The myth of the gay agenda LZ Granderson
when I was about 16 years old I can
remember flipping through channels at
home during summer vacation looking for
a movie to watch on HBO and how many of
you remember Ferris Bueller’s Day Off oh
yeah great movie right well I saw a
Matthew Broderick on a screen and so I
thought sweet Ferris Bueller I’ll watch
this it wasn’t Ferris Bueller and
forgive me Matthew Broderick I know
you’ve done other movies besides Ferris
Bueller but that’s how I remember your
fares but you weren’t doing pharisee
things at the time you were doing gay
things at the time he was in a movie
called torch song trilogy and torch song
trilogy was based on a play about this
drag queen who essentially was looking
for love love or respect that’s what the
whole film was about and as I’m watching
I’m realizing that they’re talking about
me not the drag queen part I’m not
shaking my hair for anyone but the gay
part the finding love and respect the
part about trying to find your place in
the world
so as I’m watching this I see this
powerful scene that brought me to tears
and it stuck with me for the past 25
years and it’s this quote that the main
character Arnold tells his mother as
they’re fighting about who he is and the
life that he lives there’s one thing
more there’s just one more thing you
better understand I’ve taught myself to
so cook fix plumbing build furniture I
can even pet myself in a back when
necessary also I don’t have to ask
anyone for anything there’s nothing I
need from anyone except for love and
respect anyone who can’t give me those
two things has no place in my life I
remember that scene like he was
yesterday I was 16 I was in tears I was
in the closet and I’m listening I’m
looking at these two people Ferris
Bueller and some guy I’ve never seen
before
fighting for love when I finally got to
a place in my life where I came out and
accepted who I was and was really quite
happy to tell you the truth I was
happily gay and I guess that’s supposed
to be right because gay means happy too
I realized that a lot of people weren’t
as gay as I was gay being happy that gay
being attractive so same-sex in fact I
heard that there was a lot of hate and a
lot of anger and a lot of frustration
and a lot of fear about who I was and
the gay lifestyle now I’m sitting here
trying to figure out the gay lifestyle
the gay lifestyle and I keep hearing
this word over and over and over again
lifestyle lifestyle lifestyle I’ve even
heard politicians say that the gay
lifestyle is a greater threat to
civilization than terrorism that’s when
I got scared
because I’m thinking if I’m gay and I’m
doing something that’s gonna destroy
civilization I need to figure out what
this stuff is my need to stop doing it
right now
so I took a look at my life a hard look
at my life and I saw some things very
disturbing and I want to begin sharing
these evil things that I’ve been doing
with you
starting with my mornings I drink coffee
not only do I drink coffee I know other
gay people who drink coffee I get stuck
in traffic evil evil traffic sometimes I
get stuck in lines at airports I look
around I go my god look at all these gay
people we’re all trapped in these lines
these long lines trying to get in the
airplane my god this lifestyle that I’m
living is so freakin evil I clean up
this is not an actual photograph of my
son’s room
here’s his Messier
and because I have a 15 year old all I
do is cook and cook and cook any parents
out there of teenagers all we do is cook
for these people they eat two three four
dinners a night is ridiculous this is
the gay lifestyle and after I’m done
cooking and cleaning in and standing in
line and getting stuck in traffic My
partner and I we get together and we
decide are we gonna go and have some
wild and crazy fun we’re usually in bed
before we find out who’s eliminated on
American Idol we have to wake up and
find out the next day who’s still on
because we’re too freaking tired to hear
who stays on this is the super duper
evil gay lifestyle run for your
heterosexual eyes people
when my partner Steve and I first
started dating he told me the story
about penguins and I didn’t know where
he was going with it at first he was
kind of a little bit nervous when he was
sharing it with me but he told me that
when a penguin finds a mate that they
want to spend the rest of their life
with they present them with the pebble
the perfect pebble and then he reaches
into his pocket and he brings this out
to me and I’ve looked at it and I was
like this is really cool and he says I
want to spend the rest of my life with
you so I wear this whenever I have to do
something that makes me look nervous
like I don’t know a TEDx talk
I wear this when I am apart from him for
a long period of time and sometimes I
just wear it just because how many
people out there aren’t in love anyone
in love out there you might be gay
because I too am in love and apparently
that’s part of their gay lifestyle I
warned you about
you may want to tell your spouse who if
they’re in love might be gives well how
many of you are single and you single
people out there you too might be gay
because I know some gay people who are
also single it’s really scary this gay
lifestyle thing it’s SuperDuper evil and
there’s no end to it
it goes and goes and engulfs it’s really
quite silly isn’t it that’s why I’m so
happy to finally hear President Obama
come out and say that he supports
nahee supports marriage equality it’s a
wonderful day in our country’s history
is a wonderful day in the globe’s
history to be able to have an actual
sitting president say enough of this
first to himself and then to the rest of
the world it’s wonderful but there’s
something that’s been disturbing me
since he made that remark just a short
time ago and that is apparently this is
