One thing no one told you about the imposter syndrome
[Music]
i
remember it like it was yesterday early
before sunrise one saturday morning
my family and i piled out of our dc home
into our sedan and we were off to the
most magical place
in the world walt disney world
i was so excited and i frantically
looked at all the sites around
me trying to take in everything as we
journeyed down to orlando florida
i remember shortly after we took off i
read a sign that said florida avenue
so i thought to my six-year-old self
well how convenient
we can take this one road all the way
down to florida
now clearly i was mistaken however the
first day there was incredible
and made up for the long drive
we rode every ride until our hearts were
content
and as the sun began to set on that
remarkable day
the most amazing thing happened the
darkened streets
almost in an instant became emblazoned
with the brightest colors
singers and dancers almost appearing out
of thin air
music palpitated through the wind and
shortly
a huge crowd started forming everyone
tried to frantically wave and get the
attention of the characters as if they
were in a competition
and so i said well game on
my mind was set on meeting a fairy
and although i was six and short
i just knew i could make that hope a
reality
and so what i did was i contorted my
body in
every possible way in order to try to
capture their attention
i had a lot of failed attempts but
finally
finally i had success
it seemed as if the beautiful bedazzled
blue and green
fairy ascended off of a cloud came down
directly to me
and gave me the warmest welcome
it was the best day ever
and that’s when i really started
believing in the power of hope
fast forward 20 years and i’ve reached
another milestone
as a graduate student at the university
of southern california
i received a full-time offer to work at
the walt disney company
the same walt disney company where i saw
the blue and green fairy
best day ever all over again
now while i was not so overcome by
excitement as i was as a six-year-old
about to meet a fairy
i was incredibly excited that finally
i got to work for such a recognizable
brand
however within just three months all of
the excitement
and magic from that moment began to give
way
to anxiety and frustration
i found myself in one of the deepest
depressions of my life
continually spiraling down
my mind was always racing and it felt
like the walls were just closing in all
around me and i couldn’t think straight
i mustered up just enough strength to
get to work
however when i got home the cycle began
again
now before you jump to any wrong
conclusions the walt disney company was
not responsible for my sudden change in
temperament
in fact they were a welcome reprieve i
was supported by my team
and i worked with some of the smartest
people i had ever met in my life
so what was my problem
you see up until that point i had a
mixed bag of professional experiences
as i grew up i found myself to be
a confident overachiever however it was
my journey through corporate america
as a woman a black woman at that
where my view of myself began to shift
and deteriorate
for some reason i found it increasingly
more difficult to engage in my work
and with my peers i felt as if no matter
what i did
regardless of the accomplishments i was
never quite enough
and like i was falling behind and
couldn’t compete
i just knew at any moment they would
discover that i was there by mistake
when i finally had the strength to open
up to a friend about what i was
experiencing
she gave words and validation to what
had tormented me for so long
the imposter syndrome now up until that
point i had
never heard of the term but like any
good millennial
i hopped right over to google to figure
out what it was all about
here’s what i found to put it simply
the imposter syndrome is the experience
of feeling as if you are a fake
at any moment you believe that you’re
going to be found out
in the workplace or even in your
personal life and exposed as a fraud
it can impact anyone at any level of
success
or status and actually between
70 to 75 percent of the population
suffers from the imposter syndrome
and that estimate is even greater for
women and professionals of color
at that time the solution to the
imposter syndrome was just the
identification that it existed
you are encouraged to challenge those
self-defeating thoughts head on
and to change your perspective to
instead of putting your peers on a
pedestal
understanding that you are just as
qualified and just as capable as them
well armed with this knowledge and this
solution i felt like i could turn a new
leaf
i finished strong where i was i moved
back to the east coast and i landed
another dream job where i was making
great money
i finally felt as if i had the life that
i always dreamed about
in fact i distinctly remember
standing at the top of a new york city
boardroom
the view was absolutely beautiful it had
360 degree
panoramic windows and as i stood there
just gazing across the city line
it started to happen again
that spiral and that anxiety i thought i
had left behind
began to rear its ugly head and i
couldn’t understand
why i sat there in the moment
and i began to think
and then it finally hit me
i didn’t just feel like a fraud
i really believed that i was actually in
the wrong
room and you know what
this time i was right
it takes courage to admit that you’re in
the wrong room
at this juncture i had actually believed
that my voice belonged in any room
decisions were being made
however what i did find was i kept
finding myself in cycles of positions
where
i was stifled and i could not make the
impact
that i really knew i had the capability
of making
beneath the facade of success i felt as
if i was becoming imprisoned like me
you may actually take a survey of your
life and career
and realize that you don’t even
recognize the world you’ve built anymore
you begin to ask yourself is this it
is this what i’ve been working for
it seems as if everyone else around you
is completely content and happy with
what they are doing
and they don’t feel that same angst that
you do but you know it’s getting harder
and harder
to ignore that yearning that notion that
calling
that is telling you that you are being
insufficiently used in your position
and calling you to some greater purpose
that you can’t quite put your hand on
you can’t quite figure out
it’s frustrating and you feel alone
and as a result you turn inward and you
try to fight that battle
in bitter silence but secretly
you desperately want someone to realize
that you are
drowning that you feel like you’re in
the wrong room
i just described two experiences
that are impacting women and life
business and career
the first as you know goes by the name
of the imposter syndrome
