Fostering Dialogue in Our Divided Nation
[Music]
i believe
in a limited government i believe the
government has a responsibility to
protect consumers
i believe in a flat tax rate i believe
in progressive taxation
i believe that there are two genders i
believe that there are many genders
and that we should all be allowed to
define ourselves
i remember being asked to give a ted
talk i was excited
like really excited everyone so i was
asked if i would give the talk with
another girl who had a similar topic to
mine
i was immediately gay keep in mind at
this point
we had never met before on that first
introductory zoom call my first
impression of ella was that she was kind
and well spoken
though i knew it was going to be likely
that we disagreed on politics
i was a little bit more judgmental i
remember on that first zoom call
i was trying to size zena up before she
even opened her mouth i looked at her
hair
her clothes what she had on her and the
american flag in her background
and honestly i was just a little bit
doubtful because she didn’t look like
someone with whom i could agree
but that was the intention they informed
us that they wanted to make this talk
not only advice on how to solve this
issue
but an example of it now i won’t pretend
that dina and i have totally come
together on every issue
and honestly i won’t even pretend that i
would vote for her in an election
but i like and respect dina as a person
we’ve been able to come together with a
common goal of urging you to do the same
there’s no doubt in the united states
there are different opinions and beliefs
oftentimes these are held really really
closely alas when they are challenged
this can lead to hostility arguments and
just blatant disrespect
we have all experienced this at some
point or another tina and i have been in
similar environments for most of high
school
leslie in schools where the student body
is made up mostly of upper middle to
upper class students
and we’ve had very different experiences
in this environment
for example i attend an academically
rigorous public school
which is pretty much the exact
stereotype of a rich school
in terms of cultural racial or economic
diversity
well suffice it to say it’s not exactly
our strong point
despite that however we do have a good
mix of political beliefs
and that’s greatly benefited me because
it’s taught me that i don’t have to
agree with everyone
in order to get along with them and to
work together and i believe that i’m in
the vast majority of students in saying
that my political beliefs have
generally been respected at school since
8th grade i have attended an
academically rigorous private school
very similar in culture and student body
to that of ella’s
upon entering high school i began
exploring different political thoughts
and ideas
and while i don’t really like political
labels i would consider my views to fall
generally under the umbrella of
libertarian conservative
when i made this ideological shift
something strange happened
people more or less stopped talking to
me i was socially ostracized
now this could just be because people
thought of me as being one of the weird
kids
and in all honestly honesty that’s
probably very true
but the sad reality of the situation is
that i’ve talked to other current
students and alumni who have beliefs
that are just kind of different than the
norm
and they tell me that while at this
school they were or are scared to share
their views because of the heavy social
ramifications
but political hatred is not just on an
individual basis
in 2017 a pew research poll found that
81 percent of americans
view the other political party quote
very unfavorably
and that same poll found that one half
of republicans
in two-thirds of democrats have quote
few or no friends than the other
political party
and that’s a big part of the problem
there’s absolutely hate and hostility
towards people on the other side of the
aisle
the right hates the left left hates the
right libertarians are often
who knows what but either way we see
this hate
manifest everywhere in our current
climate on social media the news or just
in casual conversation
there’s an acute with us or against this
attitude
and in the case that you’re against us
then you’re portrayed more or less as
the devil reincarnate
we have all heard before why this is
important the country is dividing along
ideological lines
and things like civility decency or just
a respect
of a common humanity is being lost so if
this issue is so perverse that it
endangers the very existence of our
country
why are we so incapable of considering a
compromise if it’s so huge
that it is wearing away at the soul of
our democracy why are we so incapable of
stopping
taking a breath and addressing the
problem there are a lot of reasons for
this
and the two of us don’t even agree on
that for example
many commenters such as ezra klein
blamed simple human nature
in the youth of our species humans were
hunted and thus our instincts told us
that exclusion from the group
meant death the problem is we don’t know
how to turn off that instinct
so no matter what a member of our
political party does we’re inclined to
exclude it because not doing so puts us
in direct conflict
with members of our group in this case
our friends family and co-workers
or maybe it’s because many of us are
likely to exclude those who would have
agreed with on the basis of presumed
political party alone
history has shown time and time again
that not being familiar with a group
makes it far easier to villainize the
other or maybe it’s because
of the geographic distances between
liberals and conservatives
which starts a cycle where one person
says a belief and they’re vilified for
their whole community
and it just goes round and round with
everyone hating each other
my theory on this topic looks slightly
different examining the american social
landscape over the past 100 years i see
religious institutions as being the
backbone of our social fabric
whether this be a church mosque
synagogue or temple these organizations
have been home to strong communities
with a common belief
oftentimes within these institutions
there are differing political ideas
yet the common ideology holds the group
