4 life lessons from our old dogs
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some of you have aging dogs in your life
now or in the past some of you have
aging relatives needing care
i’d like you to think about some
interesting parallels between
aging dogs and aging humans
i’d also like to help you explore some
simple but potent
pack tools to better interact with our
elderly adults needing care
now my aging relatives don’t like being
compared to old dogs well
except maybe my uncle dawn and he’s
always been my favorite
first let’s talk about what the
parallels are between old dogs and
elderly humans
here’s four you might recognize both old
dogs and elder humans make conscious
choices to move less
and do less when they do move things
hurt and they’re stiff
and their movements and reactions are
slower
another is their circadian rhythm gets
flipped so they sleep most of the day
and they’re awake all night
how many times have you heard your old
dog or maybe a relative padding around
at night
i caught my mother moving furniture one
night at 2
am which was a bit unnerving
they also become picky eaters and they
eat less as their systems slow down
so we should try to think ahead about
what their favorite foods are
my old dog louie loved chicken and
smelly goat cheese and ate that
up till his last day and last but not
least
change change is a big one changes such
as moving things in your house
in their house or relocations can rock
their worlds and increase stress and
decline dramatically
some of these household changes are
unfortunately unavoidable
but when we can we should try to keep
things as close to their
normal as possible as their organs body
and mind gradually slow down
their world gets smaller the world is
now opening up however to this idea of
learning from our old dogs to help our
geriatric humans
recently a university of washington
professor asked me about my work with
animals
and the book i’m writing on the
parallels of old dog and human aging
called the dow of old dogs he shared
with me a project that university of
washington and texas a
m are collaborating on called the dog
aging project
or dap dapp will study 10 000
dogs across the u.s to identify the
environmental biological
and lifestyle factors that contribute to
healthy aging
and then cross-pollinate that into the
human geriatric world
this study is actually funded by the nih
the national institute of health to
directly benefit geriatric humans
the premise being that dogs in living so
closely with humans for centuries
acquire the same big four age-related
diseases
as us cancer diabetes
heart disease and even dementia it takes
a much shorter time to study dogs’s age
than humans
so dap can gather data and study the
same lifestyle and disease aspects
in 10 years of a dog’s life versus 50
years of a human’s life
i was so excited to see this dog human
aging connection being recognized and
studied on a grander scale
and validating this commonality that
i’ve been observing in my practice for
many years with animals
and their humans what i’ve also seen in
my work is that many people can find
deep compassion and patience for their
aging dogs
but not always for their aging humans
with our mother or father we can be
trapped in this weird time warp of role
reversal
that can be hard to understand and very
hard to navigate
our emotions run amok creating
frustration
fear grief detachment apathy
sadness all common and perfectly normal
i think those of us who have dogs feel
these same emotions for our old dogs but
somehow
we are a whole lot kinder about dealing
with their needs and wants
why is that what if we could
have a choice in how we interact in
these relationships with our aging human
relatives needing care
what if we could cross-pollinate our
feelings we have for our old dogs
to reframe our ways of feeling and being
with our aging senior relatives
for our old dogs we can find patience
acceptance compassion and kindness more
easily
yeah our agendas and emotions trip us up
at first
and we try to push our little old dogs
past their limits
but we eventually settle into a place
where we find
peace in their aging process a place
where every moment we have with them is
precious
no matter if there’s incontinence lack
of energy frustration over food
grumpiness sleepless noisy nights for
both of us
we find that patience acceptance
compassion and kindness
to be the loving caretakers that we all
have inside here
recently i was working on a little six
pound yorkie named lily pad with a sore
back
and in what seems to be a common
conversation with my clients
i asked lily pad’s mom mary lou how she
was doing with her mother who had
dementia
she profoundly and lovingly said we must
meet them where they are at any given
moment
we can’t change who they are we can only
change ourselves in how we think about
the situation
dementia patients are like animals and
children they
feel the world around them they are
honest and
in the moment and also very aware and
present with what we are feeling while
we’re with them
that is a potent mouthful of wisdom for
us all
the most difficult parallel to discuss
is dementia
statistics show that there are 50
million people worldwide that have
dementia
this number will almost double every 20
years
reaching 75 million in 2030.
