Not Like Other Girls the Culture of Internalised Misogyny
humans
generally speaking have a desire for
significance
we like attention because attention
makes us feel special
and feeling special gives us a
confidence boost
so we try we try to get attention
by having an unconventional hobby or an
unconventional hairstyle
but in a society where beauty standards
and toxic stereotypes
are so present and we feel it’s pressure
it’s hard to still see the distinction
between good ways to make yourself feel
special
and bad ways to make yourself feel
special and i think that one of the most
toxic ways
you can go about feeling special is
calling yourself
not like other girls so
what would we describe as the not like
other girls phenomenon
definitions differ and a right one does
not exist as there are many
types categories and subcategories to
this phenomenon
but we would describe and not like other
girls girl
as a woman who considers herself unique
because she does not fit into the narrow
stereotypical view of womanhood
i think the best description of this
phenomenon
would be the one proposed by julian
flynn in her book
gone girl this is how the protagonist
describes her
herself and her past as the cool girl
men always use that as their defining
compliment don’t they
she’s a cool girl being a cool girl
means that i am a hot funny brilliant
woman
who adores football poker and dirty
jokes who plays video games chugs beer
and jumps chili dogs into my mouth all
that while remaining a size two
because cool girls are above all hot
hot and understanding cool girls never
get angry at their men
they only smile in a chagrined loving
manner go ahead
do whatever you want i don’t mind i’m
the cool girl
of course this is just one of many ways
and not like other girls girl can look
like
but it always comes down to the same
thing putting yourself on a pedestal in
comparison to the
others simply because of differences in
interest and personality
despite the social and political
progress we’ve made over the years
society consistently reinforces the idea
that femininity
is lesser than masculinity saying
you’re not like other girls to a woman
is supposed to be a compliment but
have you ever heard you’re not like
other guys said to a man
and have them receive it as a compliment
men are encouraged to be men because
that means being tough
opinionated intelligent and a leader
and typically feminine traits such as
sensitivity beauty
and emotion are looked down on
because of those associations we look at
women’s and men’s interests
differently computer games football
and cars there’s are valid passions
but makeup and fashion are vain
and easy
i think pop culture has a tremendous
impact on how we see
femininity one of the most popular
examples of vilifying femininity
would be mean girls our main character
is thrown into a new world after living
her whole life away from western society
standards
and the girls who introduce her to
femininity
girls she meets at her high school
represent
vanity hatred stupidity
this becomes a theme in media femininity
is associated with
vanity stupidity shallow ambitions of
high school popularity and cruelty
legally blonde which is actually one of
my favorite movies of all time
depicts the problem of demonstrating
femininity as inferior
perfectly our main character
has a perfect academic record she’s
determined hardworking
and very kind but all of that is brushed
aside
because she’s feminine because she likes
pink
and she’s passionate about fashion
when she wants to apply to harvard she
hears that she isn’t serious enough
and is treated with contempt by everyone
including the woman
just because of her stereotypical
femininity and
stereotypes and so well displayed in
this movie are still very present in our
society
the stereotypical pretty dumb blonde
continues to affect women
all around the world taking care of
yourself is seen as
vain you can’t be pretty and smart
women’s accomplishments are undermined
women’s opinions
are invalidated and skills undermined
just because
they present themselves in a feminine
manner
on the contrary female protagonists who
exhibit disdain
for stereotypical femininity are
considered unique
they are valued for their skills and
they get a happy ending
they are often presented as one of the
guys are really good at fighting or
sports or
whatever else those guys around her do
or like
some may think that this is empowerment
that showing a woman
as one of the guys is showing that she
can be equal to them
but it’s actually sending a really
negative message
it tells girls that if they don’t act
like men
they’re not a school they don’t deserve
respect
they’re not equals
not to mention that when we bash
femininity in order for
protagonists to be accepted by men what
we’re really doing
is we’re telling our female audience
that attracting men
is their ultimate goal and that men’s
approval and acceptance is the happy
ending
and the equality they wished for
this is very important to me as i myself
was once and not like other girls girl
i put down other women and it made me
feel better about myself
the behaviors and habits and the
stereotypes that cause me to identify
that way
i’m still trying to unlearn
and thousands of girls and women are
still battling their own internalized
misogyny
some not even knowing how much it
affects them their
relationships and their everyday life
but one thing i know for sure is that
with the right attitude
we can overcome this challenge
the first and i think the most important
thing we can do
is educate
the more women see the problem the
higher the chance they will realize
how harmful their way of thinking is how
destructive this mindset actually
is
the other thing we need to do is hold
ourselves accountable
we need to monitor how we perceive other
women
why we dislike them what we assume about
them
what we say behind their back
is it really constructive criticism
about their bad behavior
or is it their stereotypical femininity
that bothers us so much
lastly helping and uplifting one another
in the fight for equality we stand a
better chance united
than divided sexism doesn’t always come
in a form of a government
we can protest sometimes it doesn’t even
come from the outside
it comes from within
internalized misogyny is not something
easy to accept
getting rid of it is hard work
but once we see the problem in ourselves
we come one big step closer to equality
thank you
you