the umbrella man

a funny story by roald dahl

i'm going to tell you about a funny

thing

that happened to my mother and me

yesterday evening

i am 12 years old and i'm a girl

my mother is 34 but i'm nearly as tall

as her already

yesterday afternoon my mother took me up

to london to see the dentist

he found one hole it was in a back

tooth and he filled it without hurting

me too much

after that we went to a cafe

i had a banana split and my mother had a

cup of coffee

by the time we got up to leave it was

about

six o'clock when we came out of the cafe

it had started to rain we must get a

taxi

my mother said we were wearing ordinary

hats and coats

and it was raining quite hard

why don't we go back into the cafe and

wait for it to stop

i said i wanted another of those banana

splits

they were gorgeous it isn't going to

stop

my mother said we must get home

we stood on the pavement in the rain

looking for a taxi

lots of them came by but they all had

passengers inside them

i wish we had a car with a chauffeur

my mother said just then

a man came up to us he was a small man

and he was pretty old probably

70 or more he raised his hat politely

and said to my mother excuse me

i do hope you will excuse me

he had a fine white mustache and bushy

white eyebrows

and a wrinkly pink face

he was sheltering under an umbrella

which he held

high over his head yes

my mother said very cool and distant

i wonder if i could ask a small

favor of you he said

it is only a very small favor

i saw my mother looking at him

suspiciously

she is a suspicious person my mother

she is especially suspicious of two

things

strange men and boiled eggs

when she cuts the top off a boiled egg

she pokes around inside it with her

spoon

as though expecting to find a mouse or

something

with strange men she has a golden rule

which says the nicer the man

seems to be the more suspicious you must

become

[Music]

