English Speaking Secrets How To Have GREAT Conversations
Hey there I’m Emma from mmmEnglish!
Today I’ve got three things that I want to share with you
that awesome English speakers do and
I want to show you how you can get good at them too.
This video is perfect for you if you are learning English
as a second language and you want to communicate
more clearly, more effectively and build
good relationships with other English speakers.
But these tips are also useful for anyone who speaks
English and wants to communicate more effectively
because not all native English speakers are awesome
at communicating.
Awesome communication is about more than just
the words that you choose
and today we’re going to learn
how this information could change the way
that you think about English conversations forever.
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During a conversation, if you don’t communicate
your message clearly,
people feel unsure.
They might not know what’s going on.
They might misinterpret or misunderstand you.
This can be annoying, it can create confusion
but even worse, they might start to feel a little
uncomfortable or awkward or uncertain and
you probably didn’t mean that, you didn’t intend it
but if they don’t enjoy that experience of talking to you
it might mean that in the future,
they don’t really want to do it again.
They might try to avoid you or perhaps you know,
try not to work with you on a project and this makes it
really hard to fit in in your new language right
and to feel accepted.
So this whole topic that we’re talking about today
is quite serious.
Good or awesome communication is about more than
just the words that you choose.
It also relates to the tone of your voice,
your body language and other actions that support you
while you’re speaking and in English, we communicate
with so much more than just words.
So actually, these three things that
awesome English speakers do are not just about
saying words, these are things that they do
during conversations.
And this is what we’re going to talk about today.
Starting with body language.
That’s eye contact, that’s facial expression,
it’s the gestures that you make as you speak.
All of these things communicate messages
to the person who you’re talking to.
In fact, these are the loudest and the most
truthful messages that we use when we communicate.
They’re even louder or clearer
than the actual words that we use. In fact,
even when you don’t have the perfect words to use,
your body language, your tone of voice and other
interactions that you have during a conversation
can make up for it.
You can still create a really great positive connection
that will result in awesome things,
even if you don’t have the perfect words to do it.
Now I know you’re thinking
Emma, I’m concentrating enough on finding the
right words to say, let alone what my hands are doing
and my eyes are doing, my shoulders are doing.
I can’t do everything!
But this is a huge conversation hack to help you build
awesome relationships with other English speakers.
If you’re a nervous speaker,
if you’re a little unsure about speaking in English,
learning more about these nonverbal communication
tools is going to help you to create more positive
conversation experiences.
Whether you are aware of it or not, your body language
is constantly sending information to other people.
It’s helping them to trust you and feel comfortable with
you or it’s confusing them or offending them in some
way which is obviously not what you want.
And sometimes the words that someone is saying
don’t match what their body language is telling you
and this can be really confusing. If your colleague said
“Hey, a few of us are going for a run around the park
at lunch time. Do you want to come?”
And then you said
“Yeah that’d be great.”
They’d probably be surprised or confused
and wondering
what does she actually mean? Does she want to come?
The reason why I want you to think about this
is because many of my English students
sometimes have quite a serious look of concentration
on their faces when they’re trying to listen to someone
or think of what they’re gonna say and this is totally
understandable because they’re doing a lot of
concentrating and thinking about
what they need to say and how they need to express it
and is it the right tense but this can be a problem
because it creates conflicting messages
for the person you’re talking to.
If you have this confused sort of scrunched up look
on your face while you’re listening to them,
then that person that might feel a little uncomfortable.
They might think maybe you don’t agree with them
or you know they’re feeling a little uncomfortable and
unsure and you know all this means is that they’re
probably gonna try and leave the conversation.
No one likes to feel awkward and uncomfortable right?
I mean there are times when you want to send that
type of message to someone that you’re confused
or you’re lost or you disagree
but I don’t want you to do it by mistake
and by accident.
Let’s face it. If people enjoy being around you,
they’re probably gonna be more polite,
they’ll probably want to help you more
and want to spend more time with you.
So improving your body language will help you to
express what you mean, connect with others in a really
positive way and build good relationships.
Now I’ve been part of a lot of online conversations
lately, perhaps you have too
and this is one thing that English learners don’t
pay enough attention to.
This is how you create relationships with your teachers,
you make friends and if you’ve ever wondered why
you know it’s so obvious
and easy for others to create these great relationships,
this is what they’re doing differently.
They’re looking at the camera when people are talking.
They’re you know keeping people interested,
they’re nodding and smiling
to show that they’re listening
you know and that they respect the time that you
have that you’re sharing with them.
If you’re only half paying attention to someone
and maybe you’re checking your phone or
checking your emails while they’re talking to you,
well, this is what it feels like.
Obviously, you’re gonna get a much better result
if you give your full attention to someone.
If you look them in the eye, if you smile at them and you
acknowledge them and appreciate the time
that they have for you.
The tone of your voice
allows you to convey meaning too
and I’m talking about the pitch of your voice
and how it changes.
This affects the meaning or the way that people
interpret your meaning.
