You Should Be More Emotional... Especially At Work
hey
i’m angie and this is not an
exaggeration
i do not know how to do a tedx talk
you’re going to listen to this
and realize that i don’t know what i’m
talking about you’re going to think i’m
a fraud you’re going to think
why did she even get the speaking slot
and worst of all
you are going to hate me at least that’s
what i think you’re going to do
you see i experience imposter syndrome
something you’re probably
really familiar with it’s that seething
feeling that you don’t quite belong
and yet you have to put up a front to
fit in i feel this especially
as i enter new territories in life like
a new job a new culture
or a new job culture and in this case
it’s me becoming a tedx uc davis speaker
along with well-renowned influencers
activists and
scary people like cyrus aram it wasn’t
until i started vocalizing these
feelings that i realized it impacts more
people than i initially thought
and everyone experiences imposter
syndrome to varying degrees
you could be starting a romantic
relationship with someone and you’re
desperately attempting to live up to the
person that they think they’re dating
or maybe you join a new team at work and
everyone on this team is so skilled and
experienced
unlike you and so they must have made
the wrong choice
i could go on and on but the reality is
that
imposter syndrome is not so much a
syndrome
as it is an imposter culture that
deceives everyone into believing that
they are the only ones experiencing it
in this talk i’m encouraging you to
delve deeper into
why we feel this way and i want to
propose a solution that
isn’t just be more confident in yourself
because i’m asking you to do something
harder to not be confident
to be vulnerable and to be confident
and comfortable in your vulnerability
and not just anywhere
but i want you to be vulnerable where
you’re not expected to be vulnerable
[Music]
for the majority of people it is taboo
to get emotional
when emotions aren’t necessary like the
workplace or
any professional or productive setting
oh
were you hurt by your colleagues harsh
words well
you’re just overthinking and letting
your emotions
cloud the fact that they were offering a
constructive criticism
everyone else seemed so calm and
rational at work
why are you so insecure
well those are things i’ve told myself
before and many of you
have probably said those things to
yourselves as well there
is a culture that antagonizes emotional
vulnerability
especially in professional settings and
though the aim of this is to create
a productive environment we need to
shift this environment
into one that welcomes the expression of
negative emotions like
sadness anxiety and even frustration
there are understandable reasons why
people may feel so strongly against
bringing
negative emotions into the workplace who
would want to work somewhere where
people are yelling or crying at the
slightest inconvenience
that sounds like the opposite of a
healthy work environment
and yet there are just as many reasons
to avoid
a work environment that fosters only
positive
and no negative emotions how this came
to be
cultural ideals of professionalism
we consider the workplace an environment
for productivity
and we set these ideals in order to
optimize that productivity
the first ideal is outward positivity
inward negativity
this ideal is built from pressure to
maintain a positive attitude to be able
to spin anything into a positive
and what’s not to like about that some
of the most influential leaders
use their charismatic optimism to
inspire the people they work with
however this ideal of outward positivity
inward negativity is dangerous when
positivity is forced and negativity is
suppressed
studies have shown that public sector
workers have a higher risk of alcoholism
and other forms of drug abuse
these are people like hospitality
workers food service workers and
teachers
they’re in jobs that demand a lot of
energy and positivity in the workplace
thus on top of the natural strain that
comes with their jobs
there’s this added pressure of
maintaining that positive attitude
this additional strain culminates into
higher levels of stress at work
poor work performance and reduced
productivity
now positivity can be a powerful tool
but forced positivity is
counterproductive
and unhealthy enforced positivity
eventually fosters impostor syndrome
take social media for example people use
it to highlight the best parts of their
lives sharing
photos where they look attractive
sharing their latest accomplishments
they however don’t typically share their
pain their insecurities what makes them
anxious we tend to selectively display
the positives and hide the negatives in
our lives
so when someone scrolling through an
endless spiral of positivity of good
things happening to other people
it becomes unsurprisingly easy to
think that well you’re not as good as
everyone else
that you’re the only unhappy one
similarly
workplaces that have a culture of forced
positivity
make workers feel that they must direct
negativity
inward and when everyone’s hiding their
insecurities
their anxieties their negative emotions
it can feel like
you’re the only one feeling this way i’m
well aware of another glaring problem
with
introducing emotions into the workplace
boundaries now it is simply
unprofessional to bring your personal
problems into the professional sphere
some things should just stay private
that brings me to the second ideal
rational logic
irrational emotion the cool
level-headed person who rarely brings up
their personal life is considered
more professional than the person who
always has something worrying them
on first sight of emotion we label
