How ReEvaluating Attractiveness Can Change How You Think
welcome
to the future
[Music]
my name is taylor cassidy paulie i’m a
creator
innovator and beauty activist
almost every one of us have asked how do
i look
or it could be does my hair look weird
do my eyebrows are are they
unsymmetrical
do my pores look huge or is there
something in my teeth
wait no seriously is there something in
my teeth no
i’m good great these questions are so
prominent in our daily routine that we
don’t even remember when it all started
this reminds me of a time of when i was
a camp counselor at a summer camp
a camper who was around 10 at the time
came up to my colleague and i and said
i like you better taylor cassidy because
you don’t have that stuff
on your face in disgust
they pointed at my colleague’s hormonal
acne
i know what you’re thinking wow that kid
is such a little
but all jokes aside keep in mind
that camper was young we can say
it was bad parenting or maybe that they
were a bad egg
but we can’t research shows at the age
of 12 months old
these biases show because
we gravitate towards attractive people
what do i mean by attractive attractive
people have consistent features
like clear skin and facial symmetry the
basis
behind the golden ratio we seek
attractive people
because they make us feel better their
aesthetically pleasing face
leaves us no discomfort when we’re with
them
so we associate with what makes us feel
good
with what is good attractive people tend
to get labeled as
kind patient trustworthy and more
for something they didn’t earn just
something they were born with
numerous works and evolutionary
psychology
pins attractive people as those who have
physical characteristics
of a good mate back then
clear skin and facial symmetry met great
health
that we would want in our mate so our
kids could have it too
fast forward to today where we have many
more qualities to base our decisions on
in a person but even though we evolved
why didn’t our decision-making processes
on looks change with us
why do we love quotes from coco chanel
that say
beauty begins the moment you decide to
be yourself
yet belittle ourselves by taking dozens
and dozens of pictures
for one new profile photo instead of
being confident
in taking the one why does this bias for
attractive people still exist
and why can’t we get rid of it
it’s because we’re scared
and also it’s subconscious so we have
very little control over it so don’t
worry you’re not all bad people that i
know of
i absolve you from your guilt
as humans we were born with an
exceptional mind
but sometimes our mind gets tired so it
uses
mental shortcuts when we see someone for
the first time
which leads us to think categorically
so we give people labels so it could
save our mental energy
so when we see clear skin we see healthy
asymmetrical eyebrows as questionable
or hormonal acne as just bad
things were conditioned to do since the
beginning
and when i say we’re scared it’s because
we are
every time we cover a zit what in our
smile
or align our eyebrows we make a decision
a decision to conceal ourselves so that
the judgmental shortcut doesn’t catch us
red-handed we just don’t want people to
label us
the wrong way so
in the past few decades we’ve been
innovating better ways to conceal
ourselves
but never did we ask how can we fix this
how can we make our minds work for us
not against us
because of our looks how can we better
analyze the surface so we can see what’s
beneath it
some of you may think that’s just how
life is
but actually it can be something more
we can train to use our mental shortcut
in a much more meaningful way
it’s like i’m morpheus and all of you
are the one
today i’m here with my version of the
blue pill
or the red pill the blue pill
is for us to remain in ignorance of the
power our mental shortcut has
the same shortcut that could decide if
your friends
are good employees if your kids
have potential or if your partner
deserves that job promotion all because
of their looks
or there’s the red pill for us to remain
in uncertainty of who a person is
when we meet them for the first time and
for us to try to understand them
although we have
it might have no rhyme or reason
this is not a commitment you know to ask
them 100
questions you know binge watch shows
together introduce them to your parents
and your friends
no it’s not like that but
rather it’s a responsibility to at least
try
so what do you choose the red pill
or the blue pill
if you chose the red pill that’s great
but if you chose the blue pill
well this is awkward i guess i’ll check
in with you all later
as for the red pill group hello i’d like
you to try an exercise
close your eyes and try to remember a
moment where you met someone for the
first time
you saw them and you didn’t know what it
was
but their vibe was kind of off so you
ghost them
