How to Feel Less Shy Speaking English Improve English Speaking Confidence Now
Hello.
I’m Oli.
Welcome to Oxford Online English.
In this lesson, you can learn about dealing
with shyness or nervousness when you speak
English.
Do you sometimes feel shy when you speak English?
Is it worse when you speak to native speakers?
Do these feelings of shyness or nervousness
stop you from practicing and using your English?
Yes?
Yes?
And yes?
This video could hopefully help you.
Shyness and nervousness are natural, but they
also make it more difficult to speak.
If you feel shy, you might not be able to
think of things to say, or you might not be
able to use grammar and vocabulary correctly.
Some English learners get stuck in a pattern
where they feel shy, and so they avoid using
English or speaking English.
Now I can’t promise to solve all of your problems
with shyness and nervousness.
But in this video, I’ll share some advice
on how to deal with these feelings, which
I hope will be helpful.
Point one, remember that speaking is just
speaking.
What do I mean?
Well, when we first hear foreign languages
or meet foreigners, they often sound very
strange or interesting or exotic to us.
Oh, he’s speaking French.
Wow!
He must be saying something romantic, or he
must be talking about literature or philosophy.
I wish I could understand him.
Oh, wow!
She’s writing in Chinese.
Those characters, they’re so beautiful.
She must be writing a poem.
I wish I could understand what she’s writing.
Yeah, you know what?
Maybe the French guy is talking about philosophy.
Maybe he’s just talking about how he got stuck
in a traffic jam.
Maybe the Chinese girl is writing a poem about
misty mountains, or maybe it’s just a shopping
list.
If you think that foreign languages and foreign
people are something strange or exotic, of
course, you’ll feel more nervous when you’re
speaking.
I think many English learners have this idea.
They think, “Oh, I’m not talking to a person.
I’m talking to a native speaker.”
But actually, speaking English isn’t something
special.
It’s just speaking, like you do all day, every
day.
All over the world, most of what people talk
about is quite simple, and it’s quite similar
all over the world.
Native English speakers aren’t different animals.
They’re just normal people.
They talk about their work.
They complain about their bosses.
They talk about movies they’ve seen.
They decide what they’re going to have for
lunch and so on, just like anybody else.
So don’t think that native speakers are some
kind of magical animal.
They’re not.
If you want to talk to them, talk to them.
If you don’t, don’t.
It’s not such a big deal either way.
What?
Not a big deal?
Really?
Yeah, really.
You need to ask yourself, part two, “What’s
the worst that could happen?”
So you feel really nervous about speaking
English.
One day, you find the courage, you go and
talk to a teacher at your school, maybe a
British person or an American person.
It goes horribly badly.
You feel really uncomfortable.
You can’t think of anything to say.
So you walk away, and you think thoughts like,
“I’ve embarrassed myself.
I feel like an idiot.
Why is my English so bad?”
Here’s a question though.
What have you actually lost?
Nothing.
It’s not a big deal.
It’s just a conversation.
The big deal is only in your head.
You think these thoughts.
Nobody else.
10 years in the future, are you still going
to be thinking and worrying about that time
when, “Oh, I tried to start a conversation,
and it didn’t go very well.”?
No, of course not.
Why not?
Because it’s not that important.
Maybe it feels like a big deal.
It feels important at that moment, but it’s
not really important.
You haven’t lost anything.
You may feel embarrassed, or you may feel
stupid, but you’re doing that to yourself.
There’s no reason why.
No one else is telling you you’re stupid.
You aren’t risking anything, just by starting
a conversation.
I guarantee the person you talk to is not
thinking these thoughts.
So what can you do about these feelings?
How can you control them?
Well, let’s look at point three: wear a mask.
These feelings of nervousness or shyness are
all inside.
Here’s the best piece of advice I can give
you.
Just because you feel nervous, you don’t have
to act nervous.
Let me tell you a story.
Before I started teaching, I was terrified
of public speaking.
Even speaking in front of very small groups
made me feel very nervous and very, very stressed.
The first lesson I ever taught was to a group
of maybe eight Russian teenagers, just a small
class.
It was the most scared I’ve ever been in my
life.
That’s not an exaggeration.
