Which Girl Do You Want To Be
if you are a girl or a woman
i would like you to listen from to me
for a second
how many of you have been hurt or
disappointed
by another girl or woman
how many of you have been called
even in a nice way
by another girl or woman
and let’s be honest with ourselves how
many of you
have been jealous at least once in your
life
of another girl a woman and then said or
thought something distasteful behind her
back
right now we are in a scary and exciting
time for women
with all the movements people coming out
to tell their stories
people advocating for their rights it
feels as if girls
are going in the right direction
however while we are asking men
to treat us with respect and dignity
women continue to often turn one against
the other
how would the world look if we all
became
more supporting loving and caring
towards each other
i made a conscious decision about the
girl and the woman i want to become
and this is why i’m here today to tell
you why
[Music]
my name is federica and i’m growing up
in a society
where my parents generation and younger
generation
are fighting together to have no gender
and pay gap where
the metoo movement has created a space
for us girls to say
no to sexual harassment without fearing
to lose our job
a society where goals can become
whatever they want to become
and that’s really exciting but while
all of these great things are happening
to us i’m also growing up in a society
where it still feels like girls do not
support other girls
[Music]
i used to live in italy a very
traditional country
and when i was in school girls could not
wear skirts or short t-shirts
if you now ask me if there was some kind
of official dress code
i’ll probably say no we imposed our own
we knew that probably someone would have
judged us for the way we were dressed
a teacher a boy or even another girl
however teachers with unstitched shirt
buttons or
boys wearing shorts were seen as normal
[Music]
that’s when i first realized that even
though our society
judges women more than men boys judge
girls
and we as girls do the same to each
other
when i moved to luxembourg everything
was different
on my first day of school girls wore top
skirts
long short colorful summer dresses
and looked comfortable in their own
clothes
for the first time in my life i felt
free of expressing myself without the
fear of being judged or called out
since i was young the society i used to
live in made me feel ashamed of my body
and ashamed of other people’s comments
on me despite the fact that i didn’t ask
for them
being a teen girl i’ve thought about
this recently
and i have found a book by susan murphy
and path aim
to researchers called in
company women why do we hurt each other
women admit that their worst enemy at
work
is another woman in fact women
seem to be preventing other women from
getting ahead
and being happy in the workplace and
this is what
indirect aggression or relational
aggression is
it takes the form of gossiping public
humiliation
divulging secrets undermining
perhaps some of you can relate as an 18
years old
i’ve seen it experience it and albeit a
lot of you had to
we have those girls who would rather see
you failed and succeed
and we have those who secretly cheer
against you while your back is turned
yet they smile at your face
as a girl i’ve also caused my fair share
of damage with my own words
because we all at some point have been
guilty of judging another girl
instead of complimenting her we made
rude comments to make her look bad
so we could feel better about ourselves
[Music]
but the main problem is that a girl
isn’t just judged by other girls
she’s judged by boys by people she
encounters on the street
by yourself but the society
[Music]
the sad truth is that amongst many of us
there’s too much jealousy too much
criticism
and not enough encouragement and support
age bodies
relationships why are we so interested
in those when it comes to women
how does all of this even start
quest of beauty and conforming are
imprinted in our mind since we’re young
because we tend to judge a girl if she’s
different
we judge a girl if she’s too fat if
she’s too skinny
if she’s too confident if she’s too
honest if she does not wear the same
clothes that everybody does
girls seem to be never enough
she’s not pretty her stomach is not as
flat as she thinks
her boyfriend is really not into her
all these things are not pleasant but
when i hear
other girls talking about this most of
the time
i see joy and satisfaction in their eyes
as if it was good that these things were
happening to other girls
we hear it in real life but even on tv
reality tv is very trendy and very
entertaining
but when i’m watching the real
housewives of different cities
a very popular show i’m scared
i’m scared because these women are
portrayed as
successful women women who spend most of
their time
fighting shouting throwing shades at one
another
laughing and taking pleasure in each
other’s flaws and struggles
indeed there are also moments of
sisterhood but it made me wonder whether
or
not these shows would be successful if
it wasn’t for the fight
for the drama i believe that these shows
are made for women
and the reason why they’re so popular is
because the audience loves them
and that’s why there are more and more
seasons
when i watch them as an 18 years old
i wonder if this is reality tv or if
it’s just a show
i desperately want to believe it’s just
a show but my surrounding
tells me that that’s reality
[Music]
let’s look at how society values girls
at the end of february 2021 a picture of
the american model kendall jenner
was published wearing a swimsuit showing
what for many is the perfect body in a
woman
close to the date a picture of alisa
carson
the 19 years old who became the youngest
person in history
to overcome all nasa’s aerospace tests
wearing an aza uniform was published
[Music]
whose picture do you think had more
likes or views
this example shows us the
disproportionate value that society
that us give to beauty stereotypes
[Music]
while many women struggle every day to
belong in historically male dominated
positions and trades
we women and men continue to reward
vanity and beauty
over real skills and intellect
as i scroll down my news feed on social
media i read
so many negative comments left on ladies
posts
by other women we say to our friend
hey how are you doing we are stuck
on instagram with my
and we throw the world around like it
means nothing
but if any of you have ever been called
like that by a random stranger
you know it hurts even if for a second
it makes you feel uncomfortable
i started wondering why we call each
other this way i mean
this is not a nice word we call each
other like that
as if these were our names and yet we
fight
so hard not to be called this way by men
if a girl speaks with authority other
girls call her rude
[Music]
if she’s strong confident and speaks her
mind
other girls think she’s a
if she’s passionate and fights strongly
for her beliefs and values
other girls believe she’s too aggressive
i’m a girl who believes we can do better
and the reason why i’m so passionate
about that is because i
understand i know what our insecurities
are
i know that everyone wants us to be
perfect all the time
and it can be really overwhelming and
exhausting
i know that when we go to a party or
just get up in the morning
there’s already so much pressure on us
so why are we the ones making it harder
on ourselves
at the end of the day it doesn’t matter
how you look
it doesn’t matter where you come from or
what your past is it doesn’t matter
where you live or what job you do
we are all women and when we look at
another girl
we are looking in the mirror we are all
beautiful in our own way and we need to
be able to recognize the beauty in
ourselves
as well as in each other
here is what i challenge every girl and
woman listening to do
help support empower each other
be more understanding instead of being
so judgmental
if you can’t say something nice just
don’t say anything
get to know each other compliment other
goals on the new haircut or outfit and
mean it celebrate each other’s successes
and failures
encourage one another to tackle any
obstacle that we may face
i dream of a society where i wouldn’t be
shamed by another girl
a place where i understand i need i
don’t need to compete against my
friend or my classmate a place where i
understand that if she’s successful
she’ll open a door for me
i hope you will join me in empowering
and complementing one another because
girls are pleading girls it’s the key to
grow a sisterhood for a better world
[Music]
we need to lead by example we have the
power to inspire one another
we have the power to change the world
so when looking at another girl’s
success ask yourself
who do you want to be the girl who
wonders
how can i learn from what she did or the
one who will fear her down
because she’s jealous thank you
you