The keys to a great conversation Celeste Headlee
Now, I make my living talking to people.
Nobel Prize winners, truck drivers, billionaires,
kindergarten teachers, heads of state, plumbers.
I talk to people that I like.
I talk to people that I don’t like.
I talk to some people that I disagree with
deeply on a personal level.
But I still have a great conversation with
them.
So I have 10 basic rules.
I’m going to walk you through all of them,
but honestly,
if you just choose one of them and master
it,
you’ll already enjoy better conversations.
Number one: Don’t multitask.
And I don’t mean just set down your cell phone
or your tablet
or your car keys or whatever is in your hand.
I mean be present.
Be in that moment.
Number two: Don’t pontificate.
If you want to state your opinion without
any opportunity
for response or argument or pushback or growth,
write a blog.
Number three: Use open-ended questions.
Start your questions with who, what, where,
when, why or how.
If I ask you, “Were you terrified?”
you’re going to respond to the most powerful
word
in that sentence, which is “terrified,”
and the answer is, “Yes, I was,” or “No, I
wasn’t.”
Try asking them things like, “What was that
like?”
“How did that feel?”
Because then they might have to stop for a
moment
and think about it,
and you’re going to get a much more interesting
response.
Number four: Go with the flow.
That means thoughts will come into your mind
and you need to let them go out of your mind.
Number five: If you don’t know, say that you
don’t know.
Err on the side of caution.
Talk should not be cheap.
Number six: Don’t equate your experience with
theirs.
It’s not the same.
It is never the same.
All experiences are individual.
And, more importantly, it is not about you.
Conversations are not a promotional opportunity.
Number seven: Try not to repeat yourself.
It’s condescending, and it’s really boring,
and we tend to do it a lot.
Number eight: Stay out of the weeds.
Frankly, people don’t care about the years,
the names, the dates,
all those details that you’re struggling to
come up with in your mind.
They don t care.
What they care about is you.
Number nine: This is not the last one,
but it is the most important one.
Listen.
Buddha said, and I’m paraphrasing,
“If your mouth is open, you’re not learning.”
It takes effort and energy to actually pay
attention to someone,
but if you can’t do that, you’re not in a
conversation.
You’re just two people shouting out barely
related sentences
in the same place.
One more rule, number 10, and it’s this one:
Be brief.
All of this boils down to the same basic concept,
and it is this one:
Be interested in other people.
I keep my mouth shut as often as I possibly
can,
I keep my mind open, and I’m always prepared
to be amazed,
and I’m never disappointed.
You do the same thing.
Go out, talk to people, listen to people,
and most importantly,
be prepared to be amazed.