Learn English Ellen Degeneres No Matter what I know who I am with BIG Subtitles
oh boy thank you so much uh thank you so
much that uh Thank You president Cowen
mrs. president Cowen uh distinguished
guests on distinguished guests you know
who you are honored faculty and creepy
Spanish teacher so and thank you to all
the graduating class of 2009 I realize
most of you are hung over and have
splitting headaches and haven’t slept
since Fat Tuesday but you can’t graduate
til I finish - listen up when I was
asked to make the commencement speech I
immediately said yes then I went to look
up what commencement meant
which would have been easy if I had a
dictionary but most of the books in our
house or Porsches and they’re all
written in Australian so I had to break
the word down myself to find out the
meaning commencement common and cement
common cement you commonly see cement on
sidewalks sidewalks have cracks and if
you step on a crack you break your
mother’s back so there’s that but I’m
honored that you’ve asked me here to
speak at your common cement
I thought that you had to be a famous
alumnus alumina aluminum lemon you had
to graduate from the school and I didn’t
go to college here and as I don’t know
if president Cowan knows I didn’t go to
college at all any college and I’m not
saying you wasted your time or money but
look at me I’m a huge celebrity
[Applause]
although I did graduate from the school
of hard knocks our mascot was the
knockers
I spent a lot of time here growing up my
mom worked at Newcomb and I would go
there every time I needed to steal
something out of her purse but why am I
here today clearly not to steal you’re
too far away and I’d never get away with
it
I’m here because of you because I can’t
think of a more tenacious more
courageous graduate of graduating class
I mean look at you all wearing your
robes usually when you’re wearing a robe
at 10:00 in the morning it means you’ve
given up
I’m here because I love New Orleans I
was born and raised here I spent my
formative years here and like you while
I was living here I only did laundry six
times when I finished school I was
completely lost and by school I mean
middle school but I went ahead and
finished high school anyway and I I
really I had no ambition I didn’t know
what I wanted to do I did everything
from i shucked oysters I was a hostess I
was a bartender I was a waitress I
painted houses I sold vacuum cleaners I
had no idea and I thought I’d just
finally settle on some job and I would
make enough money to pay my rent maybe
have basic cable maybe not I didn’t
really have a plan my point is that by
the time I was your age I really thought
I knew who I was but I had no idea like
for example when I was your age I was
dating men
so what I’m saying is when you’re older
most of you will be gay anybody running
this stuff down parents
[Laughter]
anyway I had no idea what I wanted to do
with my life and the way I ended up on
this path was from a very tragic event I
was uh maybe 19 and my girlfriend at the
time was killed in a car accident and I
passed the accident and I didn’t know it
was her and I kept going and I found out
shortly after that it was her and I was
living in a basement apartment I had no
money I had no heat nowhere I had a
mattress on the floor and the apartment
was infested with fleas and I was soul
searching I was like why is she suddenly
gone and there are fleas here I don’t
understand there must be a purpose and
wouldn’t it be so convenient if we could
just pick up the phone and call God and
ask these questions and I started
writing and what poured out of me was an
imaginary conversation with God which
was one-sided
and I finished writing it and I looked
at it and I said to myself and I hadn’t
even been doing stand-up ever there was
no Club in town I said I’m gonna do this
on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson
at the time he was the king and I’m
gonna be the first woman in the history
of the show to be called over to sit
down and several years later I was the
first woman in the history of the show
and only woman in history that showed to
sit down because of that phone
conversation with God that I wrote and I
started this path of stand-up and it was
successful and it was great but it was
hard because I was trying to please
everybody and I had this secret that I
was keeping that I was gay and I thought
if people found out they wouldn’t like
me they wouldn’t laugh at me
then my career turned into I got my own
sitcom and that was very successful
another level of success and I thought
what if they find out I’m gay then
they’ll never watch and this was a long
time ago you probably this was when we
just had white presidents but anyway
this was back
many years ago and I finally decided
that I was living with so much shame and
so much fear that I just couldn’t live
that way anymore and I decided to come
out and make it creative and my
character would come out at the same
time and it wasn’t to make a political
statement it wasn’t to do anything other
than to free myself up from this
heaviness that I was carrying around and
I just wanted to be honest and I thought
what’s the worst that can happen I can
lose my career I did I lost my career I
got the show was cancelled after six
years without even telling me I read it
in the paper the phone didn’t ring for
three years I had no offers nobody
wanted to touch me at all and yet I was
getting letters from kids that almost
committed suicide but didn’t because of
what I did and I realized that I had a
purpose and it wasn’t just about me and
it wasn’t about celebrity but I felt
like I was being punished and it was a
bad time I was angry I was sad and then
I was offered a talk show and the people
that offered me the talk show tried to
sell it and most stations didn’t want to
pick it up most people didn’t want to
buy it because they thought nobody would
watch me and really when I look back on
it I wouldn’t change a thing I mean it
was so importantly for me to lose
everything because I found up what what
the most important thing is is to be
true to yourself and ultimately that’s
that’s what’s gotten me to this place I
don’t live in fear I’m free I have no
secrets and I know I’ll always be okay
because no matter what I Know Who I am
so in conclusion when I was younger I
thought success was something different
I thought when I grow up I want to be
famous I want to be a star I want to be
in movies when I grow up I want to see
the world drive nice cars I want to have
groupies
to quote the Pussycat Dolls how many
people thought it was boobies by the way
it’s not it’s groupies but my idea
success is different today and as you
grow you’ll realize definition of
success changes for many of you today’s
success is being able to hold down 20
shots of tequila for me the most
important thing in your life is to live
your life with integrity and not to give
in to peer pressure to try to be
something that you’re not to live your
life as an honest and compassionate
person to contribute in some way so to
conclude my conclusion follow your
passion stay true to yourself never
follow someone else’s path unless you’re
in the woods and your loss and you see a
path and by all means you should follow
that don’t give advice it’ll come back
and bite you and they ask don’t take
anyone’s advice so my advice to you is
to be true to yourself and everything
will be fine and I know that a lot of
you are concerned about your future but
there’s no need to worry the economy is
booming the job market is wide open
the planet is just fine it’s gonna be
great you’ve already survived a
hurricane what else can happen to you
and as I mentioned before some of the
most devastating things that happen he
will teach you the most and now you know
the right what the right questions to
ask for your first job interview like is
it above sea level
so to conclude my conclusion that I’ve
previously concluded in the common
cement speech I guess what I’m trying to
say is life is like one big Mardi Gras
but instead of showing your boobs show
people your brain and if they like what
they see you’ll have more beads than you
know what to do with and you’ll be drunk
most of the time so the katrina class of
2009 i say congratulations and if you
don’t remember a thing i said today
remember this you’re gonna be okay dum
doo doo doom doom just dance
[Applause]