Gender inequality starts in the home
it is saturday the 13th of september
- fraternal twins named tepo
le matebo are born to two loving parents
in pretoria the capital city of south
africa
zeppo is the boy and his name means hope
whilst matsepo is the girl and her name
means
she who brings hope equality established
at birth right
when the twins are seven years old
seppo the boy is taken to karate lessons
not only because he needs to learn how
to fight and to defend himself
but also so that he can be able to
defend his twin sister
and his future wife at the same time
matepo the girl is taught how to wash
dishes
and how to clean the house
studies that have been conducted by
historic japanese
senseis indicate that being a karadeka
doesn’t only teach you self-defense
but that it teaches you other salient
skills
like discipline hard work mental
strength
resilience and respect
so when the twins were 10 years old
their parents decided to buy them
a bmx bicycle so this bicycle belonged
to both of them
equally however in the home it was
called
tebow’s bike this created an impression
in both the twins mind that it belonged
more to temple than it belongs to matapo
so temple then monopolized on the
bicycle he wrote it all the time
matepo got onto the bike once
fell off the bike and he never got onto
any bike until he she was 35 years old
and she was married to a cyclist
studies that have been conducted around
bicycles as an intermediate form of
transport
especially in sub-saharan african
villages indicate that
81 of boys have access to
and use bicycles on on a daily basis
to get to school and to get to work
while only 48 of girls have access to to
bikes and they use them
on a daily basis why you ask partly
because there’s still societal fear
around the vulnerability of
women or females reproductive organs
there is a a fear that if you’re a girl
and you start
riding a bike at an early age you run
the risk of being better than being
unable to have children when you’re
older
so what this means though is that boys
who learn how to ride bikes at an early
age and have access to bicycles
therefore have an opportunity to go to
school and get educated
and they also have an opportunity
to find work and to go in and and look
for work
when the twins were 16 years old
teppo the boy was taught how to drive a
car
so driving a car means that you get to
do chores
that i call strategic some people call
them functional
where you learn skills like decision
making
communication networking and just
overall
people relation skills while matsepo
the girl in the home she was taught how
to
keep the family and how to look after
her younger siblings
in preparation for her being an amazing
mother
and an excellent wife in future
incidentally when the twins were 21
years old
temple the boy is the one that taught
her
his twin sister matebo how to drive a
car
my name is mate boom sibi and what i’ve
just shared with you
is my story why am i telling you my
personal business
i’m telling you this story not because
i’m seeking or asking for
for sympathy or i’m asking you to feel
sorry for me on the contrary
i have been able to achieve a lot
i have been able to succeed irrespective
of how i was raised and irrespective of
for society
says girls can or cannot do
i am telling you my business my story
because i would like us to give
gender inequality a human face
i would like us to discover and be aware
that gender inequality is socialized
in the home and that if we are very
intentional about dismantling it and
chipping away at it
we need to start in the home because if
we don’t start dismantling it in the
home
we can forget about being able to
dismantle it or destroy it
in the work environment
my story is not unique especially on the
african continent
in africa there’s 9 million girls
between the ages of 6
and 11 who will never get an opportunity
to go to school
why because they were born girls
that’s it as compared to 4 million boys
so there’s been a lot of studies
and dialogues and conversations and even
research conducted in the last decade
around gender equality so much so
that people are starting to get gender
equality fatigue people are tired of the
conversations and
and the dialogues so how do we
move from conversation to
action we move from conversation to
action
by getting awareness around how it shows
up
in the home we move by
once we are away making decisions to
stop or to change those behaviors we
move
by changing behavior
so in order for me to help you in this
movement
from dialogues to
to action i would like to introduce to
you
what i call the inequality triangle the
gender
inequality triangle it is a lens
that i am offering you to wear on a
daily basis
it is a lens that i believe if we were
on a daily
basis that we should be able to start
chipping away
at gender inequality so we all know that
a triangle has got three angles
so the first angle of our triangle is
scanning the room so what does scanning
the room mean
scanning the room means when you walk
into a room
any room every room you look around
and you ask yourself are we all
here you ask yourself are we all
represented in this room
creating self-awareness because if
you’re not away
if asi pelenga we are not all here
you you will never solve for it
the room could be a literal room
it could be a meeting room it could be a
leadership
a political a religious especially
it could be a community meeting where
you look around the room and you ask
are we all here the room can be a panel
discussion
where you look at the panel and you ask
is everybody represented on the panel
are there enough women on the panel
um as much as men the room can be
on the panel discussion you check
that the questions that are being posed
at women are they the same questions
that are being posed at men
the room could be your home it could
literally be your kitchen
where you ask and you check when you’re
coming into your kitchen are you only
asking your daughter
what’s for dinner and you’re not asking
your son the same question
so once you’ve created awareness and you
