mine.
“When is the baby due?”
Davey: So you can get to that.
But, yeah, asking overly personal questions
is something that you should not do when you’re
meeting someone for the first time.
As you get to know someone, you get to know
more about them and it becomes safer to ask
more personal questions and also to share
more personal information about yourself.
So, you shouldn’t, for example–in addition
to asking such questions, you shouldn’t be
volunteering very personal information about
yourself just after you’ve met someone.
Alisha: That’s true, yeah.
If you share too much personal information
the first time you meet someone, that can
also be a little bit sudden, a little bit
surprising to the person listening.
So, that’s a really good point.
Don’t just share all this information about
your life, it sounds way too familiar, way
too fast.
Davey: Oversharing.
Alisha: Hmm.
Oversharing.
Definitely.
So, don’t do that the first time.
But, yeah, “When is the baby due?”
Boyfriend or girlfriend, “How old are you?”
Depending on where you are too.
Some people might be a little bit sensitive
about like jobs, it kind of depends on the
place.
I’ve encountered that a couple times.
People don’t want to explicitly say–people
don’t want to clearly say what they do.
Davey: That’s true.
Alisha: Going off of what you said, to add
a couple more personal items, “don’t ask
about religion or sexuality” the first time
you meet someone because these are two usually
very sensitive topics for people.
If you want to you know continue a relationship
with someone and get to know them better,
maybe you can ask this sort of thing in the
future.
But, in general, the first time you meet someone,
it’s not a good idea to say, “What religion
are you?” or, “What is your sexual preference?”
That kind of question is far too personal
for the first time you meet anyone.
So, that’s pretty that’s a good one not to
ask anybody.
Davey: A similar topic, my next thing to avoid
talking about with people that you’ve just
met is money.
And, this can differ culturally.
That’s one reason I wanted to include this
is because in some cultures, in some parts
of the world, it’s very acceptable to ask
and talk about money.
Talk about your financial situation or how
much money you have or how much money you
make and ask people about that.
But, generally, in the English-speaking world,
that is considered a taboo.
You shouldn’t ask about money because it’s
rude, you shouldn’t talk about how much money
you have or you make because it sounds like
you’re bragging and it can sound very rude.
I actually remember, I used to live in China
and when I lived in China when I first moved
there, people would ask–I would meet people
and they would ask me, “Oh, how much money
do you make?”
And, this was the second or third question…
Alisha: Really?
Davey: …of meeting a new person.
The first few times, it really shocks me,
I thought it was very strange.
But then I learned, that’s a more typical
question in this culture.
But, I still was a bit uncomfortable answering
it, so I wasn’t very definite.
I wouldn’t say exactly how much money.
Alisha: But, on the other hand, with the people
who were asking you that question, did they
tell you how much money they made?
Davey: Not always, no.
No.
Alisha: Mmm.
I see.
So, maybe it was a curiosity question?
Davey: I think it was a curiosity question.
Alisha: That’s interesting.
Huh.
That’s interesting.
I think that’s a really important point because,
again, people are very sensitive about their
incomes especially in relation to the other
people you’re speaking to.
But, on the other hand too, if you want to
talk generally about like money or prices
of an item, like maybe the price of gasoline
or housing prices have gone up recently in
the country where you live in, that’s fine.
The general topic of the economy of money
is fine to talk about but don’t talk about
people’s salary, don’t talk about your bonus
or the great new house you’ve just bought.
That kind of thing can be really, really sensitive
for discussion.
Alright.
I think you have one more tip, Davey.
What’s your last tip?
Davey: I do have.
I have one last tip.
Similar to one that you gave, you mentioned,
not talking about religion or sexuality.
I have “politics or religion” and I was
actually thinking of a movie quote when I
thought of this.
I remembered a movie quote something along
the lines of “Never talk about politics
or religion because you don’t know who you’re
going to offend.”
And now, I think that these are very worthwhile
and important topics to discuss.
We should be able to talk about politics and
religion with each other with our friends
our family and people that we know but it’s
not a good idea to bring up these topics the
first time you meet someone because you don’t
want to form a judgment of someone else or
have someone form a judgment of you based
on what you think about politics or religion.
And so, once you get to know someone, you
want your relationship with someone to be
based on an interpersonal connection.
And, once you’ve made a good connection, you
have a good relationship with someone, then,
it’s a safer time, a safer relationship to
talk about things like politics, religion,
sexuality and so on without worrying about
someone changing their opinion of you or your
opinion being changed of someone else.
Alisha: Right.
Exactly, exactly.
That can be a really quick way to maybe make
someone feel defensive if you ask, for example,
“Well, what do you think of this political
situation?”
It can be a little bit of a problem because,
number one, that person might not be interested
in politics so you might make them feel nervous.
And, two, they might be concerned that they’re
going to offend you or you’re not going to
agree with them.
In general, it just creates too much tension
for a first conversation or maybe even a second
conversation, I don’t know.
So, it’s better to avoid.
I completely agree, establish that connection
first.
It’s much better.
Okay, I’m out of tips.
I think are you out of tips too?
Davey: I’m out of tips.
Alisha: Okay, great.
So, those are a few things that you should
definitely, definitely avoid the first time
that you’re speaking with someone.
If there’s anything that you have tried to
use in a conversation and maybe it didn’t
go well or if you have other tips for something
that you feel, in your culture, would be inappropriate
to ask, please leave a comment and let us
know about it.
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Thanks very much for watching this episode
and we’ll see you again soon.
Bye.
Davey: See you.