but thanks to fate you meet again and
after some time together
they were just the best person you’ve
ever met
and you wonder why you thought otherwise
or it could be worse you can see a guy
you think they’re great but then you
realize you’re kind of just
fixated towards maybe their nice skin or
their really nice jawline
and then after that realization you kind
of see that they have a bad personality
or maybe they’re a little bit racist or
maybe
they don’t like long walks on the beach
okay
for me that’s like a no-brainer but
maybe that guy was a fraud who knows
either way that’s the work of the judgey
mental shortcut at play
otherwise known as heuristics it causes
us to see people
in labels which can be great sometimes
but can also kind of suck it can suck
because most of us don’t have the time
or the opportunity
to fix our faulty first impressions
or some of us are so strongly
manipulated by it
that we can’t even correct ourselves and
it’s hard and it’s a lot of work to
manipulate a process we consciously have
no control over
but growing research in cognitive
psychology brought me here
so i can help you hack this type of
thinking
so we can promote more complex thinking
otherwise known as authentic genuine
understanding this hack is the three r’s
so when you’re evaluating someone for
the first time there are two things at
play
there’s mel the mediator and mo the
moderator
in the background we have our library of
memories
associations and emotions
those get organized by mel the mediator
mel does the categories and then ends up
creating these labels
those labels get sent to mo the
moderator
our recall mo determines what first
comes into our head when we see someone
for the first time
so if we want to hack the negative
outcomes of these mental processes we
have to mess
with mel and mo this leads up to our
first star
renew so we have our library
of memories associations and emotions
that are organized by mao
so our first option is to add
feelings of good and moments of great
associated with people with different
looks because if we feel and believe
this to be true
it’ll end up in our library so mel can
create
new labels which will form new
impressions
shown in red or
there’s a second r replace
we can consciously create something that
is the direct opposite of the labels we
know for example
chubby cheeks for innocence or gap teeth
as clumsiness or problematic skin
as unhygienic by creating these
conscious
new labels when mel and mo deliver
their labels the mind gets confused
which label does it listen to so
that forces our mind to actually use
more mental energy
to actually create more authentic
impressions
pretty cool right the last r
is remind sometimes we can’t catch up
to mel and mo in their label delivery
system
so let’s get busy let’s create
noah the nudge a personalized reminder
that translates a symbol on someone’s
face as the work we should try to do
for example if we see someone for the
first time we can make their nose a
symbol
to renew or to replace not only so this
system can work
but also so it can stay
another thing that i forgot to mention
about the three r’s
is that they’re powerful and versatile
the power of the three r’s can extend
outside the confines of attractiveness
and hack any negative outcome of a
mental shortcut you wish to
hack so any negative stereotypes
that target someone or a group because
of their age
their gender their sexual orientation
or their race can be hacked using this
method
this is primarily because we promote
more complex
thinking so authentic genuine
understanding
so by using this system we not only
change how we think and how we decide
but also we can inspire others to do it
as well
so my camper from a few years ago she’s
probably 14 right now
and can be taught this method because
one day
they might end up being our leader
teacher or manager and i’m sure
i wouldn’t want them to judge me just on
my looks
and my labels so for the blue pill group
i didn’t forget about you if you haven’t
converted to team red
that’s all right but remember
without taking this leap forward to try
we will remain
frozen instead of asking ourselves
did i learn today did i grow today
or did i inspire today will be frozen
on fixating on how do i look
we will be frozen on evaluating people
based on their looks and their labels
and not so many important qualities
and most importantly we will continue to
be judged on our
looks and our labels and not whether we
have the skills
to be a manager the patience to be a
teacher
or the compassion to be a leader
so now you have the three r’s renew
replace and remind to help you
to shape yourself to become more
thoughtful and understanding when you
meet someone for the first time
it’s simple but it’s a big decision
it’s a decision to conceal to survive
or to change to thrive
thank you
you