know that asi pele langer we are not
all here you move to the second angle
so i’ve broken down my second angle into
two parts
but my second angle is called
solutioning the first part of
solutioning
is creating corporate awareness
so the fact that i am aware
that asipelanga we are not all here
doesn’t mean that my neighbor
is away so how do i do that by asking my
neighbor
are we all here part of the reason why
my neighbor
might not be away is because we all walk
through
life wearing different lenses and these
lenses are informed by
our background our history even our
privilege
informs our different lenses so it is
possible for you to walk
into a room into a meeting room into a
boardroom and see that asi pela langa we
are not all here
but your neighbor doesn’t see it so it
becomes our responsibility
to identify it but also to bring
everybody along
the second part of my um of of
solutioning is actually coming up with
the solution
so now that you’re away that asi
perellanga what are you going to do
in order to change the gender and equal
environment
what actions are you going to put in
place what decisions are you going to
make
what are you going to stop doing and
start doing
once you have decided on what that
decision is once you’ve answered all
those
big amazing questions you then move to
the third
and last angle of our triangle
that angle is action as sage once said
[Music]
finding a hundred solutions and
implementing
none is an exercise in futility
therefore we need to stop being a
generation
of futile exercises
i want to offer you an example of a
south african
who implemented in my id in my knowledge
in my idea
in my assumption who implemented
the inequality triangle i think he did
it exceptionally well
his name is rems maborte
he is a south african he is a social
commentator he
is a journalist an entrepreneur a
pr coach and his most prized
title is the chief volunteer officer
of future kings so rem scanned his
environment his environment is the
community
he scanned the environment and he
realized as pele lange
we are not all here he realized that as
a nation we are raising a nation
a generation of um fatherless
boys he realized that we are raising
a generation of boys that do not have
role modeling in their lives
and therefore the consequences of that
is the social ills
and the social challenges that we are
facing that are man-made
and men based he then went into
solutioning
and he then asked some of his friends
some of his colleagues
to say are you guys aware that we are
all not here
are you aware that we have a number of
households
that do not have father figures of or
male
role models for their boy children
second portion of my of the second angle
he then went into solutioning and he
said what do i need to do
in order to create or develop male role
modeling
for boys especially boys who come from
single parent households
that do not have a male role model in
their lives
he went into action he then decided
to establish a program for boys
a program that provides mentorship
for boys a program that teaches and
empowers boys
around manhood and chips away
at toxic masculinity traits that we see
manifesting itself into social ills
in in our communities and our and our
locations
he became that guy he became part of the
solution
so let me come back to my story with my
parents
i personally think that my parents
were able in their mature life to
implement the inequality gender
inequality triangle very well
so they scan their environment the
environment is the home
and they then realize that you cannot
raise
generation x’s the same way
the the you cannot raise millennials the
same way that you raise
generation x’s because you know you need
to prepare them differently
they need a different skill set and they
need to be multifaceted
they went into solutioning and they said
okay so what are some of the things as
parents that we need to do that we need
to change
what are some of the decisions that we
need to put in place in order for us to
create an environment in our home
that allows our children to be able to
be
global citizens that contribute towards
and participate in in society
they went into action and
they created what i call an equitable
shay or an equitable allocation of
chores in the home so
my siblings that come after me were
raised completely different from how i
was raised
therefore in a in the makhato household
it doesn’t matter whether you’re a boy
or a girl so
irrespective of whether you’re a boy or
a girl you would find yourself in the
kitchen
you’d find yourself in the car you’d
find yourself under the car
you’d find yourself in the garden you’d
find yourself painting the walls
you’d even find yourself riding the bike
so if my parents who are of pensionable
age
were able to become part of the solution
you
don’t have an excuse not to become part
of the solution
why do you need to be part of the
solution why does this matter so much
this matters because if you don’t become
part of the solution
and start dismantling gender inequality
in the home
number one you will never dismantle it
in the workplace but number two
and most importantly if you don’t become
part of the solution
nine million girls between the ages of
six and eleven
on the african continent will continue
being excluded
from education if you don’t become part
of the solution
your mother because everybody has a
mother your mother
your sister your daughter your wife will
continue getting paid
less for work of equal value in closing
i want to tell you that it is not the
responsibility of government
it’s not the responsibility of feminists
it’s not even the responsibility of
women
alone it is all our responsibility
therefore i want to stand on the words
of
one of our greatest presidents in south
africa
president nelson holisata mandela
who once said in one of his speeches it
is in your hands
therefore i charge you today that it is
in your hands
to make the right decision for the girls
on the continent it is in your hands to
make the right decision for humanity
i thank you
[Applause]
you