How to Make Small Talk in English English Conversation Lesson
Hi, I’m Oli.
Welcome to Oxford Online English!
In this lesson, you can learn how to make
small talk in English.
You’ll learn how small talk can help you
to connect with others around you, and you’ll
see examples of common small talk conversation
topics in dialogues.
You’ll also see useful questions and tips
you can use to make small talk in English.
First, if you enjoy our videos on YouTube,
why not visit our website: Oxford Online English
dot com.
Every video lesson has the full script, and
many have quizzes which you can use to practise.
You can also take online lessons with one
of our many great English teachers.
Let’s get back to our topic: small talk.
What exactly is small talk, anyway?
Hey.
Hi!
How’s life?
Pretty good.
You?
Not bad.
What’ve you been up to recently?
Oh, not much.
I’ve been busy at work.
What about you?
What’s new?
Same, though I’m going away next month.
Really looking forward to it!
In the dialogue, you saw some basic small
talk.
Think about two questions: what is small talk?
Why is small talk important?
Small talk means that you make a simple conversation.
The topic isn’t important.
When you make small talk, you don’t give
many details.
You might ask questions like ‘How’s life?’,
‘What have you been up to recently?’ or
‘What’s new with you?’, but you don’t
expect a detailed answer.
Many people dislike small talk, or complain
about it.
They say that small talk is boring, or that
it’s pointless.
Small talk might be boring, but it’s not
supposed to be interesting.
That’s not its function.
Small talk definitely isn’t pointless.
So, what’s it for?
Small talk is a way to show friendliness and
interest.
What’s more, small talk shows that you and
the person you’re talking to are on the
same social level.
Think about it: managers don’t usually make
much small talk with their subordinates.
Teachers in schools don’t make a lot of
small talk with their pupils.
Police officers don’t make small talk with
criminals they arrest.
Why not?
It’s about hierarchy.
Managers are ‘above’ their subordinates
in the office hierarchy.
It’s the same for teachers and schoolchildren,
or police officers and criminals; they’re
on different social levels.
If you meet a new colleague, or a new client,
or you start a new class and you want to make
friends, making small talk sends a social
signal.
It says, “We’re on the same level, so
we can be friendly with each other.”
Plus, small talk is a way to avoid silence
in conversation, which makes many people uncomfortable.
So, what should you remember from this?
When you make small talk, don’t worry about
the topic and don’t worry about being interesting.
That’s not the point of small talk.
Remember the three questions you saw before.
Can you remember them?
These are useful for making small talk.
Learn them and use them!
Next, let’s look at some common small talk
topics.
Are you from around here?
No, I grew up here, but I was born in Romania.
Really?
Are you from Bucharest?
No, from Timișoara, in the west.
I have to admit I haven’t heard of it!
That’s OK, most people haven’t.
It’s a big city in Romania, but it’s not
so well-known in other countries.
What’s it like?
It’s pretty, but there are more opportunities
here.
I’m planning to move back there in a few
years.
What about you?
Are you local?
Kind of.
I was born here, but when I was five my parents
moved to Mexico, and I grew up there.
I moved back here after I graduated, but I
haven’t spent that much time here.
Wow, Mexico!
Do you go back often?
Yeah, once or twice a year.
It’s quite far, but I still have some family
and a lot of friends there.
A common small talk topic is your hometown
and the place you live, or the places you
have lived.
To start a conversation, you could ask: ‘Where
are you from?’
‘Are you from around here?’
‘Are you local?’
If someone asked you these questions, how
would you answer?
You could say: ‘I was born in …, but I’ve been living
here for a while now.’
‘Yes, I was born here and I’ve lived here all my life'.
‘I’m originally from …’
When you find out where someone is from, you
can ask a follow-up question.
For example: ‘What’s your hometown like?’
With this question, it’s more natural to
use the name of the city, so say ‘What’s
Hangzhou like?’
‘What’s Quito like?’ and so on.
If the person you’re talking to is from
another city or country, you could ask ‘Do
you go back often?’
Remember: with small talk, keep your answers
short.
Give some information, but don’t go into
a lot of detail.
Also, try to find a balance between asking
questions and giving information about yourself.
Next, what other common small talk topics
can you think of?
Let’s look at another!
Any weekend plans?
Not much, I’m planning to play tennis on
Saturday, then maybe go out for dinner with
some friends.
You?
I’m having a quiet weekend.
That’s nice sometimes.
Actually, I prefer to get outdoors.
I do a lot of wild swimming, but it’s too
cold at the moment, so I’m going to be boring
and catch up on some housework.
Wild swimming?
You mean, swimming in lakes and rivers and
so on?
How did you get into that?
I used to be in a swimming club, and one of
my friends from there took me to a lake
where you can do wild swimming.
I started with short distances, and now I’m
training for a 10k.
Ten kilometres?
That’s crazy!
It’s like anything.
If you work towards it slowly, it’s quite
possible.
Have you ever tried it?
