the umbrella man a funny story by roald

dahl

i'm going to tell you about a funny

thing that happened to my mother and me

yesterday evening

i am 12 years old and i'm a girl

my mother is 34

but i'm nearly as tall as her already

yesterday afternoon my mother took me up

to london to see the dentist

he found one hole it was in a back tooth

and he filled it without hurting me too

much

after that we went to a cafe

i had a banana split

and my mother had a cup of coffee

by the time we got up to leave it was

about six o'clock

when we came out of the cafe it had

started to rain

we must get a taxi

my mother said

we were wearing ordinary hats and coats

and it was raining quite hard

why don't we go back into the cafe and

wait for it to stop

i said

i wanted another of those banana splits

they were gorgeous

it isn't going to stop

my mother said

we must get home

we stood on the pavement in the rain

looking for a taxi

lots of them came by but they all had

passengers inside them

i wish we had a car with a chauffeur

my mother said

just then

a man came up to us

he was a small man

and he was pretty old

probably 70 or more

he raised his hat politely and said to

my mother

excuse me

i do hope you will excuse me

he had a fine white moustache and bushy

white eyebrows and a wrinkly pink face

he was sheltering under an umbrella

which he held high over his head

yes

my mother said very cool and distant

i wonder if i could ask a small favor of

you

he said

it is only a very small favor

i saw my mother looking at him

suspiciously

she is a suspicious person my mother

she is especially suspicious of two

things

strange men

and boiled eggs

when she cuts the top off a boiled egg

she pokes around inside it with her

spoon as though expecting to find a

mouse or something

with strange men she has a golden rule

which says

the nicer the man seems to be

the more suspicious you must become

this little old man was particularly

nice

he was polite he was well spoken he was

well dressed he was a real gentleman

the reason i knew he was a gentleman was

because of his shoes

you can always spot a gentleman by the

shoes he wears

was another of my mother's favorite

sayings

this man had beautiful brown shoes

the truth of the matter is

the little man was saying

i've got myself into a bit of a scrape

i need some help

not much i assure you

it's almost nothing in fact but i do

need it

you see madame old people like me often

become terribly forgetful

my mother's chin was up

and she was staring down at him along

the full length of her nose

it was a fearsome thing this

frosty-nosed stare of my mother's

most people go to pieces completely when

she gives it to them

i once saw my own head mistress begin to

stammer and simple like an idiot when my

mother gave her a really foul frosty

noser

but the little man on the pavement with

the umbrella over his head didn't bat an

eyelid

he gave a gentle smile and said

i beg you to believe madam

that i am not in the habit of stopping

ladies in the street and telling them my

troubles

i should hope not

my mother said

i felt quite embarrassed by my mother's

sharpness

i wanted to say to her oh mummy for

heaven's sake he's a very very old man

and he's sweet and polite and he's in

some sort of trouble so don't be so

beastly to him but i didn't say anything

the little man shifted his umbrella from

one hand to the other

i've never forgotten it before

he said

you've never forgotten what

my mother asked sternly

my wallet

he said

i must have left it in my other jacket

isn't that the silliest thing to do

are you asking me to give you money

my mother said

oh could gracious mean no

he cried heaven forbid i should ever do

that

then what are you asking my mother said

do hurry up we're getting soaked to the

skin here

i know you are he said

and that is why i'm offering you this

umbrella of mine to protect you and to

keep forever if

if only

if only what

my mother said

if only you would give me in return a

pound for my taxi fare just to get me

home

my mother was still suspicious

if you had no money in the first place

she said

then how did you get here

i walked he answered every day i go for

a lovely long walk and then i summon a

taxi to take me home i do it every day

of the year

why don't you walk home now

my mother asked

oh i wish i could he said

i do wish i could

but i don't think i could manage it on

these silly old legs of mine i've gone

too far already

my mother stood there chewing her lower

lip

she was beginning to melt a bit i could

see that

and the idea of getting an umbrella to

shelter under must have tempted her a

good deal

it's a lovely umbrella

the little man said

so i've noticed

my mother said

it's silk

he said

i can see that

then why don't you take it madam he said

it cost me over 20 pounds i promise you

but that's of no importance so long as i

can get home and rest these old legs of

mine

i saw my mother's hand feeling for the

clasp of her purse

she saw me watching her

i was giving her one of my own frosty

nosed looks this time and she knew

exactly what i was telling her

now listen mummy i was telling her

you simply mustn't take advantage of a

tired old man in this way

it's a rotten thing to do

my mother paused and looked back at me

then she said to the little man

i don't think it's quite right that i

should take an umbrella from you worth

20 pounds

i think i'd better just give you the

taxi fare and be done with it

no no no

he cried it's out of the question i

wouldn't dream of it not in a million

years i would never accept money from

you like that

take the umbrella dear lady and keep the

rain off your

shoulders my mother gave me a triumphant

sideways look

there you are she was telling me you're

wrong he wants me to have it

she fished into her purse and took out a

pound note she held it out to the little

man

he took it and handed her the umbrella

he pocketed the pound raised his hat

gave a quick bow from the waist and said