I have quite seriously never felt so much
fear.
I was shaking.
I was sweating.
I couldn’t remember anything about my lesson.
I tried to teach something about modal verbs.
I don’t think anybody learned anything.
Afterwards, I thought, “How am I going to
do this?”
My trainer gave me the same advice I’m giving
you.
Act confident, even if you don’t feel confident.
So I did.
The first few months, I still felt really
nervous, but I tried to hide it.
After maybe a year, I didn’t feel so nervous.
After a few years, I could stand in front
of 100 people and expect their attention,
even if I still felt a little bit nervous
inside.
If it worked for me, it can work for you.
Sure, it takes time, and it’s not easy, but
it’s possible.
So act confident.
Hold your head up.
Chin up.
Make eye contact, even if it makes you uncomfortable.
Control the speed and the rhythm of your voice.
Doing these things is not so difficult, and
it will make you feel good because you’re
taking control of your feelings, instead of
letting your feelings control you.
OK, you think, “Easy for you, Oli.
You’re talking about speaking your own language.
We’re talking about speaking a foreign language.”
OK, let’s talk about that.
Point four: worrying about your language makes
your language worse.
Here’s a question: when you hear a foreigner
speak your language, how do you decide if
this person is speaking well or badly?
In most cases, people notice your fluency
and your pronunciation.
In speech, people don’t pay much attention
to grammar and vocabulary if your speech is
easy to understand.
What does this mean?
It means that if you are embarrassed of your
grammar or your vocabulary when you’re speaking
English, you really shouldn’t be.
First of all, worrying doesn’t solve anything
anyway.
If your grammar is bad, worrying about your
grammar will not make it better.
The only result is that you will feel bad.
That’s it.
Secondly, other people will really not notice
your grammar or vocabulary very much.
Most people don’t care about these things,
most people who aren’t English teachers.
Even English teachers care about these things
at work, and then they stop caring after work.
Trust me.
If I’ve been teaching all day, and you come
and talk to me, I do not want to think about
your grammar or your vocabulary problems.
That’s the last thing I want to do at the
end of the day.
Most teachers I know feel the same way.
Most importantly, worrying about your grammar
and vocabulary will affect your fluency.
You’ll speak slowly, and you’ll hesitate more
if you’re always worrying about which verb
form should I use or what’s the right word
here.
So if you’re just having a chat with someone,
don’t think about your English too much.
It doesn’t help.
It doesn’t make your English better, and it
doesn’t make it easier to communicate.
Just talk.
Try to communicate your ideas.
You’ll sound more confident because you’re
not hesitating and worrying about your language.
If you sound more confident, hopefully you’ll
feel more confident too.
OK, let’s review and put the things we’ve
talked about together.
Part five, break the habit sooner, not later.
You can’t help feeling shy or nervous, but
you can help how you respond to these feelings.
Very often, our responses to our feelings
are habits.
They’re habits which are difficult to break,
but not impossible.
Every time you want to talk to someone in
English, but you choose not to, you’re feeding
your bad habits.
Every time you think to yourself, “My grammar
sucks.
I don’t have anything interesting to say,”
you’re feeding these bad habits.
So go and talk to someone, even if it makes
you feel uncomfortable.
The first time, it might not go so well.
That’s okay.
The 10th time, it will be easier.
The 100th time, it will be much easier.
You won’t even remember how difficult it was
at the beginning.
You don’t have anything interesting to say?
Fine.
Say something boring.
No one expects you to be interesting all the
time.
No one’s interesting all the time.
Just say something boring.
End the conversation.
Most conversations are simple.
It doesn’t matter that much what you say.
Worried about your grammar or your vocabulary?
Remember, no one else really cares that much.
Just focus on trying to communicate.
Talk.
Express your ideas.
When you’re having a conversation with someone,
these things are much more important.
Most importantly, stop feeding bad habits.
Go talk to people, even if you’re uncomfortable.
You’ll learn quite quickly that feeling shy
or feeling nervous will only stop you speaking
English if you let it.
OK, that’s the end of the lesson.
I hope you found it useful.
You can see more of our free lessons on our
website, www.oxfordonlineenglish.com.
That’s all.
Thank you very much.
See you next time.
Bye bye!