The C.H.O.I.C.E.S Connection
[Music]
[Applause]
22 years ago
i walked inside a police prison and i
volunteered to stand in a lineup
don’t you know that’s the last choice i
made as a free man
that choice led to an incarcerated
journey of interesting discoveries such
as viktor frankl
a person who survived the holocaust and
said when we are no longer
able to change a situation we are
challenged to change ourselves
now isn’t that right how many of us have
contemplated change in our lives i know
i have
that’s right well change starts with
choices
and choices can change our lives for
better or for worse
because choices are the building blocks
of humanity
now journeys provide us with insight so
let’s journey into the lives of two
brothers born three years apart
let’s make a point john and jacob
they were raised in the same environment
they attended the same schools
they were growing up with the same
advantages and the same disadvantages
when john was three one month after
jacob was born
their father left they were too young to
understand why
now their mother was only she was
contending with life challenges as a
single parent
food stamps lack of resources
constant strife his family had it rough
so mama brings home a new man things get
better right
no situation got worse
frustration and anxiety consumed these
children’s lives
in fact at the age of 15
john assaults a child at a pool he was
arrested
he wound up in juvenile custody
meanwhile
his younger brother jacob he managed to
stay out of trouble
and he graduated from high school now
both brothers were plagued by the same
problems
they were tormented by the same trauma
yet they led very different lives why
you see this story is not about right or
wrong children make poor decisions all
the time
this story is about growing up with
similar circumstances
and our power to generate different
outcomes
the differences in john and jacob’s
lives were not determined
by what happened to them their
differences were determined
by how they responded to what happened
to them
and i know this personally because these
brothers
they’re my sons
you see i believe children are the
lifeblood of humanity
because what happens to children can
directly impact what happens to our
future
particularly if we allow them to however
if we embed the significance of making
healthy choices in children’s minds
at earlier stages of their lives perhaps
we can prevent them from becoming
victims of violence
victims of addiction and victims of
incarceration
my name is john adrian velasquez friends
and family tend to call me jj feel free
to do the same
i want to redefine what matters by
talking about the powerful connection
between better choices and better lives
my incarceration it tore the fabric of
my family apart
fortunately for us my mother’s thread
was strong enough to bind our ends
and keep us connected even after my son
was arrested
i’d like to invite you to watch a scene
from an important part of my life
to understand how a visit with my oldest
son
became an impetus for change and a
catalyst
for an extraordinary program at sensing
that is currently changing lives
this is the first time that you and i
actually sit together
as father’s son with nobody else here
heart to heart talk
it’s about being you right now you know
i get mad over the stupidest things
i don’t even know what to be about
sometimes just be sometimes the way
people
talk to me i just get mad don’t talk to
me like that
i’ve seen it i’ve seen you do that
before and that’s happened a lot living
there
it’s just it’s basically like my
attitude and then when that happened
i’ll be mad the rest of the day i’m like
the rest of the day
and it can happen in the morning and
that night i was and i think about it
the whole day
i just had a ugly look on my face the
whole day
i don’t even know that it’s difficult i
don’t even understand myself sometimes
jay i mean i know that what’s happened
to you
is a product of what happened to me and
you have a right to be angry about that
you have a right to be upset but we’re
gonna have to find a way to deal with it
together now i don’t want to put a big
burden on you
but it’s something that i know that you
can do
but you have to make that choice it all
comes down to choice
you have choices that you can make your
choices
will predict when you rest your head
[Applause]
that clip was captured and provided by
dan slepian
a supervising producer at nbc news who
was
filming a dateline documentary about my
wrongful conviction
my son was still in custody of the
system
yet he was provided with an opportunity
to be released of course with provisions
but just to participate in this
documentary
and i shared this with you so that you
can see for yourselves
the impact that incarceration has on our
children
you saw the frustration on my son’s face
you heard the anger in his voice what he
was conveying was a troubling sense of
confusion
a confusion that converted to chaos a
chaos
that is currently harming millions of
innocent children
think about how the pain that my son had
to endure
led to the assault of another innocent
child and then think about
the cycle of victimization that
perpetuates as a result
you see that visit was a redefining
moment for me
it caused me to step back and to look at
life
differently it broke my heart
to witness my children suffering without
me knowing that they needed me home
to protect them to guide them to help
them make better
choices as a father i felt like a
failure i was so absorbed in my personal
fight for freedom
that i failed to recognize my son
strained to maintain his
that caused me to walk around in the
halls of sing sing with a heavy heart
