Squat for Change
it was september 15
2018
and my family and i woke up for some
much-needed errands you know like
they’re doing a laundry taking trash out
football practice
and my personal favorite cleaning up
smashed eggs off the floor
this particular morning my wife and i
noticed my oldest son isaiah had a
cracked iphone screen
is it is it me or does every 12 year old
have a cracked
iphone screen i mean cracked into the
home button is hanging off by the ground
wire cracked so we got into our family
car and we had to sprint
we’re there for a number of hours so my
wife and i had a conversation about
having dinner
late at a local restaurant here in
jacksonville
when we arrived we
our baby liam who was one of the times
started to cry
and if you’re a parent that always means
one of three things
they’re hungry tired or have a wet
diaper
or my friends in australia will say a
wet nappy
in this particular night liam marked all
three boxes so i immediately pointed at
isaiah our diaper assistant and we
headed to the restroom
when we got there there wasn’t a
changing table what we didn’t realize
was we’re about to start a
global movement two weeks
goes by and i’m sitting home watching tv
going through my phone and i come across
a picture isaiah had sent me
and i said you know what this is an
interesting enough picture to post on
instagram for family and friends
and that’s what i did i posted this
picture showing me being forced
to squat in order to change my youngest
son liam
and in that original message i said this
is a serious post
what’s the deal with not having changing
tables in men’s restrooms as if they
don’t exist
look how comfortable my son is it’s
routine to him
let’s fix this problem overnight
that message went viral i mean
reporters were calling family members
reaching out
to this day i have no idea how
washington post got my phone number
i mean i was confused i changed the
diaper
and now i’m on cnn what
like and within minutes my twin brother
called me and said hey dante you need a
hashtag you need one now i said well i’m
i’m squatting um i’m changing the diaper
squat for changing that’s how
easy it was in the beginning we started
advocating for the lack of changing
tables and men’s restrooms and
um and that was all fine and we shortly
found out after that the moms were going
through the same exact thing
so i’m standing here proud to say that
squat for change is a non-profit
organization
that advocates for the lack of changing
facilities in all
public restrooms um certain non-profit
it sounded cool but
let’s talk about the stress i mean state
and local paperwork
board management tax exemptions i wanted
to pull my hair out but what kept me
going was
how much exposure it got and and how
many people are resonated with
you know when i first started this whole
movement i had about 200 followers on
instagram so not
exactly viral image waiting to happen
but within weeks i mean celebrities
started reaching out and reposting
my favorite jessica alba
oh jessica alba okay okay let me stop
i’m married she
she reached out to me and told me that
she loved me
okay she didn’t say that but what she
did say was
that she wanted to give me free diapers
for life
my first initial thought was what am i
going to do with free diapers for life
but my second thought was all the
resources that celebrities have
and when they take that second third
fourth and even fifth step
it can really make a difference but it
wasn’t just celebrities reaching out
it was ordinary citizens for example
this one teenager from the gambia
west africa told me i don’t even have a
toilet
but i will stand and support your
movement and it’s really amazing
how one issue could bring about a lot of
change regardless of background
and when you bring citizens ordinary
citizens
and celebrities together we can really
change policy
so squad for change of course has a
record of results we have inspired
lawmakers to propose and pass laws
um cities such as new york tampa
oh man this is amazing baltimore have
accepted the challenge to put
public to put changing tables in all
their public restrooms
and being as though i am a resident of
jacksonville i have to say this
imma look right here mayor lenny curry
we have to meet soon and if you are
watching if you are home watching online
what are the officials in your cities
doing early on i found out that
in order to get changed you have to
change the way you see the world
for years we had seen public restrooms
but haven’t seen
the lack of a changing table and that
has to do a lot with how we view fathers
and how fathers view themselves
according to a recent british study that
tracked the attitudes from the 1980s to
the present
43 of fathers admitted
that they never changed the diaper today
that number is down to three percent
and although that’s good there’s still a
lot of work to be done and let me share
a story with you to let you know what i
mean
one time i was talking with a father
from kansas and he told me it wasn’t
manly
to change his son’s diaper but okay to
change his daughter
you know the action of a parent should
not be determined by gender
so we have to change what we see and
what we think
as manly and let me show you this video
to further explain what i’m talking
about a friend of mine
clinton kelly from austin texas
clinton kelly single father
operation manager for a commercial
