20 Minutes for the NEXT 20 Years of Your LIFE Oprah Winfrey
practicing gratitude it is my single
most important life practice i’d have to
say and i know with thanksgiving coming
many people think about being thankful
there’s lots to talk about
thanksgiving and blessings but
that’s kind of like going to church on
just christmas and easter it counts but
it’s not consistent because for me
gratitude is something that
is necessary and should be practiced
every day because making space for
appreciating what you have
opens you up for a happier more
fulfilled existence i guarantee while
ensuring that those blessings just keep
flowing this is the truth it’s a law
what you focus on in your life expands
so focusing on what you’re grateful for
increases positive vibrations and
feelings of joy just one good feeling
builds on another good feeling and
another and if you actively appreciate
all that you have in life no matter how
small it is what you
notice is that you end up having more
and when you hone in on what you don’t
have you never have enough so being
grateful i’ve learned allows us to fill
in the cracks and crevices between what
we desire and what we already have with
positivity so we can pave the way for
grace
to show up
and lead to an even better life so how
do you make gratitude a habit for me
the first thing i do in the morning is i
read some sort of spiritual
enlightenment that allows me to start
the day with a positive frame of mind
that will only help usher in even more
positive energy and for me that is the
daily word which is christian based or
the book of psalms also christian mark
nepo’s book of awakening is just
spiritual no religion with a daily
meditation
and rumi or mary oliver there’s
something called bowl of sake that i
love too it’s a spiritual sufi teachings
that you can download for free into your
inbox but the greatest thing that i’ve
ever done
is having a gratitude journal so i
started one over 20 years ago and every
day for years now i write down five
things that i am grateful for i believe
you gotta write them down because there
is power power power in the written word
and it can be anything big or small some
days those things will come easy
you know a chat with a close friend or
taking a walk in the chris fall air
having a loved one cook you at dinner or
bring you a
cup of tea some days it might be
difficult to even think of anything
and that’s completely normal and when
things don’t easily come to mind
go back to your breath
because if you breathe in you ought to
be grateful
know that you have that and simply
opening your eyes in the morning and
having that breath is a gift
but every day i consistently write down
five things that i’m grateful for
sometimes it’s more than five but if i
can’t get to five i just go breath
breath breath
gratitude is a posture of your heart
a choice and a privilege so i hope that
you’ll make the choice to initiate a
daily gratitude practice if you haven’t
already i’ve been saying it for years
because this i know for sure sure
appreciating noting the delights that
show up in your life
will ensure more goodness is coming your
way
after here like nobody has ever
experienced i believe that the best
thing we can collectively do is to take
care of our individual cells now i know
that might sound
oversimplified and even selfish to some
people but this is what i know for sure
that you have to feed yourself with love
and loving thoughts in order to show up
more fortified and complete
to give other people your love we hear
about self-care so much these days but
what does it really mean well for me
it’s about engaging in practices that
fill you up in every way that means
eating foods that are both enjoyable and
nourishing giving your body the gift of
some form of movement every day
and surrounding yourself with people
whose energy uplifts you this is so
important
also creating space in your day or at
least just give yourself at least a
minimum of five minutes of stillness
that alone time is so crucial when you
can distance yourself from the voices of
the world
so you can hear your own voice loud and
clear that’s why
i have dedicated sundays as my time for
recalibration and renewal
so sometimes it’s just a simple walk in
nature
or
just sitting out in the backyard
all of it that alone time helps me
re-center refuel me for whatever the
coming week is and however that shows up
for you that’s what you need to do for
you i love how glennon doyle put it in
her book love warrior she said i have
met myself
and i’m going to care for her fiercely
so i know we have to be reminded as
women people to continuously make
ourselves a priority because when you
truly value yourself the world reflects
that worth back to you nobody needs to
be reminded of the importance of
self-care though more than mothers
so we all know that back in normal times
before there was a pandemic moms had so
much on their plates
managing the needs of children and
spouses and households and in-laws and
that’s why i have so much respect for
people who do it well
and now the pandemic has taken its toll
from juggling increased child care
demands to mental health ramifications
to economic strain from the more than
you know five million jobs of women were
lost since february of 2020.