Now in lots of other languages, a change in tone
might actually change the meaning of a word
by definition.
But in English, this isn’t the case. A change in pitch is
about changing the attitude or the mood of what you’re
saying. It could show enthusiasm or
boredom or interest.
In English, it really is not just what you say
but it’s how you say it as well. The tone of your voice
works in a really similar way to body language
you know. If the tone doesn’t match the words
that are coming out of your mouth,
then people feel confused
or like they don’t really trust you.
Both of these things, tone and body language,
they work together like a super team
to strengthen your communication
but tone is one of the hardest things to master
as an English student because
there are no clear rules about how it works.
It’s just a feeling.
When it comes to tone, louder can be excitement
but it can also be anger.
Tone is also that magic ingredient in
complicated humour like sarcasm.
Yeah, you’d be really good at that.
And it’s also an important part of
communicating frustration.
I told you. I’m really busy right now.
These are some of the trickiest parts of English
conversation and they’re hugely affected by tone.
And while it might sound complicated,
as your English teacher, I really want you to pay
attention to tone and to start experimenting with it.
And I suggest you focus on the positive aspects
of nonverbal communication first
because these are the most visible or the most obvious
parts you know and because it’s positive,
it’s gonna help you with your communication.
Practise making positive exclamations
in front of a mirror, you know, focusing on your body
language, your facial expression and the tone
of your voice.
Wow, that’s amazing.
Wow, that’s amazing!
I’ve got some good news.
I’ve got some good news!
Hello, I need your help.
Hello, I need your help.
Of course, getting a really strong feel for this
a natural feel for it is gonna take practise
and if you want to keep practising with me,
my imitation lessons are a really great place to practise
vocabulary, facial expression, tone, body language,
all of these things together through storytelling.
Check out my latest lesson up here.
Awesome English speakers are also great team players
in conversations which means they share
the conversation. They listen, they respond
and they help others to participate as well
and to enjoy themselves.
They don’t dominate the conversation, they don’t speak
over the top of everyone.
They’re there to participate.
Now just because someone talks a little too much
in conversation doesn’t mean that they’re a bad person
or even that they’re a bad listener.
Some of the kindest, loveliest people that I know
still struggle with this, with talking over the top of others
but the reason why this is especially important
to you as an English Learner is because
you want to make sure that people enjoy talking to you
when you’re speaking in English.
Sharing the conversation is going to make people
want to stay, to talk more, to find out more about you
and allow you to build that relationship
because that relationship means
more chances to speak, more chances to learn,
someone to speak with regularly
and I mean who knows, you know you might build a
relationship with them where they start
helping you and giving you feedback or supporting you
with your pronunciation.
I mean obviously, you can’t expect random people
to do that for you but if you build a good relationship
with someone like a colleague, a neighbour,
someone in your class, an online friend,
then it might pay off for you.
And I’m not saying that this is gonna be easy
but if you think a little more broadly about the benefits
and the value of these skills and how
they can help you to keep improving your English
naturally, well that’s interesting and valuable to you.
Now I don’t care if you say
“Emma, I always let other people speak.
I always listen to them.”
because people who talk too much and they don’t
share a conversation usually never even notice
that they’re doing it. They don’t mean to do it
but you need to actively practise that curiosity.
Be curious about a person
and what they’re talking about.
Ask questions, show that you’re interested in them
and bring them into the conversation.
Show them that you’re listening to them as well
you know by making sounds and expressions like
Show them that you’re listening
and that you’re interested.
So how do you work on these skills?
How do you know if you are good at these things or not
and what can you do about it?
So it’s simple. You watch and you copy,
you imitate an English speaker.
Not just any native English speaker,
you know you need to choose someone who is a really
positive communicator.
I’ve added five YouTube videos down in the
description below that I think are good examples
of people who are communicating really effectively,
you know and I want you to watch them, watch
what their body does, listen to the tone of their voice
and how that influences what they’re saying.
And then record yourself talking about that same topic
to see what you look like while you’re talking
you know, do you have a friendly expression,
you know, does it feel positive or do you feel confused
and uncomfortable or awkward. So what is it
that you can do to change that?
You know, and it might be as simple as
trying to smile a little bit more as you’re talking
or maintain eye contact. These are really small
and subtle things
that have a huge impact on
the way that you communicate with other people.
And often, these things are different between languages
and cultures right?
So the way that we do this in English
might be a little different to the way that you do it
you know in your native country.
So these three things that awesome English speakers
do really are hacks for great conversation.
Improving these things is gonna help you to have
better English conversation experiences you know.
You’ll make more English-speaking friends,
you’ll get more speaking practice and ultimately
it’s gonna help you to become more fluent
and a more confident English communicator.
I mean really don’t underestimate the importance
of these things.
I hope that I’ve given you some interesting ideas
to think about.
Let me know your thoughts about this video
in the comments below and give it a like if you enjoyed it
Make sure you subscribe to the channel
and head over into one of these lessons
here if you want to keep practising with me now.
I’ll see you in there!