No, I’m not big on swimming.
I’ve done some long-distance running, which
I guess is similar in a way.
I wouldn’t know.
I hate running!
Talking about free time, hobbies and plans
for your days off is a common small talk topic.
Look at three questions you heard in the dialogue.
Can you remember the missing words?
Small talk is generally informal, so it’s
usual to ask short questions, like ‘Any
weekend plans?’
rather than full questions, like ‘Do you
have any plans for the weekend?’
If someone has an interesting or unusual hobby,
you could ask ‘How did you get into that?’
Could you explain what this means?
This question is asking: how did you become
interested in this?
How did you start?
You might answer with something like: ‘I’ve
been doing it for years.’
‘I got into it when I was a student.’
‘A friend took me one time, and I’ve been
hooked ever since!’
Finally, asking ‘have you ever tried it?’
is a good way to continue the conversation.
If the other person says ‘yes’, you have
more to talk about!
Let’s see one more common small talk topic.
How was your weekend?
It was nice.
My brother and his family came to stay.
Oh yeah?
So you have nephews and nieces?
Yeah, actually, I have ten.
Wow!
I had no idea.
How many of you are there?
Four.
Four boys; I’m the third.
You don’t have kids, right?
No, not yet.
You have one, or two?
Just one.
We’d like to have a second, but our apartment’s
so tiny it’s difficult to think about right
now.
What about the rest of your family?
Do you have any brothers and sisters?
I have one brother and one sister, and one
niece.
Nothing like your family.
It must be chaotic when you all get together.
Yeah, it is…
Fun, though!
First of all, be careful with asking people
about their families if you’re in another
country or another culture.
You don’t want to be oversensitive, but
in different cultures some questions might
sound too personal.
For example, asking ‘Are you married?’
or ‘Do you have children?’ to someone
you just met might be uncomfortable.
It’s difficult to say, because so much depends
on context.
Just think about it and remember that in different
cultures and countries people might have different
expectations!
Another tip: it’s good to wait for the other
person to mention their family before you
ask questions about it.
For example, in the dialogue, Oli mentioned
his brother, and I then asked him questions
about the rest of his family.
Anyhow, let’s see some useful small talk
questions to ask about someone’s family.
In the dialogue, you heard: ‘You have nephews
and nieces?’
‘How many of you are there?’
‘You don’t have kids, right?’
‘What about the rest of your family?’
Do you know how you would answer these?
In small talk, keeping the conversation going
is the most important thing.
It’s more important than what you talk about,
or what information you get from the other
person.
So, you might ask things which aren’t genuine
questions.
Actually, of these four questions, only one
is a real request for information.
Do you know which one?
The second is a real question, where you’re
asking for information.
What about the others?
The first and third are questions to check
information.
You use these when you think you know the
answer already, and you’re asking for confirmation.
You ask these questions to keep the conversation
moving, not because you need information.
The fourth question signals a small change
of topic.
In the dialogue, I used this question to switch
from asking about Lori’s immediate family
to talking about her family more generally.
In fact, in the dialogue, this question was
immediately followed by a second question:
‘Do you have any brothers or sisters?’
Now, let’s talk about one more thing.
Are you a football fan?
Not really.
I do like watching basketball, though.
Really?
I love basketball, too!
Do you go to many games, or just watch on
TV?
I go to, I guess, four or five games a season.
You?
About the same.
Did you see it last week?
That was a crazy result!
Yeah, I know, right?
Great game, though.
I couldn’t sleep afterwards, I was so hyped
up.
Do you think they have a chance of winning?
I’m not sure.
I don’t want to get my hopes up.
I know what you mean.
Hey, do you want to watch the game together
this Saturday?
I have some friends coming over to my house.
You could join us, and we’ll have beer
and snacks.
Oh, yeah, thanks!
That sounds great.
You heard before that small talk doesn’t
need to be interesting, and the most important
thing is to keep the conversation going.
That’s true, but what’s the end goal?
You can’t make small talk forever.
In the end, you need to develop a deeper conversation.
That doesn’t mean you need to get into serious
topics; when we say ‘deeper conversation’
we mean a conversation you’re both interested
in, and where you really want to hear what
the other person has to say.
The best way to do this is to find things
in common or shared interests.
To do this, balance asking questions and giving
information about yourself, and try to avoid
very short answers.
For example, in the dialogue, I asked Lori if she was a football fan.
She said that she wasn’t.
Then, she added that she likes a different sport:
basketball.
This gave us something new to talk about,
and we found something we have in common.
If you just answer ‘not really’, then
it’s difficult to move the conversation
forwards.
Finally, a question.
Expectations and etiquette around small talk
can be very different in different parts of
the world.
Compare what you’ve heard in this lesson
to how things are in your country and your
culture.
Do you have a similar approach to small talk,
or are there differences?
Let us know your thoughts in the comments,
and share your ideas with English learners
from all over the world!
Thanks for watching!
See you next time!