thank you madam thank you then he was

gone

come under here and keep dry darling my

mother said

aren't we lucky i've never had a silk

umbrella before i couldn't afford it

why were you so horrid to him in the

beginning

i asked

i wanted to satisfy myself he wasn't a

trickster she said

and i did

he was a gentleman

i'm very pleased i was able to help him

yes mommy i said

a real gentleman she went on

wealthy too

otherwise he wouldn't have had a silk

umbrella

i shouldn't be surprised if he isn't a

titled person

sir harry goldsworthy or something like

that

yes mommy

this will be a good lesson to you

she went on

never rush things

always take your time when you're

summing someone up then you'll never

make mistakes

there he goes

i said look

where

over there he's crossing the street

goodness mommy what a hurry he's in we

watched the little man as he dodged

nimbly in and out of the traffic

when he reached the other side of the

street he turned left walking very fast

he doesn't look very tired to me does he

to you mommy

my mother didn't answer

he doesn't look as though he's trying to

get a taxi either i said

my mother was standing very still and

stiff

staring across the street at the little

man we could see him clearly he was in a

terrific hurry he was bustling along the

pavement

sidestepping the other pedestrians and

swinging his arms like a soldier on the

march

he's up to something

my mother said stoney-faced

but what

i don't know

my mother snapped but i'm going to find

out come with me

she took my arm and we crossed the

street together

then we turned left

can you see him

my mother asked

yes there he is he's turning right down

the next street

we came to the corner and turned right

the little man was about 20 yards ahead

of us he was scuttling along like a

rabbit and we had to walk very fast to

keep up with him

the rain was pelting down harder than

ever now and i could see it dripping

from the brim of his hat onto his

shoulders

but we were snug and dry under our

lovely big silk umbrella

what is he up to

my mother said

what if he turns round and sees us i

asked i don't care if he does my mother

said he lied to us

he said he was too tired to walk any

further and he's practically running us

off our feet he's a bare-faced liar he's

a crook

you mean he's not a title gentleman i

asked be quiet she said

at the next crossing the little man

turned right again

then he turned left

then right

i'm not giving up now

my mother said

he's disappeared i cried

where's he gone

he went in that door

my mother said

i saw him into that house great heavens

it's a pub

it was a pub

in big letters right across the front it

said the red lion

you're not going in are you mummy

no

she said we'll watch from outside

there was a big plate glass window along

the front of the pub and although it was

a bit steamy on the inside we could see

through it very well if we went close

we stood huddled together outside the

pub window

i was clutching my mother's arm

the big raindrops were making a loud

noise on our umbrella

there he is

i said over there

the room we were looking into was full

of people and cigarette smoke

and our little man was in the middle of

it all

he was now without his hat and coat and

he was edging his way through the crowd

towards the bar

when he reached it he placed both hands

on the bar itself and spoke to the

barman

i saw his lips moving as he gave his

order

the barman turned away from him for a

few seconds and came back with a

smallish tumbler filled to the brim with

light brown liquid

the little man placed a pound note on

the counter

that's my pound

my mother hissed

by golly he's got a nerve

what's in the glass

i asked

whiskey my mother said

neat whiskey

the barman didn't give him any change

from the pound

that must be a treble whiskey my mommy

said

what's a treble i asked

three times the normal measure

she answered

the little man picked up the glass and

put it to his lips

he tilted it gently

then he tilted it higher and higher

and higher

and very soon all the whiskey had

disappeared down his throat in one long

pour

that's a jolly expensive drink i said

it's ridiculous

my mummy said

fancy paying a pound for something to

swallow in one go

it cost him more than a pound i said

it cost him a 20 pound silk umbrella

so it did

my mother said

he must be mad

little man was standing by the bar with

the empty glass in his hand

he was smiling now

and a sort of golden glow of pleasure

was spreading over his round pink face

i saw his tongue come out to lick the

white moustache as though searching for

one last drop of that precious whiskey

slowly he turned away from the bar and

edged his way back through the crowd to

where his hat and coat were hanging he

put on his hat he put on his coat

then

in a manner so superbly cool and casual

that you hardly noticed anything at all

he lifted from the coat rack one of the

many wet umbrellas hanging there

and off he went

did you see that

my mother shrieked

did you see what he did

shh i whispered he's coming out we

lowered our umbrella to hide our faces

and peered out from under it

out he came

but he never looked in our direction he

opened his new umbrella over his head

and scurried off down the road the way

he had come

so that's his little game

my mother said

neat

i said super

we followed him back to the main street

where we had first met him

and we watched him as he proceeded with

no trouble at all to exchange his new

umbrella for another pound note

this time it was with a tall thin fellow

who didn't even have a coat or hat

and as soon as the transaction was

completed our little man trotted off

down the street and was lost in the

crowd

but this time he went in the opposite

direction

you see how clever he is my mother said

he never goes to the same pub twice

he could go on doing this all night i

said

yes

my mother said of course

but i'll bet he prays like mad for rainy

days

[Music]