just another move by the gay activist
that’s on the gay agenda and I’m
disturbed by this because I’ve been
openly gay now for quite some time I’ve
been to all of the functions I’ve been
to fundraisers I’ve written about the
topic and I have yet to receive my copy
of this gay agenda I pay my dues on time
I’ve marched in gay pride Flags parades
and the whole nine and I have yet to see
a copy of the gay agenda it was very
very frustrating I was feeling left out
like I wasn’t quite gay enough but then
something wonderful happened I was out
shopping as I tend to do and I came
across a bootleg copy of the official
gay agenda and I said to myself LZ for
so long you have been denied this when
you get in front of this crowd you’re
gonna share the news you’re gonna spread
the gay agenda so no one else has to
wonder what exactly is in the gay agenda
what are these gays up to what do they
want
so without further ado I will present to
you ladies and gentlemen and be careful
because there’s evil a copy the official
copy of the gay agenda
the people there it is they just soak it
all in the gay agenda some of you maybe
call it the Constitution United States
is that what you call it to the US
Constitution is the gay agenda these
days people like me want to be treated
like full citizens and it’s all written
down
in plain sight I was blown away when I
saw it I was like wait this is the gay
agenda why don’t you just call the
Constitution so I knew you were talking
about I wouldn’t have been so confused I
wouldn’t been so upset but there it is
the gay agenda run for your heterosexual
lives did you know that in all the
states where there is no shading that
people who are gay lesbian bisexual
transgender can be kicked out of their
apartments for being gay lesbian
bisexual transgendered that’s the only
reason that a landlord needs to have
them removed because there is no
protection from discrimination of GLBT
people did you know in the states where
there is no shading that you can be
fired for being gay lesbian bisexual or
transgendered not based upon the quality
of your work how long you’ve been there
if you think just if you’re gay lesbian
bisexual or transgendered all of which
flies in the face of the gay agenda also
known as the US Constitution
specifically this little amendment right
here no State shall make or enforce any
law which shall abridge the privileges
or immunities of citizens
the United States I’m looking at your
North Carolina but you’re not looking at
the US Constitution this is the gay
agenda equality not special rights but
the rights are already written by these
people these elitist if you will
educated well dressed
some would daresay questionably dressed
nonetheless our forefathers right the
people that we say knew what they were
doing when they wrote the constitution
of the gay agenda if you will all that
flies in the face of what they did that
is the reason why I felt it was
imperative that I presented you with
this copy of the gay agenda because I
figured if I made it funny you wouldn’t
be as threatened I figured if I was a
bit irreverent you wouldn’t find it
serious but when you see the map and you
see our state of Michigan it’s legal to
fire someone for being gay lesbian
bisexual transgendered that is legal to
remove someone from their home because
they are gay lesbian bisexual
transgendered but you’ve realized that
this whole conversation about marriage
equality
it’s not about stripping someone’s
rights away it’s about granting them the
rights that are already been stated and
we’re just trying to walk in those
rights that have already been stated
that we’ve already agreed upon there are
people living in fear of losing their
jobs so they don’t show anyone who they
really are right here at home
this isn’t just about North Carolina all
of those states that were clear it’s
legal if I could brag for a second I
have a fifteen-year-old son from my
marriage he has a 4.0 he is starting a
new club at school policy debate
he’s a budding track star he has almost
every single record in middle school for
every event that he competed in he
volunteers he prays before he eats I
would like to think as his father and he
lives with me primarily that I had a
little something to do with all of that
I would like to think that he’s a good
boy a respectful young man I like to
think that I’ve proven to be a capable
father but if I were to go to the state
of Michigan today and try to adopt a
young person who is in an orphanage I
will be disqualified for only one reason
because I’m gay doesn’t matter what I’ve
already proven what I can do with my
heart it’s because of what the state of
Michigan says that I am that I am
disqualified for any sort of adoption
and that’s not just about me that’s
about so many other Michiganders US
citizens who don’t understand why what
they are is so much more significant
than who they are this story just keeps
playing over and over and over again in
our country’s history there was a time
in which I don’t know people who were
black couldn’t have the same rights
people who happen to be women didn’t
have the same rights couldn’t vote there
was a point in our history in which if
you were considered disabled that an
employer could just fire you before the
Americans with Disabilities Act we keep
doing this over and over again and so
here we are two thousand twelve gauge
and
gay lifestyle and I’m not a good dad and
people don’t deserve to be able to
protect their families because of what
they are not who they are so when you
hear the words gay lifestyle and gay
agenda in the future I encourage you to
do two things one remember the US
Constitution and then two if you
wouldn’t mind looking to your left
please look to your right that person
next to you is a brother as a sister and
they should be treated with love and
respect
thank you
you