due to the fact that there are no
official geriatric studies on this
yet for dogs we don’t know any numbers
but we absolutely know it exists for
them
too my mother had dementia
every day i would take her out for a
walk in her wheelchair and i came to
realize
if i went the same way each day she was
emotionally more comfortable
she was not a woman of the outdoors nor
did she appreciate nature
yet if i kept things consistent she had
forgotten
she didn’t like the outdoors and clearly
enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine she
so badly needed
as we’d slowly dawdle along she would
always point to the same bush in the
same yard and say
darling isn’t that lovely what is that
day after day i gave the same answer
next we’d see a sweet blue bird house on
a fence post and she would say look at
that
isn’t that nice each day i would agree
this repetition rattled me at first
at the time i was easily rattled as i
was running a busy practice
nursing a very dear friend that was
dying of cancer visiting my mother daily
and my 15 year old dog cedar
who went everywhere with me every day
was starting down the pack of
of doggy dementia so i made a choice
to rest in the consistency and
familiarity of this daily walk routine
that mom had relaxed into
and in doing so i paid peace with myself
i began to call it
groundhog day i had to find the light
beauty and a sad bit of whimsy in this
change in my mother
and also in the irony that it was this
comfortable repetition that filled her
with contentment
i had to let go and erase my fear of
losing my mother as i knew her
and embraced that peace that came with
groundhog day’s repetition
i thought of how patiently i had walked
the same trails sidewalks and roads with
my dogs each day
seeing the same trees houses and meadows
i suddenly realized i have been
following the groundhog day model since
owning my first dog
dogs need consistency and find comfort
in familiar routines
just as human dementia patients do for
dogs
every day is groundhog day wow what a
revelation i could do this thing
so finally here’s the four
potent pack life lessons my dogs and i
created
based on dog and life training 101 that
we can use in our interactions with our
elderly two leggeds and four leggings
i call these the pack p
is for patience a is for acceptance c is
for compassion
and k is for kindness p is for patient
sit and stay picture the adorable
wiggly puppy running around like crazy
and in one or two sessions and some
yummy cookies
he learns to sit and stay requests that
may save his life someday
he is now transformed into this little
patient being
that is actively communicating with us
and of course the cookies in our pocket
can we transform our own inner puppy
yes even if we fake it at first we can
learn to adopt
patience and kindness even when the
world is buzzing and screaming and
blurring around us
usually patience and calmness is what we
humans learn to teach our dogs when we
go to puppy obedience school
and if we’re really lucky what we
learned too
it’s the first thing your old dog does
when you grab a cookie for him write
sit and stay they never forget
before i revisit with my mom and her
dementia years i sit in my car and i do
a 30 second
self check to increase my patience with
whatever i might encounter that day
release the rushing the cases i saw
today
take a deep breath and let the buzzing
vibrations fly out the window
breathe into my heart even the aching
part
now open my heart and breathe again and
warm up a remembering smile for the love
i have for my mother
feel my feet on the ground to strengthen
that love and here we go
occasionally a tier or two would fall
and for that moment i thank them for
their healing and stride on in
arms and heart wide open
a is for acceptance meet and greet
i don’t know about you but i love
labradors they are
always accepting of other dogs good
people
and change they almost never are bullies
in a group dog interaction
but are accepting and willing to play
with others small
and large they love play they love
life and yet they have this amazing work
ethic
and willingness to please they are
incredible tireless service dogs
fully accepting the consequences of most
situations
and never asking for anything in return
other than a tennis ball
a hug and dinner in my next life i’m
hoping to come back
as a labrador acceptance allows us to
move forward and not be stuck in
emotions that don’t serve us or others
as we become caretakers on any level for
our elderly
even just occasional visits we have to
learn to accept our own emotions about
their situations
and for the benefit of others
temporarily let go of our own emotions
so we can be fully present in any
situation
this is what our first responders do for
us
all the time they accept any situation
they’re called to and during that time
of response or service
they are clear solid and willing to use
their tools to help others through
challenges
just like a lab if our dogs can do this
so can we i had a yellow lab named sage
who has a puppy went to school with my
teacher husband
and by her own choice became a service
dog for children with epileptic seizures
adhd and a reading with rover dog before
there was such a thing
she was amazing at knowing who needed
what when
when she retired at 15 she was bored so
i took her to a nosework class
she had a growing tumor on her nose from
a rattlesnake bite when she was three
and her last service to the world was a
nosework demo we did for the american
cancer society
she did amazing all dressed up in her
pink gear
the crowd roared she was a gentle
teacher for others about finding some
acceptance and joy during life with
cancer
c is for compassion stop and smell your
own roses
everyone knows that dogs have an amazing
sense of smell and they know what we’re
thinking and feeling
even before we do as do our wise old
elder humans
with a whole lot of life behind them
even in a dementia state they are often
aware of our feelings
the question here is what are you
carrying into your interactions with
your beloved elders
is it the sweet rosy essence of
compassion
or the thorny pokey feeling of fear
angst or apathy
we cannot bring compassion forward under
stress
without self-awareness we have the power
to choose to smell like a rose
or poke like a thorn
dogs and dementia patients feel our
emotional vibrations
and can teach us to be more aware of
these by mirroring responses to us
we just have to pay attention have you
ever felt angry with something and your
dog drops its ears
and gets flat and tries to look
invisible
did you ever feel some fear while
walking your dog and have your love
everyone laughs
suddenly start barking at someone
they don’t get caught up in or hang on
to emotions
unless we do human dementia patients are
the same way
they can feel our emotional vibrations
and can respond
by shutting down or lashing out
we need to ask ourselves which emotion
am i wearing
and which emotion do i want to wear
k is for kindness release and reward
we all need and want kindness right
our animals respond better and on a much
deeper level when we utilize kindness
instead of scolding
our children do too our elderly
relatives are the same way
no matter what challenge they give us
kindness will always be the best
medicine for both them
and you kindness echoes out into the
world
the rewards go both ways when we release
kindness into any situation
i know dogs and animals are our teachers
and can help us
navigate difficult challenges with life
and our elderly seniors and in doing so
can help us
heal too they can guide us to be
stronger kinder people
and remind us to make wiser choices
during our interactions with our elderly
and the world around us
so my hope is that you will be the
patient
accepting compassionate and kind pack
leader that can make the world a better
place
one pack at a time
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you