you

{{}}

伞人 罗尔德·达尔的一个有趣的故事

我要告诉你昨天晚上

发生在我和妈妈身上的一件有趣的事情

我今年 12 岁，我是一个女孩，

我妈妈今年 34 岁，

但我几乎和我一样 昨天下午我妈妈已经和她一样高了，

我妈妈带我

去伦敦看牙医，

他发现一个洞是在后牙上

，他填补了它而没有对我造成太大

伤害，然后我们去了一家咖啡馆，

我吃了香蕉

我们起身离开的时候妈妈喝了杯咖啡，我们从

咖啡馆出来的时候

已经是六点

多了 雨下得很大，

我们为什么不回到咖啡馆

等它

停下来？

雨天在人行道上

找出租车，

很多人都经过，但都有

乘客 在他们身边，

我希望我们有一辆带司机的车

我妈妈说

就在那时

一个男人向我们走来，

他是个小男人

，他很老，

大概 70 岁或以上

他礼貌地举起帽子对

我妈妈说

对不起，

我愿意 希望你能原谅我

他留着漂亮的白胡子和浓密的

白眉毛和一张满是皱纹的粉红色脸

他正躲在一把伞

下 他

把伞高高举过头是

你

他说

这只是一个很小的忙

我看到我妈妈怀疑地看着他

她是一个多疑的人我妈妈

她特别怀疑两个

奇怪的男人

和煮鸡蛋

当她从一个煮鸡蛋的顶部切开时她在

周围戳 用她的勺子在里面

，好像期待找到一只

老鼠或什么东西

和陌生的男人她有一条黄金法则

，

那就是男人看起来

越好越可疑，你必须变得越可疑

这个小老头特别

好

他是p 他说得很好 他

穿得很好 他是个真正的绅士

我知道他是个绅士的原因是

因为他的鞋子

你总能从

他穿的鞋子看出

一个绅士 这是我妈妈最喜欢的

一句话

这个男人有漂亮的棕色 鞋子

事情的真相是

这个小男人说

我已经陷入了困境

我需要一些帮助

我向你保证

这实际上几乎没有但我确实

需要它

你经常看到像我这样的老人夫人

变得非常健忘

我妈妈的下巴抬起

，她整个鼻子都盯着他

这是一件可怕的事情

我妈妈

大多数人的这种冷眼凝视当

她把它交给他们时完全崩溃

我曾经见过 我自己的女校长开始

像白痴一样结结巴巴，当我

妈妈给她一个非常臭的冰冷

鼻子

时，人行道上的小个子

头上撑着雨伞并没有眨眼，

他温和地微笑着说

我 求你相信女士

，我没有习惯

在街上拦住女士并告诉她们我的

烦恼

我希望不是

我妈妈说

我对我妈妈的敏锐感到很尴尬

我想对她说，哦，妈妈，看在

上帝的份 一个非常老的男人

，他很可爱，很有礼貌，他

遇到了一些麻烦，所以不要

对他那么凶，但我什么也没说

那个小男人把他的雨伞从

一只手转移到另一只手，

我永远不会忘记 在

他说

你永远不会忘记

我妈妈严厉地问过

我的钱包之前

他说

我一定把它留在了我的另一件夹

克里这不是最愚蠢的

事情你要我给你钱

我妈妈说

哦天哪 意思是不，

他哭了，上帝禁止我这样做

，

那你在问什么

保护你并

永远保持如果

如果 只要

我妈妈说的

话只要你给我一

