The Body Language Of SelfConfidence
[Music]
so
self-confidence now when i would
ask most of you how do you want to be
seen by
other people most of you would say
likable
they should see me as a nice person
i only have to change the setting a
little bit let’s say
in a job interview or during a
representation
or in an ordinary business meeting
and suddenly almost every one of you
would say no i want to
be seen as competent as self-confident
as sovereign you want to be taken
serious
now why does that change so quickly
why is it that in many situations we
leave
out the likability and pay
a lot for the self-confidence now to
find out that reason we have to get
a step back in evolution not too far
back
300 000 years ago is enough
the neanderthal life was really tough
gathering food
wow that was a tough job a lot of hands
were needed
a lot of brain power was needed
enemies you needed all the power
available
and all the know-how available the same
with building houses
you needed everyone in the group in the
village
even the elderly although they didn’t
have any more the power
they had the know-how only one group was
excluded
and that was the children they didn’t
have the power by now
and they also didn’t have collected
enough
experience but the older the children
get the more they
realize we are excluded when they go
out for a hunt we have to stay in the
village
when they build new houses no one asks
us
how to build the houses so the older the
children get the more the drive
awakes in them i want to be a full
member of the group of the society so
what they want to prove
the older they get at least when they at
latest when they are teenagers
is i am clever i’m strong
enough i have seen all the problems so
they want to appear self-confident
they want to appear absolutely sure
of themselves and what they always want
to avoid
is embarrassment now fast forward
to our time and when you are in the
presentation most of you will think oh
when i do the presentation afterwards
everyone should say
wow what a self-confident person and if
there’s an embarrassment oh my god
please no embarrassment it is the same
now the body language of self-confidence
we read that in tabloids in bulva
magazines
and also not so scientific publications
is always
straight up symmetrical body language
straight view straight eye contact
and also not too much smiles and
no signs of submissiveness in the german
speaking world we have a word that says
chin up chest out belly in
now if i would start a presentation like
that i’m not self
confident i’m arrogant and the
difference is
only within the time frames because our
brain
takes decisions in a different way
let’s take a a normal business let’s
take a job interview
hr manager sits in his or her office
the door opens and the applicant for the
job
enters the room now two areas in the
brain
of this hr manager take very quick
decisions
within milliseconds that is the brain
stem
and the midbrain both are very important
the brain stand
takes the decision about 50 years ago
scientists thought it’s only fight or
flight
nowadays we know there’s more to that
note and not only fight to
fight or flight that is one the other is
is that new situation is that new person
is that a moment for relaxation for me
is that a resource for me or do
i want to get rid of that person that is
mainly the brain stem
and that is the first decision now
the first decision is a little bit
different from the second because the
second decision is the mid brain and the
midbrain is one of the best
inventions in evolution because only
with a midbrain
we were able to form groups and to form
hierarchies so the second decision is
only possible for animals for creatures
who have a midbrain
for instance dogs dogs are
popular pets because they obey
sometimes it’s also the dog own base but
someone is always obeying if you want to
do that with a salamander
with a snake you don’t even get the
leash around the neck of the snake
so it is a a completely different
circumstance with
mid-brain animals and we as human beings
are
mid-brainers we form groups and from the
first
moment on we decide whether this person
is above or below me not only in status
but
also in know-how that is why sometimes
i hope more often than sometimes people
from a higher status
listen to people who are lower but are
cleverer in some
areas that will be important a little
bit later on
so that is the second decision but the
first decision is
do does this hr manager want to spend
more time with that person or does he or
she want to get rid of that person
now we have the misconception when you
think i walk through life
with my self-confident body language
believe me each and every hr manager
will think please
leave the room so what you should do
to be to be seen as a competent person
from the first
moment on you want to give them the
feeling that they
want to continue communicating with you
that they want to listen to you that
they want to spend
more time with you and that is with a
likable body language number one show
more emotions
show more emotions why is that relaxed
motions show i am not prepared for a
fight
i’m not prepared for defending myself
imagine you would start a presentation
like that everyone would think oh this
is going to be
argument counter argument the more
