It happened in a boat Learn English through story level 3
chapter one
health problems
there were four of us
george
william samuel harris
myself
my friends call me jay
and montmorency
we were sitting in my room and were
smoking and talking about our bad health
we were all feeling very ill
and we were unhappy about it
harris said he felt dizzy sometimes
george felt dizzy too
my big problem was my liver
i knew i had a bad liver i had read
about all the symptoms of liver disease
in a book
i had every symptom that was written
every time i read about an illness i
realized that i have it
one day i had a little health problem
i went to the british museum library to
read about it
after some time
i began reading about another illness
i don’t remember the name now
but it was something terrible
i knew i had that terrible illness too
i began reading the book from the letter
a to the letter z
i had the symptoms of all the diseases
in the book
except for one
i didn’t have housemaid’s knee
this made me a bit unhappy
why didn’t i have housemate’s knee too
with all the diseases i had
i knew my life was short
i tried to examine myself
i tried to feel my heart
i tried to look at my tongue
when i had walked into the library i had
been a happy healthy man
when i left it
i was a very ill man
i went to see my doctor
he is an old friend
whenever i think i am ill
he examines me and says i’m fine
a doctor really must have practice
this time i thought he will get more
practice with me than with a thousand
normal patients
after all
normal patients have only one or two
diseases each
well what’s wrong with you he asked
i said
if i tell you what is wrong with me you
will die before i finish
life is too short
i’ll tell you what is not wrong with me
i don’t have housemaid’s knee
but i have everything else
i told him about what i had read at the
library
he looked at me carefully he listened to
my heart
and looked at my tongue
after that he wrote a prescription and
gave it to me
i put it in my pocket and went out
i didn’t read the prescription
i took it to the chemists and gave it to
him
he read it and gave it back to me
he said
i don’t have the things on the
prescription
but you’re a chemist aren’t you i asked
he said
you’re right sir i’m a chemist i don’t
have a shop and a hotel
i read the prescription
it said
every six hours one pound of good fresh
meat
one pint of beer
every morning
one ten mile walk
go to bed no later than eleven o’clock
each night
and don’t read books about things you
don’t understand
i followed the doctor’s prescription
it saved my life
i now feel rather well
except for my liver problem
the main symptom of liver disease is
a general feeling of sleepiness and no
interest in working
i have suffered from this illness ever
since i was a boy
medical science was not advanced in
those days
doctors did not know that i had liver
illness
they thought i was lazy
people called me a lazy little devil
and said go and do your work
they did not know i was ill with liver
disease
instead of giving me liver pills they
gave me blows on the head
those blows were good for me because
after each blow i went to do my work
that old remedy worked better than a box
of modern pills
that evening
george william harris and i sat in my
room
we described our illnesses
i explained to george and william harris
how i felt in the morning
william harris told us how he felt when
he went to bed
then george stood up and told us how he
felt at night
george always thinks he is ill
but there is really nothing wrong with
him
at that moment mrs poppets the
housekeeper served our dinner
we were not hungry
we had some meat
onions and cake
we had no interest in food
we began talking about our illnesses
again
we all knew that our illnesses were
caused by too much work
we need a rest said harris a rest and a
change george added
our minds are tired from too much work
we must rest our minds let’s go to the
countryside i said we’ll find a nice
quiet place with no people
harris said oh how boring
in the country everyone goes to bed at
eight o’clock
you can’t even find a newspaper
if you want to rest and to change then
the best place is the sea
what a terrible idea i said
a sea trip gives you seasickness
who wants a whole week of seasickness
you leave on monday and you’re feeling
well
on tuesday
you feel worse
then on wednesday you’re really sick
on thursday and friday you’re almost
dead
on saturday you can finally drink a few
teaspoons of tea
on sunday you can walk again and eat
some food
then on monday you’re happy because it’s
time to get off the ship
george said
let’s go up the river
we’ll have fresh air and quiet on the
river
the hard work on the boat will make us
hungry so we’ll enjoy our food we’ll be
so tired at the end of the day that
we’ll sleep well
harris said
you don’t have any trouble sleeping
george
there are only 24 hours in the day
and you sleep most of that time
if you sleep anymore you’re dead
however i like your idea of a holiday on
the river thames
i liked it too
george was surprised that we both liked
his idea
the only one who didn’t like the idea
was montmorency
my fox terrier
he looked at us with his big eyes
you like the idea but i don’t
his face said
on the river there’s nothing for me to
do
i don’t like looking at the trees
i certainly don’t smoke
if i see a rat
you won’t stop the boat so i can run
after it
when i’m asleep you’ll probably rock the
boat and i’ll fall into the river
the whole idea is stupid
we were three to one
so we decided to go on the river trip
chapter 2
planning the trip
we looked at the maps and we discussed
plans
we decided to start from kingston the
following saturday
paris you and i will go to get the boat
at kingston i said
then we’ll take it up the river to
chertsey where we’ll meet george
george works in the city until the
afternoon
george goes to sleep at a bank from ten
