Real Discomfort Real Change
[Music]
i want you to imagine
just for a moment that you are a
middle-aged
male high school principal now some of
you might be middle-aged men already and
if you are congratulations but for those
of us who are not
let’s just take a second to get in that
headspace
so now i’d like you to imagine
middle-aged male high school principal
that you are
that you are sitting at your desk you’re
getting a lot done
and you see a high school girl walk into
your office
and she sits down and she starts talking
about her period and not only is she
talking about
her period no she is talking about her
friend’s periods
and her classmates periods just a whole
lot of period
talk now i want you to ask yourself
middle age male high school principal
that you are
do you think you’re uncomfortable right
now
the answer is probably yes and it makes
sense
right because period poverty and
menstrual hygiene are what i like to
call you
issues isolating issues issues that we
expect those affected by them to deal
with
privately it is definitely not an issue
that we feel any sense of community
ownership
or urgency over now period poverty and
menstrual hygiene are like a lot of the
most relevant and important issues in
our world today
everything from systemic oppression to
food insecurity these are you
issues isolating issues
but how do we as leaders as people who
want to make change
push past this discomfort and move an
issue out of the realm of you and into
the realm of an
everyone issue something that we as a
community are all
working to change now as you might have
imagined that high school principal who
i had you picture is in fact my
high school principal and though he is a
wonderful man and does a lot for his
students
he like a lot of people and men in
particular
is made very uncomfortable by the idea
of periods
and i first ran up against this in my
sophomore year when i alongside my
fellow student government officers began
advocating
for the installation of free menstrual
hygiene product dispensers in
all female restrooms in our school
we would come into our principal’s
office week after week
and we would sit down and we would tell
him about the discomfort that we had
experienced
and the anxiety that came with getting
your period as a young person
in school now finally we got these
dispensers
installed and we were so excited
but then i remember thinking what if you
couldn’t access these dispensers what if
because of your gender identity or
presentation you were unable to use the
female restroom
or what if you could use the female
restroom but after school hours
because of an unsafe home environment or
financial instability
you were unable to access the products
you needed
or what if you weren’t at the high
school at all what if you were a middle
school student or an elementary school
student who got their period
what did you do then this is where my
organization go with the flow comes in
i began go with the flow in the fall of
my junior year and we use community
support
and community donations to package and
distribute
free bags of menstrual hygiene products
to k-12 schools and community centers
throughout
our area now behind me on screen is a
picture of our very first event
and as you can see we had over 30
volunteers including school board
members parents students teachers and
community members
all coming together to help us package
thousands of go with the flow bags
now this is a pretty big jump right in a
matter of months
we went from trying to convince our
principal that this issue mattered at
all to a community recognized and
celebrated effort
to gain equal access to much needed
products for any
student in need so how did we get from
point a
to point b i went ahead and broke it
down into five
steps first we want to share stories
second find inclusive solutions third
celebrate action fourth continue
and fifth make it your own now let’s
talk a little bit about what each one of
these really looks like
first we want to share our stories
now facts and data are incredibly
important especially as we are first
trying to convince people of the
necessity of a widespread solution
but if all we are doing is providing
facts and data without any human
connection or story
we will get nowhere my fellow student
government officers and i
could have sat down in our principal’s
office and told him
day after day that half of his students
were getting periods
but until we were able to really explain
to him
what it felt like as a young person
getting your period in school
it wasn’t until we could do that that we
could build the empathy
and the urgency we needed from him to
make real change
moreover when we share our stories we
are able to bring more people
into our solutions by sharing our
experiences as young menstruators
we were able to connect with
menstruators of all generations
who saw themselves reflected in our
organization and related to our
experiences
joining our team and becoming dedicated
to making change
for generations to come next we want to
find
inclusive solutions and this might seem
a little bit obvious i mean of course
we want to find solutions especially in
the early stages of our action
we want to prove to people that we have
a plan that we can be trusted
but more than just finding solutions we
want to find
inclusive solutions because unless we
are trying to help as many
people as possible we are in a lot of
ways still exclusionary
in our so-called solutions this was one
of the things i was most
proud of through go with the flow we
were able to expand
the lens of who is typically affected by
period poverty and menstrual hygiene
needs
because more often than not when we
