Building Meaningful Relationships in a World of Strangers
[Music]
i often get asked this question
where are you from the answer is always
tricky
i was born in chandigarh in north india
but never lived there
then i moved to gandhinagar in the west
then boarding school and constantly kept
moving after that
sometimes in jess i would say i’m a
citizen of the world
or simply indian was enough
today i’m 31 years old and i’ve lived
in 15 cities and traveled to over 33
countries across the globe
this makes an average of two years per
city
it’s been a little bit of a nomadic life
as a young girl i developed a sense of
exploration
new places and new friends excited me
though unknowingly every time i moved
there was also a displacement
of identity in retrospect
i realize i grounded my sense of
identity
in what sociologists call the third
space
the third space is a place where you
socialize
outside of the first space which is your
home
the second space which is your work or
an educational institute
these third spaces meet life worth
living
and enhance relationships it could be
any place
such as a cafe bar a place of worship
a bookstore or even a hobby
this space could also be just a feeling
or a state of mind
as my first space and second space we’re
in a constant state of flux
i seek anchor in these third spaces
let me think about a few moments in my
life
when i was truly present
as an 11 year old girl during my time
at mayo a boarding school in the desert
town of rajasthan
i found a home away from home
here i seeked solace at the long term
escort
that moment when your teammate is
serving for match point
your heart stops beating and there is a
real connection formed
it’s not only about the sport itself but
the banter and the comradeship
that surrounds it let’s fast forward
to when i was 23 and i moved to
barcelona to study
at esa business school like many of you
in this virtual room
at esa it was like entering a strange
world
yet it was a comfortable bubble of
strangers
outside of school i discovered one of my
favorite board games
settlers of katan settlers is known to
be destroying friendships
in the katan universe it doesn’t matter
where you come from
so we were a group of students from all
across
germany usa puerto rico jamaica
philippines to name a few but
while playing this game it did not
matter whether
you were rich or poor whether you were
black
or white or any shade in between whether
you graduated
on the top at the top of your class or
what job you secured
post the mba during those four hours
of gameplay there was a real sense of
being
that went beyond the superficial mass
that we were in our interactions
with the world around us
a few years later while i was in
amsterdam
we used to go to this bar called bloker
right below the philips headquarters at
amsterdam
it was a place to meet host work for
drinks on every friday
an india which you’ll hear was not just
a michelle or a lucas from floor 10
but a real person with real stories to
share
i remember having long philosophical
conversations
with the ceo of the company
way higher than me in but at blocker
we were just humans connecting
we ate this dutch dish called
bitterballen
that dish somehow connected us to the
culture
of the place itself where does it may
sound
it were these little experiences that
helped
form my identity today
in yuval harari’s book sapiens he talks
about
how we as humans
are more important than say a chimpanzee
or any other species on the planet
we are not the strongest or the smartest
yet we dominate the world the reason for
this
is our ability to imagine
fictional realities tell stories and
believe them to be true
it is with this philosophy that the idea
of
entrepreneurship and the desire to
create something unique
developed in my mind all entrepreneurial
ideas are essentially just that
it’s you imagining your reality
today i’m the ceo and founder
of unlocked which is my humble endeavor
to create and share bad thought space
that nurtured me
over the years unlocked is the first of
its kind space
with an international cuisine restaurant
an interactive cocktail bar
hundreds of board games and a real life
escape room
our ethos is eat drink and play
as you enter you’re transported to
an uncertain realm or a fourth dimension
it’s like entering a game or a puzzle
everything at unlocked is designed to
celebrate togetherness
be the bold illusionary interiors the
mysterious escape room
or the board games it brings you
closer to the people you’re with be
friends
families colleagues or even strangers
let’s look at a typical day
there is a family spanning three
generations
a few groups of millennials some couples
and some gaming enthusiasts they all
have something in common
no cell phones lots of laughter and true
bonding over food and games
in a good old-fashioned way
let’s again time travel to a hundred
years back
my grandfather spent his entire life in
one community
where everybody knew him the concept of
a stranger
was strange today
we live in a world of strangers
let’s ponder over this for a moment
the only thing i know about my next-door
neighbor
he sees japanese and he smokes
client-based living has been broken down
to very limited
transactional relationships we are
moving towards an individualistic
society
the world we live in today technology
has made relationships more complex than
ever before
we’re subject to a plethora of dating
apps
giving a sense of unlimited options as
you match with people
but no real connections being an
influencer
on instagram is a real career option
where your social media lives may be
completely different
than reality our attention spans have
been reduced to
15 second tick-tock videos i recently
read
in a forbes article it takes only seven
seconds to form the first impression
the thought of this is mind-boggling
we are essentially judging people all
the time
as you enter a party or a networking
event
there is always a yes or a no tick mark
when you meet new people
let’s try to change that
it’s scary thinking of the future
generations
i sometimes wonder if my future daughter
or my grandkids will they be so
immersed in technological relationships
that they’ll almost forget to socialize
with someone
over a drink or a board game
as the covert 19 pandemic hit us we were
all forced into a lockdown
as an explorer of spaces what’s been
most fascinating for me
to witness is during this time the first
space
and the second space they merged
our living rooms became our offices
schools and even virtual meeting places
socializing involved virtual zoom
birthdays
or game nights it is during this time
that the existence of that thought space
is under threat the need to preserve
this
becomes even more important as lockdown
guidelines are opening up across the
globe
i have a request to make of all of you
i urge you to go out there in your
communities
and create offline spaces to form
real relationships it may be dancing in
your balconies
like the italians showed us a picnic in
the neighborhood park
or creating a community around a shared
passion
creative use your imagination remember
we can be socially distant yet together
and next time you visit your favorite
restaurant
or your usual cafe look at it with fresh
eyes and a new perspective be mindful of
that space
and nurture the relationship with
yourself and those
around you i want to leave you
with one thought reflect back
on your lives find your third space
where you let go of that hamster wheel
and were truly present thank you