3 ways to be more inclusive
[Music]
so when i was younger
i had a terrible fear of dogs i mean not
a little bit scared but i was really
really scared of dogs but we had a dog
so it wasn’t like i wasn’t used to dogs
and i remember vividly my mom would
always say to me whenever i saw the dog
charging at me
the dog is just really happy to see you
but i could never really see that all i
saw was this
really angry dog and my brain would go
straight into panic without even any
extensive sort of cognitive
activity and i would just really be
scared but my mom could
not really understand that right a lot
of the world today feels like that
where we’ve got completely different
perspectives even though
we’re looking at different things so
you’ve got the people over there who see
the hungry dog the people who see the
happy dog
the people who don’t see any type of dog
and over time what happens is we start
to find the people who think like us so
we go searching for
the people who see the angry dog the
people who see the happy dog depending
on
what our perspectives are see this
in-group
affinity itself is not the problem it’s
that when we stay
too long in those groups they become the
basis of our social categorizations our
tolerances
and ultimately the way that we see the
world and
sometimes the conversation starts from
can you see a happy dog or do you see an
angry dog to
okay it deserves more rights the people
who see the angry dog or the people who
see the happy dog or the people who
don’t see a dog
at all and so we go on and on stuck in
this
endless cycle of debate that we’re
actually
unable to really get to a common ground
the world is more diverse
than it’s ever been all at once we’re
living across generations baby boomers
millennials
generation x y at the same time
people who come from different
backgrounds ethnicities
racial groups sexual orientations and so
on
but diversity becomes problematic
without inclusion
so the challenge for leadership right
now is not just
after strong visions and to be able to
communicate them
it’s also to be able to carry
everybody along in that journey
but how do you do that when you as a
leader of your own
feelings your thoughts your beliefs your
perspectives
how do you practice inclusive leadership
when you’ve got your own point of view
well
here are three things that might help
one listen
a lot of people ask me in my role as a
diversity and inclusion coach
what is the one thing i can do i don’t
know what to do
the one thing anybody can do is listen
because part of that equality piece is
also being able to say hey
i’m in pain i’m not comfortable
so when people express injustice
or they express their experiences
what we need to do is listen to them
because sometimes the only evidence of
exclusion
is the pain of the excluded
we’re still mentally used to categorize
an exclusion with violence
probably because of you know the history
around slave trade the holocaust
but sometimes exclusion is
so subtle because it takes a microsecond
for our brain to determine whether
someone is
an other or whether they are one of us
it doesn’t always happen with an
elaborate you know set of activities
but what we can do is to really listen
to the voices
of the people around us who are saying
just don’t feel comfortable
it’s okay to listen and not just to
listen from a point of response
or a place of judgment but to listen to
generally understand
their perspective to understand
their point of views and their
experiences
inclusive leadership begins with
listening
you cannot include people you can’t hear
also think about what you think
to be ideal this is really important
because a lot of our idealism
is centered around our frames of
reference what we
think and how we see the world
a murphy is a term that was coined in
the 1950s by sociologists
or we’re trying to really put a frame
around our affinity for the things that
remind us
most of ourselves and how as human
beings we have the tendency to seek the
things that reinforce our belief systems
rather than challenge them
and a lot of us are quite homophilic in
the way we think so we like the things
that remind us of ourselves
add that with our frames of reference
that are so strictly
framed and designed by our experiences
what our parents said
what our friends think the communities
we live in
we see the world not necessarily as it
is but through the lens
of what we think it is and so we take
all of these homophobic tendencies
into the decisions we make day in and
day out
who’s beautiful we deserve affection who
deserves love
what’s desirable what’s acceptable
what is disgusting what is uncomfortable
and though your frame of reference may
be relevant to you
sometimes it’s not the only truth i
don’t know if you’ve been you know
to do a high test but i’ve suddenly done
a number of them over my
over the years and you know when
opticians
keep changing the lenses and
you kind of go no that one doesn’t work
oh no that doesn’t work oh yeah that one
works
and then you find the perfect lens for
you and it’s like yes things are really
clear
those lenses that weren’t perfect for
you
are absolutely perfect for other people
so sometimes if you’re finding that
you’re getting really polarized in the
way you’re seeing the world
it’s probably time for you to step out
and try a different lens
and this is really important because
there is a darker side to polarization
so we know the social exclusion and all
of that
but also researchers have found that
actually the extreme
effect of racism is that it affects how
our brain empathizes
so our empathy levels are broadly
determined sometimes by the social
categorizations of the people that we
are
watching being victimized so actually
the more polarized to become the less
able to see humans
in their truest forms you become
isn’t it interesting you know the people
that you argue with on social media
they have children too they like their
dogs
they have relatives they hit sunday
roast with their grandparents every day
when you really think about it what
connects us
as human beings is so much bigger than
the difference in opinion than the
difference in perspectives
we all love our families we all want the
same thing
broadly out of life just because we look
different
or we love different or we think
different
does not take away the very essence of
our humanity
but when we polarize ourselves so
clearly
we start to see the individual through
the lens
of the collective and finally
i would say create your own inclusion
serendipity
find those amazing life-changing
experiences
by developing different cultural lenses
and one of the easiest ways you can do
this is through social media i
love social media right but it’s also a
self-reinforcing bubble if you follow
the same people
you see the same things you know
algorithms are always watching what you
did yesterday so they can do more of it
today
so you run the risk of seeing the same
news
hearing the same voices getting the same
perspectives
but you can flip that around you can
follow people from different parts of
the world
with different experiences so i was
doing a little research around
political affinity and cultural cultural
groups a couple of months ago
and to kind of really understand
different political perspectives i found
myself following some rather
interesting social media accounts and i
did not agree with most of the things
that were being said
but at least i understood
and sometimes the first step to
inclusion is to
understand so you’ll be willing to
listen
and understand that sometimes your
perspectives are not the only truth
and then be curious and go out
and create these new experiences find
people from different cultures connect
with them
on a really human level and that
inclusive leadership will start to come
to you
a little bit more naturally now i’ll say
this as i close
vernon myers once said diversity is
being invited to the party
inclusion is being asked to dance and a
lot of people have actually said
belonging
is being able to dance however you want
do whatever you want without anyone
judging you
the world is becoming increasingly
polarized
every day we’re being forced to choose a
side
but sometimes just sometimes just
sometimes
it’s okay to simply be human
thank you
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