o’clock to four o’clock monday to friday
except on saturdays
on saturdays they wake him up at two
o’clock and put him outside the door
the next problem was where to sleep at
night
george and i didn’t want to sleep in
inns
we wanted to camp out in the middle of
nature
how beautiful we said
sleeping in the country under the stars
by the river
i can imagine it all i said
there is a golden sunset the river is
moving along quietly
the forest is full of trees and birds
the grass around us is green and little
flowers grow here and there
soon it is dark
we row our boat into a quiet corner on
the river
we put up our tent and cook a simple
healthy meal
we all sit around a warm fire and eat
our
meal look up and see the moon and the
stars
then we sit in silence
how wonderful this is
we go to bed and then we dream under the
stars
we dream that the world is young again
as we all sat there dreaming harris said
what happens if it rains
there is nothing poetic about harris
he’s not romantic at all
if harris ever has tears in his eyes
he is eating raw onions
if you stand by the sea with harris and
say
listen to the sounds of the sea can you
hear spirits singing sad songs the songs
of those who died in these waters
he will take you by the arm and say
i understand my friend
you’re not feeling well
now
come with me
i know a place around the corner here
where you can get some good whiskey
you’ll feel better soon
harris always knows where you can find a
good whiskey
harris was right about camping out when
it rains
it’s not nice at all
just imagine
it is evening
you are all wet
there is water in the boat and all your
things are wet
you find a place on the riverbank
you get out of the boat
and pull out the tent
now two of you try to put it up
the tent is wet and very heavy
it is raining hard
the wind is blowing
the wet tent flies about
it falls on your head and makes you
angry
it is difficult to put up attending good
weather
it is impossible to do so in wet weather
the other man is of no help at all
he is a complete fool
the wind continues to blow and the rain
continues to fall you look at the other
man and say
what are you doing with your side of the
tent what are you doing he answers
don’t pull on your side you shout i
didn’t pull you called he shouts
you’re doing everything wrong you shout
what
he shouts i can’t hear you
you don’t know how to put up a tent
we’ll never put up this tent you say
at this point the third man has pulled
the boat out of the water he is
completely wet he wants to know why the
tent isn’t up yet
everyone is wet and angry
harris was right camping out in rainy
weather is not a good idea
we decided to camp out in good weather
and to sleep in an inn or a hotel in bad
weather
montmorency agreed with this decision
he likes inns and hotels
montmorency doesn’t like the quiet life
he prefers noise and confusion
he looks like a good well-behaved dog
but he’s not
when you look at montmorency you see an
angel from paradise in the form of a
small fox terrier
you think he is a sweet
gentle little dog
when old ladies and gentlemen look at
him
tears come to their eyes
when he killed 12 chickens and i paid
for them i changed my opinion of
montmorency
in one year he had
114 street fights with other dogs
an angry woman brought me her dead cat
and called me a murderer
montmorency loves to join the worst dogs
he then takes them around town to fight
other dogs
this is his idea of a happy life
chapter 3
packing
the following evening we met again to
discuss our plans
harris said
now we must decide what to take with us
you get a piece of paper jay
and you get pencil george
i’ll write the list
harris is always like this
he tells everyone what to do
and he does nothing
my old uncle podger was just like harris
when uncle podger did a job
everybody in the house helped
one day uncle podger bought a picture
aunt pogger asked
where can we put this picture
leave it to me don’t worry about it i’ll
do it all uncle podger said
he sent one of the girls to buy the
nails
then he sent one of the boys to tell her
the size of the nails
he sent bill to get the hammer and he
sent tom to get the ruler
now get me a kitchen chair jim
i need two people to hold the chair
maria come here and hold the light
tom come here and give me the nail
he finally had the nail in his hand
but it fell on the floor
everyone looked everywhere for the nail
when someone finally found it
uncle podger lost the hammer where’s the
hammer where did i put the hammer help
me find the hammer
when we found the hammer he lost the
place on the wall to put the picture
so each one of us climbed up on the
chair to look for the place
each one thought it was a different
place
when uncle podger climbed up on the
chair he fell on the piano
aunt bodger was very angry
she said the next time you put a picture
on the wall please tell me i’ll go and
spend a week with my mother
uncle podger tried again and again at
midnight the picture was on the wall
however
it was not straight
the wall was dirty
everyone was tired and unhappy
uncle podger looked at the picture and
said it was such an easy job
i told harris
you get the paper and pencil
george will write the list
and i’ll do the work
the first list was too long
we threw it away
we started another list
in order to travel to the north part of
the river thames we need a small boat
george said
with a small boat we can carry only
necessary things
we won’t take a heavy tent we can put a
canvas cover over the boat at night
it’ll be like a little house warm and
comfortable
we made a list of all the clothes we
needed
george said he knew everything about the
right clothes for a trip
we discovered later that this wasn’t
true
we talked about food next
george said let’s continue with
breakfast
for breakfast we’ll need a frying pan
that’s quite difficult to eat harris
said smiling
stop being stupid harris i said
