My Extra Marital Affair
i’m having an extra martial affair
it’s nourishing exciting compromising
sacrificial it’s addictive and my
husband knows about it
people dream of meeting the love of
their life their soul mate
that connection and ideal uncompromising
unconditional love for the whole of
their life
and that’s what i found it’s not
traditional
but my husband doesn’t mind in fact he’s
really happy for me
so who is this lover and this affair
it was my first term at university
studying philosophy and psychology
it was late in the evening and it was
raining torrential rain
and as i walked the streets with no coat
and no umbrella
darting from one shelter to another i
spotted a light
in one of the university buildings so i
ran
hard pounding i entered the doorway i
pushed the door and it was open
and it was bright shaking myself dry
i was now surrounded by people and there
were drawings on the walls
my heart still pointing and my head now
spinning
in an instant almost at first sight
i fell head over heels and loved that
night
and this love affair like a line through
my life
has continued even after i became a
farmer’s wife
so who is this lover with a hole so
strong
that i’m willing to risk it all
what if i told you that my extramarital
affair
was architecture could you
would you believe that a vocation
could nourish excite and make me willing
to sacrifice
i am an architect since that night in
the rein
it is who i am to the core of my being
it is my heart and my soul and it fuels
me and it drives me
as children we have this limitless
imagination
as architecture again lets me see the
world
through a child’s eyes believing that
anything
is possible and achievable
i take my pencil and i draw a line and
as if
by magic it develops into a building a
home
or a village architecture future proofs
my soul
like my three beautiful children it is
my legacy
leaving a physical indelible mark on the
world
like stains in your heart
people search a lifetime to find that
passion
and love so how lucky am i
because without passion there cannot be
success
without belief there cannot be success
but without love there is nothing
they say that you can’t have at all are
you having it all
what if i told you that you could make
your dreams real
what would you compromise or sacrifice
would you sacrifice seven years lovers
tears nights away from your family
because that’s what it will take
and it won’t always be easy but it will
nourish
and it will excite and like any love
affair
it will make your heart beat that little
bit faster
when i was studying to become an
architect my then boyfriend
was a little concerned that we weren’t
spending enough time together
it was my last term at university i had
one chance
and one opportunity to see how good i
could be
one chance to really test my ability
so i packed and i left
but within a few months i made history
and i was awarded the glasgow and
scottish medals for architecture
moments and life are fleeting and you
must choose well
but how do you know what choices to make
which ones are the right ones
and how do you overcome the fear of
getting it wrong
architecture is my love affair and it
helps me decide
and it grounds my fear but how do you
decide
what grounds your fear because we’re all
searching for those answers
for control sometimes to rationalize our
emotions
to overcome our own fear or trauma
or our own personal problems
a defining moment came for me when my
mother was diagnosed with cancer at 42
as she braved the trip to break the news
she sat
on my bed on my blue and pink quilt
she was real traumatized and scared
and my heart was silently breaking
i was consumed by the fear of losing her
i felt helpless
but i had a pencil and as i crumbled
and crashed there was architecture
the place where i could determine my
feet
so i took my pencil and i drew all night
long
and as the sun started to rise i opened
the window in my basement flat
and i could smell the jew coming off the
grass
the world that morning seemed so full of
hope and newness
that my fear was pushed back
a few weeks later i would make history
again and my
my works were exhibited in glasgow
edinburgh and
in london 13 years later
my mother died unexpectedly aged 55.
i was consumed overwhelmed with the
grief
in an instant my world smashed and my
heart
imploded i was lost
but i had a pencil i took my pencil and
i wrote my plan
because i would determine my destiny and
my fiat
within six months i was awarded business
person of the year for the first time
her loss had propelled me my spirit was
galvanized rather than torn three years
later
i would win business person of the year
again after the birth of my second child
architecture has scaffolded my emotions
it has grounded my fears
it’s founded on intimacy we share dreams
making them into tangible touchable soul
lifting spirit raising things
people often say why not give up
architecture
and be a full-time mother instead but
you see
my children are an extension of me
they’re an extension of my dreams and my
legacy
and i owe it to their future and to all
the women who have come before
that they see me strong determined and
uncompromising in the pursuit of my
dreams
because without passion there cannot be
success
without belief there cannot be success
but without love there is nothing
architecture is the most optimistic
vocation in the world
it’s about building the future it’s
about constant change
looking forward with vision and not
fearing it
with this pencil i can change my world
what tools do you have that you could
change
yours so often
we doubt ourselves our ability and our
skill
that little voice inside our heads
telling us that we can’t
win when i was 12
my mother said to me someone has to come
first
and it may as well be you someone must
come first
and why wouldn’t it be you
someone has to come first and it will be
you
so i take my pencil and i write my plan
my spirit is galvanized rather than torn
my love affair and my passion is where i
determine my fate
because the answers are all within me
and guess what the answers are all
within you
because without passion there cannot be
success
without belief there cannot be success
but without love there is nothing
what if a vocation and a calling was
your soul mate
what if it was your greatest strength it
gave you confidence
and that power what if by taking
a pencil you could determine your fate
and your world how much would that bring
and how much happier might you be
architecture has future proof my soul
it is my legacy like my three children
and my husband
it is my love affair and it will always
be there have you found your love affair
or is it patiently silently waiting out
there
for you to decide because
without passion there cannot be success
without belief there cannot be success
but without love there is nothing
thank you so much for your time
you