What we lose when we stop telling our stories Harpreet Parhar
what we need instead of definitions
are stories stories
have the power to connect us through
feeling
by sharing what we have experienced what
the word trauma means to us and what a
microaggression looks like
we feel for one another through stories
we can share the moments that broke us
down
but also the moments in which we show
resilience
and demonstrate the strength of the
human spirit
so let me share a story with you today
growing up i loved volleyball i’ve never
again
experienced a feeling quite like the one
i felt when i was immersed in the game
and everything else in my world simply
disappeared
for the hour hour and a half i was on
the court with my team
all that mattered was keeping that ball
from touching the ground
on our side of the net i played the
position of setter
and for those of you that are unfamiliar
with the sport
sutter is the one who should always be
hitting the ball second and sending it
off to the hitter to make the final
spike
over the net so i was setter
and i was good i remember being on my
high school team
a team of predominantly white girls even
though our school was incredibly diverse
and on game days i would see the faces
of all my teammates parents
all who seemed to already know each
other cheering us on
one day our team had just loaded the bus
and we were off to an important away
game
a game against our rival school there
was excitement in the air
i took a seat in the front with a friend
and our coach was in the seat adjacent
after some conversation he asked me
so are your parents excited to watch you
play tonight
he asked like he already knew the answer
to the question
of course my parents were coming to
watch and of course they were excited
i saw a perplexed look across his face
when i responded and said no
they actually aren’t coming they’re
really busy
he shared a confused chuckle and said
what what could be more important than
their little girl’s volleyball game
i remember just letting out a bit of
controlled laughter
and then silently looking out the window
the rest of my way there
because the truth was there was a lot
that was more important to them than my
game
my parents took priority in getting
enough rest before their next laborious
work day
and figuring out how they were going to
make ends meet
they didn’t have the privilege of taking
pride in their daughter’s athletic
capabilities
in fact they didn’t have the privilege
to attend my band recitals
my elementary musicals or even my high
school graduation
it’s the reality for a lot of immigrant
kids and their families
support comes in the form of providing
food
shelter and clothing expecting more than
that for my parents
would be ungrateful and selfish it would
be insulting to highlight what they
couldn’t give
us by negating everything that they did
i looked out the window of that bus and
i remember silently crying
because in that moment i knew i wasn’t
like everyone else on the bus
with me it is these moments however
that have been seared into my memory
they are what have made me push harder
to achieve all that i can
they are what have taught me that i am
strong i am resilient
and even without the things that
everyone else has
i can be great now
i know i didn’t just end racism or
reveal secret formula that educators can
tap into that will magically make social
justice oriented education
easy but i hope that in the few minutes
i was sharing my story
that you were able to connect to me
that in these few minutes i wasn’t a
stranger in front of you
but a girl whose pain you could
sympathize with
i hope that for just these few minutes
you can understand the pain i felt that
day
because you have felt that kind of pain
too
you see we constantly start
conversations about racial equity
with recognizing positionality
we start with highlighting our
differences and more often than not
we get stuck there the minority remains
the victim
while the white person remains the one
with the power
and rather than identifying this
positionality productively reflecting on
it
and then actively working towards change
we dig our heels in where we are
live in the pain that those
conversations have induced
and fail to make the small mental
changes we need to make as a community
in order to shift the culture of our
society
by sharing stories we can create a
connection
between those in power and those who
lack it
and allow for a common ground
additionally we can break down barriers
between students and
academia and give them the tools to be
able to tell their own stories
to give them the voice that doesn’t just
make them victims
but allows them to be active agents of
change
not just so that we can feel their pain
but so that we can participate
in their triumphs we can teach
our kids that just like them we
struggled
but just like us they will overcome