let’s continue said george
we’ll need tea
sugar eggs bacon bread butter and jam
for lunch we can take biscuits cold meat
and fruit but no cheese the smell of
cheese is too strong after a day or two
everything will smell of cheese
for dinner we can take meat pies fruit
pies tomatoes and green vegetables
this good food will keep us healthy
george said
we didn’t take wine or beer because they
both make you sleep
george continued we’ll also need a
teapot a pan and a camping stove we
don’t want a paraffin oil stove oh no
not a paraffin oil stove i said we once
took a paraffin oil stove it was
horrible the smell of paraffin oil was
everywhere
the river smelled of paraffin
the wind smelled of paraffin
even the sunset smelled of paraffin when
we visited the town of marlow it smelled
of paraffin too
even the church of marlow smelled of
paraffin
the countryside for miles around smelled
of paraffin
we decided never to take a paraffin oil
stove again
the next day we bought everything we
needed
we met in the evening to pack our
suitcases we got a large suitcase for
the clothes and two large hampers for
the food and utensils
i am very good at packing
packing is one of those things that i do
best
i’ll organize the packing i said to
george and harris
they agreed
george sat in the armchair and harris
put his feet up on the table
this was not what i had intended
i wanted to organize the packing
not do it
i wanted george and harris to do all the
work
however i didn’t say anything
i started packing the clothes
it took a long time
but i finally finished
i sat on the big suitcase to close it
george and harris watched me aren’t you
putting the boots in asked harris
i’d forgotten them
why didn’t you tell me before i said
harris said nothing
george
laughed i was furious
i opened the suitcase again and packed
the boots
then an awful idea came to me
did i pack my toothbrush
i started looking for it
i took everything out of the suitcase
i found george’s toothbrush
i found harris’s toothbrush
but i didn’t find
mine in the end
i found it inside a boot
i packed everything again
when i finished george asked me
is the soap in the suitcase
i don’t care about the soap i answered
i sat on the big suitcase again to close
it
then i remembered that my cigarettes
were in the suitcase
i opened it again
and finally closed it at 10 50 pm
there was still the two hampers to pack
harris and george decided to pack them
i sat down to watch
chapter 4
ready for the trip
there were dishes cups bottles pans
tomatoes cakes and many other things to
pack in the hampers
as soon as george and harris started
packing they broke a cup
and this was just the beginning
george is the worst packer in the world
when george dies
harris will be the worst packer in the
world
they walked on things and broke them
harris put a big jar of jam on top of a
tomato and crushed it
george stepped on a big packet of butter
and harris sat on it
soon there was butter everywhere
they packed the pies in the hamper then
they put heavy things on top of them the
pies were crushed
just like the tomato
in the middle of all this there was
montmorency of course
he put his leg in the sugar and soon
there was sugar everywhere
he ran away with the teaspoons
he pretended that the lemons were rats
and killed three of them
this was montmorency’s idea of fun
at one in the morning the packing was
finished
we were ready for bed
george said
what time shall i wake you up
harris said seven o’clock
i said six o’clock
wait wake us up at half past six george
we said
it was mrs poppets who woke me up the
next morning
do you know that it’s nearly nine
o’clock
what
i shouted as i jumped out of bed
i woke up harrison george we began to
get ready and we remembered that we had
packed our toothbrushes
so we went to get them out of the
suitcase
this was not an easy job
at last
we were ready to eat breakfast
while we at breakfast george read the
newspaper
he told us about the people killed on
the river
and about the bad weather report
george went to work
and harris and i finished our breakfast
that morning montmorency invited two of
his friends to the house
they fought most of the time
when we were finally ready we carried
our luggage to the road
we waited 20 minutes for a taxi
taxis usually come every three minutes
a crowd of people was watching us
they looked at us at montmorency and at
mont morris’s friends
they looked at all our luggage
a big suitcase a small bag
two big hampers
some pans some umbrellas
five coats
and raincoats
waterloo station we took the 1105 train
to kingston
at kingston our boat was waiting for us
below the bridge
harris and i put our luggage in it
we got on the boat happily but
montmorency was worried
harris took the oars and we started our
two-week trip on the river thames
harris was wearing a red and orange
blazer
it was a beautiful sunny day
we were enjoying the first moments of
our holiday
when we passed hampton court palace
harris asked have you ever visited the
maze here
he said he had gone into the maze once
to show a friend
he studied a map of the maze before
going in
he knew it was very easy to get out
again
harris said to his friend
we’ll go in and walk around for ten
minutes
then we’ll come out and have lunch
it’s very easy
take the first turn to the right each
time
in the maze they met some people who had
been there for 45 minutes
they wanted to get out because they were
lost
harris said
follow me i’m going out in 10 minutes
the people thanked him and started
following him
other people began following harris too
some of them were worried and afraid
he continued turning to the right
but he was still in the maze
harris got lost
the people were angry with him they all
started calling for help
a young keeper heard them and came to
help but
he got lost too
finally the old keeper came back from
lunch
he let the people out