moving company
and watch this he can squat 315 pounds
so i guess changing diapers can be
pretty damn manly
oftentimes we we create these labels to
keep us from not supporting dads
like when i travel the country people
always ask me do i support
this group or that group don’t support
old dads black dads
young dads gay dads or trans dads you
know one lifelong democrat told me that
i shouldn’t
interview on fox and friends and i said
why does that matter
another time a republican told me that
dante a squad for change
should not be wanting to you know donate
diapers to families kept in cages on our
southern borders because it only
encourages illegal immigration
like these are things that people have
actually said to me and here’s my simple
response
i want to help out any good dad any good
mom
any good parent what defines a good
parent is that they’re changing those
diapers
putting their children first not their
egos we have to learn how to put our
children first
not our labels now let me share with you
another kind of story
one time i was at a comedy club here in
jacksonville speaking with comedian d.l
hughley
and he told me that the media is
treating me like a unicorn
and i don’t think you guys have noticed
yet but look at me i’m black
and although i was getting a lot of
positive affirmation for squad for
change
there was a lot of people offering that
negative
support and what they were saying was
it’s unbelievable
that a black dad is taking care of his
kids you know he’s a drug dealer
hiding drugs in the baby’s diapers feed
the baby to the gators
the mom is selfish i am lazy so now my
wife
and my kids are a target of this hate
not just me
and through this whole experience i feel
as though it highlights a serious
problem that many fathers of color have
to
deal with every single day christopher
robinson
a single father to two beautiful girls
who lives on the north side of
jacksonville
he attended my first annual squat for
change event
that highlighted fathers who typically
wouldn’t like the image of a father
fathers like chris typically aren’t
shown in a positive light
too many times they’re stereotyped for
the the way they dress
their their hair color their hair styles
the way they talk the music they listen
to and believe it or not
even the full body tattoos and which i’m
covering up right now
and be honest i am sick and tired of
fathers like him and fathers
just like me who not being highlighted
like they should so this platform
it’s what fathers like chris and
father’s just like him
father’s like cameron dorsey maurice
calvin mike and robert
fathers who grew up around a lot of
damaging narratives
some of which i never even knew i
internalized until became a father
myself
so you know what i want to do today i
want to challenge the media
start showing fathers who look like me
but may not talk like me
like when i go back to my hometown of
philadelphia people tell me i sound
white
but they cuss a little bit more than i
do they have a few more tattoos it’s
harder to hide
but they are good fathers and what they
need is not just
the installation of changing tables they
need someone to sit down and hear their
stories
but it’s not just the media some of
these damaging narratives comes because
our own fathers weren’t perfect
no being in philadelphia
i was so excited to be one of three
homes out of 40.
they had a dad in the household you know
i love my dad he was a hard worker
he lost his job that
he started selling drugs then he got
addicted to those drugs
and especially as a teenager i hated my
dad i hated him
he made some horrible horrible decisions
but he also made some good decisions
like decided to get free of those drugs
he got a second chance it is too many
times i have seen loving fathers like my
dad
who messed up and never get that second
chance
um and don’t get me wrong the the trauma
they’re not showing up for graduations
and basketball games it affected me a
lot but
through the squad for change journey it
truly gave me the shrimp to forgive my
dad so
i’m gonna stand here and i’m looking at
his camera and i’m gonna tell my dad
cause i know he’s watching dad
i forgive you and that’s why i’m so
honored to show you squatting for change
so start giving dads who mess up
the resources and services they need
and all you out there listening right
now you can help you may ask me how
i want right now i want you to imagine a
father it could be your dad it can be a
grandfather
the guy who sits next to you at work the
father with a different background a
father you know
that would never be able to make it on
the stage
will you speak up for that father and
you know i’m up here talking about the
installation of changing tables and to
put them in the restroom you know it’s
actually an easy fix
i should do it myself but this this
narrative and this story so much deeper
than installation of changing tables
it’s about
changing the narrative of what it truly
means to be a dad
the dad narrative is ours to control we
must create it and shape it
until to what we want it to be we need a
network of support and guess what
we are that network we must step up and
step in for each other because
the value of our presence and the love
that we have for our families matters
most
and remember this one thing if you ever
wanted to change the world
you squat while doing it squat for
change
thank you