so we know mothers are carrying a heavy
load on their shoulders
and that’s just another indication that
self-focus
on yourself is so important
is there someone you need to forgive
it’s one of the most difficult
principles of life to practice but it
can also be one of the most rewarding
it’s one of the grandest gifts you can
give to yourself
you forgive
and you become relieved of the heavy
burden
of resentment that you’ve been carrying
that’s weighing you down you become
lighter literally and things in your
life begin to fall into place
so as someone who has experienced abuse
during childhood i know very well
that the struggle to forgive the people
in your life who have hurt you
is is real and it’s painful
but know this it’s not about condoning
whatever it is that person did to
mistreat you
it is about allowing what they did to
affect how you live your life now
dr joel jampolsky put it to me this way
years ago on the oprah show is a big aha
aha moment that i’ve accepted now as
spiritual law when he said forgiveness
is giving up the hope that the past
could have been any different i repeat
that forgiveness is giving up the hope
that what would a quarter could have
should have happened
in fact
it did not happen it’s accepting the
reality of what did happen
and moving on
this truth has been fundamental in
allowing me to live my best life it was
transformative you have to come to the
realization that what might have been
is not what is
easy to hear i know
and harder to do
you gotta sit with the hurt
feel it
it’s uncomfortable
but when you can rise up and just really
meet that pain face to face and then let
it flow through you
only then can you let it go and step out
of the hurt of your history into the
possibility of the present
i’ve carried this lesson from iyanla
vanzant with me for some time i remember
years ago on the show she said you can
accept or reject the way you are treated
by other people but until you heal the
wounds of your past you will continue to
bleed you can bandage the bleeding with
food with alcohol with drugs with work
with cigarettes with sex she said but
eventually
it’s gonna ooze through and stain your
life
you must find the strength to open up
the wounds
stick your hands inside pull out the
core of the pain that is holding you in
your past the memories and make peace
with them so here’s the formula accept
what has happened forgive others
forgive yourself accept the now
that is the recipe to begin healing and
give up the hope that the past could
have been anything other than what it
actually was
whatever happened
helped to make you you
my hope is that you find the courage to
relinquish all your grudges because
what i do know for sure is that on the
other side of forgiveness
is
freedom the freedom to live the life for
which you were intended and the one you
actually deserve
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there are so many feelings that we’ve
all experienced over the past year and a
half
as a collective
so we’re all in it together i know we’ve
heard that before a lot of people don’t
believe it but we’re in it together
feeling the same things whether we agree
on what we’re feeling or not and one of
the abiding feelings i know
is the sense of uncertainty not knowing
for sure what is next so
our lives have been shaken up and
shifted to say the least which has made
a lot of us uncertain of what is on the
horizon when will we go back to the
office full time what is that going to
require be how long will we be wearing
masks how long will we be fighting about
masks when will all of this be over and
it it really is completely natural to
not have all of the answers so one thing
i do know for sure is that we all have
to let go
of
knowing
of having complete control
and being able to ready ourselves to
navigate waves of change as they come
but how do we do that
anxiety comes when we live in the
unpredictable nuances of the future all
the what-ifs you know i remember when i
was on trial back in 1998 we’re
disparaging a burger and had to sit in a
courtroom for six weeks in amarillo
thank you very much
and in the beginning of that trial i had
so much anxiety
learning to stay focused on just that
day and not the multiple days ahead is
what actually kept me sane
so i think we all must practice becoming
more comfortable stepping into the
unknown and when those uncertain
overwhelmed
feelings creep in you need to make an
effort to stay in the present moment and
just be still
and breathe and say to yourself i am
here now and right now everything is
okay all is well i’ll be well
and there’s nothing i cannot handle so
take some time to be quiet enough to
listen to your internal gps your truer
self and let the clamor of the world
dissipate listen to the whispers as i
like to say and then let that guide you
sometimes just the fear of uncertainty
can stop us from taking the next step
toward a breakthrough but we cannot let
uncertainty
just fester and morph then into doubt
doubt that your fortitude that your
determination that your values won’t
have your back as you navigate whatever
is coming next now they’ve been there
for you in the past they’re there for
you now and they will be by your side as
time goes on so look at where you’ve
come from how far you’ve journeyed to
get to the you that you are now
and you’re still adapting evolving to an
ever better
version of yourself hopefully that’s
what we’re all trying to do
who you are
and what you believe in can remain
steadfast and rooted enough to take on
uncertainty
there is so
much going on in the world right now
mass mandates are changing all over the
country as vaccination rates are
going up travel is coming back a return
to working in the office may be in the
foreseeable future for a lot of you and
as we look to this next chapter after
such a long and challenging stretch i
think it’s time for us all to think
about refreshing ourselves in a way that
allows us to keep what matters most turn
over what we’re ready to let go of and
make room for the new
in our world
