How bleeding on the paper Changed My Life
how many of you watching right now
aspire to be a writer or an author well
i did not
but where am i one now i used to look at
my instagram
feed used to see how people praise on
individuals poetry
forget it i was even able to write
anything quote unquote deep
apart from the writing section in my
english exams
you see i’m an emotional man and super
observant too
i used to look at everything and related
to my life
how a water droplet seems heavy on the
leaf how people react in minor
conditions
and absolutely everything i get attached
to my surroundings real quick too
be it the pictures the places i visited
with my loved ones
conversations at night with my friends i
as they say
like to be called a savior for everybody
i just wanted to wipe the tears of
misery even if it didn’t ask me how i
was
i had a friend who i was close with but
something inside me said
to wait pause and see if you are the one
giving it
all i knew that because after
conversations
i became tired my army always had my
back
she was disciplined talented and a
teacher too
though she was in the girls section but
she taught me how crucial
self-discipline is however
you know people don’t take friendship
breakup seriously
completely and absurd topic for people
and for people who are not aware what
friendship breakups are
it generally means when you decide to
drift away from a friend
due to various reasons or the other
friend decides to not continue it
anymore
i wanted to talk to somebody about this
because it was new
and hurtful i didn’t know what to do
so i took my phone out and wrote my
first ever writing in 2014
that went something like this we often
get heard by people
who don’t even deserve our respect in
the first place
but then i didn’t post it all these
writers out there
and i come up with a quote i didn’t
write much after that
cut short i had physics chemistry
and math in my 11th and 12th grade
and yes you may have guessed it right i
didn’t like it
poetry philosophy and psychology excited
me
and not differentiation organic
chemistry or electrostatics
i remember i had this huge fight with my
family because i just
didn’t like where my life was heading
remember the part i mentioned that i’m
attached to everything
but when the detachment happened i wrote
few lines
went in frustration to worship the
almighty
and put my head on my army’s lap to rest
but this all happened till my 12th grade
29 september 2017 i lost my army due to
pneumonia
it was deleterious to my physical and
emotional health
to a point i felt no hunger perhaps i
started to starve myself
and take all the blame on my head i have
a counselor
who was my teacher and now is my friend
in the present mrs farah mam who told me
something i can still
never can get it out of my head farhad
you cannot fight the world with an empty
stomach
she frequently counseled me throughout
encouraged me to eat
to pray and give profound advices
she is an inspiration to me it is
because of her i want to be an english
professor
and like her impact on students lives
positively
it was months after ami’s death i
remember writing my first ever poem
in the back of my chemistry book i could
see tear drops more
on the paper than my ink i later
published it in my first book colors
under the title amijan i cried hours in
prostration
making my relationship with the almighty
stronger with whatever problems i had in
my life
i did not have the luxury to go back to
my mother
so i wrote i had to grow on my own and
natural progress
and growth takes a lot of time but it’s
worth it
think of a plant flourishing in the
wildest of forests
raw and aesthetic so i kept on sailing
through the waves
by being the captain of my own ship with
islam as my guidance
i remember just before my college days i
had a friend who i was close with
decided to give up on me and i couldn’t
take losses anymore
i did everything i could sitting behind
the screen said sorry to a point i had
to beg
all the time of friendship just ended
with texts
i had never put myself so low for
somebody’s call
and other person not caring and acting
pathetic
was my first step in moving on with all
this happening
i received a call in the middle of
nowhere saying my dad had a heart attack
but with god’s grace he was saved let’s
not even talk about the issues faced by
the nri people
change in weather water food people
comfort and family i couldn’t take it
anymore
fake smiles during my initial days of
college while my world was staring apart
there was a shaving blade in front of me
i was blank and teary
and the next thing i knew that i was so
close to cut
myself i had to do something about it
i started to vent my pain on the paper
without realizing
i was touching the parts of my soul i
didn’t know were there
or were very deep like a man dipping
into the sea
unaware of its magnificence and depth
so much to discover so much to learn
all this pain had an immense effect on
my writing
and my personality as a whole i started
to write about more peculiar subjects
i converted every pain to rhythms scars
to syllables
destruction to poetry and people to
topics
i published my first ever poetry book
colors and a year after
midnight use which is now amazon’s
number one best-selling poetry book
but what exactly am i trying to tell you
with my story
that it was the hurt which made me right
had i not gone through all of that
perhaps i wouldn’t be here
speaking on this platform i sure was the
captain of my own ship
sailing through the storms not knowing i
would be a lighthouse for
all the captains who are lost you can
write too
start and take all that pain and
suffering touch it and let it bleed on
the paper
you don’t have to show it you don’t have
to publish it
but when you do show it to your close
ones
and even if one is able to relate to it
know that there are
millions out there to feel the same way
and once you know it
hold on tight improve on your language
and practice to a point
where you conclude your speech by saying
thank you
for coming to my tedx talk
you