Uncertainty Tolerated The Surprising Clarity when Managing Ambiguity
our tedx talk is about exploration
i’m thrilled to be with you today and i
want to have a conversation about a
topic that i’m really passionate about
i’ve spent decades studying this i
failed a lot and i’ve also learned from
some of the world’s best on this topic
and i want to enter into a dialogue now
you’re going to hear from some superb
speakers
that are going to discuss a range of
topics from emotions in the workplace
to the power of resilience i want to
talk about something a little bit
different
something a little vague something a
little bit uncomfortable
but before i do let me step back and let
you know that i have the pleasure of
interacting with a thousand young adults
a year
and an equal number of generation xers
and even baby boomers
and the sentiments are the same you’ve
heard them
anxiety uncertainty confusion
hesitation i think it’s time we go deep
on this
and let’s peel and find out what’s
behind us take a moment now
and listen and feel the follow-up
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i know it’s a serious topic let’s
embellish it a little bit more through
the use of some great stories
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i feel uncertain and what it is that i’m
supposed to be doing
and figuring out how i spend my time and
what i want my life to look like
i begin to wonder am i doing this right
am i doing this wrong
am i on the right path am am i on the
wrong path
and i just can’t seem to figure that one
out and i wish it was clear
what the next steps were why is this
happening to me right now nothing is
going right in my life
my parents are fighting i’m in a toxic
relationship i’m getting kicked out of
school
and it doesn’t seem to stop the list of
sufferings just keeps going
on and on am i ever going to be able to
escape this
ever there i was standing in front of
the wait staff at a local restaurant
asking for the key to the restroom she
paused gave me this up and down
looked at both keys and we both realized
in that moment
she didn’t know which one to give me
it’s awkward
it’s airports gas stations bars my
office
really anywhere there’s a public
restroom
what may be a routine activity for all
of you is this
anxiety ridden roller coaster for me
recently i made a very important
personal decision that really moved the
needle into the uncertainty zone
in addition to all the other things i
already had on my plate
a single parent full-time student
full-time employee
i recently lost my father so self-doubt
really started to curl up
along with high anxiety and stress and i
thought i was going to break down
i didn’t know if i could stay positive
for my son
airports offices hotels meetings
dinners leave on a monday back on a
friday
sometimes even at the weekend this was
the life that i was living
as a senior vice president of a fortune
50 company
i was good at it i enjoyed it i was
comfortable
my job was predictable right up until
the point
that i decided to become an entrepreneur
does anyone need a hug
after watching that listen i promise you
it’s not all doom and gloom today
but first we got to get our head and our
heart into this topic
there’s a common thread among those
stories i’m not going to say it’s going
to be
confusion anxiety hesitation
there’s something deeper going on
there’s a root cause we’re not talking
about
and let’s talk about it now i believe
the root cause is one word
ambiguity and more specifically your
ability to manage ambiguity
or not that can make all the difference
now listen it’s not just at the
individual level
in our world today ambiguity is
everywhere
and is abhorred markets crash when
there’s ambiguity
parents struggle coaching their kids in
an ambiguous situation
just take the last year and finally new
career individuals launching into the
world
trying to figure out where to go what to
do what industry to take and what job to
clean
ambiguous situations all around let’s
define what we’re talking about with
ambiguity
what do we do oftentimes we go to
webster’s so let’s go to webster’s i’m
going to pull this up on my phone you
have it up on the screen
let’s see if websters can help us out
with ambiguity all right definition
number one
the quality or state of being ambiguous
especially in meaning
well that’s not helpful number two a
word or expression that can be
understood in two or more ways an
ambiguous word or expression
still not helpful by the way i thought
you couldn’t define the term and the
definition that you’re using
never mind number three uncertainty
okay webster’s not much help but you
know what ambiguity is you can feel it
it’s this amorphous blurry experience
in which what we want more than anything
is clarity
let’s take a look at three real-life
examples that are full of ambiguity
and not necessarily a lot of clarity hey
babe how’s it going last night was dope
yeah not gonna lie want to hang this
weekend
hello are you there
are you ghosting me what’s the
turnaround time on a text or a snapchat
is it five minutes and is it five hours
and who knows the difference
ambiguity but it’s not just the modern
dating world
if you back up and look this next
generation coming up which i think has
the potential to be one of the best
if they can manage ambiguity want all
three what i call the trifecta
financial security through a budding
career make the planet a better place to
live
and at the same time while you’re doing
that design the lifestyle that you want
talk about an ambiguous situation how do
you manage that trifecta
lastly let’s talk about jobs an area
passionate for me as well
55 percent of undergraduates in this
country
unfortunately have the potential of
being
under or unemployed one year after
graduation from a university
how do you avoid being a statistic on a
government chart the common thread among
these three use cases i know you see it
now
it’s ambiguity and there’s a profound
lack of clarity of what to expect
what steps to take and how to manage
ambiguity in those situations
we’re going to offer you a partial
antidote today and make it real through
the use of some more compelling real
stories
but first i want to share another
passion of mine cue it andrew
nice toss buddy naomi osaka one of the
world’s greatest tennis players
amazing she also has an amazing quote
always being on the move doesn’t always
mean you’re moving your life in the
right positive direction
i couldn’t agree more naomi staying in
ambiguity tolerating it good things will
come
and now let’s apply ambiguity to
something we’re all passionate about
our livelihood or jobs employers what
our employers do
they have a job posting a thousand
people apply for it
and they have 10 competencies that
you’ve got to match and they filter out
998 people that don’t match those
competencies now wait a minute does that
make sense to you
are there individuals that applied that
potentially with talent and the right
coaching could do the job
job search platforms i’m not going to
name them but you know who they are