in our lives so i don’t know about you
all but i am forever changed by all of
these months away from the bustle of the
world and i will forever more
carefully choose what has to have my
attention and what does not because i’ve
learned a lot of things do not so when
we hit that little refresh button on our
computers or phones it updates
everything so quickly and just like that
so simple sometimes it’s even automated
so there’s not even any think of it
thinking about it
a refresh though in real life
as we know takes effort it takes time
takes patience so be kind to yourself
during these days check in be still
until you can hear and feel the answers
you need for moving forward
and always feel blessed
that we survived a pandemic
and we have another chance
to get things right
in our daily lives
and i would say
that the best way to begin to figure out
who
you are really meant to be
is to ask the universe
god that question
god how can i be used in service to
myself first and how can i then use that
service to serve the world
use your life to serve the world and you
will find that it also serves you
one of the biggest mistakes people make
is thinking that they have to get paid a
lot of money or even get paid at all for
their calling
you are here to honor your calling
whether you’re paid for it or not if you
can get paid for it that makes life
exponentially better
but if you are not paid for it that is
also really just fine
because honoring the calling feeds
everything else you do in your life
letting go of energy that’s clouding
your vision and holding you back it’s a
life practice that i learned long ago
that has freed me
so many ways it’s a fact that holding
grudges against somebody who’s done you
wrong
or
replaying revisiting hurtful situations
in your head over and over only weighs
you down and prevents you from being who
you’re meant to be
right now because you’re still
energetically holding on to the past the
energy that you put into constantly
rewinding to the resentment why did they
do that why did they say that to me i
didn’t deserve to be treated that way
all of that only keeps you stuck
it will never change what happened you
gotta press stop
and reject the urge to keep replaying so
that you can then fast forward into the
now for yourself you know
a lot of people think
that holding on to things that
disempowered them
is going to somehow magically turn it
around
as i said in my message a couple weeks
ago about forgiveness
you have to release the notion give up
the hope that the past could have been
any different and you also must release
the idea that people would do what you
might do in any given instance this is a
big one i had to learn and relearn
before i actually got it expecting
people to do what you would do in a
situation only leads to your
disappointment not theirs they’re going
on with their life so let people be who
they are and either you accept it or you
don’t
not doing that keeps you stuck in a
circumstance that actually costs you
time costs you energy and i can
guarantee that oftentimes the person on
the other side of the bitterness you’re
holding on to they’re not even thinking
about you
in fact they probably have just moved on
they certainly aren’t obsessing the way
you are think of it like letting go of
any bad habit that just doesn’t serve
your well-being not an easy task
taking the road to a more enlightened
healthy existence never is so
this is what i want to ask you to ask
yourself
why
am i holding on to this
how is this serving me
and really think about the answer
maybe it makes you feel validated maybe
it makes you feel righteous
or maybe
taking on the pain is your way of
recognizing the injustice so that even
though it won’t be made right
it can at least not be forgotten
then i ask you
again ask yourself
do you want to be right
or do you want peace
this was huge for me the unfortunate
fact is that having both may not be
possible
and also you may never get your moment
of righteousness so why wait for it
choose peace
what i know for sure
is that in this world time is a moving
on and it’s our most valuable commodity
you can never get it back
so staying in that loop playing it over
and over in your head of hurt only
amplifies your pain let it go exhale
make room in your heart for something
that is uplifting
surround yourself with people who want
the best for you you have the ability to
shift the dna of your spirit and control
how you perceive life so why not lighten
your load and let it go
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knowing when you know better you do
better we’re ready to move on to what i
think is another powerful lesson that i
started to get when i was a really young
girl having been raised by my
grandmother and then at six years old
being separated from my grandmother
being moved to milwaukee and suddenly in
a foreign environment for myself i
remember walking into that new space and
recognizing that
in many ways i was alone which is a
terrible feeling if you’re six years old
but i have always had the
deep understanding for myself
that if anything was going to move
forward in my life that i was going to
have to be responsible for making that
happen
and
i know that to be true now and can
articulate it as you
are responsible
for your
life and if you’re sitting around
waiting on somebody to save you to fix
you to even help you
you are wasting your time because only
you
have the power to take responsibility to
move your life forward and the sooner
you get that the sooner your life gets
into gear this is what i know from doing
25 years and thousands and thousands of
interviews on the oprah show
it does not matter where you come from
i have seen people come out of the
desert walk across the desert being born
in the most dire circumstances doesn’t
matter what your mama did whether she
did or had a phd or no d
what matters is now this moment and your
willingness to see this moment for what
it is accept it
forgive the past take responsibility
and move forward
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you