individuals
as irrational and this is a problem for
numerous reasons
first to label emotions as irrational
or unprofessional restricts how people
can feel at work
emotions are suppressed to minimize
conflict and protect one’s own
professional branding
and out of fear of being perceived as
unprofessional
people may suppress valid concerns about
a project
or stow away what’s been bothering them
for a while
this hesitation to reach out for help or
openly discuss
important topics stems from a fear of
being perceived
as emotional and therefore
unprofessional
on top of that there’s an added pressure
to always keep a cool head no matter
what emotions you’re keeping at bay
because if you show any sign of
faltering to your emotions
they’re gonna know that you’ve been
deceiving them that you were never
professional to begin with
that you were weak all along
on the contrary expressing your emotions
even the negative ones is neither
professional
nor unprofessional it’s normal it’s
healthy and it shouldn’t be discouraged
from the workplace
when one person expresses their emotions
it allows other people
to recognize that maybe they’re not the
only ones feeling a certain way
so while i agree there are some things
that should stay between
you and your therapist that doesn’t mean
you should hide away
all negative emotions at work by
entirely separating your personal and
professional life
and suppressing negative emotions at
work these two worlds
will inevitably collide
work problems will become topics you
dwell about in personal life
and a cycle of unhappiness will exist
between work and home
as is the boundary between personal and
professional life
looks a bit like this but it could
look more like this so while
the two worlds have collided it’s done
healthily
and in a way that allows you to progress
through problems in whichever
environment you’re in
now i know a lot of people who care
about efficiency
their lives revolve around committing
just the right amount of time
effort and money into the right people
things and actions
now productivity is achieved through
efficient means
talking through emotions whether it be
your own or someone else’s
can be a very time consuming activity
you go in circles and sometimes
you don’t make any progress whatsoever
but here’s why
efficiency is still not a good enough
reason to keep emotions
out of the workplace the introduction of
emotions
into the workplace allows workers to
practice and develop their emotional
intelligence
numerous studies cite the work of the
department of psychology at qingdao
university
in which employees of different ages
genders and educational backgrounds were
evaluated
to find a correlation between emotional
intelligence
job performance and job burnout this
study
is crucial for how to foster a better
work environment because it found
with significant correlations that
emotionally
intelligent workers have higher job
performance
and lower job burnout improving job
performance and reducing job burnout
are fundamental pillars to efficiency in
the workplace
efficiency and productivity aren’t
necessarily measured in short-term gains
but often you’ll discover that they
exist in long-term
investments in this case the investment
is
welcoming emotions into the workplace
and allowing employees to develop their
emotional intelligence
improve performance reduce burnout and
become healthier
efficient workers wow i feel like such a
dirty capitalist for allowing you
to exercise your right to be vulnerable
so i’ve done a lot of talking about why
we need to change this culture of no
emotions in the workplace
but how do we change it as with all
cultural changes there’s only so much
that you can do as an
individual to make an impact but we can
always start somewhere
first allow yourself to be vulnerable
and show your emotions
in personal and professional settings
go ahead give yourself permission second
practice processing negative emotions
just as we work out our physical muscles
to enhance our physical strength
we must also work out our emotional
muscles to enhance our emotional
strength
doing so gives us the experience and
understanding needed to limit the harm
that our emotions pose to others and
ourselves
next use social media both personal
and professional platforms like
instagram and linkedin
to reach out for help and reach out to
help
pain does not have to be exclusive to
you
pain can be shared it can be used to
help you find
communities who are struggling with you
last but not least
take my favorite piece of advice from
philosopher alan de baton
be a better friend to yourself too
often we think of self-care as something
you serve yourself
externally a cupcake a shopping spree a
bubble bath
and we forget that self-care can be
performed internally as well
it can be as simple as telling yourself
the words you need to hear the most
by taking these steps we are dismantling
a system that antagonizes emotions as
something you should be ashamed of
we are collectively admitting that we
are
imperfect people and yet we’re not
compromising because being
emotionally vulnerable is our way of
learning about ourselves and growing
so maybe you don’t hate me maybe
you didn’t sit through this entire talk
just to judge me
maybe you even related to some of the
things that i was feeling at the start
of this video
maybe those are things that i told
myself
because i was scared and i was doing
something new for the first time
i’m glad i shared those anxieties with
you about you hating me
and not liking what i was saying if not
for myself
maybe vocalizing those feelings helped
you
recognize that you’re not so alone
that you are not the only imposter
[Music]