i have five little rules that you can

follow as you

find your spark and bring your spark to

life

[Music]

the first is to go after the things that

you want

let me tell you a story so a friend of

mine and i

we went for a run in central park the

roadrunners organization

uh on the weekends they host races

and it's very common at the end of the

race they'll have a sponsor who will

give away

something apples or bagels or something

and on this particular day when we got

to the end of the run

there were some free bagels and they had

picnic tables set up and on one side was

a group of volunteers

on the table were boxes of bagels and on

the other side was a long

line of runners waiting to get their

free bagel

so i said to my friend let's let's get a

bagel and he looked at me and said ah

the line's too long

and i said free bagel

and he said i don't want to wait in line

and i was like free bagel

and he says nah let's it's too long and

that's when i realized

that there's two ways to see the world

some people

see the thing that they want and some

people see the thing

that prevents them from getting the

thing that they want

i could only see the bagels he could

only see the line

and so i walked up to the line

i leaned in between two people

put my hand in the box and pulled out

two bagels

and no one got mad at me because the

rule is

you can go after whatever you want you

just cannot deny

anyone else to go after whatever they

want

now i had to sacrifice choice i didn't

get to choose which bagel i got i got

whatever i pulled out

but i didn't have to wait in line so the

point is is you don't have to wait in

line

you don't have to do it the way

everybody else has done it you can do it

your way

you can break the rules you just can't

get in the way of somebody else getting

what they want

that's rule number one rule number two

[Music]

