Emale
[Music]
ever since i was little
i loved serving my community it allowed
me to become closer to the people that
were shaping my life
and really give back to them and so
it was my utmost honor to serve as the
resident
grammar police you know every little
girl’s dream
once i learned the difference between
lay and lie there was
no stopping me i’m basically a walking
talking autocorrect
with no mute button even as i’m
entering the professional world having
only caught glimpses of it as a student
my penchant for punctuation has thrived
you know i’m that pretentious texter who
always punctuates the end of my sentence
with a period
while punctuation marks like the period
the comma
the question mark are so commonplace in
our language today
their origins are actually quite
mysterious
but i’ve always been fascinated by one
in particular
the exclamation mark so the exclamation
mark was first introduced into english
printing in the 15th century
and was known as the sign of admiration
to show emphasis but as language and its
precision has grown
increasingly inescapable in our society
i found that the meaning of the
exclamation mark
has changed one means interested or
displeased two is alerting you to
something
be it good or bad three
either means very excited or very angry
and anything more than that is reserved
for parents when you don’t pick up their
call
but the point is you can’t really tell
what the exclamation mark means
without tone or social cues so in
email letters even text messages
the exclamation mark has transformed
from simply a
punctuation mark to a sort of
punctuation queue
of niceness now i didn’t recognize the
exclamation marks transformation
until last year when the pandemic began
with in-person communication paused we
turned to email
to messages even the archaic letter
writing
now i found myself staring down the
barrel of let’s say
20 30 emails a day now that’s a lot for
me
especially because i choose my words
carefully
so on average i’m spending 15 minutes
crafting an email like it’s to jesus
himself
but my first issue isn’t my choice of
words
but more so my choice of punctuation you
see
i’m in an eternal battle with myself
deciding where to put exclamation marks
you know i’ll rewrite the same email
about 10 times with only that changed
should i put it at the front of the
email to start off enthusiastic
or maybe in the middle so it seems
composed but friendly
but if i put a bunch at the end i’m just
going to come off as the energizer bunny
you see my problem i became so anxious
about selecting
where to put my exclamation mark because
there’s no other way to seem nice
over professional email and trust me i
want to come across as nice
the problem is i feel like i won’t
always be taken
seriously or even responded to
if i don’t come across as eager excited
and enthusiastic
in emails with a male peer my emails
were the one
overflowing with exclamation marks and
phrases like
sorry for taking up your time and thank
you for making this correction
in all honesty i was pressured to use
the exclamation mark
to always come across as eager ready to
help and grateful
like that’s the state a professional
woman should constantly be in
in all true email correspondence was
taking
pieces of me the woman that you
envisioned over email
was no longer reflective of my identity
i struggled to define what i was feeling
you know what was pressuring me to act
this way
but it turns out we’ve already got a
name for it internalized sexism
for me internalized sexism is that i
always have to appear grateful
ready to help and appreciative in all
social situations
not just over email i’ve realized that
as a woman i’ve donned this personality
of constant gratitude because i’m afraid
that i won’t be seen as capable
without it i worry that i won’t be taken
seriously
if i’m not accommodating i worry about
taking up space in somebody’s inbox
although i have as much of a right to be
there as anyone else
i worry about being perceived as cold
and come to think of it i have never
sent an email without the exclamation
mark in it
i have never even written a thank you
that wasn’t followed by the exclamation
mark
but take it from me all of this worry
and accommodation
is quite frankly exhausting i just
cannot soften myself for the comfort of
others
but punctuation to me is just a
representative of all the other language
that hinders my communication
i’ve probably heard about a thousand
times by now
that i’m doing email wrong i need to be
more friendly
in my emails i should write more
confidently
i need to be more professional
professional quite literally the most
elusive word to define
as the old wives tale goes women email
differently than men
we’re more personable and less
persuasive
we apologize more qualifying statements
with i think
and i feel and use permission words like
just i think
this would be a good idea sorry i’m
just checking in on your progress i feel
like this isn’t the best course of
action
but notice how when i take out the
permission words
i have a sentence that reads much
differently than before
this would be a good idea i am checking
in on your progress
this isn’t the best course of action i
end up with a sentence that is
concretely assertive
and for some it might be a turn off
but because you’ve heard me say these
sentences you are
aware of my tone this isn’t the best
course of action
is non-confrontational and said out loud
but unfortunately we lose that benefit
over email
you can’t be aware of my tone because
you can’t hear me talk
and if you could i would be worried and
so
humans do what we’re best at assume
we fall back on cliches and throw out
every hashtag woke post we’ve ever
tweeted
so when we encounter these emails
lacking in punctuation cues
like the exclamation point we jump to
conclusions
and rely on implicit bias to inform tone
i mean
even in your profession you’ve probably
noticed this
you understand how much time and
emotional energy is swept up into
responses
just to save yourself from an untrue
characterization that may become a
lasting impression
at the rate we’re going the exclamation
mark is basically just
corporate self-sabotage for anyone
looking to climb up the ladder
even if it’s only a quick one-line email
multiply that by 50 and
you can kiss your afternoon goodbye
in my struggle with sexist emails i was
searching for
a scapegoat someone to blame for
upholding the patriarchy that walked all
over me
so i automatically jumped to if the
exclamation mark hurts women
then it must benefit men right
yes it’s true that some men do benefit
from patriarchy
but not all of them do sexism hurts men
just as much as it does women if the
exclamation point is an indication of a
woman’s
accommodation and positive professional
capability
then the same punctuation mark is seen
as a sign
of weakness in men for writing like
women when men use emoticons or
exclamation points
they are seen as feminine and therefore
less competent
so email etiquette is a double-edged
sword
just as i’m hyper aware of how i come
across over email
men are just as conscious of how their
language
impacts their professional success so
who should we really be blaming for this
it’s not a who
it’s a what the patriarchy
they’ve dictated that all men are
assertive
competitive and persuasive whereas all
women
are intuitive empathetic and kind
so like any bright-eyed young student
i conformed i conformed to ensure
survival in a system
stacked against me so i peppered in
those exclamation marks
thinked profusely and apologized to the
point where i nearly sold my soul to
some stranger on the internet
the underlying objective of sexism is to
enforce the status quo
so the way that we can dismantle the
patriarchy even in the smallest ways
quite literally is to be conscious of
our punctuation
and our language we have to understand
how by adhering to sexist email
etiquette we
uphold it
i’ve stopped using the exclamation mark
but that’s an oversimplification
i’ve just been more conscious of where i
placed it
i want to be genuine and purposeful with
them
anytime i feel pressure to place it i
ditch it and send the email before my
palms get sweaty with worry
i use my thank yous sparingly and
purposefully
when we leave thank yous and i hope your
wells in all of our emails
we devalue those words we water down
their true meaning to eat
email courtesy so when we truly want to
inquire after someone
we’re left searching for the right words
because all the right words
have become commonplace taking a step
back however
in no way am i calling for the end of
exclamation marks
radical yes but fair not so much
the fact of the matter is the
exclamation mark in
and of itself is not problematic the way
that we as humans have gendered it
is as our world becomes more and more
digitalized
and email becomes more favorable to
in-person communication
our language is subject to heavy
scrutiny
we have to understand the implications
of our language
more importantly our punctuation because
they speak
volumes over mediums that lack a voice
and honestly take it from my experience
it is
liberating not to care about what some
dude on the other side of the screen
thinks of you
sexism in the workplace manifests itself
in so many little ways
the clothes that we wear the words that
we choose in our meetings
and even the punctuation that we close
our emails with
so let’s make email more female friendly
thank you