this little old man was particularly

nice

he was polite he was well spoken

he was well dressed he was a real

gentleman the reason i knew he was a

gentleman

was because of his shoes you can

always spot spotted gentleman by the

shoes he wears

was another of my mother's favorite

sayings

this man had beautiful brown shoes

the truth of the matter is the little

man was saying

i've got myself into a bit of a scrape

i need some help not bring down much i

assure you

it's almost nothing in fact but i do

need it you see madame

old people like me often become terribly

forgetful

my mother's chin was up and she was

staring down at him

along the full length of her nose

it was a fearsome thing this frosty

nosed stare of my mother's

most people go to pieces completely when

she gives it to them

i once saw my own head mistress begin to

stammer and

simple like an idiot when my mother gave

her a really

foul frosty nose but the little man on

the pavement

with the umbrella over his head didn't

bat an

eyelid he gave a gentle smile

and said i beg you to believe madam

that i am not in the habit of stopping

is in the street and

telling them my troubles i should hope

not my mother said

i felt quite embarrassed by my mother's

sharpness

i wanted to say to her oh mummy for

heaven's sake he's a very very old man

and he's sweet and polite and he's in

some sort of trouble

so don't be so beastly to him

but i didn't say anything

the little man shifted his umbrella from

one hand to the other

i've never forgotten it before he said

you've never forgotten what my mother

asked sternly

my wallet he said

i must have left it in my other jacket

isn't that the silliest thing to do

are you asking me to give you money

my mother said oh could

gracious mean no he cried

heaven forbid i should ever do that

then what are you asking my mother said

do hurry up we're getting soaked to the

skin here

i know you are he said

and that is why i'm offering you this

umbrella of mine to protect you

and to keep forever if

if only if only what

my mother said if only you would give me

in return a pound for my taxi fare just

to get me home

my mother was still suspicious

if you had no money in the first place

she said then how did you get here

i walked he answered

every day i go for a lovely long walk

and then i summon a taxi to take me home

i do it every day of the year why don't

you walk home

now my mother asked

oh i wish i could he said

i do wish i could but i don't think i

could manage it on these silly old legs

of mine

i've gone too far already

my mother stood there chewing her lower

lip

she was beginning to melt a bit i could

see that

and the idea of getting an umbrella to

shelter under

must have tempted her a good deal

it's a lovely umbrella the little man

said so i've noticed

my mother said it's silk

he said i can see that

then why don't you take it madam he said

it cost me over 20 pounds i promise you

but that's of no importance so long as i

can get home

and rest these old legs of mine

i saw my mother's hand feeling for the

clasp of her purse

she saw me watching her i was giving her

one of my

own frosty nosed looks this time

and she knew exactly what i was telling

her

now listen mummy i was telling her

you simply mustn't take advantage of a

tired old man in this way it's a rotten

thing to do

my mother paused and looked back at me

then she said to the little man i

don't think it's quite right but i

should take an umbrella from you worth

20 pounds i think i'd better just

give you the taxi fare and be done with

it

no no no he cried it's

out of the question i wouldn't dream of

it not in a million years

i would never accept money from you like

that

take the umbrella dear lady and

keep the rain off your shoulders

my mother gave me a triumphant sideways

look

there you are she was telling me you're

wrong

he wants me to have it

she fished into her purse and took out a

pound note

she held it out to the little man he

took it

and handed her the umbrella he pocketed

the pound

raised his hat gave a quick bow from the

waist

and said thank you madam thank you

then he was gone come under here and

keep

dry my mother darling my mother said

aren't we lucky i've never had a silk

umbrella before

i couldn't afford it why were you so

horrid to him in the beginning i asked

i wanted to satisfy myself he wasn't a

trickster

she said and i did he was a gentleman

i'm very pleased i was able to help him

yes mommy i said a real

gentleman she went on wealthy too

otherwise he wouldn't have had a silk

umbrella

i shouldn't be surprised if he isn't a

titled person

sir harry goldsworthy or something like

that

yes mummy this will be a good lesson to

you

she went on never rush things

always take your time when you're

summing someone up

they never make mistakes

there he goes i said look

where over there he's crossing the

street

goodness mommy what a hurry he's in

we watched the little man as he dodged

nimbly

in and out of the traffic when he

reached the other side of the street

he turned left walking very fast

he doesn't look very tired to me was he

to you mommy

my mother didn't answer he doesn't look

as though he's trying to get a taxi

either

i said my mother was standing very still

and stiff

staring across the street at the little

man

