Going through loneliness
how many
people feel lonely
now have you
ever experienced a sense of
isolation
i’m now a medical student and i spend
every day with my friends
however i have the pros that
i’ve yet to tell my friends
to tell the truth
i used to be bullied in the past
yes i am
a survivor
when i was 12 i entered a private junior
on the senior high school
when i was in eighth grade i met a girl
in my class
let’s call her mary mary was a central
figure for girls in my class
i somehow had the feeling that she
disliked me
a few years later in 11th grade
mary and mary’s close friend were in my
class again
the other member of the class but also
close to each other
i had a bad feeling
unfortunately my gut feeling was correct
early in the new academic year of 11th
grade
i was ignored by the girl in my class
and talked badly behind my back
if this happened only once it is not a
big deal
but this kept happening
i was mentally driving into a corner
nevertheless i could sometimes
talk with a girl in the central group
but
only superficially neighbor deeply
i felt an awkward vibe at that time
because i was at the bottom of school
hierarchy
i gradually stopped speaking
expressionless
and i rarely smile in my classroom
japanese girls tend to act in groups
and when influenced in the long way
it may cause good bullying
even though i was going through such a
difficult time
i still have some reasons to continue to
go to school
first i was a captain of realism
gymnastics team
i felt that i needed to be responsible
as a captain
and it made me work hard and i was able
to forget the hard time
i faced in the class
second i did have friends outside the
class
so i aimed those friends
because they looked they were having fun
the last reason was i didn’t want to
admit
i was isolated and feeling lonely
i didn’t feel like i was losing a bottle
i
never signed up for
in addition i didn’t want to
worry my family
it was difficult but
i somehow was able to still hold on
but when it comes to my physical health
that was not the case
i suffered from chronic abdominal pain
and i was mostly alone by myself
i cried every day for no good reason due
to stress
even though i studied harder
i was academically foreign
and couldn’t keep my concentration
i remember feeling sad fluctuated
and hurt
in autumn or dark year i came to
question
whether i should really stay in that
situation
then i must start up my college to talk
to the girl
in the central group let’s call her
linda
she looked like she was the most kind
person
when i did that she told me
she wanted to talk with me more
i felt relieved and glad that
i talked with her
but at that time
little did i know i will be betrayed by
her
later on
i survived the daytree junior year
filled with tears
i succeeded in moving up the senior year
of high school
i felt little anxious being with linda
and her crew in the same senior class
but it was okay because mary was no
longer my classmate
i started my final year of high school
feeling more optimistic
about 10 days later
i was called by linda
she turned a lot and said to me
i didn’t force any relationship trouble
this year
because we have college insurance exam
frankly speaking you don’t belong with
us
i was so shocked
this thing led to my poor health
just before graduating from high school
i was struck down with unimaginable
abdominal pain
and hemorrhagic easier
after evaluation of the hospital and
clinic
it will determine that these physical
changes
were all due to suffering prolonged
and extreme stress from being bullied
my body was screaming
after graduation i decided to enroll in
a club school
even if i was feeling anxious
but i could fit in a new environment
things were better i could make many new
friends
still i wore a mask
to bite my face or put an earphone
to shut out the outside noise because
i was scared of a set of eyes around
people i have the surgery cry
when i had a flashback of the harsh
memories
during changed me in so
many negative ways
on the other hand i did gain something
from bullying
i came to truly understand what
suffering
is i can empathize
when other people are in pain
i also know the utmost importance of the
flame
i think the real pain and suffering of
the brain
can only be understood by the people
who have had the same experience
however i strongly believe that
no one should go through such pain like
i had to endure
i sometimes wonder what kind of
alternative high school life
i might have had had it not been
horribly
and now i have many friends here
at our university
we have a lot of international students
people of many age groups and background
this makes our student body truly
diverse
it may be impossible to get along with
everyone
in that situation because
we all tend to graduate towards someone
who have similar barriers and interests
as ourselves
however
this diverse environment encourage all
of
us to accept different barriers
and interest which allows us to accept
each other as is
at first i hesitated to talk about my
past
i worried that i would be avoided by my
peers again
by telling you my story
however i decided to challenge
and change myself for those people
who are currently suffering
and above all
i thought i must burst down my story
for those people who are in distress now
i hope my voice beats your heart
if there’s any wrong listening to me in
pain
here are few things i want you to know
first you are not at work
a person who is rejected by others tend
to think
he or she is useless
i hated myself too
because i thought i was a bad person
who didn’t know how to associate with
others
however
i came to understand that was not
the case also
you are not a bad person
it is growing that is outward
surgery during may start from tiny
things
however there is nothing i
can do about my burst
we all have to proceed with life
our lives
second lesson i learned from my life
is there are always people
who will agree and support you and
disagree and ignore you
this is given
however please
please please value joe to value you
it makes life so much happier
it may be difficult to find someone who
supports you
but find something
that you truly love such as hobby
rajim in my case
i had a dream to be a doctor when i was
a junior high school student
also i was going through loneliness
and had to let go of many things
i’m now a medical student
i am confident that being here
smiling truly enjoying my time
is the best way to move on our lives
third
wherever you are now is not your final
destination
and not where you will always be
you might not understand now when you
are in deep solar
but the world is
very wide
there’s something out there that is just
light for you
if you feel that you have fallen in the
dark game
look up the sky
whatever happens the bright sun
is always there
life does not consist of only difficult
experiences
i can assure you that
now
i feel grateful because
i am close to realizing my dream
now i feel blessed
because
i can spend time with my friend and
i can smile
now i feel happy
because
i’m not alone anymore
yes i am a survivor
and
you will be too