English Speech Jane Lynch Plans are for wusses
you ladies are about to receive a piece
of paper that proves to the world you
are now fit to join the ranks of an
elite and tremendously powerful group of
game-changing women the Smith class of
2012
Smith women have transformed cuisine
spearheaded social movements created
great literature and in the case of my
friend Piper class of 92 even gone to
prison but damn it when a Smith he goes
to prison she writes a clever and
compelling book about it just know the
fact that you sit here in a chair
assigned to you with your bright shiny
faces looking gorgeous and your caps and
gowns just know you’re welcome you’ve
actually done far more than I was able
to accomplish back on my college
graduation day back in 1982 as a young
person I was a victim of overwhelming
angst and free-floating anxiety I spent
a great deal of my time running around
like a chicken with its head cut off
this ongoing frenzy caused me to send in
my graduation registration without a
stamp or a return address after my four
mostly unfocused years as a solid C
student at Illinois State University
thank you go big red in the aptly named
Normal Illinois I sat where you now sit
hoping to God my name would be called
and I would receive my diploma I
realized my postal boo boo just as the
envelope left my hand and dropped into
the mailbox and instead of figuring out
a way to remedy this I did what I have
always done when I lacked forethought
and impulse control I crossed my fingers
and I hoped for the best
with my entire family out there in the
audience wearing a cap and gown that I
swiped when no one was looking
sitting in a chair that I was sharing
with my good friend Jeannie Mahoney I
held my breath and prayed to hear my
name they finished with the elves and
were on to the m’s when my heart sank as
Jeannie took her diploma from our Dean
she whispered in his ear that my name
had been left out gratefully he called
mine after hers of course he didn’t have
a diploma for me but he did shake my
hand and my parents sitting way back had
where were none the wiser now I know
that none of you would have been so
scattered and focused leading up to this
day because you are the Smith College
class of 2012 you are exceptional women
if you were not an exceptional woman you
would not be here today I feel I know
quite a bit about the Smith women
because I married one I know from living
with Laura class of 91 and loving Laura
class of 91 that the experience of
attending this fabulous College is
simply transformative your lives will
take on different paths but you will
always be smythies you are women of
Smith you are fiercely independent
you are wickedly smart trail blazing
blazing overconfident and shockingly
entitled like I told you I live with one
of you
I have no doubt you will continue this
legacy and you will change the world
ladies and we need you too now more than
ever but in this moment young ladies and
ADA Comstock on this most auspicious of
days I want you to take a breath and
reflect don’t blow through this day even
if you’re overwhelmed with the family or
maybe you’re just a little bit drunk
take a breath you have successfully
completed a journey at an exceptional
institution of learning and attention
must be paid I’ll tell you if I could do
so much of my life over I would have
taken more moments like this to breathe
I would have spent more time focusing on
what was right in front of me instead of
recoiling from what is because it didn’t
look or feel exactly as I imagined it I
wouldn’t have been forever trying to
look around the corner to see what’s
next what’s next I’d have taken in the
beauty of this moment and greeted
everything in my life with a big yes and
which leads me to what I’d like to talk
to you about today and today is all
about you
but just a little bit about me I was
born a red-faced screamin malcontents
with sparkling blue eyes and chubby
cheeks along with this extra helping of
angst
I felt alien in a world and in my own
body as I was sure I should have been a
cowboy I spent most of my youth deeply
disappointed so much of the time because
nothing ever looked or felt the way I
imagined it should I wanted to ride my
bike and have my shirt off all summer
I wanted to play Little League baseball
I didn’t want to wear a dress or curl my
hair and I was only happy with a clear
blue sky so you can imagine I’m thrilled
today but I lived in Illinois where
winter goes until May and spring usually
skips us altogether and if a day loomed
cloudy as it usually did in Illinois my
poor mother would fear my lashing out at
the weather for having led
me down I took everything so personally
and I lived my life this way for about
27 years until my life stepped in with a
huge lesson that I was just aware enough
to notice now at the time I fancied
myself a serious actress sketch comedy
was not at all on my radar in fact it
was a bit beneath me and out of left
field
I was hired for the second city and for
those of you who don’t know the second
city is a Chicago institution yes the
improvisational breeding ground where
the likes of Tina Fey Amy Poehler Rachel
Dratch any of our Dallas along with some
guys you might recognize it’s where they
got their start so there I was a very
tightly wound young woman obsessed with
process and rules fresh out of grad
school I was a classically trained
pain-in-the-ass frankly engaging in
improvisation the creative equivalent of
jumping off a cliff an art where there
are no rules save one and that rule is
called yes and yes and is a vital and
only rule of improvisation it simply
never deny your fellow actor you should
be willing and able to accept whatever
he throws at you use that as your
jumping point and then you heighten or
explore it as we like to call it for
instance if I say to you stick them up
and you say well that’s not a gun that
gun that’s your finger then we have
nowhere to go I or if I say what a
beautiful day it is today and you say no
it’s not we’re in the middle of winter
and snowing we have nowhere to go from
there what if I were to say to you