in the 18th century

there was something that spread across

europe and eventually made its way to

america

puerto fever also known as the black

death of child bed basically what was

happening

is women were giving birth and

they would die within 48 hours after

giving birth

this black death of childbirth was the

ravage of europe

and it got worse and worse and worse

over the course

of over a century in some hospitals

it was as high as 70 of women who gave

birth

who would die as a result of giving

birth but this was the renaissance

this was the time of empirical data and

science and we had thrown away things

like tradition and mysticism

these were men of science these were

doctors and these doctors and men of

science

wanted to study and try and find the

reason

for this black death of child bed and so

they got to work

studying and they would study the

corpses

of the of the women who had died and in

the morning they would conduct autopsies

and then in the afternoon they would go

and deliver babies and finish their

rounds

and it wasn't until somewhere in the

mid-1800s

that dr oliver wendell holmes father of

supreme court justice

oliver wendell holmes realized that all

of these doctors were conducting

autopsies in the morning

weren't washing their hands before they

delivered babies

in the afternoon and he pointed it out

and said guys

you're the problem and they ignored him

and called him crazy for 30 years

until finally somebody realized that if

they simply washed their hands

it would go away and that's exactly what

happened

when they started sterilizing their

instruments and washing their hands

the black death of childbed disappeared

my point is the lesson here is sometimes

you're the problem you can take all the

credit in the world for the things that

you do right

as long as you also take responsibility

for the things you do wrong it must be a

balanced equation

you don't get it one way and not the

other you get to take credit

when you also take accountability that's

lesson two

lesson three take care of each other

the united states navy seals are perhaps

the most

elite warriors in the world

and one of the seals was

asked who makes it through the selection

process

who is able to become a seal

and his answer was i can't tell you the

kind of person

that becomes a seal i can't tell you the

kind of person that makes it through

buds

but i can tell you the kind of people

who don't become seals

he says the guys that show up with huge

bulging muscles

covered in tattoos who want to prove to

the world how tough they are

none of them make it through he said the

preening leaders who like to delegate

all their responsibility

and never do anything themselves none of

them

make it through he said the star college

athletes

who've never really been tested to the

core of their being

none of them make it through he says

some of the guys that make it through

are skinny

and scrawny he said some of the guys

that make it through

you will see them shivering out of fear

he says however all the guys that make

it through

when they find themselves physically

spent

emotionally spent when they have nothing

left to give physically or emotionally

somehow some way they are able to find

the energy to dig down deep inside

themselves

to find the energy to help the guy next

to them

they become seals he said you want to be

an elite warrior

it's not about how tough you are it's

not about how smart you are

it's not about how fast you are if you

want to be an elite warrior

you better get really really good at

helping the person to the left of you

and helping the person to the right of

you because that's

how people advance in the world the

world is too dangerous and the world is

too difficult for you to think that you

can do these things alone

if you find your spark i commend you now

who you gonna ask for help

and when are you gonna accept help when

it's offered

learn that skill learn by practicing

helping each other it'll be the single

most valuable thing you ever learn in

your entire

life to accept help when it's offered

and to ask for it when you know that you

can't do it