we could see him clearly he was in a

terrific

hurry he was bustling along the pavement

sidestepping the other pedestrians and

swinging his arms

like a soldier on the march

he's up to something my mother said

stoney-faced but what

i don't know my mother snapped but i'm

going to find out

come with me she took my arm

and we crossed the street together then

we turned left

can you see him my mother asked

yes there he is he's turning right

down the next street he came to the

corner

and turned right the little man was

about 20 yards ahead of us

he was scuttling along like a rabbit and

we had to walk very fast to keep up with

him

the rain was pelting down harder than

ever now

and i could see it dripping from the

brim of his hat onto his shoulders

but we were snug and dry under our

lovely big

silk umbrella what

is he up to my mother said

what if he turns round and sees us i

asked

i don't care if he does my mother said

he lied to us he said he was too

tired to walk any further and he's

practically running us off our feet

he's a bare-faced liar he's a crook

you mean he's not a title gentleman

i asked be quiet she said

at the next crossing the little man

turned right again

then he turned left then right

i'm not giving up now my mother said

he's disappeared i cried

where's he gone he went in that door

my mother said i saw him into that house

great heavens it's a pub

it was a pub in big letters right across

the front it said

the red lion you're not going in

are you mommy no she said

we'll watch from outside

there was a big plate glass window along

the front of the pub

and although it was a bit steamy on the

inside we could see through it very well

if we went close

we stood huddled together outside the

pub window

i was clutching my mother's arm the big

raindrops were making a loud noise on

our umbrella

there he is i said over there

the room we were looking into was full

of people

and cigarette smoke and our little man

was in the middle of it all

he was now without his hat and coat and

he was edging his way

through the crowd towards the bar

when he reached her he placed both hands

on the bar itself

and spoke to the barman i saw his lips

moving as he gave his order

the barman turned away from him for a

few seconds

and came back with a smallish tumbler

filled to the brim

with light brown liquid the little man

placed a pound note on the counter

that's my pound my mother hissed

by golly he's got a nerve

what's in the glass i asked

whiskey my mother said

neat whiskey the barman didn't give him

any change from the pound that must be a

treble whiskey my mommy said

what's a treble i asked

three times the normal measure

she answered the little man

picked up the glass and put it to his

lips

he tilted it gently then he tilted it

higher and higher and higher

and very soon all the whiskey had

disappeared down his throat in one

long pour that

jolly expensive drink i said

it's ridiculous my mummy said

fancy paying a pound for something to

swallow in one go

it cost him more than a pound i said

it cost him a 20 pound silk umbrella

so it did my mother said

he must be mad

the little man was standing by the bar

with the empty glass in his hand

he was smiling now and a sort of

golden glow of pleasure was spreading

over

his round pink face i saw his tongue

come out to lick the white moustache

as though searching for one last drop of

that precious whiskey

slowly he turned away from the bar and

edged his way back through the crowd

to where his hat and coat were hanging

he put on his hat

he put on his coat then

in a manner so superbly cool and casual

that you hardly noticed anything at all

he lifted from the coat rack

one of the many wet umbrellas hanging

there

and off he went did you

see that my mother shrieked

did you see he did shh

i whispered he's coming out

we lowered our umbrella to hide our

faces

and peered out from under it out he came

but he never looked in our direction he

opened his new umbrella over his head

and scurried off down the road the way

he had come

so that's his little game

my mother said neat

i said super

we followed him back to the main street

where we had first met him

and we watched him as he proceeded with

no

trouble at all to exchange his new

umbrella

for another pound note this time

it was with a tall thin fellow who

didn't even have a coat or hat

and as soon as the transaction was

completed our little man

trotted off down the street and was lost

in the crowd

but this time he went in the opposite

direction

you see how clever he is

my mother said he never goes to the same

pub twice

he could go on doing this all night i

said

yes my mother said of course

but i'll bet he prays like mad for rainy

days

{{}}

伞

人 罗尔德·达尔的一个有趣的故事

我要告诉你昨天晚上

发生在我和妈妈身上的一件有趣的事情

我今年 12 岁，我是一个女孩，

我妈妈今年 34 岁，但我几乎和我一样 昨天下午我

妈妈已经和她一样高了，

我妈妈带我

去伦敦看牙医，

他发现一个洞是在后

牙上，他填补了它而没有对

我造成太大

伤害，然后我们去了

一家咖啡馆，我吃了香蕉

我们起身离开的时候妈妈喝了杯咖啡，我们从

咖啡馆出来的

时候已经是六点

多了 雨下得很大，

我们为什么不回到咖啡馆

等它停下

来？

雨天在人行道上

找出租车，

很多人经过，但都有

乘客 在他们身边，

我希望我们有一辆带司机的车

我妈妈说就在那时

一个男人向我们走来，他是个小男人

，他很老，大概

70 岁或以上他礼貌地举起帽子

对我妈妈说对不起，

我愿意 希望你能原谅我

他留着漂亮的白胡子和浓密的

白眉毛

和一张满是皱纹的粉红色脸

他正躲在一把伞

下 他

把伞高高举过头是

你他说

这只是一个很小的忙

我看到我妈妈怀疑地看着他

她是一个多疑的人我妈妈

她特别怀疑两个

奇怪的男人和煮鸡蛋

当她从一个煮鸡蛋的顶部切开时她在

周围戳 用她的勺子在里面

，好像期待找到一只老鼠

什么

的和陌生的男人她有一条黄金法则

，那就是男人

看起来越好越可疑你必须

变得

[音乐]