英镑的出租车费就可以让我

回家

我妈妈仍然怀疑

如果你一开始没有钱

她说

那你怎么到这里

我走了 他每天都回答我

去散步很长一段路然后我

叫一辆出租车带我回家我

一年中的每一天都

这样做为什么你现在不走路回家

我妈妈问

哦我希望我能他说

我希望 我可以，

但我不认为我能用我

这些愚蠢的老腿做到这一点我已经

走得太远了

我的母亲站在那里咀嚼她的下唇

她开始有点融化我可以

看到这一点

以及获得的想法 一把可以

躲在底下的雨伞一定对她

很有

吸引力。小男人说这是一把可爱的

雨伞，

所以我注意到

我妈妈说

这是丝绸

他说

我可以看到

那你为什么不拿它女士他说

我花了 超过 20 磅，我向你保证，

但这并不重要，只要我

能回家休息 我的这些老腿

我看到妈妈的手在

摸她钱包的扣子

她看到我在看着她 这次我

用我自己冷冷的

鼻子看着她

她完全知道我在说什么

现在听妈妈我在说 她，

你根本不可以这样利用一个

疲惫的老人，

这是一件很糟糕的事情

我妈妈停下来回头看了我一眼，

然后她对那个小男人说，

我认为我

应该采取行动是不对的 你送的价值

20 英镑的雨伞

我想我最好还是给你

出租车费就行了

从

你身上

拿走雨伞亲爱的女士，不要让

雨从你的

肩膀上我妈妈得意洋洋地向我

侧身

看你是她在告诉我你

错了他想要我拥有它

她从她的钱包里掏出一个

英镑钞票，她把它递给小

男人，

他也是 把它递给她把伞递给她

他把英镑装进口袋举起帽子

从腰间快速鞠了一躬说

谢谢女士谢谢然后他

走了

过来保持干燥亲爱的我

妈妈说

我们不是很幸运我已经

我买不起之前从来没有过丝绸伞

为什么一开始你对他那么可怕

我问

我想满足自己 他不是

骗子 她

说我做到了

他是个绅士

我很高兴我 能够帮助他

是的，妈妈，我说的

是一位真正的绅士，她也很

有钱，

否则他就不会有一把丝绸

伞，

如果他不是一个有

头衔的人，哈里·戈德斯沃西爵士或类似的人，我不应该感到

惊讶

是的，妈妈

这对你来说是一个很好的教训

她继续说

从不急于求成

当你总结某人时总是花时间这样你就

不会

犯错误 他去了

我说看看

那边 他正在过马路

天哪 妈妈 真着急 他在我们

看着这个小男人

当他到达街道的另一边时，他敏捷地进出车流

他左转走得很快

他在我看来并不很累 他

在你看来是吗 妈妈

我妈妈没有回答

他看起来不像 他正想

打车或者我说

我妈妈一动不动地站着，

僵硬地

盯着街对面的小个子

男人，我们可以清楚地看到他他

非常着急他在人行道上熙熙攘攘，

避开其他行人，

挥舞着手臂 就像一个行军的士兵

他在做某事

我妈妈面无表情

但

我不知道

我妈妈生气了但我会

发现和我

一起她拉着我的胳膊我们

一起过马路

然后我们转身 左边

你能看到他吗

我妈妈问

他在那儿 他

在下一条街右转

我们来到拐角处右转