and my head down in shame but my peers
they picked me up we were incarcerated
students
in college at the prison studying
behavioral science
looking for ways to put our degrees into
practice
we wanted to pay it forward we wanted to
redefine what matters
by redefining what it means to pay a
debt to society
and we knew that in order to do that
we would have to redefine how we spent
our time in prison
some of my peers they had similar
stories
others they had worse
two of them had children who lost their
lives
christopher o’neal knows what trauma is
because while he was incarcerated his
son
lost his life we share
pain together and in a collective effort
to treat the symptoms of this trauma
we lifted our voices and we created a
platform for choices essentially we’ve
created a choices paradigm
in a maximum security prison and we’ve
changed the culture from the inside out
choices is an annual event that we host
here at sing-sing
for fractured families impacted by crime
and incarceration
it’s also an acronym that we use to
reinforce the significance
of choosing healthy options and
confronting
every situation
since our inception we’ve managed to
force the hundreds of unique bonding
experiences
in one of the most unlikely places
last april at a choices event
i remember this young girl hugging my
friend
and claiming that it was the best day of
her life
she was speaking to her father that was
a cathartic moment
just imagine witnessing a young child
suggesting
that the best day of her life was a day
spent in prison with her father
and to think that the best day of her
life
would not be possible had we not
experienced the worst days of ours
that was heavy yet that is the power of
our choices events
you need to see these young children for
yourselves
we have young ones ages five through
nine running around with the biggest
smiles after getting their faces painted
their joy just lingers in the air it
creates a positive
atmosphere for everyone it’s so
contagious
we also have activities for young
participants up to the age of 17
to reinforce our theme of choosing
healthy options
and confronting every situation it’s
remarkable
to witness these young children taking
the stage owning their stories and
sharing them so that others can learn
from their mistakes
activities like playback theater they
pull back
the curtains on situations of regret
while facilitators reenact scenes from
these children’s lives
to explore alternative choices together
with the audience
children really rationalize in real time
playback theater gives these children an
opportunity to step back from the drama
to analyze their options
studies suggest that a decisive pause
between a stimulus and a response
provides greater opportunities
to make better choices and this is what
our activities do
they demonstrate the power of
contemplating choices
carefully my personal favorite are our
group breakaways
where young participants gather together
to become the champions of their
communities
by unpacking social issues that exist in
their neighborhoods and their schools
i recall a group of twelve-year-olds
tackling racism like seasoned vets
while three other age groups
participated in other groups talking
about
bullying and addressing it so
strategically it was amazing
it’s remarkable what these children and
what our youth can accomplish when
provided
with the right opportunities these are
the leaders of tomorrow
i once read disruptive behavior
is the symptom of a deeper harm perhaps
some of these children are misunderstood
perhaps if my son john had the proper
opportunities
and resources available to him the
assault of an innocent child
and his incarceration could have been
prevented
adverse living experiences require
protective factors
to cultivate resilience what happened to
my family doesn’t have to keep happening
for us to recognize the need for change
c.s lewis once said hardships
often prepare ordinary people for
extraordinary destinies imagine if we
can come together collectively
and expand these curriculums beyond the
boundaries of prison walls
imagine if we can come together
collectively to place a heavier emphasis
on healthy decision making in our
schools and communities across the
nation
if we can do this here in a maximum
security prison
we can do this anywhere as a global
community
don’t we have a responsibility to
breathe life into humanity through
meaningful work
and not just for children that are
impacted by crime and incarceration
but for all children why because
children are the lifeblood of humanity
you see children don’t deserve to be
neglected
they deserve to be protected it’s time
for us
to switch our focus from a paradigm that
embraces youth incarceration
to a paradigm that embraces youth
intervention
after all isn’t crime prevention more
conducive to public protection
and isn’t public potential protection
the aim
and focus of society
let me explain something let’s make
something clear let’s bring this down
because we’re about to end this event
this
talk is not about me my case
or my children this talk is about us
this talk is about how we can come
together collectively
to overcome our trauma and turn it into
triumph
this talk is about us and how we can
invest in our future
by raising the caliber of our
communities
this talk is about us taking control of
our lives
and making choices matter
my name is john adrian velazquez you can
call me jj now that you heard me talk
and i want to redefine what matters by
asking you
to redefine what it means to make
healthy choices
every time you confront a situation
right so we’re going to redefine what
matters by choosing healthy options and
confronting every situation
thank you
you