everyone was tired and
angry harris said
let’s ask george to try the maze on our
return trip
not a bad idea i said
when we passed molsy lock we were the
only boat in the big lock usually the
lock is a very busy place
on sundays there are boats everywhere
people like the river and the sun
it’s such a beautiful picture the river
the trees the flowers and the people in
their colorful clothes
at hampton harris wanted to stop the
boat and have a look at the church
i don’t like visiting churches
but harris loves it
i came on the trip only because i wanted
to visit hampton church you know
i love churches
church yards and tombs
the idea of not seeing hampton church
with mrs thomas’s tomb makes me angry
who is mrs thomas i asked i don’t know
but she has a strange tomb i said we
must be at shepparton at five o’clock to
meet george
harris said george
why can’t george be here to do some work
why doesn’t he help us with this heavy
boat
what does he do at the bank
he sits behind a piece of glass all day
and does nothing
i work why doesn’t he work
i’m going to have a drink there are no
pubs near here the nearest pub is far
away i said
what
we’ll all die of thirst no pubs if
you’re thirsty we have water in the boat
i said water
water makes people ill he said
however i am very thirsty and i must
drink something
so he took the bottle and drank some
water
chapter five
first day on the boat
we stopped at kempton park and had lunch
under the trees
good food always calms harris
we reached sunbury lock at half past
three
we then went to walton which is a
historical town
julius caesar stayed there with his
soldiers
queen elizabeth stayed there too
you can never escape from that woman she
was everywhere
next we came to haliford and shepparton
there is a tomb in the shepparton
churchyard with a poem on it
i was afraid harris wanted to stop and
visit it
i saw him looking at the church as we
passed near it so i moved the boat
suddenly and harris’s cap fell into the
water
he pulled it out and was angry with me
fortunately he was worried about his wet
cap
and forgot about the church
as we came to way bridge the first thing
we saw was a colored blazer
when we got closer we saw that george
was inside the blazer
montmorency started barking furiously
harris and i shouted loudly george
george
george waved his cap and
the shouted keeper ran out because he
thought someone had fallen into the
water
when he saw that no one was in the water
he returned to his work
now that george was on the boat
we decided to make him work
he didn’t want to work of course
i had a bad day at the bank george said
harris who is a little cruel said now
you’re going to have a bad day on the
river
a change is good for you it’s healthy
come on get out of the boat and tow
george didn’t know what to say
after a moment he said
it’s better if i stay here and prepare
tea it’s very difficult to prepare tea
and you look tired
we didn’t answer
we gave him the rope
he started walking
and pulling the boat
i remember that george once saw a young
couple who were walking on the side of
the river
they were pulling a rope behind them and
they were talking
they didn’t notice that there was no
boat at the end of the rope
they had probably had a boat at the end
of the rope when they started
but they had lost it
when george saw this he took the rope
out of the water then he tied it to his
own boat
so the young couple towed george and his
three fat friends up to marlow
when they looked back
they saw that they were towing a boat
that was not theirs
the young man was surprised and angry
the young lady said oh henry where is
aunt mary
no one knew what happened to aunt mary
the most exciting thing is to let girls
tow your boat
you always need three girls
two of them hold the rope the third one
runs around and laughs all the time
when they are finally ready to pull
they start running
they pull the boat too fast
and they are soon tired
they sit down on the grass to rest and
laugh
while they rest your boat goes out into
the middle of the river
oh look they say the boat’s gone to the
middle of the river
they laugh
up and start pulling it again
then one of them decides to stop because
she needs her hat
then another wants her red shawl
now one of them needs a comb for her
hair
the other wants her handkerchief
this goes on for most of the afternoon
it is never boring when three girls tow
a boat
george towed us to penton hook
we stopped there and decided to spend
the night on the boat
we found a pretty place
we tied our boat to a big tree
we were all hungry and we wanted to eat
however george said
no let’s put the canvas cover on the
boat first it’ll only take a few minutes
it looked simple
but it wasn’t
there were five metal rods
you put them into special holes on the
side of the boat
i didn’t think this was dangerous work
but it was
i’m surprised that we are still alive to
tell the story
first of all the metal rods did not go
into their holes
we jumped on them
kicked them and pushed them
when the rods were in their holes
we tried to put the canvas cover on the
boat
george took one part of the cover
he tied it at the front of the boat
harris stood in the middle to help
george with the cover
george did his job well
but harris was completely confused
after 10 minutes of hard work
harris was inside the cover
he was fighting to get out
he
accidentally knocked george over
now george was inside the cover too
they fought with the cover
i heard some very bad words
i thought the job must be very difficult
i didn’t understand what was happening
george and harris had told montmorency
and me to stand at the back of the boat
we did exactly that
we waited quietly
we saw the cover moving violently but we
thought this was the correct method
after a long time
we heard george shout we can’t breathe
under here why don’t you help us you
idiot
when someone calls for help i always