together
over the past 20 years we have seen the
rate of religiosity in church or just
other religious institution attendance
plummet at this same time as ella
mentioned
people still crave to be part of a group
what i suspect is that we have turned to
political parties as a replacement
so how do we fix the societal tension we
propose having conversations
a buddy of mine and i teach a class at
our synagogues religious school
dedicated to teaching kids about chikun
alum which is a concept in judaism that
means repairing the world
around the time the election we taught a
lesson on how to have conversations with
people you disagree with
the framework we created while targeted
towards kids is applicable for
all ages our theory breaks down into
five things to practice to have a good
and meaningful conversation the first is
being
respectful now this seems super simple
to most people
yet in reality it is the reason why so
many seemingly innocent conversations
turn to yelling matches being respectful
means just
acknowledging that the other person has
their own thoughts and feelings
and while you may disagree with them on
something or
everything it is important to treat them
as another human being
not an enemy after that comes empathy
practicing empathy in conversation means
just acknowledging that the other person
has maybe had different life experiences
that have led them to their conclusions
then
there is reason now reason is something
that is trampled over these
days yet it is one of the most important
things in having an actually
quality discourse using reason means
trying to be
logical avoiding logical fallacies
character jobs and instead
trying to make a well-formed argument
and at the same time
trying to understand theirs to
understand another’s argument
it is vital to use the next tool
listening
listening is something that is
absolutely preached to us when we are
younger
yet it seems that once we get older we
forget just how important it is
through listening you can truly
understand another’s point of view
and you avoid just jumping to conclusion
based on preconceived notions about
their perspective
lastly is grace grace manifests itself
in a couple ways in a conversation
the first is realizing that you may not
always be right
and that it’s okay to change your
perspective the other facet of this
is being okay with disagreement
now this can be really challenging
especially on those topics which you
know you’re right about but it is
absolutely essential
but it’s not just having conversations
with others that is important
where to combat political hatred in our
everyday lives we have to hear the
source
to our own subconscious thoughts we have
to have conversations with ourselves
now i know that sounds a little insane
but stick with me here
most of us don’t look at someone we
perceive to be part of the other
political party
and think well they look like a
republican
i’m not going to talk to them more
accurately we look at someone
look at their clothes their hair what
they have on them make subconscious
calculations
pink hair plus nyc t-shirt
plus our portfolio equals democrat
equals communist equals crazy
so we choose not to interact with that
person and
long-sleeve shirt plus cross necklace
plus long jean skirt equals republican
equals homophobic
crazy so we choose not to interact with
that person
but really we don’t know anything about
them maybe they are a member of the
other political party
maybe that just really doesn’t mean that
much to them maybe it does
but maybe it just wouldn’t have been an
issue between the two of you and maybe
you’ll find that you’re able to work on
important projects together
like writing a ten talk for example so
it asks you to take a moment when you
automatically count someone out
and consider your own thought process
here’s a method i’ve learned through the
trials of anxiety
firstly pause and allow yourself to
think through your own thought process
unhindered by outside influences
secondly
really think through that process ask
yourself
questions like why did i think this
about them was it something in their
appearance
or do i really need to feel
uncomfortable around them
and asking yourself these questions it’s
important to be completely honest with
yourself
it’s just for you and no one else will
hear it so it’s okay if you’re
disappointed in the answers
and finally let yourself be imperfect
more than likely you’ve had a time where
you’ve been
guilty of political hatred and that’s
okay what’s important is checking
yourself
learning from it and trying to move past
it and if you’re doing that
then you’re on the right path like we
mentioned before ella and i
did not know each other before doing
this talk and we were more or less
forced to work together
but throughout the process of writing
this talk we realized that we are
very very similar people even if we
disagree on essentially every single
political issue imaginable
it is possible and it is important to be
able to look
past your political disagreements and
see the other person as just that
another person and
through the process of writing this talk
we learned that there are way more
important things to disagree and argue
on
for example ella for some reason doesn’t
like carrots
and you guys are not going to believe
this but dina somehow thinks that star
trek
is better than star wars ella’s opinions
on this issue make me a little
uncomfortable to stand
and regardless of our friendship gina’s
views on gender
on gender identity are something that i
strongly disagree with
and i disagree with ella on government
involvement but
we both have a common love of sam gmg
the hobbit
lord of the rings ultimately you don’t
have to agree on the big things you
don’t even have to agree on the little
things
and he won’t be friends with everyone
but we can’t continue to hate each other
like this
because if we don’t communicate then we
can’t solve the issues that we all want
to
see resolved we hope that you’ll walk
away from this talk
willing to evaluate your thoughts and
actions towards others and we hope
that that will lead you to understand
others a little bit more
all right are we doing a social distance
high five