they tout that they’re the number one
place to find a job yet 73
of employers maintain it’s really hard
to find the right candidate using those
platforms
instead let’s flip this and i’m gonna
ask you a hard question would you
consider
as an employer would you consider hiring
on promise
and talent would you consider as a job
seeker
spending eighty percent of your time
building relationships and networking
and only twenty percent online that’s
uncomfortable isn’t it
ambiguous but can make all the
difference what have we done so far
we’ve had a good discussion
about ambiguity you’ve heard some
sentiments that were compelling some
statistics that may be thought-provoking
and i can hear you i hear it cyrus now
what what do we do about this
now let’s talk about this partial
antidote we can manage ambiguity more
effectively
in these three steps i’m going to want
you to define it
tolerate it and action it let’s take
each one of these one by one
to define ambiguity set the context now
the context could be people
process environment we can’t give you a
full checklist because it depends
go to the next step tolerate there’s a
hard one
by tolerating the ambiguity you’re going
to be in a better position
to seek clarity i want you to as one
colleague says stay in it
suffer a little bit ambiguity good
things will come in the long run
and then finally do what you do best
action it oh i’ve seen your excel
spreadsheets and your to-do list
you’re amazing at it which is why the
size of the circle is the biggest of all
three
and let me tell you what i think of that
a better way and now let me show you a
better way
could you spend 80 of your time in
defining it and tolerating it
and only 20 of your time and actioning
it
feels uncomfortable but i assure you it
can make all the difference
now let’s get out of academics take this
partial antidote
and apply it to the three use cases we
talked about before
first the modern world of dating
apparently there is going to be a
framework for dating and we have at the
bottom wrong hanging out
that’s actually a term then there could
be talking which ironically doesn’t
involve talking but actually texting or
snapchatting
but never mind that’s another time and
then we have being a thing
not the movie it’s a term and then
finally
dating which could be the equivalent of
actual marriage but notice
we have defined the world of dating we
have
tolerated the ambiguity of response time
because now what we’re going to say is
the higher up you go in intimacy on this
triangle
the faster the response time should be
in text or snapchat or any other social
media device
see what we did there we just reduced
ambiguity
using the model let’s define a period of
your time
in which you choose one of those goals
tolerate the ambiguity of not dealing
with the other two
and in time you can have impact of all
three
because you can have it all you just
can’t have it all at once
finally with career management if you
are
in mid-career would you consider
tolerating moving to a new industry
you’ve never been in
because you have transferable skills if
you’re up and coming
would you apply for a job that wasn’t
your major again
can you define and tolerate the
ambiguity because it might lead to
something powerful
now let’s check back with our special
guests on how they’ve managed the
partial antidote
to arrive at something pretty profound i
need to define what it is that i’m
looking for
i want a purpose-driven job and i want
to be able to significantly impact the
world around me for the better
i ask myself who does this work now what
does that work look like
who do i know and who do they know once
i’ve answered these
i’ve defined where i’m at i can do this
since we can’t escape ambiguity we have
to learn how to tolerate it
to tolerate means to accept or endure
how do you do this by having hope
hope is what got me from rock bottom and
it’ll get you out of rock bottom too
my authenticity invites ambiguity period
it means always assessing the situation
do i think this person is ready to
engage in meaningful conversation
in those scenarios i’m going to tolerate
it so it doesn’t exacerbate
in other instances i do think there’s an
opportunity to take action and educate
in the moment
you know ambiguity doesn’t always have
to come from a point of malice
and if we’re able to kind of meet people
where they’re at we can create some
meaningful change
there was no clarity everything was so
ambiguous
did i make the right decision what am i
going to do when my son goes to college
i had all these questions and no answers
so i decided to just pause
and stay the course i have to keep going
and i’m going to get my mba and watch
all of this pay off
as an entrepreneur i replaced structure
and predictability
with ambiguity of learning new things
like sales and marketing
of doing things myself instead of
delegating
but did i have what it takes to be an
entrepreneur
was i too old was i too rigid it was
humbling
i dealt with this ambiguity by getting
myself a business partner my son charlie
i surrounded myself with people who
wanted to be on the same journey as me
and i sought partnerships from other
entrepreneurs
now i feel i have what it takes to be a
great entrepreneur
and i love it my friends we’ve covered a
lot of ground today it’s been my
privilege to be part of this tedx
there’s one last piece of this
conversation that’s missing
and this one’s gonna hurt i’m gonna need
you when you’re dealing with profound
ambiguity in your life
wait for it to close the lid i want you
to power off the phone i know right
and here’s why i implore you to engage
in human self contemplation
whatever that looks like for you some of
you journal some of you take walks
some of you meditate true human self
contemplation
is going to give you this big picture
and speaking of big picture let me close
with a quick story another passion of
mine
cue it andrew is this game called soccer
and many parents and coaches are
familiar with this phenomenon called
bunch ball
it’s when wonderful beautiful little
kids are around the ball and they’re all
bunching
and they won’t pass no you first no me
first it drives
coaches crazy it drives parents even
crazier
after one particularly bad bunch ball
saturday i took my kids yay high
to a local yogurt shop met this
beautiful individual that happened to be
on the olympic soccer team
and he said oh i know how to solve bunch
ball
a flurry of customers came in five
minutes i’m waiting ten minutes i’m
waiting the kids are starting to scream
yogurt’s melting i’m like we’re not
leaving until i get this bunch ball
answer
i’ll never forget the moment in which
this beautiful individual kneeled down
to my kids and looked both at them and
said
the cure to solving bunch ball is chin
up
only by having your chin up can you see
the lanes of passing
in this beautiful game only having your
chin up will you be able to see
ambiguity now
not as an enemy but as something to be
invited
you got this now let’s start a
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conversation