answer
i went to help them
poor harris
his face was almost black
chapter six
harris makes scrambled eggs
as soon as the cover was in place we
started to prepare supper
we wanted some hot water to make tea
we put the tea kettle on the stove
we pretended that we were not interested
in the water
we wanted the water to think that we did
not care about it
we began to prepare supper
this was the only way to make the water
boil on a boat
if the water knows you are waiting for
it
it will never get hot
you must not look at it
it’s a good idea to shout
i don’t want any tea do you george
george shouts back
oh no i don’t like tea i’ll have milk
and you harris tea is terrible i never
drink it i’ll have lemonade
this makes the water very angry
at this point the water will boil
[Music]
we really wanted that supper
we needed that supper
for 35 minutes nobody spoke
we just ate
and at
finally we all had full stomachs and we
were happy
a full stomach makes you feel kind and
generous
we sat and smiled at each other
we smiled at montmorency too we started
smoking our pipes
and began to talk
we went to bed at ten o’clock
i didn’t sleep well
i wasn’t comfortable in the boat
i woke up at six o’clock the next
morning and george did too
there was no reason to wake up so early
we were on holiday
why did we wake up so early
it never happens to us when we’re
working
we decided to wake up harris
this was hard work
we used an oar to help us
harris moved a bit and said
i’ll be downstairs in a minute
get my best boots ready please
we tried again with a boat hook
harris sat up suddenly and montmorency
fell off the bed
we pulled up the canvas cover and all
four of us looked out at the river
we were very cold
we had planned to go swimming
but the water looked so cold and wet
well who’s going swimming first asked
harris
no one wanted to be first
george decided to get dressed
montmorency barked with horror at the
idea
harris went to look for his trousers
i decided to go to the riverbank
and throw some water on myself
i held on to the branch of a tree as i
moved to the water
it was very cold and i decided not to
wet myself
i wanted to go back to the boat
but suddenly the branch of the tree
broke
i fell into the river along with my
towel
i also drank about a bottle of thames
water good heavens
oh the j is in the water harris said
how’s the water
george asked
it’s lovely
i answered why don’t you come in
nobody wanted to try the water
when i got back to the boat i was very
cold
i wanted to put on my shirt
but it fell into the river
this made me angry
george started laughing
[Laughter]
i don’t see anything to laugh at
i said
george laughed even more
[Laughter]
i never saw a man laugh so much
[Laughter]
i was cold
and furious
i was trying to get my shirt out of the
river
george was laughing louder and louder
stop laughing you stupid idiot i shouted
when i finally pulled the shirt out of
the river
i saw that it wasn’t mine
it was george’s shirt
i started laughing too
i laughed so much
that i dropped the shirt into the river
again
aren’t you gonna get it out said george
who continued laughing
i didn’t answer him for a while because
i was laughing so much at last i said
it isn’t my shirt
it’s yours
i never saw a man’s face change so
quickly
what he shouted you donkey why can’t you
be careful with things why don’t you go
and get dressed on the riverbank people
like you don’t know how to live on a
boat i tried to tell him how funny it
was but he didn’t understand george is a
little slow at understanding a joke
sometimes
harris said i’m cooking scrambled eggs
for breakfast this morning
once people try my scrambled eggs they
always want them
he was quite famous for his scrambled
eggs
george and i got the stove and the
frying pan ready
then we looked for the eggs that weren’t
broken
we found only six of them
now you can start we said
breaking the eggs was difficult for
harris
the eggs got on his trousers and went up
his arms
he put six eggs into the frying pan
then he sat down by the stove
and mixed them with a fork
george and i saw that it was difficult
work
harris often burnt his fingers
then he danced around the stove
he waved his hands in the air and
shouted
george and i thought that this was an
important part of his cooking method
we didn’t know what scrambled eggs were
we thought they were some sort of red
indian food and
to cook them correctly it was necessary
to do special dances with magic words
montmorency went to put his nose over
the frying pan once and burned himself
he too began dancing around and barking
it was interesting and exciting to watch
this show
george and i were sorry when it was
finished
when the scrambled eggs were ready
there was very little to
eat six eggs had gone into the pan
but uh all that came out was a teaspoon
full of burnt eggs
the problem is the frying pan harris
said i need another type of pan and
another stove
we decided not to try scrambled eggs
again
until harris had the right pan and stove
chapter 7
the laughing tin
when we finished breakfast the sun was
up and it was a warm morning
i sat on the riverbank near runnymede
i thought about king john who signed the
magna carta at runnymede in 1215
what a great moment in english history
i imagined the scene
george came over and said
when you finish resting and dreaming
please help me wash the dishes and other
things
i cleaned the frying pan with some grass
and with george’s wet shirt
later on we went to magna carta island
we saw the stone where the magna carta
was signed
in this area king henry viii met with
his sweetheart anne boleyn
i am certain that king henry viii met
with amblin in several other places too
we continued slowly up the river and
stopped for lunch near monkey island
we had cold meat for lunch
where’s the mustard i asked the mustard
harris said
we had forgotten to bring the mustard
