Black Gay Christian Creating Affirming Spaces
i was a senior in high school
and an active member of my church’s
youth group
i was a kid who was always in church
when the doors of the church were open
i sang in the choir i preached sermons
i taught bible studies i loved
god and i knew that god loved me
those two things were never in conflict
or
in question but i also knew that if my
faith community
ever really saw me in my fullness that
the love that i had for god
and the love that god had for me would
be in question
one day i decided to have a conversation
with one of our youth leaders
i walked into his office with a certain
sense of uncertainty
not exactly sure how this conversation
was about to go
and without any introduction or
disclaimer
i said words to him that i had never
said to anyone else
i think i’m gay
silence i could see his eyes as he was
searching the room
for the right words to say he was not
prepared for this moment
he had not been trained for such a time
as this
and with a false sense of confidence
he said to me words that would affect my
life for the next
two decades he said now noah
you’ve got a very simple choice to make
you can either choose god’s purpose
and plan for your life or you can
selfishly choose to be gay
once again silence
in that moment i made the impossible and
unnecessary decision
to choose god two years later i was
licensed and ordained in the baptist
church
and i began my career in my ministry
and full-time work with the church
where i served god and god’s people
all the while suffering and silence
but i’m really glad that my story
doesn’t stop there so
let me be clear about one thing right
off the bat
i am a gay black christian
who deeply believes that none of those
things are in conflict
or in question
historically and traditionally the
blacks black spaces in general
and the black church specifically have
not been places that have been open and
affirming for individuals within the
lgbtq plus community
systematically we have fallen behind on
issues of liberation theology
in a way that is both problematic and
harmful
now i know what you may be thinking my
church welcomes
everybody or you may even be thinking
that noah you know we got gay people at
our church
and both of those things are likely true
but we must not confuse welcoming
with affirming welcoming is defined
as behaving in a polite or friendly way
to a guest or new arrival affirming
is defined as the act of upholding
one’s worthiness and value as an
individual
do you see the difference welcoming says
you can come and you can have a seat
and you’re welcome here but affirming
says
that we systematically uphold the
essence of who you are
and not only are you welcome here but we
value you showing up and your fullness
and you showing up as your fullness is
what this community in space needs
we must go deeper when it comes to being
affirming communities
did you know that lgbtq plus individuals
are three times more likely to deal with
depression
and two times more likely to have
attempted suicide
by the age of 25.
these are alarming statistics
allow me to put a little reality on that
i myself on two very specific occasions
thought that suicide was a legitimate
and better choice
i was loved i was welcomed but i did not
feel affirmed
i always felt like my popularity was
always always came
with an asterisk because if people
really saw me
if they really knew me would they still
be able
to affirm me this is not the way
that it should be even still there are
folks who are listening to this talk now
who are questioning whether
i have been called by god so let me
be clear once again god has called me
and god has affirmed me and i would
suggest that we all
keep up the reality is that being an
affirming person
in affirming communities is hard
it requires rethinking it requires
relearning
and critical conversations that are not
easy
or quick but let me be clear
once again being affirming could be the
difference
between life and death
i believe that the black church and
black spaces has an opportunity
to rectify this situation and we can do
this
with just a little old-fashioned tlc
we need to talk we need to listen
and we need to celebrate first we need
to talk about
all the elephants in all of the rooms
we need to talk about how toxic
masculinity
patriarchy and misogyny have paved the
way
for homophobia we need to talk and we
need to talk
about how we have used scripture as a
means to silence voices
rather than to liberate them we need to
talk
about why we have adopted the philosophy
of don’t ask
don’t tell and even more we need to talk
about how harmful the statement is
love the sinner and hate the sin to
individuals within the lgbtq plus
community
we need to talk and we need to talk
seriously
honestly openly and critically
we need to talk because talking is the
first step
in healing the wounds for those of us
who have been silenced
for so long but we can’t stop at talking
we also need to listen but we need to
listen from the perspective
of learning not that cute listening
where we say oh that was great thanks
for sharing
but we need to listen from the
perspective of learning
something new when was the last time you
sat down with someone who didn’t have
the same opinion as you
and listened from a perspective of
learning
there are liberation theologians who
have done the work
and we should learn from them we are not
assumed that our interpretation
is the only one and we shouldn’t make
the assumption
that we’re always right we should listen
from a perspective
of learning but we should also celebrate
the lives and testimonies of lgbtq plus
individuals can you imagine how much
love someone must have for god and his
people
to show up to a place week after week
knowing that they can’t show up in their
fullness
there are some powerful stories and
testimonies
that we need to celebrate
i believe that at the root of our fear
of being open and affirming is our love
for binary choices
we love to place things into one box or
another
gay or christian the reality is
god is not asking anyone to choose
between being gay or christian
so we should stop doing that ourselves
i’m struck by how easy it was for my
youth leader to give me this choice
but i’m even more struck by how easy it
was
for me to accept it just recently i
got a message from an old acquaintance
that i frankly don’t even remember how
we
were originally connected and he was
congratulating me on this opportunity
but told me that he would love to have a
conversation with me
about this whole idea of the lgbtq plus
community
and the church i told him i’d be
delighted to do so
but then he said something very peculiar
he said
now noah i need you to understand that
i’m going to be coming from a
perspective of a christian
in this conversation
i responded well i am a licensed and
ordained minister
i am in the last semester of seminary i
have been
preaching and teaching for most of my
adult life
so i assure you that i too will be
coming from
a perspective of a christian
and his response was well that surprises
me
conversation was ended
you see his retort to homosexuality was
going to be
oh but christianity
binaries i’m happy to report that
just yesterday i got another message
from this same friend
and he was apologizing for our previous
conversation
he said he looked me up a little more
and come to find out i really was a
christian in my head i was thinking
what in the world in my heart i was
thinking okay that’s great
and then he said that he would love to
have a follow-up conversation with me
about this thing about the church
and homosexuality he wasn’t quite there
but he wanted to learn more
you see sometimes all it takes is one
conversation
to begin to help us to reimagine
what we can be and i hope that this talk
will help us to do exactly that
because i imagine a space where lgbtq
plus individuals
don’t have to hide their partners or
pretend like they’re their roommates or
their best friends
but that their love can be celebrated
like the love of everyone else
i imagine a space where we don’t just
use the gifts
of our lgbtq plus members but we also
celebrate their livelihood
as well i imagine a space where masks
are needed
and hiding wasn’t expected
i may never speak in a traditional
church again
so let me say this to my black gay
christians
i see you i affirm you
you are needed you are valuable and you
belong
god loves you and you love god
and if you’ve never heard anyone say
this in your faith community
let me be the first i love you
just the way you are
black gay
and christian amen