come my darling let’s go to bed and you
say you’re not my wife and put your
pants back on
now where do we go what do I do with
that
the scene is dead in the water and I’m
literally caught with my pants down well
in order for our scene to go forward we
affirm what the other is saying which is
the yes part of our equation and of
course then we take it and we build it
that’s the end part of the equation in
other words in order for our lives to go
forward in order to engage fully in life
we need to be willing and able to accept
what is right in front of us whatever it
is the good the bag the thrilling the
heartbreaking every emotion occurrence
event person place or thing and you will
experience them all that’s the yes that
I’m talking about and the acceptance and
the embrace of it with all your heart
doing something with it that is the and
you accept influence and then you exert
influence you can’t make a cloudy day a
sunny day but you can’t embrace it and
decide it’s gonna be a good day after
all I learned through contrast I had one
of my first significant experiences of
no but when I was a freshman in high
school I auditioned for and was cast as
the king in a one-act version of the of
the princess and the pea story called
the ugly duckling this also began a
lifelong pattern a pattern of mine being
cast in roles originally intended for
men I’d known I wanted to be an actress
right out of the chute so I was beside
myself with excitement at the audition I
got huge laughs at the first rehearsal I
didn’t get the laughs I didn’t get the
love and I quit devastated and so
confused I had no idea what I had just
done my 14 year old self had no idea how
to process it I had walked up to that
which I had ate to do for as long as I
could remember and I don’t think I go
too far when I say I came face to face
with my destiny and I walked away from
it and you know why because it didn’t
feel like I imagined it should have felt
I didn’t get the response ie the big
laugh ie the big love like I expected
there was now a real possibility of
failure and I quit I was at this time
unaware of the concept of yes and
feeling the fear and doing it anyway now
as you travel through life in these many
years ahead I guarantee you that you
will come upon countless times in which
the last thing you’re gonna want to say
is yes and you will experience loss
heartache the death of a loved one
you’ll probably have to say goodbye to a
lover you’ll experience rejection maybe
even have to deal with a bad diagnosis
you’ll age and the trick isn’t to avoid
these times or pretend they’re not
happening you can’t but you’ll need to
do is step up to them courageously and
embrace them allow these experiences to
permeate your being and you weave them
into the fabric of your life they will
not only strengthen you
but soften you and you will open your
heart to compassion you will not be
powerless in this either if you embrace
what’s happening instead of denying it
you can make it your own if life gives
you lemons grab it by the horns and
drive and yes I just mixed three
metaphors remember I was a sieve student
as a younger person full of that anxiety
and fear in desperate pursuit of the
keys to the kingdom let me tell you what
I did right after I walked away from the
ugly duckling my freshman year in high
school I would never let that fear take
me over again at least in the acting
department not that I would never feel
fear again I just plowed through it I
grabbed at almost every opportunity
maybe some I should have left at the
wayside now this is not to suggest that
you should say yes and to every
opportunity presented to you and now I
know what you’re thinking Jane what
about doing porno to which I say I am as
surprised as you I was never offered the
opportunity but what I have said yes to
that what if life gives us an
opportunity to rob a bank or a way to
cheat on our taxes or say it offers us
several hours in a row of life with the
kardashians hours that we can never get
back to this I say you can always trust
that when you’re coming from your
highest self and from your heart you’ll
know when to say yes and or when to
engage in the awesome power of no way
now this yes end way of life may not be
the most natural thing for you Smith
College class of 2012 you are highly
educated you are so schooled in critical
thinking it almost hurts to look at you
the point of your education is to get
you to poke holes in theories to
question to be loath to accept anything
at face value yes and may not roll
trippingly off your tongue and into your
life your job is to honestly discern for
yourself
if you’re saying no to an opportunity
out of fear or you’re simply exercising
good judgment now for me the hardest
thing to get past was my need to plan
and you might you might understand this
I thought I had to have a plan or a
strategy to get where I wanted to go
from my earliest moments I knew I wanted
to be a performer and actress I had an
driving anxiety filled ambition and
growing up in this concrete jungle of a
suburb just south of Chicago I had no
idea how to get there just show me the
road map I would beg her just please
somebody drop down from the heavens take
my hand and show me the way I was ripe
for a cult so I took to rules and
regulations and parameters and in an
effort to feel safe while I waited for
that clear plan of action I would at
least have the illusion of certainty in
what has always felt to me to be an
unsafe unpredictable and ever-changing
world well it turns out that I just had
to be willing to take chances look at
what’s right in front of me and greet
everything with a big yes and and of
course then putting my heart into
everything I do my counsel to you women
of Smith College let life surprise you
don’t have a plan plans are for wusses
you know if my life went according to my
plan I would never have the life I have
today now you’re obviously very good
planners you wouldn’t be here so stop it
stop it now don’t deprive yourself of
the exciting journey your life can be
when you relinquish the need to have
goals and a blueprint they don’t have
goals