at that moment we all wanted mustard
more than anything in the world
how boring life is without mustard said
george
we ate our cold meat in silence
we thought about the happy days of
childhood when there was lots of mustard
on the table
the adult world can be a cruel place
all three of us loved tinned fruit
george brought out a tin of pineapple
this was perfect to make us forget the
mustard
we felt that life was smiling at us
again look at the picture on the tin
said harris
ah
i can’t wait i said
i’m dreaming about the sweet juice
george said
harris got a spoon ready
then we looked for the tin opener
we took everything out of the two
hampers
we took everything out of the bag
we looked in every corner of the boat
there was no tin opener
harris tried to open the tin with a
little knife and he cut himself
george tried to open it with a pair of
scissors
the scissors flew up and almost cut his
eye
i tried to open it with a piece of metal
i did something wrong
because i fell into the river
the tin flew away and broke a teacup
then we all got angry
i started hitting the tin with a piece
of wood
harris hit the tin and so did george
we changed its shape we made it square
we made it round then we made it flat
but we still couldn’t open it
the tin
looked at us and seemed to be laughing
it was ugly and it frightened us
i threw it in the river
then we rode away and didn’t stop until
we reached maidenhead
it was evening
and a strong wind started blowing
the wind was behind us and we put up the
sail quickly
the wind blew
and the boat flew up the river
i was steering the boat
and george and harris were enjoying the
trip
[Music]
sailing is exciting
it’s almost like flying
you feel that you are part of nature
we were alone and we flew along the
river
far in the distance we saw a small
fishing boat
there were three fishermen in it
the sun was going down
and there was a red light on the water
the river seemed magic
it was like a dream
we felt that we were sailing into a
strange land
we did not sail into a strange land
we sailed straight into the fishing boat
with the three old fishermen
at first we didn’t know what was
happening
but when we heard the bad words that
came from the other boat
we knew we were near people
we also knew that those people were not
happy
the three old fishermen fell off their
seats
there were fish all over them
they slowly tried to get up
as they did this
they cursed us
they didn’t curse us with common curses
they used long
special curses
they also cursed our parents
families
friends
neighbors
pets and jobs
these curses were for the present and
the future
harris stood up and said
be thankful for a bit of excitement in
your lives
your lives must be so boring just
sitting and fishing all day
my friends and i are very unhappy to
hear men of your age use such bad words
the three old men did not agree with
harris
i’ll steer the boat now jay said george
an intelligent man like you must do
better things
leave the steering to me before we all
drown
chapter eight
montmorency meets a cat
at marlow we left our boat by the bridge
we spent the night at the crown hotel
the next morning we went swimming before
breakfast
on the way back montmorency met a cat
montmorency and i don’t agree on cats
i like cats
montmorency doesn’t
when i meet a cat i stop and say hello
i pet it gently the cat is happy and i
am too
when montmorency meets a cat
the whole street knows about it
a lot of bad words fly through the air
as soon as montmorency saw the cat he
barked with happiness
the cat was walking slowly across the
street
montmorency ran after the cat
but the cat didn’t run
he didn’t understand that his life was
in danger
this cat was big and black
it had half a tail
half a nose
and only one ear
it was a clever street cat
but morency is a courageous dog
but the cold eyes of that cat terrified
him
the cat stopped in the middle of the
road and looked at monmorency
neither spoke
but the conversation was probably like
this
yes
you want me
can i do anything for you
no no thanks
if you really want something please tell
me
oh no not at all
don’t disturb yourself
i’m afraid i made a mistake i thought i
knew you
sorry i disturbed you not at all it’s a
pleasure
are you sure you don’t want anything now
no thanks
nothing at all thanks uh very kind of
you good morning good morning
the cat got up and walked away
montmorency came back and followed us
quietly he was silent all day long
to this day if you say the word cats to
montmorency he’ll stop walking
then he’ll look up at you as if to say
please don’t
after this
we did our shopping returned to the boat
and continued our trip up the river
at hamilton lock we discovered that we
had no water
we went to the lock keeper to ask for
some
george spoke for us
with a friendly smile he asked may we
have some water please uh certainly said
the old lock keeper take as much as you
want and leave the rest thank you very
much said george looking around where is
the water
it’s where it always is said the lock
keeper it’s behind you
george turned around and looked
i don’t see it what where are your eyes
the lock keeper said
he took george’s arm and turned him
round
oh
george said
but we can’t drink the river
no but you can drink some of it said the
lock keeper i’ve drunk river water for
the past 15 years
well sir i don’t think you look very
healthy after drinking all that river
water
but thank you anyway george said
we left the lock keepers place and we
found some water at another house
we towed the boat past henley and
stopped near wargrave for lunch
we were sitting in a green field near
the river
harris was cutting a meat pie
george and i were waiting with our
dishes i need a spoon said harris
the hamper was behind us
george and i both turned around to get a
spoon
in five seconds we had the spoon
when we turned back
harris and the meat pie were gone
disappeared
