ENGLISH SPEECH ELLEN DEGENERES Be True To Yourself English Subtitles
Thank you, President Cowan, Mrs. President
Cowen; distinguished guests, undistinguished
guests, you know who you are, honored faculty
and creepy Spanish teacher.
And thank you to all the graduating class
of 2009, I realize most of you are hungover
and have splitting headaches and haven’t
slept since Fat Tuesday, but you can’t graduate
’til I finish, so listen up.
When I was asked to make the commencement
speech, I immediately said yes.
Then I went to look up what commencement meant
which would have been easy if I had a dictionary,
but most of the books in our house are Portia’s,
and they’re all written in Australian.
So I had to break the word down myself, to
find out the meaning.
Commencement: common, and cement, common cement.
You commonly see cement on sidewalks.
Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on
a crack, you break your mother’s back.
So there’s that.
But I’m honored that you’ve asked me here
to speak at your common cement.
I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus,
alumini, aluminum, alumis; you had to graduate
from this school.
And I didn’t go to college here, and I don’t
know if President Cowan knows, I didn’t
go to any college at all, any college.
And I’m not saying you wasted your time,
or money, but look at me, I’m a huge celebrity.
Although I did graduate from the school of
hard knocks, our mascot was the knockers.
I spent a lot of time here growing up.
My mom worked at Newcomb and I would go there
every time I needed to steal something out
of her purse.
But why am I here today?
Clearly not to steal, you’re too far away
and I’d never get away with it.
I’m here because of you.
Because I can’t think of a more tenacious,
more courageous graduating class.
I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes.
Usually when you’re wearing a robe at 10
in the morning, it means you’ve given up.
I’m here because I love New Orleans.
I was born and raised here, I spent my formative
years here, and like you, while I was living
here I only did laundry six times.
When I finished school, I was completely lost
and by school, I mean middle school, but I
went ahead and finished high school anyway.
And I really, I had no ambition; I didn’t
know what I wanted to do.
I did everything from: I shucked oysters,
I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was
a waitress, I painted houses, I sold vacuum
cleaners; I had no idea and I thought I’d
just finally settle in some job and I would
make enough money to pay my rent, maybe have
basic cable, maybe not, I didn’t really
have a plan, my point is that, by the time
I was your age, I really thought I knew who
I was but I had no idea.
Like for example, when I was your age, I was
dating men.
So what I’m saying is, when you’re older,
most of you will be gay.
Anyone writing this stuff down?
Parents?
Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do
with my life and the way I ended up on this
path was from a very tragic event.
I was maybe nineteen, and my girlfriend at
the time was killed in a car accident.
And I passed the accident, and I didn’t
know it was her and I kept going and I found
out shortly after that, it was her.
And I was living in a basement apartment;
I had no money; I had no heat, no air, I had
a mattress on the floor and the apartment
was infested with fleas.
And I was soul-searching, I was like, why
is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas
here?
I don’t understand, there must be a purpose
and wouldn’t it be so convenient if we could
pick up the phone and call God and ask these
questions.
And I started writing and what poured out
of me was an imaginary conversation with God,
which was one-sided and I finished writing
it and I looked at it and I said to myself,
and I hadn’t even been doing stand-up, ever,
there was no club in town.
I said, “I’m going do this on the Tonight
Show with Johnny Carson” at the time he
was the king “and I’m going to be the
first woman in the history of the show to
be called over to sit down.” and several
years later, I was the first woman in the
history of the show, and only woman in the
history of the show to sit down, because of
that phone conversation with God that I wrote.
And I started this path of stand-up and it
was successful and it was great but it was
hard because I was trying to please everybody
and I had this secret that I was keeping,
that I was gay.
And I thought if people found out they wouldn’t
like me, they wouldn’t laugh at me.
Then my career turned into, I got my own sitcom,
and that was very successful, another level
of success.
And I thought, what if they find out I’m
gay, then they’ll never watch, and this
was a long time ago, this was when we just
had white presidents but anyway, this was
back many years ago and I finally decided
that I was living with so much shame, and
so much fear, that I just couldn’t live
that way anymore and I decided to come out
and make it creative.
And my character would come out at the same
time, and it wasn’t to make a political
statement, it wasn’t to do anything other
than to free myself up from this heaviness
that I was carrying around, and I just wanted
to be honest.
And I thought, “What’s the worst that
could happen?
I can lose my career”.
I did.
I lost my career.
The show was cancelled after six years without
even telling me; I read it in the paper.
The phone didn’t ring for three years.
I had no offers.
Nobody wanted to touch me at all.
Yet, I was getting letters from kids that
almost committed suicide, but didn’t because
of what I did.
And I realized that I had a purpose.
And it wasn’t just about me and it wasn’t
about celebrity, but I felt like I was being
punished and it was a bad time, I was angry,
I was sad, and then I was offered a talk show.
And the people that offered me the talk show
tried to sell it.
And most stations didn’t want to pick it
up.
Most people didn’t want to buy it because
they thought nobody would watch me.
Really, when I look back on it, I wouldn’t
change a thing.
I mean, it was so important for me to lose
everything because I found out what the most
important thing is, is to be true to yourself.
Ultimately, that’s what’s gotten me to
this place.
I don’t live in fear, I’m free; I have
no secrets and I know I’ll always be ok,
because no matter what, I know who I am.
So, in conclusion, when I was younger I thought
success was something different.
I thought when I grow up, I want to be famous.
I want to be a star.
I want to be in movies.
When I grow up I want to see the world, drive
nice cars, I want to have groupies.
To quote the Pussycat Dolls.
How many people thought it was “boobies”,
by the way?
It’s not, it’s “groupies”.
But my idea of success is different today.
And as you grow, you’ll realize the definition
of success changes.
For many of you, today, success is being able
to hold down 20 shots of tequila.
For me, the most important thing in your life
is to live your life with integrity and not
to give into peer pressure to try to be something
that you’re not, to live your life as an
honest and compassionate person, to contribute
in some way.
So to conclude my conclusion, follow your
passion, stay true to yourself.
Never follow anyone else’s path, unless
you’re in the woods and you’re lost and
you see a path and by all means you should
follow that.
Don’t give advice, it will come back and
bite you in the ass.
Don’t take anyone’s advice.
So my advice to you is to be true to yourself
and everything will be fine.
And I know that a lot of you are concerned
about your future, but there’s no need to
worry.
The economy is booming, the job market is
wide open, the planet is just fine.
It’s going to be great.
You’ve already survived a hurricane.
What else can happen to you?
And as I mentioned before, some of the most
devastating things that happen to you will
teach you the most.
And now you know the right questions to ask
in your first job interview.
Like, “Is it above sea level?”
So to conclude my conclusion that I’ve previously
concluded, in the common cement speech, I
guess what I’m trying to say is life is
like one big Mardi Gras.
But instead of showing your boobs, show people
your brain, and if they like what they see,
you’ll have more beads than you know what
to do with and you’ll be drunk, most of
the time.
So the Katrina class of 2009, I say congratulations
and if you don’t remember a thing I said
today, remember this, you’re going to be
ok, dum de dumdumdum, just dance.