这个小老头特别

好，

他w 彬彬有礼 他说得

很好 他穿着得体 他是一个真正的

绅士 我知道他是个绅士的原因

是因为他的鞋子 你

总是可以从

他穿的鞋子看出

有斑点的绅士 这是我母亲最喜欢的另

一句话

这个男人很漂亮 棕色的鞋子

事情的真相是这个小

男人说

我有点伤痕累累

我需要一些帮助 不要让我失望 我

向你保证

这实际上几乎什么都没有 但我确实

需要它 你看

老太太 像我一样经常变得非常

健忘

我妈妈的下巴抬起，她整个鼻子都

盯着他

这是一件可怕的事情我妈妈大多数人的这种冷冷的

鼻子凝视

当

她把它交给他们时完全崩溃了

我 有一次看到我自己的女校长开始

结结巴巴，

像个白痴一样简单，我妈妈给了

她一个非常

臭的冰冷的鼻子，但是人行道上的小男人

头上撑着雨伞没有

眨眼，

他给了一个ge 微笑

着说我求你相信女士

，我不习惯

在街上停下来

告诉他们我的烦恼我希望

不是我妈妈说

我对我妈妈的尖锐感到很尴尬

我想对她说哦 妈咪，看在

上帝的份上，他是个非常老的人

，他很可爱，很有礼貌，而且他

遇到了一些麻烦，

所以不要对他那么残忍，

但我什么也没说，

这个小男人把他的雨伞从

一只手转移到另一只手

我从来没有忘记过他说

你从来没有忘记我妈妈

严厉地问过

我的钱包他说

我一定把它留在了我的另一件夹

克里这不是最愚蠢的

事情你要我给你钱

吗 妈妈说哦，天哪，

不，他哭了，

上帝禁止我这样做，

那你在问我妈妈说

什么，快点，我们都湿透了，

我知道你是他说的

，这就是我提供的原因 你这

把我的伞

来保护你 永远

如果只要

我妈妈说的话只要你

给我一英镑的出租车费只是

为了让我回家

我妈妈仍然怀疑

如果你一开始没有钱

她说那你是怎么得到的 在这里

我走路他

每天都回答我走了一段很长的路

然后我叫一辆出租车带我回家

我一年中的每一天都这样做为什么

你现在不走路回家

我妈妈问

哦我希望我能他说

我真希望我能，但我不认为我

能用我这些愚蠢的老腿做到这一点

我已经走得太远了

我妈妈站在那里咀嚼她的下唇

她开始有点融化我可以

看到那

和 想买一把雨伞

躲在下面的想法

一定很吸引她。

小男人说这是一把可爱的雨伞

所以我注意到

我妈妈说这是丝绸

他说我能看到

那你为什么不拿它女士他说

我向你保证，这花了我 20 多磅，

但这并不重要，只要我

能回家

休息一下我的这些旧腿

我看到妈妈的手在

摸她钱包

的扣子 告诉她

你根本不能这样利用一个

疲惫的老人，这是一件很糟糕的

事情，

我妈妈停下来回头看着我，

然后她对那个小男人说，我

认为这不太对，但我

应该 从你那里拿一把价值

20 英镑的雨伞我想我最好还是

给你出租车费就行了

不不不 他哭了 这

不可能 像这样收你的钱

拿伞 亲爱的女士

把雨从你的肩膀上拿走

我妈妈得意洋洋地侧身

看着我 她在告诉我你

错了

他要我得到它

她从她的钱包里掏出 拿出一张

英镑钞票，

她把它递给小m 他

接过它

，把伞递给她，他

把英镑装进口袋里，

举起帽子，从腰间迅速鞠了一躬

，说谢谢，女士，谢谢，

然后他就走了

幸运的是，我买不起之前从来没有带过丝绸

伞

，为什么一开始你

对他如此可怕我问

我想满足自己，她说他不是

骗子

，我做到了，他是个绅士

我 我很高兴我能帮到他

就像

那样，

是的，妈妈，这对你来说是一个很好的教训，

她继续说，从不急于求成，

当你总结某人时总是花时间

他们从不犯错误

，他去了我说看看

那边他在哪里过

马路，