it was a wide open field
there were no trees nearby
harris did not fall into the river
because the river was far from us
george and i looked all around
then we looked at each other
has he gone up to heaven i asked
angels don’t take meat pies to heaven
george said
you’re right i agreed
then there’s been an earthquake george
said i’m sorry had the meat pie with him
sadly we looked at the place where
harris and the meat pie were sitting
then
with horror we saw harris’s head
only his head
it was in the grass
his face was red and furious
george was the first to speak
say something are you dead or alive
where is your body oh don’t be an idiot
harris shouted i think you made this
happen
you told me to sit there it’s your
stupid joke
here take the pie
harris didn’t know it but he was sitting
next to a big hole
the long grass covered it
he fell into the deep hole without
knowing anything
at first he thought that it was the end
of the world
harris still thinks that george and i
planned it all
chapter nine
fighting swans
after lunch a gentle wind pushed us up
the river past wargrave and ship lake
we got out of the boat at sunning and
walked around the village
sunning is a lovely village
everything is clean and beautiful
each house is covered with roses
we decided to return to one of the ship
lake islands to spend the night
george said let’s have a special supper
tonight let’s make an irish stew we can
put everything into one big pan
what a wonderful idea harris and i said
i’ll get the wood and make a fire
george said you two can peel the
potatoes
this was a very big job
we were happy and excited
but when we peeled our first potato we
understood that this was not exciting it
was hard work
the first potato we peeled looks like a
pea
george looked at it and said
no no no there’s no potato left do it
like this we worked hard for half an
hour but we peeled only four potatoes
we refused to continue
well just put the potatoes in without
peeling them
let’s add some carrots and other
vegetables
look in the hampers and take out all the
pieces of old food
we’ll put them in the stew
you can put anything in a stew
we found half a pork pie
a tin of fish and a few broken eggs
we added these to the stew
montmorency watched us carefully and
then left
after a while he returned with a dead
rat in his mouth
he wanted to add something to the stew
too
we discussed it first
harris said it’s all right to add the
dead rat it will be mixed with the other
things a stew needs many ingredients
george said well i don’t want to try
anything new maybe next time
i’m sorry montmorency
harris said if you never try anything
new you never discover things it’s men
like you george who slowed down the
progress of our world
george didn’t listen to harris
the stew was a great success
it was delicious
excellent in every way
we all really enjoyed it
after the irish stew
george and i decided to go to henley for
an evening walk
harris wanted to stay on the boat and
drink a whiskey
when we returned to the boat
harris was sad and confused
what happened to you harris swans he
said
we had left the boat near a swan’s nest
when george and i were in henley mrs
swann came back to the nest
she started to shout at harris
harris frightened her away
she went to get her husband
mr swan
harris had a terrible fight with these
two swans
harris finally won the fight
however
half an hour later
mr and mrs swan returned with 18 other
swans
there was a horrible fight
the swans attacked harris and tried to
pull him off the boat
they wanted to drown harris and
montmorency
harris fought with courage for four
hours
in the end
he killed them all
then they slowly swam away to die
how many swans were there george asked
32 said harris who was sleepy
but you said 18 before george said no i
didn’t i said 12. do you think i can’t
count
we never discovered the truth about the
swans
we asked harris about it the next
morning
he said what swans he thought that
george and i were dreaming
that night harris had trouble sleeping
he woke me up about twelve times during
the night
he was looking for his clothes
george woke up too
why’d you need your trousers it’s the
middle of the night george said
later harris was looking for his shoes
then he asked for his socks and his
umbrella
we woke up late the next morning
we had a small breakfast and we were
ready to go we agreed that we would row
the boat and not tow it
harris said
george you and jake and ro i’ll steer
i didn’t like this idea and i said
no harris you and george rowe so that i
can rest
i was doing too much work on this trip
i always think that i work too much
it’s not because i don’t like work i
love it
i find it very interesting i can sit and
look at it for hours
you can’t give me too much work
i like collecting it
my office is full of it
i’m very careful with my work too
some of the work in my office has been
there for years
it is in perfect condition
it isn’t dirty or anything
that’s because i take good care of it
harris said on this boat i’m the only
one who works
george said
you do nothing but eat and sleep harris
i’m the only one who works
you and jay are very lazy people
harris laughed
[Laughter]
and said
george work
have you ever seen george work
i agreed with harris
george never worked
how do you know if i work harris you’re
always sleeping except at meal times
have you ever seen harris awake accept
at meal times george asked me i agreed
with george
harris worked very little on the boat oh
please i do more work than oj harris
said well it’s difficult to do less work
than old j george added oj thinks he’s a
passenger and doesn’t need to work
harris said
after this discussion i said to harris
you and george row the boat up to
reading
at reading
i’ll tow it
chapter 10
three men out of a boat
we reached reading at about 11 o’clock
the river here is very dirty so we moved
on to strategy