relaxed
body language you show the more you
invite
people to listen to you show more
emotions
i mean you should not start every
presentation with motions like that
if you do that you should change the
types of drugs you’re using but
if you are if you’re starting a
presentation with a relaxed body
language you
give them a feeling oh we want to listen
to him
or her i give you a picture maybe you
just just
imagine you stand at the bar with
good friends of yours and tell them
about your last weekend or your last
holidays
you don’t stand there and talk like that
if you stand like that people will think
you are the waitress or the waiter
you talk like that depending on your
temperament some will talk like that
and some will talk like that but
everyone shows more emotions
number two show asymmetry asymmetry
means the halves of the body are not
equal asymmetry also means i
am not prepared to fight if the
saber-tooth tiger
approaches me and i’m standing like that
i am dead because i’m not quick enough
to fight
that is what you want not being dead but
appearing not to want to fight
number three is smile more smiling is
important primatologists teach us that
smiling is
not in the first hand a signal of
likability
it is a signal of i have accepted
your higher status that is why
when you see a person from a higher
status but you don’t like you still
smile at that person when the police
stops you over
and the police officer looks at the side
window of your car
you show that facial expression
if you don’t believe me try the next
time when the policeman stops you over
and you look at him like
that’s gonna be expensive because the
police officer thinks ah
you have difficulties accepting that i’m
the stronger person
that is why smiling is so important but
now you come to the point in your
presentation
when it is important to bring across the
most important facts your usps
the things you want to cover convince
the other people
it is always a short portion of your
whole presentation
now you have the whole potential to
change your body language
from a body language that moves a lot to
a stable body language
from asymmetry to symmetry and now
you can stop smiling the change
in the body language is what makes you
self-confident i give an example number
one
is very important number two is also
important
but the most important fact is number
three
and that is what gives them the feeling
of you
know what you are talking about that
gives them the feeling ah
that was important i should remember
that but if you do the mistake and think
your presentation has to be stable all
throughout the presentation it looks
like
number one is important number two is
important and the most important fact is
number three
that is what most presentations are all
about but that is not what
what gives the people the signal i
should remember the facts so always make
a difference between
your everyday body language that should
be approachable that should be likable
and reduce the stable and self-confident
body language
to the points that are really important
if you do it too long
you are always a little bit stand offish
maybe it’s easier if you think of a of
an everyday situation
let’s say monday morning and you were at
home
and as always the children don’t obey
they don’t do what you want them to do
you know you’re in a hurry because you
want to go you have to go to the office
the children have to go to school you’re
cleaning
the kitchen table from breakfast and you
shout to them hey
write granny uh a birthday sms and don’t
forget to close the window in your room
and
don’t you dare to leave the house
without
cleaning your your room now you run to
the bathroom and again you ask what’s
with the sms for granny
is the window already closed and is your
room tidy
and then you brush your teeth for the
third time you ask what’s with the
message
and the window is it still open and is
your room already clean
latest by now the children know only one
person in that household is annoying
and that is not granny
because of course they got the message
already
at the first time of course but from
your body language they read
the message is not to be taking serious
you should do exactly what i said before
the less important facts you say with an
asymmetrical body language
only the important fact there you change
the body language
write an sms to granny and close the
window and
don’t you dare to leave the house
without cleaning the room
believe me they won’t only clean the
room they will clean the whole house
and that is what we want to see in our
life
when you are doing presentations when
you talk to people when you talk to
patients
it is all about adherence when people
don’t realize what is important and what
is not so important
it is the problem that you have made
so your body language doesn’t change the
content but the body language gives them
the feeling
that is important and that is not so
important
and if you this is just a hint for your
personality
if you constantly think oh well now i
have to
be always in every situation the strong
woman
the strong man then with one food
you are still a little bit in your youth
oh as friedrich nietzsche put it
he said we have to overcome our youth
to be children again thank you
[Applause]
you