the amazing thing is when you learn to

ask for help you'll discover

that there are people all around you

who've always wanted to help you

they just didn't think you needed it

because you kept pretending that you had

everything under control

and the minute you say i don't know what

i'm doing

i'm stuck i'm scared i don't think i can

do this

you will find that lots of people who

love you will rush in

and take care of you but that'll only

happen if you learn to take care of them

first

lesson four

nelson mandela is a particularly special

case study

in the leadership world because he is

universally regarded

as a great leader you can take other

personalities and

depending on the nation you go to we

have different opinions about other

personalities

but nelson mandela across the world is

universally regarded

as a great leader he was actually the

son

of a tribal chief and he was asked one

day

how did you learn to be a great leader

and he responded

that he would go with his father to

tribal meetings and he remembers two

things

when his father would meet with other

elders one

they would always sit in a circle

and two his father was always

the last to speak you will be told your

whole life that you need to learn to

listen

i would say that you need to learn to be

the last to speak

i see it in board rooms every day of the

week even people who consider themselves

good leaders who may actually be decent

leaders will walk into a room and say

here's the problem here's what i think

but i'm interested in your opinion let's

go around the room

it's too late the skill to hold your

opinions to yourself until everyone has

spoken

does two things one it gives everybody

else the feeling

that they have been heard it gives gives

everyone else the ability to

feel that they have contributed and

two you get the benefit of hearing what

everybody else has to think before you

render your opinion

the skill is really to keep your

opinions to yourself

if you agree with somebody don't nod yes

if you disagree with somebody don't not

know

simply sit there take it all in and the

only thing you're allowed to do is

ask questions so that you can understand

what they mean and why they have the

opinion that they have

you must understand from where they are

speaking

why they have the opinion they have not

just what they are

saying and at the end you will get your

turn

it sounds easy it's not

practice being the last to speak that's

what nelson mandela did number five

my favorite one of all true story

there was a former under secretary of

defense

who's invited to give a speech at a

large conference about a thousand people

and he was standing on the stage with

his cup of coffee

and a styrofoam cup giving his prepared

remarks with his powerpoint behind him

and he took a sip of his coffee and he

smiled and he looked down at the coffee

and then he went off script and he said

you know last year

i spoke at this exact same conference

last year i was still the undersecretary

and when i spoke here last year they

flew me here business class

and when i arrived at the airport there

was somebody waiting for me to take me

to my hotel

and they took me to my hotel and they

had already checked me in and they just

took me up to my room

and the next morning i came downstairs

and there was someone waiting in the

lobby to greet me

and they drove me to this here same

venue they took me through the back

entrance and took me into the green room

and handed me a

cup of coffee in a beautiful ceramic cup

he says i'm no longer the under

secretary i flew here coach

i took a taxi to my hotel and i checked

myself in

when i came down the lobby this morning

i took another taxi

to this venue i came in the front door

and

found my way backstage and when i ask

someone do you have any coffee

he pointed to the coffee machine in the

corner and i poured myself a cup of

coffee

into this here styrofoam cup

he says the lesson is the ceramic cup

was never

meant for me it was meant for the

position i

held i deserve a styrofoam cup

remember this as you gain fame

as you gain fortune as you gain position

and seniority

people will treat you better they will