imagine a young menstruator we picture
someone in older high school maybe a
cisgendered girl
but the truth is menstruators come in
all shapes and sizes
through go with the flow we were able to
recognize that students needed access to
these products
regardless of their age of their gender
identity or presentation or of their
socioeconomic status
we were able to meet the needs of a
broader community by getting our
products available in single-stall
gender-neutral restrooms
in after-school centers and in middle
schools and elementary schools
when we widen the lens of who is
affected by any given issue
we can bring more people into our
community and have a significantly
broader reach
of the change we are trying to make
next we want to celebrate action
as with the most important and relevant
issues in our world today
they can sometimes feel insurmountable
everything from period poverty to
systemic oppression
these are dark issues and while it’s
important to recognize the magnitude
of the issues we are trying to tackle if
we stay too mired in this knowledge
we will lose energy and optimism like
that
so we need to find ways as leaders to
embed joy and embed celebration into the
very structure of our organizations
recognizing that even the smallest step
forward is still
progress and worthy of celebrating
at our first go with the flow event yes
we had thousands of bags that we
packaged as a group
but we also had some great snacks and we
got to know one another and we listened
to music by embedding this celebration
into our very first step
we found the joy and the energy needed
to continue our work
for months to come next we want to
continue and this might seem a little
bit obvious
but as we’re getting into our
celebration and our action steps
it can feel like we are on top of the
world we are making real
change and it’s easy to forget that just
a few steps ago
we were trying to convince people that
these issues even mattered at
all we have to remember that if we wait
too long
before reminding people that our
organizations still exist
and that change is still needed the
urgency and the energy we have fought so
hard for
will start to fade away and we have to
give ourselves grace
right recognizing that we as leaders
have other jobs we cannot
expect ourselves to devote 100 percent
of the our time to the change we’re
making
but we have to find something small we
can do every few weeks
or every month just enough to remind
people that our organizations still
matter
and that these issues are still relevant
this was something we had to learn at go
with the flow through kovid
because we were not able to provide
millions of go with the flow bags to
everyone
in need in our community but as often as
we could we would bring a bin
or two of our bags to our school
district’s distanced lunch pickup
additionally on screen behind me are two
fantastic young women who will be taking
over the reigns of go with the flow when
i graduate at the end of this year
in this way we have ensured that go with
the flow will continue
not only through these months of coveted
wackiness but also
in the years to come becoming not just a
band-aid solution
but an instrument of broader more
systemic
change now finally we want to make it
our own
and while the last four steps have all
been very outward facing this is
something that we as
leaders need to do internally now as we
are working to get our change off the
ground it can sometimes feel like
all we are doing is talking we are
trying to convince people why these
issues matter we’re trying to build
energy
and urgency we’re trying to bring people
together
and that is exhausting but if we are
also spending our energy trying to fit
into these boxes of what a leader is
supposed to look like
or sound like or act like what society
our families or ourselves have told us
we should be
we are not going to have the energy to
make the change we seek
so we need to find ways to recognize
that we are enough
every part of our identities is there
for a reason and is equipped for the
change we are trying to make
so what does this look like in our
actual solutions
for me it looked like little notes i
have loved notes
since i was little i’ve saved them from
my mom and from my grandma
so finding ways that we as often as
possible could include notes
in our go with the flow bags ensured
that i remembered who i was
that this change felt like me and that i
could remember that i just as i
am am enough now as we approach
real community change we want to
remember to share
stories building that human connection
we want to find inclusive
solutions bringing more people into our
communities
we want to celebrate action knowing that
even the smallest step forward
is still progress and worthy of
celebrating
we want to continue knowing that without
continuity our organizations will too
quickly fade
into the background and we want to make
it our own
trusting that we just as we are are
enough
for the change we seek now period
poverty was my issue
but it might not be your issue and
that’s okay
but i would ask you to think about your
schools or about your communities and
think about what’s missing
i know for me as i sometimes try to
identify where i need to lead
i think about what makes me the happiest
or what makes me the saddest when i see
it
in the world because more often than not
the things we care about most
are connected to our strongest emotions
so i would ask you to think about what
breaks your heart
or what makes you joyful to the point of
tears
and stand there plant yourself there
lead
there and when you do you might
experience real discomfort
but you will make real change
thank you