天哪，妈妈，多好 快点他进来

我们看着小米

当他到达马路的另一边时，他敏捷地在车流中进进出出，

他左转走得很快

看起来

好像他要叫出租车

或者

我说我妈妈一动不动地站着

，僵硬地

盯着街对面的那个小

男人，

我们可以清楚地看到他他

非常

着急他在人行道上熙熙攘攘，

避开其他行人，

像行军中的士兵一样挥动

他的手臂 他正在做妈妈说的

话 面无表情但

我不知道 我妈妈厉声但我

会发现

跟我来 她拉着我的

胳膊 我们一起过马路 然后

我们左转

你能看到他吗我妈妈问

是的他

在下一条街上他右转他来到

拐角

处右转那个小男人在

我们前面大约20码

他像兔子一样飞快地向前走

走得很快 为了跟上

他，雨比

以往任何时候都下得更大

，我可以看到雨从

他的帽子边缘滴到他的肩膀上，

但我们在我们可爱的大丝绸伞下又舒服又干爽

我妈妈说他怎么了

如果他转身看到我们

怎么办 我问我不在乎他有没有

一个骗子，

你的意思是他不是一个头衔绅士

我要求保持安静她说

在下一个路口那个小男人

再次右转

然后他左转然后右

我不放弃现在我妈妈说

他失踪了我哭

了他去哪里他去了 在那扇门里，

我妈妈说我看到他进了那间房子，

天哪，那是一家酒吧，

那是一家大写的酒吧，就

在前面，上面

写着红狮，你不能进去，

是吗，妈妈，不，她说

我们会注意的 外面

有一个大平板玻璃窗，沿着

th的前面 这家酒吧

，虽然里面有点热气腾腾，但

如果我们靠近

一点，我们可以很好地看穿它

我是不是在那边说

我们正在查看的房间里挤满

了

人和香烟烟雾而我们的小男人

正处于这一切

他现在没有帽子和外套

他正在

穿过人群走向酒吧

时 他走到她身边，双手放在吧台上

，对酒保说话 我看到他的嘴唇

在他点菜时在动

液体 小个子

在柜台上放了一张英镑钞票，

那是我的英镑 我妈妈

被天哪嘶嘶作响 他很紧张 杯子里有

什么 我问

威士忌 我妈妈说

纯威士忌 酒保没有给他

任何英镑的零钱 那一定是

高音威士忌 我妈妈说

什么是高音 我问

了三倍于正常量度

她回答 小个子

拿起酒杯放在

唇边

他轻轻地倾斜它 然后他把它倾斜得

越来越

高 很快

一口气把那杯昂贵的饮料倒在他的喉咙里，所有的威士忌都消失了

我说这太荒谬了

我妈妈说

他一定是生气

了 那个小男人正站在吧台边

，手里拿着空杯子

他现在正在微笑，一种

金色的快乐在

他粉红色的圆脸上蔓延开来 我看到他的舌头

来了 他舔了舔白胡子

，仿佛在寻找最后

一滴珍贵的威士忌。

他慢慢地转身离开吧台，慢慢地

穿过人群

回到挂着帽子和外套的地方

，戴上帽子

然后他穿上他的外套

，非常酷和随意

，你几乎没有注意到任何东西

他从衣帽架上拿起

挂在那里的许多湿雨伞中的一个，

然后他走了你

看到我妈妈

尖叫你看到他了吗 嘘，

我小声说他要出来了

我们放下雨伞遮住

脸

，从伞下向外张望 他来了，

但他从不看我们的方向 他

打开他的新雨伞在他的头上

，然后沿着他来的路疾驰而去

所以这就是他的小游戏，

我妈妈说得很好，

我说超级，

我们跟着他回到了

我们第一次见到他的主要街道

，我们看着他，他毫不

费力地把他的新

雨伞

换成了另一张英镑纸币。

和一个瘦高个子

连外套和帽子都没有

，交易一

完成，我们的小男人

就在街上小跑，迷失

在人群中，

但这次他朝相反的

方向走

你看他有多聪明

我妈妈说他从不去同一个

酒吧两次

他可以继续这样做一整晚我

说

是的我妈妈说当然

但是我敢打赌他会像疯了一样祈祷下雨天