I guess I’m assuming you’re all of you
are as terrified as I was of life so you
know that when you feel sick to your
stomach it’s a good thing it’s signals
opportunity for big growth ahead
something’s coming something’s good so
don’t ignore the nausea step up to it
now at one point in my life I had had a
lean financial year I was in a bunch of
sketch comedy shows and performing it’s
a hard-knock life from Annie and my
pantyhose had lost its charm
I was stuck creatively and
professionally and I was in my late 30s
terrified that the parade had passed me
by the thought of writing a show by
myself and for myself began to bubble up
to the surface of my consciousness and
it made me very sick to my stomach so
with the big yes and and hutzpah I
didn’t even know I had I created
something where there had once been
nothing and this was for the very first
time in my life on my own nickel I
rented a theater for eight consecutive
Wednesdays
I wrote monologues for characters I had
accessed from the deepest recesses of my
psyche and I created a one-hour romp
which I performed literally stinking of
fear and at moments terrified and others
simply elated I was never more proud of
myself and it blew wide opened the doors
of my self-confidence I emerged in my
humble opinion an artist and a changed
woman
I was now one poised for and deserving
of the next level and I met Christopher
guest’s shortly thereafter I was cast in
best-in-show thank you I was 40 years
old but I was finally in the game and I
never could have planned this other
momentous occasions where my dreams were
about to come true and I wanted nothing
more than to flee the scene being
offered the opportunity to host the
Emmys being asked to host us at ernet
live being asked to give the
commencement speech at Smith College
when my insight screamed no I somehow
got my mouth to say yes and now as you
know life is not all about work and the
scariest places to say yes and are also
the most rewarding relationship whoever
you choose ladies your husband your wife
your partner will make you see more
about yourself than any navel-gazing in
solitude could ever reveal and if the
process isn’t completely horrifying and
frustrating then you’re just not doing
it right
this will be your most vulnerable place
I put it off until I was almost 50 your
partner will inevitably see your soft
underbelly shocking behavior you only
read about will start to become your own
your demon will rise up righteously to
destroy your relationship and the guise
of saving yourself from really seeing
yourself and your partner will say to
you with all the tenderness that
situation allows what
[Laughter]
you want to break up with yourself don’t
be afraid of this horrible version of
yourself face it embrace it coddle it
right at a poem maybe it just needs a
hug
shine the light of day on this part of
you unclaimed and unacknowledged it’s
got the power and its darkest forces
will have you enslaved accept its
influence mine it for its gold yep
sometimes saying yes and is going to
take everything you’ve got but the
payoff trusting in love it’s just
incredible the day after I met my wife I
met my daughter and I don’t really like
kids I’m a dog person
I couldn’t have designed a better kid
for me though she’s witty she’s wise
beyond her eight years she has a huge
heart and such patience with the
frailties of human nature that I don’t
mean to make her sound like the Dalai
Lama but she is exceptional exceptional
at one day you will meet your child you
may give birth to her you may adopt her
she may just wander over or maybe she’ll
follow you home and we do meet them
because they’re born who they are we
don’t make them we welcome them nothing
like knowing they’re watching you will
make you want to be your best self
Hayden was seven when I met her she’s
ten now and eight years we hope to be
dropping her off right here
[Applause]
children also remind us that life is
constantly changing and moving ever
forward it is true it does not stop I
really came to know this as when I
turned 40 years old I am a late bloomer
folks the big 400 was much anticipated
for me I resolved to have a party for
myself and actually mark it celebrate it
say yes and to it so then I turned 40
year old 40 years old one day and you
know what happened I turned 41 and then
you know what happened I turned 42 and
it just kept going on like that the
number just kept going up I was like
wait wait somebody pressed the pause
button I just got used to being 40 and
the time goes faster as you get older
and the world keeps changing so my
advice to you live in the moment stay
fluid roll with those changes life is
just one big extended improvisation
embrace the ever-changing and
ever-evolving world with the best rule
I’ve ever found yes and accept the world
for what it is and at the same time make
it your own and I especially want you to
make it your own you are a particular
variety of person MS Smithee you have
spent the last four years in an
environment that has encouraged you not
just to be yourself but to be your best
self your strongest self you will have
many opportunities to embrace what the
world has for you and I can’t wait to
see the ways in which you say and
remember that Swift that Smith women
entitlement that I spoke of earlier I’m
counting on yours to ferociously guard
the women’s healthcare rights our
sisters one for us years ago
[Applause]
I know you women of Smith will greet
that fight with a big yes and and anyone
who tries to take them away from you
with a big no way in conclusion I know
you’ll never get your experience here
because you are a part of an incredible
legacy I’ll be at a party with my wife
and she’ll be meeting one person after
another and if by chance she happens to
fajn upon a fellow smithy both their
eyes light up
they already share a profound connection
they both had a unique and extraordinary
experience and today I become a smithy
[Applause]
that same piece of paper that my wife
and all of you toiled for years to get I
get for a handshake and I am so proud to
be one of you enjoy this day and thank
you so much
[Applause]
[Applause]
you