hold doors open for you

they will get you a cup of tea and

coffee without you even asking

they will call you sir and ma'am and

they will give you stuff

none of that stuff is meant for you that

stuff is meant for the position you hold

it is meant for the level that you have

achieved of leader

or success or whatever you want to call

it but you will

always deserve a styrofoam cup

remember that remember that lesson of

humility

and gratitude you can accept all the

free stuff you can accept all the perks

absolutely you can enjoy them but just

be grateful for them

and know that they're not for you

{{}}

我有五个你可以遵循的小规则，

当你

找到你的火花并将你的火花带入

生活

[音乐

] 首先是追求你想要的东西

让我告诉你一个故事所以

我和我的一个朋友

我们去了 在中央公园

跑步 走道者组织

呃 他们在周末举办比赛

，在比赛结束时很常见，

他们会有赞助商

赠送

一些苹果或百吉饼之类的东西，

而在这个特殊的日子里，当我们

必须 跑的最后

有一些免费的百吉饼，他们

设置了野餐桌，一边是

一群志愿者

，桌子上放着一盒盒百吉饼

，另一边是一长

队的跑步者等着领取他们的

免费百吉饼

所以我对我的朋友说让我们买一个

百吉饼，他看着我说

啊，排队太长了

，我说免费百吉饼

，他说我不想排队

，我喜欢免费百吉饼

，他说不 让我们太长了

，那时我才

意识到 有两种看待世界的方式

有些人

看到了他们想要的东西 有些

人看到了

阻碍他们得到

他们想要的东西的东西

我只能看到百吉饼 他

只能看到这条

线 所以我走到

我靠在两个人之间，

把手伸进盒子里，拿出

两个百吉饼

，没有人生我的气，因为

规则是

你可以追求你想要的任何东西，

你不能拒绝

任何人追求他们想要的任何东西

现在我 不得不牺牲选择 我没有

选择我得到的百吉饼

以

其他人的方式去做 你可以按照

你的方式去做

你可以打破规则 你不能

妨碍别人得到

他们想要的东西 这

是第一条规则 18 世纪第二条

[音乐

] 世纪

有一些东西传遍了

欧洲并最终成为了它的 通往

美国的方式

波多黎各热也被称为

婴儿床黑死病 基本上正在发生的事情

是妇女正在分娩，

她们将在分娩后 48 小时内

死亡 这种分娩的黑死病

是欧洲的蹂躏

，它变得越来越糟， 更糟糕

的

是，在一些医院的一个多世纪里，

多达 70 名分娩的

妇女会因分娩而死亡，

但这是文艺复兴时期，

这是经验数据和

科学的时代，我们已经抛弃了

诸如传统和神秘主义之类的东西

这些是科学家 这些是

医生 这些医生和

科学家

想要研究并尝试找出

这种儿童床黑死病的原因，因此

他们开始

研究，他们将研究

尸体 那些死去的妇女

，早上她们会进行尸检

，然后下午她们会

去接生婴儿并完成她们的查房，直到某个地方 在

1800 年代中期

，最高法院大法官奥利弗·温德尔·霍姆斯的父亲奥利弗·温德尔·霍姆斯博士

意识到，

所有这些医生

在早上进行尸检时

并没有

在下午分娩前洗手，他指出并

指出 说伙计们，

你是问题，他们忽视了他

，称他疯了 30 年，

直到终于有人意识到，如果

他们简单地洗手

就会消失，而这

正是他们开始对仪器进行消毒

并洗手时发生

的事情 婴儿床的死亡消失了

我的观点是这里的教训是有时

你是问题你可以

为你做对的事情承担世界上所有的功劳

只要你也

为你做错的事情负责它一定是

平衡的等式

你没有得到它的一种方式而不是另一种

当你也承担责任时你会得到荣誉这是

第二

课第三课搭车

e 美国海军海豹突击队可能

是世界上最精锐的战士

，其中一位海豹突击队

被问到谁通过选拔

过程

谁能够成为海豹突击队

，他的回答是我不能告诉你

那种会变成海豹

的人

那些想要向世界证明自己有多坚强的纹身者，

他们没有一个能挺过他说，

那些喜欢把

所有的责任都委派给自己

，从不做任何事情的自负领导者，他们没有一个

能挺过他说，

那些曾经 从来没有真正测试过他们的

核心 他们

没有一个人能挺过去 他

说有些挺过来的人

又瘦又瘦 他说有些挺

过来的人

你会看到他们因为害怕而颤抖

他 然而，

当他们发现自己

在

身体上或情感上没有任何东西可以付出时，所有能够度过难关的人都说，

他们能够以某种方式

找到能量去挖掘自己内心深处

以找到能量来帮助

在他们旁边的人

他们变成了海豹他说你想成为

一个精英战士

这不是关于你有多坚强而

不是关于你有多聪明

而不是你有多快如果你

想成为一个精英战士

你最好真正做到 善于

帮助你左边

的人，帮助你右边的人，

因为这

就是人们在世界上进步的方式

世界太危险，世界

太难，你认为如果你

能独自完成这些事情

你找到你的火花我现在赞扬你

你会向谁寻求帮助

，你什么时候会接受帮助，当

它被提供时

，通过练习

互相帮助来学习技能，这将是一个单一的

动作 在你的一生中学到的最有价值的东西是在

有人提供帮助时接受帮助

，在你知道

自己做不到

的时候寻求帮助，令人惊奇的是，当你学会

寻求帮助时，你会

发现有人 你周围

一直想帮助你的人

他们只是不认为你需要它，

因为你一直假装

一切都在你的掌控之中，

而当你说我不知道我在做什么的那一刻，我就

被困住了 害怕我觉得我做不到

你会发现很多

爱你的人会冲进

来照顾你但只有

当你学会照顾他们时才会发生这种情况

第一

课

纳尔逊曼德拉第四课 领导力领域的一个特别特殊的

案例研究

，因为他被

普遍认为

是一位伟大的领导者，你可以接受其他

人，并且

根据你去的国家，我们对其

他人有不同的看法，

但纳尔逊曼德拉在全世界都被

普遍认为

是伟大的 领导者 他实际上

是一个部落首领的儿子，有一天他被问到

你是如何学会成为一个伟大的领袖的

，他回答

说他会和他父亲一起去参加

部落会议，他记得

他父亲会见其他长老时的两件事

一个

他们总是围成一圈坐着，

两个他的父亲

总是最后一个说话你会被告知你的

一生你需要学会

倾听

我会说你需要学会

成为最后一个说话

我看到了

一周中的每一天，即使是那些认为自己是

优秀领导者但实际上可能是体面的

领导者的人也会走进一个房间，说

这就是问题所在，这就是我的想法，

但我对你的意见很感兴趣，让

我们在房间里转一转

，为时已晚 在

每个人都发言之前保持自己的意见的技能有

两件事一它让

其他人

感觉他们已经被听到了它让

其他人有能力

感觉到他们已经做出了

贡献 o

在发表你的意见之前，你可以先听听其他人的

想法 如果你同意某人的观点，那么你的技能

就是把你的意见保密 把这一切都考虑进去，

你唯一可以做的就是

提出问题，这样你就可以

理解他们的意思以及为什么他们有他们的

观点

你必须从他们说话的地方理解

他们为什么有他们的观点 不

只是他们在

说什么，最后你会轮到你

这听起来很容易不是

练习最后一个说话这

就是纳尔逊曼德拉所做的第五件事

我最喜欢的一个真实故事

有一位前国防部副部长

被邀请 在

大约一千人的大型会议上发表演讲时

，他站在舞台上，

端着一杯咖啡和一个泡沫塑料杯，背着幻灯片发表准备好的演讲

，他拿 喝了一口他的咖啡，他

微笑着低头看着咖啡

，然后他离开了剧本，他说

你知道去年

我在这个完全相同的会议上发言，

去年我仍然是副部长

，当我去年在这里发言时，他们

送我到这里的商务舱

，当我到达机场时

，有人在等我带我

去我的酒店

，他们带我去了我的酒店，他们

已经为我办理了入住手续，他们只是

带我去了我的房间

，然后下一个 早上我下楼

，有人在

大堂等着迎接我

，他们开车送我到这个

地方，他们带我穿过

后门，带我进入绿色房间

，递给我

一杯装在漂亮陶瓷杯里的咖啡

他说我不再是

副部长 我坐飞机来这里 教练

我乘出租车去我的酒店，

今天早上我从大堂下来的时候办理了入住手续 我又

乘了一辆出租车

到了这个场地 我走进前门

，

找到了我的 后台的方式和时间 我问

某人你有没有咖啡

他指着角落里的咖啡机

我给自己倒了一杯

咖啡

到这个泡沫塑料杯里

他说这个教训是陶瓷

杯从来

不是为我准备的它是为我的

位置准备的

举起我应该得到一个泡沫塑料杯

记住这一点 当你获得名望

获得财富 随着你获得职位

和资历

人们会更好地对待你 他们

会为你敞开大门

他们会给你一杯茶和咖啡，

你甚至不问

他们会 叫你先生和女士，

他们会给你东西

那些东西都不是为你准备的

东西是为你所担任的职位而准备的，

它是为你所

取得的领导者

或成功或任何你想称呼的水平而准备的

但是你

永远应该得到一个泡沫塑料杯

记住记住

谦逊

和感激的教训你可以接受所有

免费的东西你可以接受所有的津贴

你绝对可以享受它们但只是

对它们心存感激

知道它们不适合你