那个小男人在我们前面大约 20 码

他像兔子一样飞快地往前走

我们不得不走得很远 快速

保持 和他在一起

，雨比

以往任何时候都下得更大，我可以看到雨

从他的帽子边缘滴到他的

肩膀上，

但我们在我们可爱的大丝绸伞下又舒适又干爽，

他在做什么

我妈妈说

如果 他转身看到我们 我

问我不在乎他有没有

你的意思是他不是绅士我

要求安静她说

在下一个路口那个小男人

又右转

然后他左转

然后右

我不放弃现在

我妈妈说

他失踪了我哭

了他去哪儿了

他进去了 门

我妈妈说

我看见他进了那房子 天哪

这是一家酒吧 这是

一家大写字母的酒吧 就在前面 上面

写着红狮

你不能进去 你妈咪

不

她说我们会在外面看

是沿着pu前面的一个大平板玻璃窗

b 虽然

里面有点湿气，但

如果我们靠近

一点，我们可以很好地

看穿它

我说在那边

，我们正在调查的房间里挤满

了人和香烟烟雾，

而我们的小男人正身处其中，

他现在没有帽子和外套，

他正在挤过人群走向

酒吧 走到吧台上，他将双手

放在吧台上，对酒保说话，

我看到他的嘴唇在他

点菜时

在动，酒保转身离开他

几秒钟，拿着一个

小杯子回来

小个子在柜台上放了一张英镑钞票，

那是我的英镑，

我妈妈

被天哪嘶嘶作响 他很紧张玻璃杯里有

什么

我问

威士忌 我妈妈说

纯

威士忌 酒保没有给他任何

英镑的零钱

那一定是高音威士忌 我妈妈

说

什么是高音 我问

了三倍于正常量度

她

回答 小个子拿起酒杯

放在唇边

他轻轻地倾斜它

然后他把它倾斜得越来越

高 很快 喝了一大口，所有的威士忌都

从他的喉咙里消失了

那是一种非常昂贵的饮料 我说

这太

荒谬了

真丝

伞 就这样

我妈妈说

他一定是

疯了 他舔了舔

白胡子，仿佛在

寻找最后一滴珍贵的威士忌。

他慢慢地转身离开吧台，慢慢

地穿过人群

回到挂着他的帽子和外套的地方，他戴上帽子。

当他穿上外套时，他

以一种非常酷和随意的方式

，你几乎没有注意到任何东西

他从衣帽架上拿起了

挂在那里的许多湿雨伞中的一个，

然后他走

了你看到

我妈妈在

尖叫你看到了吗 他做了什么

嘘 我低声说他要出来

我们放下雨伞遮住

脸 从伞下向外张望

他走了出来

但他从不看我们的方向 他

打开他的新雨伞在他的头上

然后像

他一样匆匆离开 来了，

所以那是他的小游戏，

我妈妈说

整洁，

我说超级，

我们跟着他回到了

我们第一次见到他的主要街道

，我们看着他，他

毫不费力地继续用他的新

雨伞换另一英镑

钞票 有一次是和一个瘦高个子

连外套和帽子都没有

，交易一

完成，我们的小个子就小

跑到街上，迷失在

人群中，

但这次他去了对面的

di 反应

你看他有多聪明 我妈妈说

他从不去同一个酒吧两次

他可以继续这样做一整晚 我

说

是的

我妈妈说当然

但是我敢打赌他会疯狂地祈祷下雨天

[音乐]

你