the second is a variant that has yet to
be named
i call it an imposter syndrome 2.0 if
you will
or the murky middle as a leadership
development coach and diversity
consultant
i’ve spoken to hundreds of women who are
dealing
intimately with the murky middle day
after day
here’s what i found
the murky middle presents itself very
similarly to the imposter syndrome
because there is a shared sense of
fraudulence
however the difference is that that
fraudulence is not based in any lack
or doubt of capability or capacity
but instead it’s based in a very
real feeling that what you are doing is
misaligned with your life’s deeper
purpose
the imposter syndrome would state
i don’t belong in this room because i’m
not smart enough and i can’t compete
in contrast the murky middle states i
don’t belong in this room
because i believe my skills are supposed
to be used at a greater capacity
elsewhere both can be viewed as a crisis
of identity
however the feelings should not be
suppressed but instead they should be
put through an actual process
there are three factors that are so
critical
in forming our success as we process
through both the murky middle and the
imposter syndrome
those three factors are your thoughts
opportunity and your growth
all three must be aligned to a standard
purpose
and if you’re dealing with the imposter
syndrome that end goal or that success
for you
would be confidence if you’re dealing
with the murky middle
success for you for you would be defined
as authenticity
or clarity of purpose now would be
unfair to introduce you to these new
concepts and not give you the actual
tools
and knowledge of how to address them
typically for instances like this we’re
encouraged to develop leadership models
that allow us to take
ownership and apply a model that gives
some structure to the chaos that we’re
feeling internally
you may have heard concepts about
leaning in or leading your life
with courage boldness through the lens
of understanding or even faith
i believe all of these have a place and
they work in their own way
however i also believe they
ignore and don’t give proper credence to
the single catalyst
that both precedes and allows them to
even be established that catalyst
is hope
i know i’m a recovering pessimist myself
but hope is the major driver
of human potential it’s oftentimes
misunderstood
and misused but it’s actually the
binding ingredient
that’s needed to coordinate these three
elements
that allow us to successfully
walk through the murky middle and the
imposter syndrome
when we lead with hope we must first
transform our thoughts
that allows us to then free up and seek
greater opportunity that’s an alignment
with our purpose
and then as a result we experience
growth
but let’s hone in on how we lead with
hope
to transform our thoughts
women especially women of color and
corporate america are often engaged in a
battle
to be seen to be heard and to be
respected
and that battle leaves you fatigued and
feeling detached
you are most vulnerable to adopt these
toxic thoughts
that lead you to devalue
your capability
what it will tell you is that yes you
are capable you do have something of
value
however you struggle to see how its
usefulness
extends either beyond the room that
you’re in or beyond the sheets of a job
description
it also works to devalue our experience
we tend to believe one of the extremes
that either our experience is too common
or too unique thus nullifying the worth
of both
this thinking is what keeps you stuck
let me be clear what you think
and believe is what you will attract
hope is not something we can do in a
momentary
method hope is a process we must
undertake
it’s the daily practice and the daily
belief that we are setting our mind
to expect that we are going to get good
in this world and that we deserve to get
good
it resolves to go where we plan on going
as opposed to dwelling in our past
hope is actually the key that unlocks
the gateway for us to
continue to seek greater opportunity
that’s in alignment with that purpose
that we so crave
that leads us to our second point
we lead with hope to seek greater
opportunity
for so long i believe that once you set
down a path
let’s take a career path for example
that you have to stay the course
like me you may have thought the same
thing
and therefore you dismiss opportunities
that come
that threaten to derail you from that
path
even if there’s something of interest or
something that’s in alignment with deep
desires
what happens is that we are in freight
we are afraid
to entertain the uncertainty that comes
when we decide to change our mind
the right to change your mind is allowed
in youth
tolerated in adolescence but scoffed
upon in adulthood
what leading with hope does is breaks
that barrier
and it actually pushes you to celebrate
and embrace curiosity
it places you and your deepest goals
back at the center of your narrative
and equips you with the tools needed in
order to create strategic pathways
to making your vision a reality is that
true pursuit
of opportunity that opens the gateway
to true growth that leads us to our
third point
we lead with hope to experience growth
you and i both share a secret that
secret is
we fantasize about what it would be like
to become the best version of ourselves
we question and we think what would it
be like had i gone for that job had i
launched that business had i reignited
my
faith had i stepped down and took a risk
and we revel in these thoughts but
rarely do we actually give voice to
these visions or realize that they’re
actually attainable in reality
true growth never allows you to stay in
a place of comfort
instead it actually embraces disruption
and
elevates the beauty of your process and
journey
as an equal partner to your actual goal
achievement
the beauty is truly in the process
hope is the major driver for human
potential
there’s an awakening happening
and if you’re not careful you’re going
to miss it
there’s been a rise of women who have
begun to revisit
and take those dreams and visions off
the shelves that have been forgotten
they’re looking at them over again to
establish to see
and to investigate their possibility are
you among them
leading with hope literally shifted the
trajectory of my life
i know that struggling with the imposter
syndrome in the murky middle
can have a stronghold in your life
however
leading with hope allows you to
transform your thoughts
that opens you up to be able to seek the
opportunities that you crave and
experience the growth needed to break
those cycles
so if you do nothing else please listen
to my voice
if you’re in those trenches feeling as
if you’re treading water
feeling as if you’re forgotten and alone
in the wrong room
don’t give up i challenge you
to consider leading with hope
thank you
[Music]
you