we stayed at stratley for two days
we took our clothes to a laundry woman
we had tried to wash them in the river
as george told us
the river was so dirty that our clothes
collected all the dirt from the water
the river became cleaner
but our clothes became dirtier
the laundry woman was very surprised to
see such dirty clothes
she looked at them and said
this will cost you three times the usual
price
we agreed and paid her
the river near stratley and goring is
excellent for fishing
it is full of different types of fish
some people sit and fish there all day
however
they never catch any fish
the local fisherman’s guide book doesn’t
say anything about catching fish
it only says that the place is a good
fishing area
and it is
you can see many fish swim past
but you can’t catch them
when you go for a walk by the river
you can see hundreds of fish
they come and stand half out of the
water
their mouths are open for bread
if you go swimming they come to look at
you and disturb you
you cannot catch them however
we passed by wallingford and dorchester
both are ancient british towns
in the days of the roman empire the
romans camped here and built
fortifications
we spent the night at clifton hamden
which is a pretty village
we finally arrived at oxford and spent
two excellent days there
oxford is a beautiful town with its old
university
oxford is also full of dogs
montmorency was very happy
he had 11 dog fights on the first day
and 14 on the second day
he probably thought he was in heaven
we left oxford on the third day to
return home to london
when we left oxford it was raining
the rain continued without stopping
when it’s sunny
the river is a dream
but when it’s rainy
the river is brown and unfriendly
it rained all day
at first
we pretended to enjoy it
well
this is a nice change too much sunshine
is boring
nature is beautiful even when it rains i
said
yes harris said it’s good to see the
river in all kinds of weather
the rain is good for you
i can’t understand people who are afraid
of a little rain
harris and i sang songs and we were
quite happy
george did not agree
he stayed under the umbrella
we put up the canvas cover before lunch
we left a little opening to see where we
were going
we continued our trip for another nine
miles
we stopped for the night at day’s lock
we did not have a happy evening
the rain never stopped
supper was not good
we were really tired of cold meat
we dreamt about our favorite foods
harris talked about fish cooked in a
special sauce
harris gave his cold meat to montmorency
he looked at it and turned his head he
seemed insulted by harris’s offer
he went to sit at the other side of the
boat
alone
george said please don’t talk about good
food until i finish this cold meat
we played cards after supper
after that we had some hot water and
whiskey
george told us about a man he knew
this man had slept on the river in a wet
boat like ours
he got very ill and died 10 days later
of course we began talking about other
illnesses
after a while harris said
i’ve got an awful headache
it must be the rain
well
i’ve got a bad backache i said
to make us feel happier george sang to
us
that made harris and i cry
and it made montmorency howl
there was nothing else to do so we went
to bed
we didn’t sleep well at all
we were awake at five o’clock the next
morning
our second rainy day was the same as the
first
it rained all day
we moved slowly along the river
we agreed to continue our trip
even if it killed us
it’s only two more days harris said
we’re young and healthy maybe we’ll be
all right
we talked about our evening with this
weather we can have dinner and take a
walk in the rain or we can have dinner
and spend an hour in a pub i said that’s
not very exciting said george it’s much
more interesting to go to the alhambra
theater in london said harris
and then have supper at that little
french restaurant i added
but we have decided to stay and die on
this boat said
however
there’s a train that leaves pangborn
after five o’clock against the london
time to eat something and then go to the
theater
everyone was silent
we didn’t say one word
we looked at one another
then we got out the big bag and got our
clothes ready
twenty minutes later three men and a dog
were going to the railway station
we lied to the boatman at pangborn
we didn’t have the courage to tell him
the truth
we were running away from the rain
we asked him to take care of the boat
until the next morning
if something happens
we’ll write to you we said telling him a
big lie
we reached paddington station at seven
o’clock we went directly to the
restaurant and had a small meal
montmorency stayed at the restaurant
while we went to the theater
we’ll return at half past ten for the
dog and for a good supper i told the
restaurant owner
the man at the ticket office of the
theater said
oh you’re the famous acrobats from the
himalaya mountains you’re late for the
performance please use the side door
we explained to him that we were not
acrobats
he understood and sold us three tickets
our clothes probably looked a bit old
and strange
at the alambra theater
everyone looked at our clothes and
smiled
some people laughed
after the theater
we went back to the restaurant
we enjoyed our delicious supper
after 10 days of eating cold meat we
were thankful for this supper
we had it without speaking
then we sat back and felt happy and kind
paris
who was sitting next to the window
pulled back the curtain
he looked at the wet street
it was rainy and dark
the wind was blowing
a few people walked past under their
umbrellas
harris took his glass and said
well we had a good trip
and i say thank you to old father thames
but
i think we were right to come back when
we did
here’s to three men well out of a boat
montmorency stood on his back legs in
front of the window
he looked at the wet night
and gave a short bark of agreement
you