How To Find Happiness By Reengineering Your Life
[Music]
i always feel
most present in the moment when doing
extreme sports
sometimes in my excitement to get this
feeling
i get into a little bit of trouble
a couple years back i was on a surf trip
in nicaragua
a few friends and i had hired a boat and
a guide
to access a remote point break
when we arrived at the wave the
conditions weren’t quite right
the tide was too high and the waves were
big but i’m a little stubborn
so i hopped in and paddled out anyway
sure enough when that first wave
approached i knew i was in over
my head literally
that wave picked me up and threw me
under the water
as i tossed and turned under the
darkness of the wave the pressure from
the water
squeezed all the air out of my body
now i had been in this situation
countless times before
so i went to do what i always do that’s
kick my right leg
engage the leash that’s attached to my
board and float up to the surface
except this time when i went to kick my
leg there was nothing there
it was as though the board was gone and
i
panicked i immediately started to
try and crawl my way up to the surface
desperate for that first breath of air
when i got there i took it before the
second wave came and pulled me back
under
eventually the set of waves passed
and i was able to remain at the surface
as i started my swim back towards the
boat
i pulled in my leash to see what had
happened to my
board when i got to the end of the board
i saw that all that remained was a small
chunk of it
the force of the wave had snapped the
board in two
as i sat in the boat catching my breath
all i could think about was how grateful
i was
that my mother had not just witnessed
what had happened
naturally when i started to study
engineering i wanted to try to find a
sneaky way
to combine my love for surfing with
engineering and that’s when i discovered
artificial
surfing reefs an artificial surfing reef
is just like a regular reef
it’s a structure placed just offshore
can be made out of rocks or giant
sandbags and it has two purposes
just like a natural reef it knocks down
the energy
of the waves before they get to shore
reducing the potential for erosion along
the beach
and the second purpose if you design
this structure
just right you can create this beautiful
perfect surfing wave
and despite the the topic i still found
engineering to be a bit of a struggle
i always remember while my classmates
and i
were so consumed with exams and
assignments
there was our other classmate scotty
scotty was always smiling
i couldn’t figure out how he was so
happy when the rest of us
were so overwhelmed
what did he have that i didn’t
towards the end of my degree i meant
someone else who seemed pretty happy
and she was pretty cute too so i wrapped
my arms around her we moved off to the
city to start our life together
i had all the boxes checked i had the
job
i had the girl we had a great condo to
live in
i was all ready to just settle and coast
through
life it became apparent very quickly
that this
coasting turned into a real grind
so i became the ultimate weekend warrior
i’d pack our weekend so full of trips
and adventures
my brilliant idea was to be so
tired by the end of the weekend that it
didn’t matter
that i had to sit in a cubicle all week
long
sure enough monday morning would come
the alarm would go off and i’d get up
and i put on my engineering outfit my
collared shirt
my khaki pants my brown shoes i’d walk
out the door i’d catch the bus i’d ride
downtown
and i’d sit in my cubicle and weekend
mike
would die
i spent all week trying to bring him
back to life
i’d email my friends back and forth
planning the next adventure
at the same time we joke back and forth
that we were living the dream
when in fact it was a lie
i’d go home each night to complain to my
wife
this went on for more than a decade
i remember it was a wednesday in
november
when i came home from work my wife was
sitting on the couch
and she told me she was no longer in
love with me
in that moment this sound
this noise this groan escaped
deep from the abyss of my shattered soul
and then i had a realization
i had heard this noise before
this same noise had come from my mother
in our childhood home when my parents
were divorcing
i spent the weeks that followed in the
evenings
walking the dark wet streets as the
november rain poured down its pain
i carried a journal to record all these
new thoughts
and realizations that i was having
with each breakthrough i got further
clarity on why the relationship
had ended
each truth would hit me with a painful
wave of emotions
but i had to understand what had go
gone wrong in order to never feel that
amount of pain again
i also knew that if i were to
re-engineer my life
i had to do so from a strong foundation
and that left meant leaving no stone
unturned
no matter how hard the troops were that
lay underneath
eventually the pace of these
realizations slowed and i
settled into my new reality
and i felt sad and for the first time in
my life
very alone
but i was an engineer i solved
problems for a living
i mean if i could make a wave rise out
of the surface of the ocean
i was fairly confident that i could
create a formula
to put my life back together
so that’s what i did the first thing i
did was make a commitment
to myself to
do whatever it took to find happiness
again
i started reading all the books i
started listening to all the podcasts
for the first time in my life i actually
started to take advice
from friends well
some of them
i started to feel better i started to
make progress but i seem to be
oscillating between these this higher
high
and these lower lows i needed more help
everything changed in my world when i
hired a coach
the first thing she helped me with was
to stop being a
victim to what had happened
the second thing she helped me with was
getting clarity
on who i was going to become now
i use meditation as a tool to get this
clarity
i started having visions of sharing my
story
by writing a book and speaking on stage
i started to speak this reality into
existence
i would become a writer i would become a
speaker
these would become my new extreme sports
which you would think would be a great
relief for my mother
that is until i started to share my
vulnerable writing
at each step i felt resistance but
that’s
how i knew i was going in the right
direction
i had to generate courage to push
through the fear
my friends and family didn’t know what
to think
they didn’t recognize me
and to be honest neither did i
i liked how it felt i liked what i saw
you see i got lucky
not only was i able to discover this
happiness that had eluded me for
so long but my transformation had
revealed
these passions that i never even knew i
had
but what if we could re-engineer our
lives without
hitting that rock bottom
i often think about what i would say to
past me
and ask them two things one
can you be open and curious to trying
new things that bring you joy
and two can you be humble enough
to ask for help
back in that boat in nicaragua my
friends
started to catch wave after wave
the guide paddled over to check on me
hey dude pretty heavy wipeout you took
back there
you ready to hop back in the wave is
looking sweet
i looked at him and i held up the
shattered remains of my board and said
brother i’m having a little bit of an
equipment issue here
he graciously offered me his board but
he could see the fear and the resistance
in my eyes so he said to me
brother you’re going to
have to hop back in at some point
let this be your moment
and he was right i grabbed his board
i paddled back out and within moments
i was riding down one of the biggest and
fastest waves i had ever been on
all whilst wearing that same big smile
as my classmate scotty
just like i had survived the breakup and
awakened to
this new world i’d survived the fury of
the ocean and been gifted the ride
of my life i was
fortunate to hit my rock bottom and
discover these new passions
but perhaps you’re still searching for
your magic
and if so i invite you to apply these
three things
commitment clarity
courage number one
can you get committed to change where
you have settled in your life
number two can you find the clarity on
who you are
and what you love to do
number three can you generate that
courage
to push through the fear and live
the life of your dreams
don’t wait to hit your rock bottom
before you change your world
let this be your moment to re-engineer
your life
and awaken to happiness
[Applause]